Amazon.com
We've all been there: We know we must confront a coworker, store clerk, or friend about some especially sticky situation--and we know the encounter will be uncomfortable. So we repeatedly mull it over until we can no longer put it off, and then finally stumble through the confrontation. Difficult Conversations, by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen, offers advice for handling these unpleasant exchanges in a manner that accomplishes their objective and diminishes the possibility that anyone will be needlessly hurt. The authors, associated with Harvard Law School and the Harvard Project on Negotiation, show how such dialogues actually comprise three separate components: the "what happened" conversation (verbalizing what we believe really was said and done), the "feelings" conversation (communicating and acknowledging each party's emotional impact), and the "identity" conversation (expressing the situation's underlying personal meaning). The explanations and suggested improvements are, admittedly, somewhat complicated. And they certainly don't guarantee positive results. But if you honestly are interested in elevating your communication skills, this book will walk you through both mistakes and remedies in a way that will boost your confidence when such unavoidable clashes arise. --Howard Rothman
Book Description
Members of the Harvard Negotiation Project--which brought you the mega-bestseller Getting to YES--show you how to handle your most difficult conversations with confidence and skill.
Whether you're dealing with an underperforming employee, disagreeing with your spouse about money or child-rearing, negotiating with a difficult client, or simply saying "no," or "I'm sorry," or "I love you," we attempt or avoid difficult conversations every day. Based on fifteen years of research at the Harvard Negotiation Project, Difficult Conversations walks you through a step-by-step proven approach to having your toughest conversations with less stress and more success. You will learn:
how to start the conversation without defensiveness
why what is not said is as important as what is
ways of keeping and regaining your balance in the face of attacks and accusations
how to decipher the underlying structure of every difficult conversation
Filled with examples from everyday life, Difficult Conversations will help you on the job, at home, or out in the world. It is a book you will turn to again and again for advice, practical skills, and reassurance.
"Does this book deliver on [its] promise of an effective way through sticky situations, whether 'with your baby sitter or your biggest client'? It does."-- The New York Times
"These talented communicators blend a daunting array of disciplines into highly readable and practical advice."-- Booklist
"Brilliant. . . . I've already re-read most of it. I'm using it. What more could a reader ask?"-- Tom Peters
"Emotional Intelligence applied to life's tough moments."-- Daniel Goleman
Download Description
"What is a difficult conversation? Asking for a raise. Ending a relationship. Saying ""no"" to your boss or spouse. Confronting disrespectful behavior. Apologizing. Conversations we dread, and often handle clumsily as a result, are part of all our lives: in boardrooms and family rooms, across the negotiation table and the dinner table. Now, Difficult Conversations teaches us how to handle these dialogues with more success and less anxiety. How does it work? Based on fifteen years of research and consultations with thousands of people, Difficult Conversations pinpoints what works. The authors discovered that regardless of context, the same small but crucial errors are what trip us up--and a few key adjustments can make all the difference. * The role of emotions--ours and theirs * The impact of what is said and what is not said * Why admitting our mistakes will put us in a stronger position * The truth behind the myth that women are better at expressing their emotions than men * How to respond productively in the face of personal attacks Who is this for? Filled with examples from everyday life, Difficult Conversations is certain to be an instant and lasting classic for families, neighbors, bosses, employees, customers, tenants, landlords, psychologists, teachers, and more. Who are the authors? Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen teach at Harvard Law School and at the Harvard Negotiation Project. They have consulted to countless businesspeople, governments, organizations, and communities including all parties to the negotiations on constitutional transition in South Africa; school teachers in Medellin, Colombia; and community leaders and the police department in Springfield, Massachusetts. They lecture throughout the world and have written on negotiation, conflict resolution, and communication. Bruce Patton is co-author of Getting to Yes."
Customer Reviews:
Will you ever have a hard conversation? Sure, you will! Read this book first........2007-09-21
This little book can be a great help. We all have avoided conversations we knew were going to be difficult. Often not talking made things worse, so as things became intolerable we had the discussion and things got even worse. These authors break down the inner structure of difficult conversations and how we often mishandle them. They then show us the ways in which we can turn this into a constructive process that brings more understanding, greater cooperation, and learning that will help avoid repeating the difficulties in the future.
Certainly, I can't recap the whole book in this little review, but I especially like their concept of three conversations happening within each difficult conversation. They are the debate over what happened, the feelings conversation, and the identity issues. In the what happened conversation the problem is that each side assumes it knows the truth, that they know the other party's intentions, and that they know where and how to assign blame. Of course, all this is a fiction and a waste of time. It does nothing to fix the situation or improve the process to avoid the problem in the future. The book then shows you how to have a constructive approach to the same problem. Excellent stuff!
The authors are part of the Harvard Negotiation Project and has a foreword by one of the authors of the famous book, "Getting to Yes". The book is concise, but full of very good information. I recommend it very much.
Reviewed by Craig Matteson - Ann Arbor, MI
Difficult converations.......2007-09-17
this book is well worth the read,
it is easy to get throught, and does not repeat itself.
You want to read the whole book.
nancy carlson
great read.......2007-08-27
This book is used as a textbook at the Harvard MBA. Good tool for those messy conflicts
Best Book on Communication.......2007-08-24
This is the most useful and comprehensive compendium of effective, research validated, communication concepts I have ever seen in one book. Useful for anyone who speaks with other humans, especially significant others, business colleagues and teenagers. If you are a coach, this reading is required. Difficult ideas presented in a way that makes them easy to understand and easy to apply.
Quality of Life Must Read.......2007-08-04
Difficult Conversations, by Stone, Patton, and Heen, is a foundational book in the literature of holding difficult conversations in purposeful ways. I have read it often and use its principles in my teaching and in daily life. Underlying its principles is the simple understanding that we can get better at listening, talking, and acknowledging what is actually going on in our relationships; that we create the reality of our lives by the ways in which we talk about it; and that one conversation at a time, we can choose to work with the energy of conflict instead of avoiding it. There are many good books on this topic. I suggest reading them all, starting here.
Judy Ringer is the author of Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict
Amazon.com
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk is an excellent communication tool kit based on a series of workshops developed by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Faber and Mazlish (coauthors of Siblings Without Rivalry) provide a step-by-step approach to improving relationships in your house. The "Reminder" pages, helpful cartoon illustrations, and excellent exercises will improve your ability as a parent to talk and problem-solve with your children. The book can be used alone or in parenting groups, and the solid tools provided are appropriate for kids of all ages.
Book Description
You Can Stop Fighting With Your Chidren!
Here is the bestselling book that will give you the know–how you need to be more effective with your children and more supportive of yourself. Enthusiastically praised by parents and professionals around the world, the down–to–earth, respectful approach of Faber and Mazlish makes relationships with children of all ages less stressful and more rewarding.
Their methods of communication, illustrated with delightful cartoons showing the skills in action, offer innovative ways to solve common problems.
Customer Reviews:
ONE GREAT PARENTING BOOK.......2007-09-30
I learned many ways of listening to my children, making them talk, very helpful in many ways. One great parenting book. A MUST HAVE FOR MOMS and DADS!! My husband read too and helped him to see a whole new way of managing trantuns and every day circunstances with the children.
There are better books on the market on this topic.......2007-09-25
This book has a lot of little cartoon drawings which I personally find annoying in a book geared towards adults. In the book and the cartoon drawings there are many sample conversations of what a parent should say and then how the child will respond. Most of the cartoon scenarios depict best case results, with the children positively responding when the parents use the tactics suggested in the book. I can see where some parents might like this book and some children might respond positively. However, I think it seems a bit naive on the part of the authors to assume that all children will respond exactly as they predict based on being talked to in a certain way.
Instead of buying this book I would recommend the book Assertive Discipline by Lee Canter and Marlene Canter. I suspect the ideas in that book would be more applicable to a wider variety of children's personality types.
Such a BIG difference in my family!.......2007-08-16
Wow I thought I was an encouraging loving mother until I read this book, there are all kinds of little things I was doing that were kind of undermined my kids self esteem and confidence! What a shocker for me! I have also read How To Talk So Kids Can Learn, another EXCELLENT book. That book was the beginning of a much more positive homeschool situation and excelled learning!!! Both books have transformed me from a frazzled tired Mom to a much less stressed one, knowing simple ways to make a difference in my kids lives...the best part is that the more confident and happy the kids are (and the happier I am from not being so overwhelmed) the better they behave daily! I checked the book out from the library but am going to buy a copy of my own to keep and share!!! I wish every parent and teacher could read this book!
too short! like cliff notes or a trailer to a movie - get the book instead!.......2007-08-08
I got this CD thinking it would be an easy way for me to be productive on the subway to and from work. By the time I got home... I had listened to the whole CD!! That's it! I was very disappointed, because the content was great, and I wanted to hear more. I neglected to read that this was an "abridged" version of the book. Too bad, it felt like one chapter out of a book rather than the whole book. I got the book for my 3 pregnant girlfriends and they were all really excited to read it (as were some of their husbands). I own the authors' book about how to talk so kids listen and learn, and i think the principles taught are wonderful. I have yet to try them on my future students, but I have secretly tried their techniques on my husband and it seems to work with him :).
An easy way to relate.......2007-07-28
I have a toddler and also teach high school. This book works for both situations! The illustrations support the concepts presented. Everything is so easy to follow. It even works while talking to my husband when I try not to get irritated with him!
Average customer rating:
- What a horrible piece of bitterness
- Finally
- Relationship analysis
- This Book Saved My Life....
- Helpful advice on protecting yourself from verbal abuse
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The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond
Patricia Evans
Manufacturer: Adams Media Corporation
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The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change?: A Woman' Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go
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The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing
ASIN: 1558505822 |
Amazon.com
Are you now, or have you ever been, in relationships with family, friends, or mates who have been verbally abusive? Is your happiness with someone you love continually threatened by interactions that continually undermine your self-esteem? Do you feel trapped in a relationship that keeps decaying in a downward spiral of overt or passive-aggressive abuse?
If so, this book could be your life raft, either carrying you toward repair of the existing relationship or the effects of past relationships or offering liberation from your current confusion. Its practical approach can help clear your head and possibly change your life. The only criticism that I and other readers have is that the author assumes verbal abuse is almost always directed by males toward females, which, in my experience and that of others I know, is not necessarily the case. Highly Recommended.
Book Description
If you or someone you know answers "yes" to one or more of the following questions, this book is required reading:
Does your partner seem irritated or angry at you several times a week?
Does he deny being angry when he clearly is?
Do your attempts to discuss feelings of pain or emotional distress leave you with the feeling that the issue has not been resolved?
Do you frequently feel perplexed and frustrated by his responses, as though you were each speaking a different language?
Almost everyone has heard of or knows someone who is part of a verbally abusive relationship-if they're not involved in one themselves. In The Verbally Abusive Relationship, you'll find validation and understanding-it's "not all in your head"-and encouragement for your efforts to change the situation. In this expanded second edition, author Patricia Evans explores the damaging effects of verbal abuse on children and the family, and offers valuable insight and recommendations to therapists, as well as those who seek therapeutic support.
Customer Reviews:
What a horrible piece of bitterness.......2007-09-22
I read this entire book at my wife's request - but the book was thrown against the wall more than once. I guess if you listen to this pompous and self-righteous author, that makes me an abuser. Of course, her main point was that if I am a man, I am an abuser. You could hear the bitterness of her probably coming from a bad relationship.
Of course women love this book. According to his author, a women is not responsible for her own happiness, her husband is. You don't have to get very far into the book to see her ridiculous list of things that identify an abusive husband - she's not happy, she doesn't feel understood, she is confused, her husband gets angry, her husband doesn't tell her his feelings, her husband tells her his feelings.
Then you go on to some more indicators. What "red flags" should a woman look for to call her husband an abuser? If he brings her gifts, if he takes her to a nice restaraunt, if he says he loves her, if he doesn't understand her, if she doesn't understand him, if he talks to her, if he doesn't talk to her, if he asks her if everything is OK, if he pays too much attention to her, if he doesn't pay enough attention to her.
Then this author goes on with the feel-good psycho-babble. If you feel it - it is true. Do you feel alone - you have been abandoned. Do you feel sad - you are abused. Do you feel like you don't understand your husband - you are being deceived.
How did she get the information for this book? By talking to women - only women. Not one single man. She didn't determine if what the woman was telling her was accurate or a complete fictional account. Why wouldn't she talk to men? Because we're all abusers - why would she waste her time talking to any of us. This bitter lady is a certified man-hater and it appears to be her goal in life to break up as many marriages as possible.
She offers about 3 pages on how to keep a relationship together - but not before telling the woman that the only real solution is to leave your husband if he is an abuser - and we're all abusers. She goes on and on about how there is almost no chance whatsoever salvaging a marriage, so you might as well divorce your husband and live alone for the rest of your life.
This is a horrible hate-filled book and it saddens me how many marriages this bitter woman will destroy.
Finally.......2007-09-11
My daughter said, "How does one study verbal abuse? The abuser denies it". So, this book is soooo helpful in describing the situation. Finally, someone understands! The author puts into words experiences so many have, yet cannot share. Not being able to share and be understood is a prison to the soul. The author also has some answers, and I'm sure more will come, even from the reader! If you think you're crazy, the "only one" who is unable to relate to your spouse, or a failure as a woman/spouse, a must read!
Relationship analysis.......2007-08-30
This book is very "text bookish" and I feel it would be beneficial to have written this book as more of a story line and not so much repetition. I was hopefull that Patricia could have focused more on the "abuser" becoming less abusive and more cooperative with his mate. I do like the short questionares she recommends to take to determine an abusive status in a relationship. There is truely much to gain by this book, but I feel a more personable approach would have been better.
This Book Saved My Life...........2007-08-12
With friends and family trying to convince me to stay with my husband...because he was the life of the party, so sweet and kind to them, and because I would be homeless and penniless if I left...
This book saved my life. I went from a "full-of-life" woman to a weak and depressed shell-of-a-person. I was so sad and exhausted from his verbal abuse that I didn't want to go on living.
So here I am, homeless and penniless..with nothing but the clothes on my back and Patrica's book under my arm. At least I know I am not crazy and that I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.
With all my heart...thank you.
Helpful advice on protecting yourself from verbal abuse.......2007-08-10
Verbal abuse might not be as visible as physical abuse, but it can be just as damaging. What makes this type of abuse so insidious is that the victim blames herself, further weakening her self-esteem, instead of placing the responsibility firmly where it belongs - on the abuser. Patricia Evans unmasks verbal abuse in all its hurtful guises, from the most obvious such as yelling and name-calling, to the covert manipulations of sabotage, double-speak and denial. Evans bases her insights and conclusions on extensive research. She uses real-life situations and dialogue to shed light on this dark, destructive ailment - though she sometimes can be repetitive and unnecessarily complex. Her in-depth analysis of the dynamics of verbal abuse may be more suited to therapists and researchers than to victims seeking coping advice. Evans would be the first to say that if you are in imminent danger, get professional help or a cop. We recommend her book to anyone who might be in a verbally abusive relationship or who cares about someone who is. Therapists and counselors will also benefit from this well-researched thesis.
Book Description
Playfully illustrated, this fun, easy guide for identifying personality styles provides insights as to why people behave as they do. Based on Don Lowry's True ColorsÒ model, you will discover tips for understanding, appreciating and relating to each style. Lighthearted anecdotes convey concepts in “real life” situations, offering immediately useful methods for resolving conflicts, opening lines of communication, and enhancing personal effectiveness. Convenient reference lists and a set of color character cards are included for easy determination of your True Colors spectrum. The end result is a celebration of the uniqueness in yourself and others.
Customer Reviews:
Awesome Book!!!!!!!!!!.......2006-11-05
True Colors is a true way to learn how to communicate and learn how to deal with other people. Being the Blue personality that I am, I have learned how to read other colors. I have learned how to deal with strong Gold personalities. Every boss and/or organizer should pick up this book to learn how to deal with the people they work with. It will make life so much easier. Buy this book today!!!!!!!!!!!!
Showing Our True Colors.......2005-03-05
Mary Miscisin's book was outstanding! It was a fun and easy read, yet full of informative and interesting ideas about people and how and why they act the way they do. Having been an educator for many years, this is THE book I could have used long ago to better interact with my students and their parents. The book's content makes easy what Myers-Briggs tries to do. I would recommend it to anyone who has a desire to deal more effectively with children or adults.
Color Me Satisfied.......2005-03-04
Easy to read, full of wisdom. I never could figure out how to use Myers-Briggs. I can use this everyday with everyone I meet. Useful for all ages, both sexes. Entertaining presentation helps emphasize a language of Colors that is non-threatening, non-emotional, and constructively wonderful
Life-long Learning!.......2005-03-04
As an educator with 30 years experience in the classroom and in coaching, I wish I could have read Mary Miscisin's book 30 years ago! I would have been a much better teacher and coach because I would have had a much better understanding of my students and athletes and how to more effectively communicate with them based on their colors. I couldn't put the book down because I kept meeting past students as well as people I know now represented in Miscisin's creative and stimulating examples. "Showing Our True Colors" was so challenging and packed with information, yet so simple to understand and implement. Every parent, teacher, and coach ought to read the book. It is a must for couples and anyone who wants to communicate more effectively. Where was this book when I needed it? Oh, yeah, I still do need it today. Thanks Mary!
Easy-to-Use Reference Guide.......2004-11-16
Miscisin and company do an excellent job of taking a complex topic, stripped it of the "psycho-babble" that can turn you off (or at least give you a headache) and presented it in a fun, easy to use guide on different styles. As a Human Resources professional. As a person who just wants to know more about me and those with whom I interact, it's been of phenomenal help. Most helpful is the section on "when colors fade". It has provided insight into how to manage and assist people who are in the middle of burnout and are heading downhill personally and professionally. Read it because it is interesting and informative. Hang on to it because it is because you'll keep referring to it.
Average customer rating:
- Great book....
- Great for Personal & Professional Communication Skills
- People Skills:How to AsertYourself. Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicks
- Wonderful Book
- Useful insights, practical exercises.
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People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts
Robert Bolton
Manufacturer: Touchstone
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback
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ASIN: 067162248X |
Book Description
A wall of silent resentment shuts you off from someone you love....You listen to an argument in which neither party seems to hear the other....Your mind drifts to other matters when people talk to you....
People Skills is a communication-skills handbook that can help you eliminate these and other communication problems. Author Robert Bolton describes the twelve most common communication barriers, showing how these "roadblocks" damage relationships by increasing defensiveness, aggressiveness, or dependency. He explains how to acquire the ability to listen, assert yourself, resolve conflicts, and work out problems with others. These are skills that will help you communicate calmly, even in stressful emotionally charged situations.
People Skills will show you
* How to get your needs met using simple assertion techniques
* How body language often speaks louder than words
* How to use silence as a valuable communication tool
* How to de-escalate family disputes, lovers' quarrels, and other heated arguments
Both thought-provoking and practical, People Skills is filled with workable ideas that you can use to improve your communication in meaningful ways, every day.
Customer Reviews:
Great book...........2007-07-29
This is a great book with useful techniques that you can learn to become a better communicator. I read this a couple of years ago, and started implementing the tips, and I swear people responded to me better.
However, I only gave this book 4 stars because, due to the many subjects it covers, it doesn't cover all the subjects as thoroughly. But it is a very useful book on communication, and a great book to jumpstart your way to becoming a better communicator.
Other books I recommend: Everyday Negotiations (great book!), The Assertiveness Workbook, Fight Your Fear and Win, etc.
Great for Personal & Professional Communication Skills.......2007-05-18
This communication skills handbook is a good one to add to your library. Sometimes people need to be refreshed on old skills, especially if one does not attend any type of annual conferences or seminars to rejuvenate and motivate one's performance. Noted content topics include: (1)Skills for Bridging the Interpersonal Gap (2)Barriers to Communication (3)Listening Skills (4)Reflective Listening (5)Reflective Responses (6)Reading Body Language (7)Assertive Skills (8)Conflict Management Skills and (9)Collaborative Problem Solving.
People skills are necessary for all areas of life (familial, workplace, social, and religious). This is a great book for Managers to invest in and provide copies to Administrative Professionals, etc. in the organization. Teachers this is a great book to have on your shelf of books to share with the eager and hungry readers. Also a great gift for teens or college bound students.
People Skills:How to AsertYourself. Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicks.......2007-02-08
This is an very detailed people skills guide on how to be sucessful in today's complex world. I found it a very high caliber read about communication.
Wonderful Book.......2007-01-02
This is a wonderful book by Robert Bolton on people skills focusing on effective communication particularly listening skills, assertion techniques, effective conflict resolution and collaborative problem solving techniques.
The book is very useful and practical. A good manager achieves results through people hence it is critical for managers to acquire interpersonal skills and effective communication is an important vehicle for achieving this. Some people, due to their cultural and religious backgrounds, fail to be effective managers due to lack of assertiveness. This book provides the techniques to help readers achieve this.
Conflict is inevitable in organisations due to various reasons. Team leaders need to learn the techniques of effectively handling conflict so that the effectiveness of an organisation is optimal. The author explains how collaborative problem solving results in optimal outcomes.
The author also discusses the various barriers to effective communication and suggests practical ways to overcome the barriers.
One common problem that I have observed in my organisation and in myself is that we are often not good listeners. We often fail to get to understand what the other party is really saying and thus lose opportunities for resolving problems. The author methodically explains effective ways to enhance our listening skills and thus help build good interpersonal relationships and hence more productive and motivated people.
The book is valuable and practical and readers should benefit immensely from studying it.
Useful insights, practical exercises........2006-08-06
Written in 1979, People Skills is a classic in the field of communication skills. Like many people, I decided to read this book after it turned up on a must-read list for consultants and business people. The book offers a useful and practical guide to someone looking to improve their effectiveness in interpersonal situations. It is broken down into Listening Skills, Assertion Skills, and Conflict Management Skills.
The problem that this book has is shared by many books of its kind. There are several really good points and ideas which need to be padded out into a longer form. People Skills was quite a bit longer than it needed to be, and this detracted from its overall strength.
I found it an interesting compliment to Getting To Yes (Fisher & Ury), which is still my favorite book on conflict resolution and negotiation. Many of the same points are covered, but from a different point of view.
Book Description
What if conflicts at home, conflicts at work, and conflicts in the world stem from the same root cause? And what if individually and collectively we systematically misunderstand that cause, and unwittingly perpetuate the very problems we think we are trying to solve?
Through an intriguing story of parents struggling with their troubled children and with their own personal problems, The Anatomy of Peace shows how to get past the preconceived ideas and self-justifying reactions that keep us from seeing the world clearly and dealing with it effectively. Yusuf al-Falah, an Arab, and Avi Rozen, a Jew, each lost his father at the hands of the other's ethnic cousins. As the story unfolds, we discover how they came together, how they help warring parents and children to come together, and how we too can find our way out of the struggles that weigh us down. The choice between peace and war lies within us. As one of the characters says, "A solution to the inner war solves the outer war as well." This book offers more than hope — it shows how we can prevent the conflicts that cause so much pain in our lives and in the world.
Customer Reviews:
Enlightning.......2007-09-15
This is a wonderful book that takes you on a journey of self discovery. It is a must for anyone that really wants to understand why they have problems in any relationship and how to change them for the better. The book is well worth the price, and time to read it. If the things you read are implemented it will change your life!
Jonesy.......2007-09-12
Many books are described as life changing. This is that rare one that is truly life changing. Having read Terry Warner's book, Bonds That Heal, I had some background in the philosophy and was already impressed with the profound changes that were possible if an individual, or company or nation, was committed to living these concepts and making them a part of the fabric of their life.
That said, as I spoke to others about Bonds That Heal it become apparent that some individuals were intimadated by the depth of thought required to read and understand Mr. Warner's work. Anatomy of Peace is written in parable form that makes it an easy read. Although the story is simple it engages the readers' emotions and sympathy and opens their heart and mind to change.
I am glad to have found both of these books and recommend them to anyone who is ready for a better life.
Finding Inner Peace.......2007-08-23
This book can be life changing in giving a person effective tools for dealing with relational conflict. It will be revolutionary for many. I have shared it with many friends.
The Real Deal.......2007-08-21
I'm always cautious about reading reviews that glorify books and products-but I can't help but say that this book was the most useful book i have opened in a long long time. Having a passion for psychology I have over the years read a multitude of psychology and relationship books- many of which attempt to explain the roots of human behaviour but fail due to superficial explanations and feel-good case studies. What i discovered in the Anatomy of Peace was not only a deep and profound assesment of the human heart and its root in human suffering and hurt, but a way out of such harmful behavioural patterns. I loved this book!
Great insights to human nature!.......2007-08-05
This book has been enjoyed by me, my husband, my daughter, my son and several of his extended family members.
Great book. I need to read again so I can digest all the concepts.
Book Description
How many ways are there to say 'I'm sorry?' Well, it depends on your language of apology. Just as you have a different love language, you also hear and express the words and gestures of apology in a different language. Best-selling author Gary Chapman has teamed with counselor Jennifer Thomas to explore the different languages of apology and reach a whole new audience with this easy to follow and quickly applicable communication tool.
Customer Reviews:
OK Book.......2007-09-26
Some good stuff but some of it is psycho-babble that only exists in the minds of the authors.
Saving Relationships!!.......2007-07-30
This is one of the greatest books that I have read. Pratical techniques that could probably save relationships (marriages, family relationships, friendships,etc.) I greatly recommend this book for pre-marital couples, married couples, friendships even working relationships. The principles in this book has opened my and my husband eyes on our apology languages. When sorry doesn't seem good enough, find out why!!!
Gary Chapman.......2007-07-22
After reading "The Five Love Languages" by Dr Chapman. I had to own this. I bought it as a wedding gift and hope it will be as life-changing to the newly weds as it was to me.
One of the Better Installments in the "Five Languages" Series.......2007-06-12
This book is one of the better installments in the "Five Love Languages" series of Gary Chapman. Having read the original Five Love Languages title and a few of the follow-ups, this one provides the most additional fresh material to the initial volume. Being able to communicate a sincere apology is an increasingly needed skill in today's age of dodging responsibility and laying blame on others. Chapman and Thomas do a good job in providing the reader insight as to how to apologize in five different styles, depending upon the recipient's personality or "apology language." Included with the book are an apology profile and a group study guide. For anyone wanting truly to make amends in a fractured relationship, this volume is a good place to start.
Good, but could be better!.......2007-06-04
The book presents five methods to express an apology. Your job is to identify the preferred method of your spouse/significant other, family members, co-workers, etc., then use their primary method when offering an apology. I'm sure the authors' idea in writing this book was to build on their "Five Languages" series of books, which is a clever idea; however, in my opinion, a better idea would have been to title the book "The Art of Apologizing" or perhaps "The Five Steps to a Sincere Apology" and teach readers to use all 5 methods in all apologies. One example in the book tells of a man who was annoyed by his girlfriend's continual complaining and negativity. When he confronted her, he was blown away by her response. She used all 5 languages and he knew, without a doubt, it was a sincere apology. They have had the best relationship ever since and plan to get married. Had the girlfriend narrowed her apology to one or two languages, the boyfriend probably wouldn't have been blown away, and their relationship may not have turned out nearly as well. I say, why limit an apology to anything less than all 5 languages. Give the one you offended a full, complete, and sincere apology and let the healing begin.
Book Description
he U.S. Census Bureau estimates that 11 million households contain teenagers who engage in acts of violence, truancy, promiscuity, and substance abuse.Dr. Sells gives parents the power to make lasting changes with seven proven, practical steps:1. Learn the real reasons for teen misbehavior2. Make an ironclad contract to stop that behavior3. Troubleshoot future problems4. End button-pushing5. Stop the seven acesfrom disrespect to threats of violence6. Mobilize outside help7. Reclaim lost love within the family.Dr. Sellss compassionate guide offers a lifeline to parents who want to help their children but dont know how.
Customer Reviews:
Horrid !.......2007-09-04
This book was recommended by a therapist while we were struggling with our soon to be 15 year old at the time. It was devasting. The concepts and suggestions are embarressing, insulting and degrading to teenagers and show no respect for their individualism, personal struggles or pain. Neither does it truly take into account how many of these teenagers have special needs that need to be considered with patience, humility and self restraint on the part of Authoritarian parents. It is rough having an out of control child. It hurts the entire family and many tears are shed but to further alienate these children is offensive. I know. I did it. I read the book and threw it out. After too much money spent on therapy and programs and taking advice from too many school counselors I found
"Positive Discipline For Teenagers" by Jane Nelson and Lynn Lott. What a concept! Respect these Teenagers! A year ago I was worried my son might end up in jail. Today I'm worried if he is getting enough protein! He is a conscientious cheerfull young man who respects life, is a Vegan and spends time on his own learning to control his anger and disabilities and discusses openly with his Father and I.Thanks to Jane and Lynn for their wonderful book.
Get "Positive Discipline for Teenagers" before your child hits puberty and stay clear of "Parenting Your Out of Control Teenager". Learn to respect and love each other now.
A great Buy!.......2007-08-09
A must buy for beneficial strategic parenting info! Good information to help recognize various behavioral patterns.
This book is a must have.......2007-05-31
I would recommend this book to any parent having trouble with their teenager or even preteen. I had bought a couple of other books that were recommended by my son's couselor, but I saw this one and it is by far the best book out there.
Fabulous!!!!!.......2007-05-08
I have learned so much from this book! I would recomend it to any one with kids. (they will be teens one day!) Kids don't have to be out of control before you look for advice. We all could use a little know how before we get to the out of control point. Thank you Scott P. Sells!!!!
Tools for Your Parenting Tool Kit.......2007-04-18
My suggestion to all parents I work with is always to read as wide a variety of books as possible - and this is one I reccommend. Scott Sells works from the premise that teens are happier when they know the boundaries. This is true however I would like to suggest that this is balanced with a parenting approach based on unconditional love Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reasonand that when this is the basis you are working from your teen is less likely to become uncontrollable.
One of the most important details relating to Sells' book is that it generally relates to teens that have no underlying causes to their behaviors.
Most Teens I work with have suffered abondonment, neglect, adverse effects of broken families, a lack of responsible adult role models of both sexes. When an adolescent is suffering in some way or has experienced trauma the way the tend to communicate is via acting out. It is important at these times to distinguish this behavior as a plea for help! It is often preferable to involve a professional as you are not just dealing with behaviors but underlying problems which must be resolved.
Remember your teen is not their behavior. Love them unconditionally and use the whole range of resources: books, family, counsellors, doctors, community to assist them to grow up to be happy, healthy, responsible adults!
Average customer rating:
- Review: Love is Never Enough
- Excellent book!
- Great book, but some shortcomings.....
- Sustaining a relationship
- It really gives us ground for changes
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Love Is Never Enough: How Couples Can Overcome Misunderstandings, Resolve Conflicts, and Solve
Aaron T. Beck
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Book Description
With eloquence and accessibility, Dr. Aaron T. Beck analyzes the actual dialogue of troubled couples to illuminate the most common problems in marriage--the power of negative thinking, disillusionment, rigid rules and expectations, and miscommunication.
Customer Reviews:
Review: Love is Never Enough.......2007-08-23
I purchased this book for a couple who were in need of some "3rd party" assistance to help them with communicating with each other. My understanding from the husband is that the information contained in the book has proved very helpful.
Excellent book!.......2006-07-14
I felt this book was insightful, consise, and most importantly helpful. The strategies in this book focus on automatic thoughts, your perception of your mate, and how to foster good communication. The tone of the book is very friendly and non confrontational.
If your relationship is in trouble, or you just want to improve your relationships, this is a good book to get.
Great book, but some shortcomings............2006-03-28
This is a great book on cognitve therapy as it applies to relationships. It is well-written, rigorous and illustrates important points with useful examples.
This book goes way beyond what you might see in a pop psychology book and the material is presented in a way that it can be applied. It also provides a useful framework for understanding cogntive therapy in general.
What I feel is missing from this approach is honoring basic compatability. While emotions are strongly linked to thought, there is more to making a relationship work than working through communication patterns and automatic thoughts.
A useful complimentary book is "Will Our Love Last" by Sam Hamburg. This book looks at the aspects of relationship having to do with compatability along three dimensions... chemistry, what he calls wavelength and practical everyday living. This approach provides an alternative lens to look at what is going on beyond the cognitive aspects of the couple's situation.
Sustaining a relationship.......2004-07-19
Aaron T. Beck MD, is the father of cognitive therapy and professor of Psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania. His books on depression and anxiety broke new ground in the field of psychotherapy by demonstrating the power of breaking the link between automatic thoughts and emotional reactions. He married Judge Phyllis Beck in 1950 and the couple is blessed with children and grandchildren.
I have often been frustrated by the destructive habit patterns that emerge in my relationships. LOVE IS NEVER ENOUGH has helped me to understand their origin and more importantly, how to remove them. It has been a valuable tool not only for my personal but also my spiritual relationships.
Dr Beck writes that, _The essence of marital cognitive therapy consists of exploring with troubled partners their unrealistic expectations, self-defeating attitudes, unjustified negative explanations, and illogical conclusions. Through a tune-up of their ways of drawing conclusions about each other and talking to each other, partners have been helped by cognitive therapy to relate to each other in a more reasonable, less hostile way."
And it works! The basic principle of Dr Beck's approach is simple yet substantial. The cornerstone is to strive for a solid foundation of trust, loyalty, respect and security. In short, to become a committed ally, a supporter and champion of my mate. Second, cultivate the tender, loving part of the relationship, and finally, strengthen the partnership by developing a sense of cooperation, consideration and compromise.
These are lofty goals with abstract meanings. I have always known that I wanted these admirable attributes as a part of my relationships, however, it was not until I studied Dr Beck's cognitive therapy that I gained the tools required to implement. By recognizing when distortions automatically enter my thoughts, I am able to resist the naturally tendency of accepting them. Opposing the temptation to react provides me with control over my emotions and prevents me from falling into destructive behaviours and habit patterns. I am able to respond in ways that are consistent with my hopes, dreams and goals for my relationship.
If you are interested in developing stronger more secure relationships in all parts of your life, this book may be interesting to you.
PEACE
It really gives us ground for changes.......2003-10-28
The book is interesting and addresses effectively most communication difficulty between couples.
I would recomment this book to anyone who wants to build a mature and long lasting relationship, as it gives light to important aspects that we many times forget.
Its content gave me more wisdom to understand human relations, and is helping me on my daily life.
Book Description
Improve communication, resolve conflicts, and avoid the most common conversational disasters through simple, easily remembered strategies that deflect and redirect negative behaviour.
Verbal Judo is the martial art of the mind and mouth that can show you how to be better prepared in every verbal encounter. Listen and speak more effectively, engage people through empathy (the most powerful word in the English language), avoid the most common conversational disasters, and use proven strategies that allow you to successfully communicate your point of view and take the upper hand in most disputes.
Customer Reviews:
A must for anyone who deals with difficult people.......2007-08-15
I am an acoustical and systems design consultant, and prior to that have held jobs in sound contracting and public assembly facility technical operations for a total of approximately 25 years. As anybody who has worked in the entertainment, performing arts, hospitality, or religious world can attest, I come into contact with more than my fair share of difficult people and tense situations.
This book and the courses authorized or taught by its author were highly recommended to me approximately 15 years ago by a police lieutenant who gave a guest lecture in a criminology class I was taking in college. This same officer also mentioned the book at an in-house training event at the university sports/concert arena where I worked at the time. It is with no small amount of embarrassment that I must report that it took me until last year to "get around to" buying and reading this book. I certainly could have used its advice, even years before it was written!
Suffice it to say that Verbal Judo is the type of book that is enlightening upon the initial read-through, but whose true value only comes from steady effort to change one's behaviors from long-held bad habits. I believe learning would be far more effective with ongoing practice and coaching, just as with a physical martial art. However, until such a dojo opens its doors in my fair city, I shall have to make do with re-reading the book and discussing its application with others who have been similarly blessed by its wisdom.
Outstanding book and program.......2007-07-16
We are taught Verbal Judo in my line of work. It's an outstanding program. The book goes into how the program originated and explains it in detail. If you're into law enforcement, security or EMS this book should be mandatory reading.
A must read for all Law Enforcement........2007-06-19
I have heard the term "verbal judo" tossed around at work since first becoming a Deputy Sheriff with a metro Atlanta Sheriff's Office almost a year ago. For a few years verbal judo was taught to all new deputies but apparently our department let our certification lapse and as such when I joined it had ceased to be taught.
Well I want to be the best deputy that I can be and thus I went and ordered this book. I couldn't put it down! I carried it with me while I worked at the jail and read it in my office on my down time. In two days I finished the book and felt like I had a new weapon to add to my arsenal when dealing with people.
I liked the book so much, I actually loaned it to another deputy on my shift and like wise he couldn't put it down. Another deputy saw him reading the book, asked him where he got and she then proceed to track me down and ask if she could borrow the book next.
The books made me rethink all the altercations I have had at the jail and even in life. How I could have handle things better. As I prepare to go to academy in September and then shortly afterwards, the road, I feel that by taking the time to educate myself on this vital concept, I have greatly helped prepare myself for not only the road but for life itself.
THIS BOOK REALLY,REALLY, SUCKS!!!.......2007-06-06
THIS BOOK TITLE IS VERY MISLEADING..IT DOESN'T GIVE THE TYPE OF KNOWLEDGE IT IMPLIES..IF YOU WANT ANY TYPE OF SKILL, IN TERMS OF COMMUNICATION OR OTHERWISE, THE 48 LAWS OF POWER HAS IT! AS DOES ALL OF ROBERT GREENES OTHER BOOKS..THAT IS AN AUTHOR THAT DOESN'T FALSE ADVERTISE! HE TEACHES EXACTLY WHAT HE CLAIMS AND MUCH MORE!CHECK HIM OUT.THE ART OF SEDUCTION BY GREENE IS ALSO MUCH MORE HELPFUL IN VERBAL SITUATIONS, THOUGH NOT AS MUCH AS HIS OTHER TWO BOOKS.BUYING HIS THREE DEFINITELY WON'T DISAPPOINT
The 48 Laws of Power
Very good book.......2007-05-24
I found this book very interesting and useful.
I wish only not to forget to refresh verbal judo guidelines - I tend
to return to my old , not sophisticated ways of dealing with difficult people..
The idea of "Verbal Judo" makes all the ideas in this book memorable
and significant . Good attitude and wise form of presentation.
I really thank the author for this remarkable book
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