Book Description
People who are single are changing the face of America. Did you know that:
* More than 40 percent of the nation’s adults---over 87 million people---are divorced, widowed, or have always been single.
* There are more households comprised of single people living alone than of married parents and their children.
* Americans now spend more of their adult years single than married.
Many of today’s single people have engaging jobs, homes that they own, and a network of friends. This is not the 1950s---singles can have sex without marrying, and they can raise smart, successful, and happy children. It should be a great time to be single. Yet too often single people are still asked to defend their single status by an onslaught of judgmental peers and fretful relatives.
Prominent people in politics, the popular press, and the intelligentsia have all taken turns peddling myths about marriage and singlehood. Marry, they promise, and you will live a long, happy, and healthy life, and you will never be lonely again.
Drawing from decades of scientific research and stacks of stories from the front lines of singlehood, Bella DePaulo debunks the myths of singledom---and shows that just about everything you’ve heard about the benefits of getting married and the perils of staying single are grossly exaggerated or just plain wrong. Although singles are singled out for unfair treatment by the workplace, the marketplace, and the federal tax structure, they are not simply victims of this singlism. Single people really are living happily ever after.
Filled with bracing bursts of truth and dazzling dashes of humor, Singled Out is a spirited and provocative read for the single, the married, and everyone in between.
You will never think about singlehood or marriage the same way again.
Singled Out debunks the Ten Myths of Singlehood, including:
Myth #1: The Wonder of Couples: Marrieds know best.
Myth #3: The Dark Aura of Singlehood: You are miserable and lonely and your life is tragic.
Myth #5: Attention, Single Women: Your work won’t love you back and your eggs will dry up. Also, you don’t get any and you’re promiscuous.
Myth #6: Attention, Single Men: You are horny, slovenly, and irresponsible, and you are the scary criminals. Or you are sexy, fastidious, frivolous, and gay.
Myth #7: Attention, Single Parents: Your kids are doomed.
Myth #9: Poor Soul: You will grow old alone and you will die in a room by yourself where no one will find you for weeks.
Myth #10: Family Values: Let’s give all of the perks, benefits, gifts, and cash to couples and call it family values.
“With elegant analysis, wonderfully detailed examples, and clear and witty prose, DePaulo lays out the many, often subtle denigrations and discriminations faced by single adults in the U.S. She addresses, too, the resilience of single women and men in the face of such singlism. A must-read for all single adults, their friends and families, as well as social scientists and policy advocates.”
---E. Kay Trimberger, author of The New Single Woman
Customer Reviews:
A great consciousness-raiser.......2007-10-05
I just finished this book (which I had checked out from the library) and plan to purchase a copy for re-reading. Recently and very unexpectedly divorced after nearly 30 years of marriage, this book came into my life at the perfect time. I (embarrassingly) recognized myself within the pages as one of those who had unknowingly had the cultural advantages and self-satisfied attitudes of couplehood/marriage.
This book has taken me to a new level of awareness and understanding of society's subtle (and not so subtle) messages about people who are single by choice or by circumstance. Ms. DePaulo's writing is clear, insightful, and humorous. (I found her humor in turns wry, sly, and playful, not at all sarcastic or bitter.) She is right-on in her analysis of cultural views of both singlehood and coupledom.
Aided by the perspective of this book, I am no longer simply accepting life as a single, but looking forward to creating a future as rich, fulfilling, and compassionate as possible. I now view my unexpected singlehood as a blessing that allows me to direct my love and energies into new avenues, including deepening my friendships and providing community service. This book has dramatically redirected my outlook.
Somewhat disappointing.......2007-08-01
A friend sent me DePaulo's chapter headings and they are hilarious! I looked forward to reading her book as an interesting exploration of the devaluation of singlehood. The book's concept is thought provoking. The writing, however, is sarcastic (to the detriment of DePaulo's message), at times embittered, and sometimes tedious (e.g., she'll describe at length another writer's work and then pick it apart bit by bit; she could have instead made her point more clearly and persuasively if she wasn't just reacting to other material). All in all, I was disappointed.
"Don't worry, honey, your turn to divorce will come....".......2007-06-23
DePaulo's book is brilliant, but it made me so angry. Angry at how many couples (from here on, "marrieds") stereotype, stigmatize, and ignore singles, of course! I already knew that marrieds feel sorry for singles because they're "incomplete," "lonely," and "unfulfilled." But not everyone wants the same thing, not everyone wants the conventional, predictable married life. I enjoy solitute tremendously, and marriage has never been my life goal. I'd rather focus on my career, which is more fulfilling than any relationship I've had. I also enjoy traveling on the weekends whenever I want, spending my money how I want, hanging out with single friends (fortunately I still have several of them). Most marrieds don't plan a weekend to go visit a good college friend (well, maybe they will if it's a couple and not merely a single person) and spend money "selfishly" on food, entertainment, and going to take photographs of old nuclear power plants or other unique trips. Does this mean I'm not grown up? no! It means I know what I like to do, so I do it. It's that simple. I feel like I have to put so much energy into defending my contented state, while marrieds are assumed to be content (although I know that isn't always the case, especially since marriage ends in divorce half the time).
I am almost 26 so it's still "acceptable" for me to be single, but people still ask why I don't have a boyfriend. "Don't you want to get married one day?" "Are you dating anyone?" "Don't you want to have children?" "You're attractive, why aren't you with anyone?" (there must be something wrong with you!) I used to feel inferior when asked those kinds of questions, especially in college when people were frantically getting engaged, much like a Baskin Robbins gets raided on the day they sell ice cream for 31 cents per scoop. Better get some before it runs out, ya know. But gradually, I became confident in my singleness by my junior year. This book really reinforced my feelings and it was as if DePaulo was reading my mind for most of it. Especially the chapter about why anybody should CARE if we're single of not? Get a life, marrieds..perhaps you should worry about decreasing your divorce rate instead.
I also liked the part criticizing how society gives a hard time to singles who still live with their parents. I still live with mine but am not "mooching" off them. I pay rent, my car payments, my car insurance, my phone bill, my college loans, and other expenses. I am saving up for my own condo (not because it screams "Single person!" but because it's the only thing I can afford in my area). I have a good relationship with my parents and I give a lot back to the economy, much like the Japanese women. I know that I go out and have a social life more than a lot of marrieds I know. And I'm not going out just to look for a husband either, grrrrr!
I have a good male friend in his late 30s. Some people have asked me if he's ever been married. When I answer No, one of them remarked, "There must be something wrong with him." Actually, there isn't. He just doesn't believe that marriage would improve his life. It's overrated and not a "fix-all" solution. He likes being single! He's happy being single. Is that so difficult to understand? Apparently, it is.
Sure, sometimes I think it would be nice to be married, to have that one person who is supposed to be your best friend, lover, etc. But I'm not going to go around actively looking for it because it's not worth it. If it happens, it happens, but I know I wouldn't mind being single for the rest of my life. I don't need another person to make me feel complete. I'm not going to waste time obsessively searching for the right person (dating is much more of a waste than being contentedly single). Ooh, I must be bitter with this attitude! Sometimes I am, but usually I just think, why try to change my life when I love how it is right now? And marriage could also make my life much worse - you never know if it will work out or not, and you could end up devastated by infidelity, abuse, etc (also true in serious unmarried relationships, i know, but people generally have higher expectations of a fairytale perfect marriage, especially with all that commitment). I know a few married men at work who are cheating on their spouses. Obviously, not all marrieds even respect marriage. How then, can this type of person look down on singles as inferior?
I was especially disgusted with Chris Matthews' treatment of Nader. How dare he imply that because Nader did not consume as much as the marrieds (such as no house, no car), that he was less of a person, less responsible? He is really a thousand more times responsible than Newt Gingrich or Bill Clinton, who have made a mess of their marital relationships. Nader is responsible enough to never embarrass a wife (or any other woman, for that matter) on international television. HE never made a mockery of the all-important marriage as others have done. And he is environmentally responsible for not owning a car because, wow!, he doesn't need one, which makes perfect sense (although not to Matthews). Singles rarely get credit for their accomplishments. I admire him and politicians like Condi Rice all the more because of their singleness.
How are people more "grown up" just because they're married? Nineteen year olds get married and are no more grown up than 19 year old singles. In fact, I argue that 19 years old marrieds are much more stupid and insecure than singles their age.
Have to mention one more thing. Once I was invited on a weekend trip where I would be set up with some guy. But I immediately turned it down because I was buying my new car that weekend. An organizer of the trip then asked me, "Which would you rather have, a new boyfriend or a new car?"
"A new car." Of course. I needed a car, but I didn't need a boyfriend...and still don't.
Singe Edition.......2007-06-13
I had been anticipating the arrival of Bella DePaulo's book for months and read it within a day upon receiving it. Ms. Depaulo could not have said it better when she indicates that not all singles are desperately waiting to be rescued by a mate. In fact many are completely satisfied in their solo state while those who are married may not necessarily be fulfilled. Increasingly individuals are choosing to remain single and Ms. Depaulo helps shatter the stereotypical portrait that has been painted. Bookstores today are replete with kitschy chic lit tales, dating propaganda or stories that glorify mommies but Singled Out is a power piece that raises the individual to the positive and realistic rank they merit. I am thankful for the contribution Ms. Depaulo has made and applaud the sincere and courageous stance she has made in putting forth her writings.
Sherri Langburt
The Last Socially Accepted Prejudice.......2007-06-11
This book is about one of the last forms of prejudice that is still socially acceptable, the stigmatization of people who are single. Contrary to some of the comments made, the author makes it clear from the start that this is not a book about putting down people who are married. The criticism is of married people and others who portray marriage as the only valid lifestyle choice for a mature adult and stereotype single people in such a way that they are portrayed as lesser human beings. I have observed that often, pioneers in exposing stigma of an out group get personally attacked for their "tone", especially if they present compelling arguments that are difficult to reasonably refute.
This is not a book about victims, but rather, a book about the resiliency of single people who have managed to prosper in spite of the negative stereotypes and discrimmination. In each chapter, DePaulo exposes and systematically refutes myths about singles that many in our culture have taken for granted. One of the most prevalent myths is that singles don't "have anybody" when research shows that always single people, especially women have the strongest social support networks. She illustrates how our culture has belittled any relationships other than marriage as unimportant when in fact, friendships and relationships with siblings are just as important and often longer lasting.
The book also exposes how legitimate research can be misinterpreted in the popular media, especially when the data violate cherished beliefs and assumptions. The truth is that singles comprise a higher percentage of households than the traditional married couple with children. While the traditional household is a fulfulling choice for some people, when it comes to marriage, given the high divorce rate and the growing percentage of people who choose to be single and remain happy, clearly one size does not fit all. It is time to stop blaming and pathologizing people for failure to conform to the expectations of society that we all must marry and begin to recognize that differences in civil status are often due to normal, healthy differences in personality and temperament. I have written a lengthier review of this book on my blog:
[...]
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Codependency in the Workplace: A Guide for Employee Assistance and Human Resource Professionals
Seth Allcorn
Manufacturer: Quorum Books
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ASIN: 0899306446 |
Book Description
Codependency is an important psychological aspect of the workplace that adversely affects both those who experience codependency and those who are the subject of the codependent's compelling agenda of interpersonal control. In this important book, Seth Allcorn explores codependency in the workplace beginning with its origins in the family. Many new insights are provided about the characteristic self-defeating and paradoxical patterns of thinking, feeling, and action that also impoverish those who work with the codependent. The author develops important new theoretical perspectives and models of codependency by drawing upon psychoanalytic theory. The three faces of codependency are described for the first time and a sophisticated psychodynamic model of the psychological gridlock of codependency explains the codependent's self-defeating and interpersonally destructive agenda of control. Allcorn concludes his book with ideas about how managers can deal more effectively with the presence of codependency in their organization. The author begins by defining codependency and uses a model to explain how it arises in pathological families of origin. He then describes three faces of codependency and relates them to fourteen common behavior attributes and the workplace. Allcorn explores how this disorder manifests itself in different genders and situations, outlines a learning model and a Family Pathology Matrix, and shows how different pairings of parental behavior contribute to the development of the three faces of codependency. The difficulties which codependency introduces into the workplace is a primary focus, and the book concludes with a search for solutions within the organizational culture that may alleviate the need for codependent defenses and lead to one-on-one interventions at work. This book will be of interest to employee assistance staff, training personnel, counselors and therapists, consultants, and students of the psychodynamics of organizational life.
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- The Self-Sabotage Syndrome
- PRACTICAL SOLUTIONS TO WORK-RELATED PROBLEMS
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Self-Sabotage Syndrome: Adult Children in the Workplace
Janet G. Woititz
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Lifeskills for Adult Children
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Struggle for Intimacy (Adult Children of Alcoholics series)
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Adult Children of Alcoholics
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The Intimacy Struggle: Revised and Expanded for All Adults
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An Adult Child's Guide to What's 'Normal'
ASIN: 1558740503 |
Customer Reviews:
The Self-Sabotage Syndrome.......2002-04-14
From the moment I started to read this book, I was 'smacked in the face' by the relevence of this book in my life at this "exact juncture" !.
I have just lost a job that I "loved", it was my "home away from home" (I actually used to say that...); my boss was my "best friend", I would do virtually ANYTHING to support and help him in the work place and in his failing personal life. I was terminated because his wife felt we were "too close" after two years of blind loyalty. Terminated ! No notice ! No severance ! Lost my job, my best friend, my source of income, my entire world/life.
READ THIS BOOK IF YOU ARE AN ADULT CHILD !!! I wish I had read it before. I will not be the 'enabler' and the 'fall guy' the next time.
I highly recommend this book to anyone that is an ADULT CHILD and find themselves without a job/sense of self/reason to live/purpose in life because the "job" and "your life" ARE NOT intertwined unless you allow them to be. I did not establish correct "boundries", and coincidentally, my previous "boss/best-friend" is an Adult Child also.
I just ordered the book to be delivered to my previous boss/best friend. Hopefully he will learn from this book as well, and not follow the same patterns.
PRACTICAL SOLUTIONS TO WORK-RELATED PROBLEMS.......2000-09-04
If you have been losing jobs despite working "very hard", and you are an ACoA, this is the book that will finally answer the big question of "why! " ACoA's, as explained succinctly yet in detail by Woititz, have ingrained patterns of behavior that result in problems on the job. We can identify these patterns, come to understand where they came from, and finally, do something to change them! This book gave me far more insight than years of counseling - Woititz truly knows the ACoA!
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Pissing on Demand: Workplace Drug Testing and the Rise of the Detox Industry (Alternative Criminology)
Ken D. Tunnell
Manufacturer: NYU Press
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ASIN: 0814782817
Release Date: 2004-03-01 |
Book Description
View the
Table of Contents. Read the
Prologue.
"Tunnell has written an insightful volume that is clearly written, well organized, informative, and interesting."—Choice
"Pissing on Demand presents a wide-ranging and thought-provoking discussion of the contemporary erosion of civil liberties. No one can read this fine book without being infuriated and alarmed, challenged and—ultimately—enlightened. A real contribution to democratic discourse."
—Philip Jenkins, author of
href="http://www.nyupress.org/product_info.php?cPath=&products_id=2533">Beyond Tolerance: Child Pornography on the Internet
"Offers a critical view of both the detox titans, who Tunnell sees as snake-oil purveyors, and the drug testers themselves."
—The Chronicle
Drug testing has become the norm in many workplaces. In order to get a job, potential employees are required to provide their urine for testing.
Pissing on Demand examines this phenomenon along with the resulting rise of the anti-drug testing movement, or the "detox industry," that works to beat these tests. Strategies include over-the-counter products like "body flushers" that sound innocent but are really designed to mask the presence of illegal drugs to kits advertised in pro-drug publications like High Times that make no bones about their real purpose. The first exposé of the detox industry in all its manifestations, this book is required reading for anyone concerned with social control, privacy, and workers' rights.
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Drugs and Alcohol in the Workplace: A Guide for Managers
Drusilla Campbell , and
Marilyn Graham
Manufacturer: Facts on File
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ASIN: 0816023301 |
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- The title of the book could have been: Read this if you....
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Incestuous Workplace: Stress and Distress in the Organizational Family
M.A., William L. White
Manufacturer: Hazelden
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Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap... and Others Don't
ASIN: 1568381549 |
Book Description
In this thoroughly revised, expanded, and updated edition of William L. White's classic Incest in the Organizational Family, the author takes a close, hard look inside today's workplace. He offers a brilliant and powerful indictment of the debilitating consequences of business-as-usual, revealing the incestuous dynamic in which organizational members, isolated from the outside world, increasingly meet their personal, professional, social, and even sexual needs inside the boundary of the organizational "family." White then offers bold and innovative strategies designed to restore the health and vitality of organizations and employees. The Incestuous Workplace works both as an operations guide for sustaining organizational health within environments that are increasingly turbulent and threatening and as a personal survival manual for those who find themselves in destructive work environments. "I strongly recommend this text for all administrators, managers, and supervisors.... I encourage you to read and implement the concepts developed within this book. They are challenging, and they will work for you." Donald J. Mockenhaupt, L.I.C.S.W., A.C.S.W., Director, Mental Health/Chemical Dependency Division, Ramsey County Human Services Department, St. Paul, Minnesota "This down-to-earth treatise on toxic work environments sounds the alarm to balance the demands of business with the limits of the human condition before more casualties mount." Marilyn R. Peterson, M.S., Author of At Personal Risk: Boundary Violations in Professional-Client Relationships "Bill White is America's foremost thinker in the area of incest dynamics found in the workplace, and also the source of the most creative solutions to this problem." Gary Schoener, Author and organizational consultant, Executive Director, Walk-In Counseling Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Customer Reviews:
The title of the book could have been: Read this if you...........1999-11-29
Want to know why you are unhappy at work. OBTW this is Richard writing this...I am a Family Physician and I understand family systems. The foundation of the work compares organizational dysfunction to family dysfunction. It is a rational and easy to read book. It helped me understand the dynamics of my workplace and realize I needed to leave my job! Don't get me wrong....this is not the advise of the author. Once understanding the workplace is covered there are survival tips. For me I came to the conclusion there is little chance of recovery for the organization I worked with. A must read book for managers, owners and employees who want to grow and become healthier.
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- It's Their Problem -- But It's Your Business.
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Workplace Intervention: The Bottom Line on Helping Addicted Employees Become Productive Again
James Fearing
Manufacturer: Hazelden
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ASIN: 156838520X |
Book Description
Business managers, CEOs, human resource departments, and employee assistance staff members will find a host of effective measures to address employee addiction. Written by an experienced interventionist, this book covers the cost of addiction, how to recognize employees with serious problems, the intervention process, the role of employee assistance programs, treatment options and family involvement, legal issues, workplace violence, and mental health issues.
-provides a new intervention technique and includes a comprehensive resource guide
-meets the needs of all types of organizations: corporate, government, education, manufacturing, professional, and small business
"This type of direct and powerful message will serve as a wake-up call to the thousands of women and men who believe that they have to stand back and watch this disease progress. Stand back no longer-take action."
John T. Schwarzlose, President/CEO, Betty Ford Center
"There is a monster in the workplace that many of us don't want to face: addiction. And it's taking its toll in human life and company profits. Dr. Fearing shows us how to identify addiction and take the right action to save our most important asset: people."
Ferris Thompson, Vice President Corporate Partnerships, Universal Studios
Customer Reviews:
It's Their Problem -- But It's Your Business........2000-10-03
Alcoholism, violence, addiction, depression. Not your typical topics in the corporate boardroom.
Until now.
In his new book "Workplace Intervention," James Fearing, Ph.D. brings these issues out of the shadows and boldly presents a wake up call to corporate America: it's their problem, but it's your business.
Ignore employee addiction, et. al., at your own risk, because it's your business that has the most to lose when these [diseases] are left untreated. Dr. Fearing convincingly informs us that "the terrible waste of human potential...the loss in productivity, profits, and overall performance is staggering -- topping $102 billion in 1995."
"But we have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) onsite", the HR Director exclaims, "and we've been conducting brown bag seminars on these topics for years. Ah, if only it were that easy.
Dr. Fearing ("America's Crisis Doctor") compellingly suggests that companies need to take more immediate ownership and action in this area. "They need to become better informed about employee problems, intervention strategies, and the treatment and recovery process."
That is basically what his book is all about: "preparing companies to recognize the problem of addiction, learn effective intervention techniques, and help addicted employees reclaim their lives and livelihoods."
In clear and consise language, Fearing teaches the reader to recognize various forms of addiction and related illnesses. He then describes, in great detail, the intervention process and helps dispel many of its myths and mysteries. I especially liked his unique "carefrontation" approach, designed to educate and empower the employee's significant others, allowing them to adopt an informed, firm, and fair stance in the face of extreme adversity and resistance.
"Workplace Intervention" also discusses the treatment and recovery process in a way that will help concerned persons make intelligent choices all along the continuum of care.
I also found the discussion of legal issues, additional mental health concerns, and preventing workplace violence especially informative. And I have yet to come across a more extensive resource guide consisting of groups, agencies, organizations, and associations that can be contacted for further assistance with these matters.
Bottom line: If you are a business executive, director or manager, I strongly recommend that you read this book. And please do it soon, before yet another one of your troubled employees bottoms out.
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Preventing Workplace Substance Abuse: Beyond Drug Testing to Wellness
Manufacturer: American Psychological Association (APA)
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ASIN: 1557989362 |
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Alcohol and the Workplace (European Series , No 67)
Marion Henderson ,
G. Hutcheson , and
J. Davies
Manufacturer: World Health Organization
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback
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ASIN: 9289013311 |
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Alcohol Problem Intervention in the Workplace: Employee Assistance Programs and Strategic Alternatives
Manufacturer: Quorum Books
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover
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ASIN: 0899304591 |
Book Description
Since the 1950s, social scientists have devoted serious attention to the relationship between alcohol and the workplace. In recent years, awareness of the tremendous costs, both human and financial, associated with alcoholism has led to a dramatic increase in both scholarly and practical interest in the field. Although researchers working in this area are relatively few, they have sustained a lively interest in the alcohol/work nexus and have attracted others to the field through conferences where ideas and research strategies are exchanged. The larger part of Alcohol Problem Intervention in the Workplace provides an up-to-date thorough examination of the problem, the research, and the possible solutions. This volume is directed toward both practitioners and researchers, providing a wide range of new data and new ideas that bear upon coping with alcohol problems in the workplace. Part I addresses issues regarding the distribution and correlates of alcohol problems and alcohol use among employees. Part II is centered on issues associated with Employee Assistance Programs. And Part III is a general conclusion and overview offering suggestions and implications for the practitioner in the workplace. Because this collection supplies the most current thinking and information on controlling alcohol problems in the workplace, it will be of particular interest to human resource management and to employee assistance specialists, who are now required to pass a certification examination.
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- StrengthsFinder 2.0: A New and Upgraded Edition of the Online Test from Gallup's Now, Discover Your Strengths
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- StrengthsFinder 2.0: A New and Upgraded Edition of the Online Test from Gallup's Now, Discover Your Strengths
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- Stress Management for Dummies
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- Supervision of Police Personnel (6th Edition)
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- The 360 Degree Leader: Developing Your Influence from Anywhere in the Organization
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