Sex and Reason

Book Description

Sexual drives are rooted in biology, but we don't act on them blindly. Indeed, as the eminently readable judge and legal scholar Richard Posner shows, we make quite rational choices about sex, based on the costs and benefits perceived.

Drawing on the fields of biology, law, history, religion, and economics, this sweeping study examines societies from ancient Greece to today's Sweden and issues from masturbation, incest taboos, date rape, and gay marriage to Baby M. The first comprehensive approach to sexuality and its social controls, Posner's rational choice theory surprises, explains, predicts, and totally absorbs.

Customer Reviews:

Pragmatism, the Law, and the Political Economy of Sexuality.......2006-12-08

Judge Richard Posner's 'Sex and Reason' has influenced me more then any book I recently read, lead me to a complete reevaluation of what the Law is, and what it should be.

In this review I wish to concentrate less on Judge Posner's approach to the regulation of sex, although we will get there, but to his general approach to Jurisprudence. Becuase if 'Sex and Reason' taught me anything, it is that the way lawyers 'do' the Law is in need of thorough revision.

From my perspective as a third year law student in Israel, most of what the Law deals with is the meaning of words. Lawyers and Judges argue about whether or not various actions fall into various legal categories, and, particularly, about ways of interpreting statues and precedents. The main questions are 'how should one interperate the law'? and 'By what method does one decide which interpretation of the Law is best'?

In the United States, the main 'field of battle' regarding these questions are between the various Originalist positions (roughly, those who believe that words in statues mean what the people who wrote them meant), textualists (those who believe that texts should be read to be internally consistent) and living conbstitutionalists (the ones who believe that times change and the constitution - indeed, all laws - change with the times).

In Israel, the main contribution is by former Supreme Court Chief Justice and professor of Law, Aharon Barak. By Barak's lights, statutory interpretation is not originalist, nor is it textualist ("the interpretor is not a linguist" is his famous catchphrase - sounds better in Hebrew). Rather, Barak subscribes to a form of Living Constitutionalism which for want of a better term I'll call contextualism (Sometimes, misleadingly in my view, refered to as 'Purposive appraoch') - Barak argues that you can learn about the meaning of laws and decisions from their wider environment - the principles, laws and mores of the society. When faced with a legal question, Barak will strive for Harmoney not with the language of other statues, but with their intentions, so that all Law would create a single, ideologically cogent, fabric. In paraphrasing Hillary Rodham Clinton, one may say that according to Barak, It Takes a Village to decipher a Law.

I emphasises these different approaches in order to demonstrate that the criteria by which we decide whether an interpretation of the law is good are very unclear. But accept, for the moment, that one of these goals is superior to the others, and that we can evalutate various interpretations based on these criteria; We are still left with the question of what the marginal untility of trying to improve our interprative approach according to one of these criteria is.

Suppose a new study slightly imroves our understanding of the original meaning of the U.S. Constitution. Let's say that after a great deal of historical study and analysis, professor A has improved our understanding of the meaning of a certain clause by 5 %. Now interpretations are 5% more likely to correspond to the original understanding of the terms in question.

Well, so what? Are we, as a society, better off because we get a slight improvement in statue interpretation? That is highly unlikely. Even if we accept that one method of interpretation is correct, that does not mean that its outcomes are good. Indeed, it is unlikely that s study of 18th century political philosophy, or a comperative study of the spirit of law, will lead to good social outcomes. If you accept that it will, congratulations: you have just passed from the domain of Jurisprudence to the realm of theology.

From of social point of view, imrpoving stuatory interpretation based on any of the above criteria is a huge waste of time; a great deal of effort and resources are spent on things that will not, frankly, matter.

What I glimpse in Richard Posner's 'Sex and Reason' is an alternative: Pragamtism. The alternative is implicit here; I assume, not having read any of his other books (but I do frequest his excellent Blog, written jointly with econmist Gary Becker), that this approach is developed further elsewhere.

'Pragmatism', as I understand it, is about making positive statements about the consequences of various legal rules, and then chosing the best one. This requires sound theoretical analysis (Posner, and I, see the foundation of it in economics, but in principleit can be founded on psychology, anthropology, sociology, or many other fields, and Posner used reasearch from all these fields in his book) of the situation, and especially empirical research to find if the theory holds. Thus, a pragmatic approach to the questions of legal interpretations and doctrine requires first making positive inquiries into the subject; Only then should we make a normative judgement.

An example for this kind of reasoning would be the case for the supply of contraception to Teenagers. In the United States, some conservatives oppose supplying sexual education and contraception to Teenagers, and promote abstinence instead (in prgrams such as "The Silver Ring Thing", "True Love Waits", and "Free Teens"). Reasearch, however, demonstrated that such programs rarely decrease the negative side effects of Teenage sexuality such as unwanted pregnancy and disease (pp. 270-271). As Posner writes "the idea that puritanism may actually increase ... unwanted births is difficult to accept, but ... only because effective puritanism... would have the oppositve effect. A Puritan ethic that has only a modest effect in reducing the amount of teenage sex may produce more teenage pregnencies and unwanted births than moral indifference to such activity would" (p.272).

Now, in my view, this kind of analysis should be paramount in deciding legal questions such as whether government support for abstinence programs should be deemed constitutional. Perhaps the legal rethoric allowing the government to fund such projects is powerful - but legal niceties should not obscure the underlining realities.

Fun and Fascinating.......2005-12-17

Judge Posner is the finest legal mind of the current age, and "Sex and Reason" is precisely what you'd expect from him. Bemoaning the lack of empirical study that supports modern day sexual jurisprudence, the author takes it upon himself to correct the oversight. Empiricism is not wanting in the book; footnotes are omnipresent, filled with broad support and delightful nuggets.

The book begins with an investigation of sexuality throughout the ages. Sociobiological principles are explained and taken as postulates (women, on average, seek quality, whereas men seek quantity). Posner builds his model of rational sex--dismissing easily typical objections to economic modeling of human behavior--and usng it, attempts to unearth truths about some of the more risque periods of history. We are treated to an analysis of Greek pederasty, the rise of companionate marriage in the Christian church, prostitution throughout the ages, countless other subjects.

Modern sexual jurisprudence is investigated: Griswold is discussed, critiqued, defended. Utilitarian approaches are ventured forth in an attempt to justify Roe. Posner discusses cultural policy issues at the helm of modern debate, and offers us his own bright proposals: a free market in adoption, for instance, coupled with a thorough and unabashed defense.

Richard Posner's mind is nimble. His arguments are fun, light, powerful, thrown forth quickly into the crucible. So criticize what he says: one gets the feeling Posner wants nothing less. Be fascinated as insights are bred from left field. The book will make you think (about sex, no less, as if a person needed any prodding in that direction), make you smile, and it will make you, as it made me, quite impressed with a certain seventh circuit jurist.

A Mind-opening Book.......2002-03-30

Reading Judge Posner's book is a humbling experience. Much of what I thought I knew about sex is a tiny fraction of what this book has documented, analyzed and argued.

I have known that many early Greek luminaries, such as Plato, Socrates and Sophocles were homosexual. This book puts these mere points of interest in a wholly different light by exploring the social settings of the early Grecian (Athenian) society: that the early marriages were not companionate, that women in that society, including wives, were sequestered, that boys and girls were raised separately, and not by the mother, that pederasty was almost an accepted social institution, etc.

I have always believed that homosexuality is a rooted genetically, although it is not binary factor. This book puts homosexuality, through the use of the "Kinsey scale", into different degrees and clearly distinguishes between homosexual tendency and homosexual activity, and defines the opportunistic homosexual in economic terms. With very simple reasoning, this book explains why urbanization seems (only seems) to foster homosexuality and the emergence of homosexual enclaves such as San Francisco and New York.

This book also explains, again through an economic model, why the black men in this country seem (again, only seem!) to be sexually aggressive and promiscuous, whereas sexual abuse of off-spring children (girls) have a higher incidence in white households.

I am also enlightened on how the child birth, which in the early days often caused the death of the mother, created serial polygamy (polygyny, to be more precise) and that the widower, who were older and more economically established men, puts young bachelors at a competitive disadvantage in securing a mate, especially in the early industrial society where the cost of marriage was high.

I am enlightened to the role of the Church as the promoter of companionate marriage and how its fairly profound effect on this social institution. And also why the Church "overtly condoned prostitution and covertly condoned monastic homosexuality."

There are many other issues, such as infanticide, fornication, adultery, divorce, coercive and abusive sex, pornography, adoption, surrogate child-bearing ... to which Judge Posner gave interesting and informative treatment.

The thoroughness with which Judge Posner analyzes a problem is unmatched. Although I am not always completely convinced by his reasoning (because some of the arguments are necessarily qualitative and intuitive,) but the plausibility is striking. And I am frequently amazed by the different angles with which he looks at an issue, and the amount of facts and data he brings forth to support his views. When facts contradict what his theory predicts, he graciously points that out. In the conclusion of the book, Judge Posner, with scholarly grace and modesty, points out that his work was exploratory, a learning process for himself, and was not being presented as definitive.

Judge Posner's writing style is very good. The book is never boring, though some of the information and arguments are repeated due to the inter-relatedness of many of the issues. Throughout the book, the Judge's remarkable analytic skill can be felt. At one point, the Judge mercilessly took apart the New Jersey Supreme Court's opinion of the Baby M case (Stern vs. Whitehead) and clearly showed how judges, lacking knowledge on the subject matter and often ignorant about economics, proceeded to vote their own prejudices, and substituted rhetoric and sloppy logic for judicial analysis. This one episode, which clearly illustrates the reason he wrote this book, as he stated in the introduction, is worth the price of the book.

How many judges are as good as Judge Posner? Since he has published so much, chances of his ever being nominated and confirmed to be a justice of the High Court must be pretty slim, considering the infamous borking effect. This is just as well. I wishfully think his publications probably has a greater influence on the society, especially the legal community, than if he were appointed a justice.

Having read several of Judge Posner's books, I mark him down as one of a handful of top-notch intellectuals in my estimation.

Posner and the Sexual Revolution.......2000-08-14

Chief Judge Posner's book is an erudite and interesting one. Whilst often regarded as a conservative for his scholarly analysis of economic issues in a market economy, this book is not conservative. It appears basically supportive of the sexual revolution. Its utility is at its greatest when it applies neutral economic analysis to the social aspects of sex. It is at its weakest when in the enthusiasm for the novelty and power of its analytical insights, it at least appears to derive moral or normative conclusions that do not necessarily follow from the positive analysis. It reflects the dangers that both libertarian Austrian economists, such as Ludwig von Mises and social democratic economists have both seen in trying to apply insights derived from markets to non-market transactions - here sexual ones. Accordingly, whilst Chief Judge Posner speaks supportively of certain aspects of Swedish policy in relation to sexual matters and expressly and by inference against the traditional conservative Judeo-Christian attitudes to sex in those areas, economic analysis does not dictate that viewpoint. Values dictate that choice, but economics can illumine the consequences of those choices. In sum, an able, readable, but a very personal work, which could be read by those who are not familiar with the limits to the economic analysis of law - an area Posner has brilliantly contributed so much to - as conclusively determinative of issues which cannot be resolved by that positive analysis alone. Whilst less accessible in view of the use of math, Professor Becker's works are closer to a neutral analysis of many of these important questions.

A Major Breakthrough.......2000-07-06

In this book Richard Posner manages to singlehandedly turn legal scholarship on its head. He examines human sexuality from a myriad of perspectives--literature, sociology, evolutionary biology, morality, and history. He does so with impeccable scholarship, demonstrating not only that he is widely read in these diverse areas, but that he has something to say. The book is worth reading for just that.

But Posner's more impressive accomplishment is his singular approach to the regulation of human sexual behavior. His rational choice, economics of law approach is compelling. Even if you are not entirely convinced, Posner builds a powerful case for both academic and policy debate.

Posner's approach contrasts with most legal scholarship, which is lifeless and rarely bothers to consider the social sciences. Posner's book shows the intergal link between law, politics, and economics. It is also approachable and direct. You can't read Sex and Reason and not feel your deeply held beliefs directly challenged by a kind and discerning intellect. He is passionate, articulate, and eminently readable.

Book Description

Written by a medical science journalist and parent, this book provides straightforward answers to hundreds of questions teens have about sex and relationships.

Customer Reviews:

True Love Waits.......2004-05-11

I give "True Love Waits" presentations around the country and SexSmart, by Susan Browning Pogany is the sole book I recommend to all teenagers and parents. It is the most accurate and readable abstinence resource I have ever encountered. IF I WERE MADE OF MONEY, THIS BOOK WOULD BE IN THE HANDS OF EVERY TEENAGER IN AMERICA!! Please get it for those you love.

Thank you, Susan!

The book I thought I'd have to write myself.......2003-09-25

Susan Browning Pogany has written a book I really thought about writing myself. As the mother of a 13 year old daughter, I've stayed up late into the night thinking of all the things I will need to tell my daughter, and should probably write out. How boys think of sex differently than girls. How teens are being manipulated by the media through a bombardment of sexual images via magazines, movies, television, the internet and music - for no other reason than to draw them in as consumers. How teens can fall prey to peer pressure when they loose track of what is important to them. These are only a few of the points Susan Browning Pogany offers for teens to consider in "SexSmart".

Too many parents I've spoken to about teen sex have the "Hey, they're going to have sex anyway. What are you gonna do?" attitude, then proceed to rent motel rooms for their kids' proms and stock their medicine cabinets with condoms. They seem to feel it is the easier route to take. I believe in giving my child ALL of the facts, as are in "SexSmart".

I only wish I could have read this book when I was a teenager. I wouldn't have been nearly as confused, nor bought into all of the mixed messages. I would love to see this book in high school sex-ed courses. Too often the kids are given the physiological facts, without the emotional information and downfalls of sex too soon, which are addressed in this book.

Sex Smart.......2001-05-31

The book I read was interseting. Sex Smart by Susan Browning Pogany wrote one of the most informing books for teens Ihave ever read. The book specifies about the relation of sex and how to exclude it until a mature age. You can read about teen pregnancy,sexually transmitted diseases,date rape,condom use,etc. I highly recommend this book for teens who are curious about sex.

Sex Smart.......2001-05-31

Texas teen: I LOVED THIS BOOK!.......2000-01-10

I LOVED THIS BOOK! I am a 17 yr. old girl. Even though I am not a virgin anymore this book made me realize that I am taking some pretty big risks when having sex and therefore I have made my New Year's resolution to abstain until I am older and have a stable life. I made a mistake and I rushed into sex thinking I was missing out or it was gonna be something beautiful when in fact it wasn't. I really appreciated this book. I don't think I could have found anything to have made me change my mind about the way I was doing sleeping around, but this book inspired me to see that there is nothing wrong with abstaining and with having self-respect and waiting on sex. That's how I see it now. At first I was like it's all BS but then as I kept reading more, I saw that the book was right and I realized that the only reason I had sex was because I felt pressured. Now I know that it doesn't matter what they think or what a guy wants. It's about what hurts me and what doesn't. Hey, if all the other ones are doing it, then let them go for it but I will just stick to my education from now on.

At first I was afraid of people at my school seeing me read this book so I would hide it. Then I decided I would show it to my friends so that they would think about the way they are living their lives and having sex at such a young age. It is funny, too, because I checked this book out at my school library and my friends thought I had probably gotten it somewhere else. When they saw the school stamp, they were surprised. I really appreciate that the author wrote this book. It has made a difference in my life.

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WHY MARRIAGE MATTERS

"Very Good Book"

Live long and prosper...

A "marriage saver". Critical information for every marriage

Good Research Book

Why Marriage Matters: Reasons to Believe in Marriage in a Postmodern Society
Glenn T. Stanton
Manufacturer: Navpress Publishing Group
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially

The Divorce Culture: Rethinking Our Commitments to Marriage and Family

Marriage on Trial: The Case Against Same-Sex Marriage and Parenting

The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25 Year Landmark Study

The Marriage Problem: How Our Culture Has Weakened Families

ASIN: 1576830187

Book Description

Marriage is in trouble. Based on one hundred years of social science research, this book gives you reasons to believe in marriage in a society characterized by a lack of commitment.

Customer Reviews:

WHY MARRIAGE MATTERS.......2007-04-11

READER SHOULD BE AWARE THIS IS A "FOCUS ON THE FAMILY" BOOK AND THE MORALISTIC DRUM BEAT IS CONSTANT.

"Very Good Book".......2007-02-15

In this time of so many divorces this was a great book detailing the many benefits of marriage.

I would highly recommend this book to anyone who falsely believes that marriage has no value and that single life is the best.

Live long and prosper..........2000-11-22

The results of over 100 years of scientific research are gathered together in one place, spanning studies from the 1890s to the present day. The data cover multiple cultures and deal with all stages and ages of life. Literally hundreds of individual studies are represented, many of which were done by researchers at some of the most "liberated" universities in Europe and America. Yet the results of all these studies uniformly support a consistent set of notions: that human beings fare best when they are reared in intact nuclear families; that they prosper best in adult life when joined, male and female, in lifelong monogamous relationships sanctioned and supported by the community; that both adults and children suffer enormously when divorce breaks up a family.

The implications are clear. The post modern mantras that "children are resilient," and that "we're better off apart if we don't agree" are just plain wrong.

The lessons to be learned are not just for those facing marital difficulties. I think the message is especially important for re-establishing in our children the expectation that marriage is forever, so choose well and work hard. This book may be a little dry for your teenager and addresses a difficult subject for many parents to discuss with their own children, so you might wnat to extract some nuggets for small group discussion at key places like church youth gatherings. In the process, you will probably discover some reasons of your own for "keeping at it."

A "marriage saver". Critical information for every marriage.......1999-09-28

My husband and I read this book at a critical point in our marriage, and found it a life-saver. Many of the author's points are based on research and statistics, but when he writes from the heart, it touches your heart. It truly was an eye-opener and beneficial to us.

Good Research Book.......1998-11-27

This was a good reference for my daughter writing a school paper on marriage.

Sperm Are from Men, Eggs Are from Women: The Real Reason Men And Women Are Different

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Pure Genius
Quirk is a kick
Great book.
Fun read includes plenty of insights.
Joe continues to rock

Sperm Are from Men, Eggs Are from Women: The Real Reason Men And Women Are Different
Joe Quirk
Manufacturer: Running Press Book Publishers
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover

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ASIN: 0762426802

Book Description

Finally, the answer to why, when it comes to romance, women are coy and men are just clueless--explained from the micro standpoint. Who would have guessed that all of our sexual and social behavior, and even our physical appearance, could be attributed to what our tiny unseen reproductive cells are doing? But that's Quirk's thesis in this highly entertaining book from an Average Guy that's a fun read full of a-ha! moments for scientists and civilians alike. Learn facts about cheating you'll never see on "Jerry Springer," like how unfaithful females actually change the biology of their mates. Discover why most sperm couldn't care less if they never saw an egg, what makes men yell "woo!" in a feminine falsetto--very similar to the mating cry of the Siamang gibbon--and, most important, the surprising answer on what to wear to attract that alpha mate.

Customer Reviews:

Pure Genius.......2007-05-28

The best book on sexual evolutionary biology. Why both men and women seem to be on different planets. Hm... is there a catchier title?
Perhaps, but not a better book.

Unfortunately, despite his extensive bibliography, Joe Quirk (What the blazes kind of name is that for a scientific researcher? ) does not have a Phd. Neither is he buddies with Oprah, so I doubt this will top the besteller list.

Never mind. I've suffered through many academese imbued evolutionary snoozefests texts. This one will keep you wide awake, I promise.

What Quirk has is brilliance, and (gasp!) an ability to write. He must have had some alpha ancestors during the pleistocene era that could spin some awesome tales by the campfire.

Among The Table of Contents we find such gems as:

Chapter 9: The Jerk Gene
Chapter 12: Why Women are Coy, Men Clueless
Chapter 26: Free Love Causes War

And, for a smaple paragraph:

" Men are attracted to nubility and health. Women are attracted to nobility and wealth. Both want intelligence, kindness, and opulence.
Both want a good sense of humor. They'll need it. "

As will the reader.
An easy 5 stars.

Quirk is a kick.......2007-05-12

A fun and funny spin on evolutionary biology. Sex: a serious topic at its silliest. Good reading, full of clever lines and information perfect for sharing at cocktail parties.

Great book. .......2007-01-03

It is not often that you find a book that informs as well as amuses. This is for everything they left out of sex-ed when you were a kid.

Fun read includes plenty of insights........2006-09-24

Why are women teases, why are men afraid to commit, and what's behind the real needs of women and men? SPERM ARE FROM MEN, EGGS ARE FROM WOMEN: THE REAL REASON MEN AND WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT takes a hilarious, quasi-scientific look at men and women from a different angle, blending a healthy sense of humor with science, sociology and biology in pursuit of the truth. The author 'studied' Playboy and Hustlers and spent some seven years researching source papers in sociobiology as well: his lively, fun read includes plenty of insights.

Diane C. Donovan
California Bookwatch

Joe continues to rock.......2006-08-02

Not only was his novel Ultimate Rush a funny, dynamically-quick read, but now this writer has given us some smartitude along with the laughs. Read it, believe it, marvel over the aqua-ape.

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A great greating card

Why I Love You: 100 reasons
Gregory E. Lang
Manufacturer: Cumberland House Publishing
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover

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Accessories:

philosophy hope in a jar daily moisturizer

ASIN: 1581824122

Book Description

Falling in love is one of life's great experiences. Everyone wants to be in love. "No matter where we are in our lives, or what else may occupy our time, we all wish to have someone to love, someone who will love us in return," writes Greg Lang in the introduction to Why I Love You, the latest installment of his best-selling series.

Romance is fun. Romance is exciting. Romance is intoxicating. It's no wonder we all crave it, but it's interesting, too, that we approach it differently, depending upon our personal styles. Some people dive in head first, abandoning all their inhibitions; others proceed with caution. Either way, as a romantic relationship progresses, we find that it, like any other relationship, requires care and nourishment in order to flourish. If there is one thing the author has learned from his own romantic history, it is that love cannot go unexpressed. And that is why he has written this book.

In truth, there usually are hundreds of reasons that we love someone, and yet, when it comes to telling that special person how we feel, it is often hard to verbalize even a few. In Why I Love You, Greg Lang captures 100 reasons that we love a romantic partner in the hope that it will inspire couples everywhere to be more open and giving in their relationships.

With warm and vivid photographs of loving couples of various ages and ethnic backgrounds, Why I Love You is the perfect gift book for anyone who is in love.

Customer Reviews:

A great greating card.......2007-02-12

Lang writes wonderful stuff but should put it in a greeting card for $3.95 not a book. Like his past offerings, "Why a son needs a Dad" & "Why a daughter needs a Dad", there are pages of photos and one liners. Nothing of real essence, unless it was printed in a greeting card! Not worth the money!

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Why I Chose You Review
It Touched My Heart
"Why I Chose You" Gregory E. Lang
Good but not Inclusive
A Must For Parents of Adopted Children

Why I Chose You (100 Reasons)
Gregory E. Lang
Manufacturer: Cumberland House Publishing
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover

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ASIN: 1581824335

Book Description

Best-selling author, Gregory E. Lang captures the essence of the dynamic relationships among adoptive families. These are families with so much love to share who are desperate to have and/or help children. From hugs and kisses, to witnessing "firsts" together, "Why I Chose You" depicts all of the reasons why each child is uniquely special to his or her adoptive parent(s).

For many adoptive parents, they desperately want children but are unable to have them. The adoption process provides them with a child who needs a parents' love and nurturing as much as the parents need the child. In other cases, adoptive parents see a need to provide loving homes for children who will flourish because of the affection they have to give.

More than 120,000 children are adopted each year in the United States alone. Trends continue to indicate that the number of adoptees is growing each year as the number of children in foster care continues to increase.

Raising a child is not a right, but a gift. It matters not from where the gift comes, but simply that it is received. Gone are the days in which adoption was taboo. It is reason for rejoicing, sharing, and celebrating. No guilt and no second guesses can creep into your heart once it is so completely filled to bursting with love.

It is that love that is celebrated within the pages of "Why I Chose You." Gregory E. Lang has compiled dozens of reasons for adoption as well as capturing the adoration, affection, and mutual gratification that is received from both the parent and child. For there is no greater place than a home filled with love, and no greater gift than the smile of a happy and contented child who knows he or she is loved.

Customer Reviews:

Why I Chose You Review.......2007-03-12

The book Why I Chose You was a disappointment for me. It's just okay. I expected some short adoption stories. Instead the book just lists simple sentences that express reasons for adopting along with an accompanying photo of an adopted child and his family. The book lacks substance. I don't recommend it.

It Touched My Heart .......2006-11-16

My husband and I are currently in the process of adopting our first child. When I came across this book in the store it stopped me dead in my tracks. Faster than you could blink an eye I was standing in the middle of the aisle reading each page and crying my eyes out. The photos and words in this book truly touched my heart, and I know that it will fast become a family favorite.

"Why I Chose You" Gregory E. Lang.......2006-02-02

Powerful, emotional, exceptionally well done. A perfect gift for anyone who has adopted a child and beautiful reading for the extended family. It captures the almost indescribable feelings that unite a parent and child and will, at some point, be a valuable tool in expressing those feelings to the child.

Good but not Inclusive.......2005-12-17

It would be hard for any author and his editors to represent every type of adoptive family in this book. And those not represented should acknowledge that, but it seems appearant that was a conscious effort made to limit and/or exclude non-white, non-straight families, non tradional families.
I was very pleased when I found this book on Adoption and my heart swelled as I read the various passages, but as I skimmed through it I failed to see a single picture of two dads. I thought I might have missed it, so I skimmed again, nope, not there.
But what I did find was an email address in the back of the book for the author. I sent him an email addressing my concerns. He responded quickly and reasonably. While I disagree with the marketing of the book, I applaud Greg Lang for his interest and effort and I have since purchased the book.
Note to the Editors: Had not the author responded personaly to my concerns, I would not have purchased this book, so keep that in mind for your second printing.

A Must For Parents of Adopted Children.......2005-09-06

I initially found this book at a local department store when shopping with my mother-in-law, her 2 sons are adopted. As she started skimming through this book in the store she started crying! I knew right away that this would be a perfect gift for her, but the price seemed too high at the store. I checked out Amazon.com when I got home and found it for $10 less!! If you have adopted children, this is a MUST!!

The Sleep of Reason: Erotic Experience and Sexual Ethics in Ancient Greece and Rome

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The Sleep of Reason: Erotic Experience and Sexual Ethics in Ancient Greece and Rome

Manufacturer: University Of Chicago Press
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ASIN: 0226609154

Book Description

Sex is beyond reason, and yet we constantly reason about it. So, too, did the peoples of ancient Greece and Rome. But until recently there has been little discussion of their views on erotic experience and sexual ethics.

The Sleep of Reason brings together an international group of philosophers, philologists, literary critics, and historians to consider two questions normally kept separate: how is erotic experience understood in classical texts of various kinds, and what ethical judgments and philosophical arguments are made about sex? From same-sex desire to conjugal love, and from Plato and Aristotle to the Roman Stoic Musonius Rufus, the contributors demonstrate the complexity and diversity of classical sexuality. They also show that the ethics of eros, in both Greece and Rome, shared a number of commonalities: a focus not only on self-mastery, but also on reciprocity; a concern among men not just for penetration and display of their power, but also for being gentle and kind, and for being loved for themselves; and that women and even younger men felt not only gratitude and acceptance, but also joy and sexual desire.

Contributors:
* Eva Cantarella
* Kenneth Dover
* Chris Faraone
* Simon Goldhill
* Stephen Halliwell
* David M. Halperin
* J. Samuel Houser
* Maarit Kaimio
* David Konstan
* David Leitao
* Martha C. Nussbaum
* A. W. Price
* Juha Sihvola

Falling in Love for All the Right Reasons: How to Find Your Soul Mate

Average customer rating:

Helpful and solid
Follow this book's advice and cancel your eHarmony account
Didn't read the book, but...
Sincere & straight forward
Excellent advice for people who want to get serious

Falling in Love for All the Right Reasons: How to Find Your Soul Mate
Neil Clark Warren , and Ken Abraham
Manufacturer: Center Street
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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ASIN: 044669388X

Amazon.com

Dr. Neil Clark Warren is the mastermind behind eHarmony.com—an Internet matchmaking service that encourages readers to find "true love" rather than a slew of Saturday night dates. His basic shtick is that "broad-based compatibility" is the glue for making a partnership loving and lasting. Falling in Love offers 29 "dimensions of compatibility" to consider before committing to a romantic relationship. His formula is so, well, formulaic, it threatens to take all the mysticism and romance out of finding a soul mate. That's fine with Warren, who believes that readers who screen partners for compatibility will fare much better than spirit-struck lovers who base commitments on profound immediate attraction.

Warren begins with weeding out bad characters. "If one of the partners in a relationship lies, cheats, or steals, that bad character will eventually undermine the relationship." Even if you're not the victim of these behaviors, you will be, claims Warren. So run, don't walk from the relationship. Seems like obvious common sense. Yet advice columnist are constantly answering letters from unhappily married men and women, complaining about these very forms of broken trust. Warren also encourages readers to stop ignoring the early "red flags" of addictive personalities and psychological issues, such as chronic depression. Demand that the partner commit to professional help before you go any further with the relationship, he advises. Other compatibility issues include anger management, sexual passion, and family planning.

While his advice is solid, it is conservative. For instance, he does not address homosexual love or allow homosexual partnering on his web site. Also, most of the discussion is geared toward traditional marriage as the final goal. --Gail Hudson

Book Description

Dr. Neil Clark Warren is the mastermind behind eHarmony.com#151;an Internet matchmaking service that encourages readers to find "true love" rather than a slew of Saturday night dates. His basic shtick is that "broad-based compatibility" is the glue for making a partnership loving and lasting. Falling in Love offers 29 "dimensions of compatibility" to consider before committing to a romantic relationship. His formula is so, well, formulaic, it threatens to take all the mysticism and romance out of finding a soul mate. That's fine with Warren, who believes that readers who screen partners for compatibility will fare much better than spirit-struck lovers who base commitments on profound immediate attraction.- Warren begins with weeding out bad characters. "If one of the partners in a relationship lies, cheats, or steals, that bad character will eventually undermine the relationship." Even if you're not the victim of these behaviors, you will be, claims Warren. So run, don't walk from the relationship. Seems like obvious common sense. Yet advice columnist are constantly answering letters from unhappily married men and women, complaining about these very forms of broken trust.- Warren also encourages readers to stop ignoring the early "red flags" of addictive personalities and psychological issues, such as chronic depression. Demand that the partner commit to professional help before you go any further with the relationship, he advises. Other compatibility issues include anger management, sexual passion, and family planning. While his advice is solid, it is conservative. For instance, he does not address homosexual love or allow homosexual partnering on his web site. Also, most of the discussion is geared toward traditional marriage as the final goal. --Gail Hudson

Customer Reviews:

Helpful and solid.......2007-07-18

Although I normally avoid this kind of book, I found this one to be very helpful...so much so, that I've ordered copies for two people who wanted to borrow my copy (because I didn't want mine to disappear).
Although some reviewers of this book have complained that it "seemed like an ad for eharmony" I felt that the discussion of the research that went into the development of the 29 dimensions provided the evidence I needed and gave the balance of the book credibility. If you are a cut-to-the-chase person, skip the first 50 pages, but if you have a skeptical and analytical bent, you will find the initial discussion helpful in weighing what they have to say about each dimension as they go through the remainder of the book. They don't really pull punches and their breakdown of the dimensions into categories was very helpful. It really helps to clarify what's being "too picky" and what's holding out for the right relationship.
Incidentally, there is stuff in here that no one I know ever thought was important to be matched on, but that I watch friends struggle over in their relationships and didn't understand why.

Follow this book's advice and cancel your eHarmony account.......2007-03-11

Neil wrote a fine book with good advice. The most helpful section was the first screening dimension: Good Character. "Character matters!"

My own and others' horrific experiences with eHarmony (passive aggressive and/or nonexistent customer service, fraudulent guarantees, questionable "matching" practices, low number of matches--zero globally for many weeks!, and charlatan billing practices), lead me to believe that Neil's company suffers from bad character.

Let us follow Neil's advice: "Watch out for signs that reveal a diminished sense of conscience. People who willfully and regularly lie, exaggerate, or cheat have no regard for the rights of others. They will pay little attention to how their actions impact you, as long as they get what they want....A person with a character disorder has mastered the art of putting on a facade of social acceptability. He knows how to gain your confidnece and that of other people. The person with a character disorder is often a smooth talker, a charmer, a person who knows how to say just the right thing to get what he wants."

Neil, eHarmony can change for the better if you genuinely want it to and are willing to do the tough work to see change happen. But we realize that the prognosis for bad character is not good. Only three experiences seem to bring any real change--a stint in prison, serving in the military, or a deep spiritual transformation. We hope the people at eHarmony will be helped by at least one of these experiences.

Folks, if you encounter eHarmony, run--don't walk--away from it as fast as you can. It will not get better with time.

Didn't read the book, but..........2007-01-11

I never read the book, but I have been on e-harmony for 6 months. They were sending me matches the first 2 weeks, but most of "matches" were not responding at all or the people were totally the opposite of me. I manage to meet one single girl out of there in 6 months and as soon as we met we started to laugh because we were so different, that even a stranger could say we weren't a match.
I called e-harmony several times to cancel my membership and have some refund, but they only agreed to prolong my membership without additional expenses. I didnt get ANY matches in the following 6 months, even though I WAS ACCEPTING MATCHES FROM THE ENTIRE USA!!! I calle dagain just to hear excuses.
Now, every time I see the ad on the TV...I just laugh. dont subscribe to these people, its not worth of it. Oh and by the way, I sold the book on ebay for $11.50. Total loss, total waste of time and money.

Sincere & straight forward.......2006-09-28

I especially appreciated Dr. Warren's comments and reflections on character. It is so important. The book is genuine, reads well, and held my attention. He knows what he is talking about. It is thorough and clear.

Excellent advice for people who want to get serious.......2006-09-07

I do life coaching and public speaking for a living, including in the areas of relationship and sexuality. I have read a lot of books on both of these topics and was very pleasantly surprised that this was a solidly written book and not just a lot of hype.

One of the things I most liked about this book was the emphasis on character. Dr. Warren was very direct about what constitutes good character, the likely outcome of dating people with characters disorders and the pivotal importance of being authentic and not dating people who lie.

The author also stressed the importance of compatibility. A lot of people work too hard at relationship because fundamentally, they are not compatible. If they were, things would go a lot easier. There is a section in the book that breaks down compatibility into a number of different dimensions that I thought were an extremely useful lens for people to use when looking for a serious partner.

I also liked the sections on sex and the healthy expression of sexuality. Dr. Warren points out that premature sexuality can often blind you to character faults and compatibility issues. While this is difficult to swallow for a lot of people, it sure seems to be true. He also talks about the importance of sex and sexual compatibility from a space of someone with a lot of experience counseling couples.

The appendices in the book are just as valuable as the text. I particularly liked his sections on the "must haves" and "can't haves." When many people are dating, they are not conscious of what their non-negotiables are and enter into relationship where there are a lot of good things, but one essential ingredient is missing. This is a very seductive dynamic, especially when the beginning of the relationship feels soooo good. However, it's like missing one essential vitamin; it will eventually catch up with you.

Also, there is a great no nonsense section on sexual chemistry. Dr. Warren doesn't side step this important area and he makes it very clear that this is what separates potential friends from potential partners. According to him, there must be sexual chemistry and you either have it or you don't. Without sexual chemistry, people often end up having affairs or feeling guilty that they are not attracted to their partners.

Overall, this book posits a conservative approach to dating. Many people won't be able to live up to all the advice, but the advice is sound and it makes good psychological sense. Some people will find the advice on sex overly conservative, but as adults we need to draw our own lines between the ideal and what is reasonable for ourselves. We don't necessarily have to embody the gold standard, but we can certainly aspire to it.

Another interesting part of this book was the section that stepped through each part of the traditional marriage vows and talked about what each means. The take away point, was not that you just promise to stay together, it's that you promise to do the work to love, honor and respect each other. This section which contained a lot of commentary was a useful reminder of examining your deep intention before taking a walk down the aisle with someone. Sometimes people think when they are just staying together they are keeping their vows, but Dr. Warren points to something more than this as truly living your commitment. I thought this was a good point to make, although in practice I believe that sometimes divorce is the best course for some people. On the other hand, I like that he emphasized that marriage isn't something to be entered into lightly and either is a serious relationship.

Dr. Warren talks a lot about eHarmony in his book and this can sometimes be annoying. I have never tried eHarmony or even looked at it in-depth online. However, whether that website is good or not, the book certainly is, so don't let any impressions you have of eHarmony get in the way of seriously evaluating this book.

In short, the advice in this book is good to keep on your radar with the understanding that life isn't perfect and ideals are often difficult to live up to. Even if you disagree with Dr. Warren, his words are good food for thought and you will at least have a heightened awareness of the trade-offs inherent to less conservative dating approaches.

This is not a book geared toward casual dating or casual sex. The audience is clearly people who are very serious about finding a lifelong partner. If you fall in that category, you can't go wrong. Another good book that complements this one is WILL OUR LOVE LAST by Sam Hamburg.

I don't agree with everything this author says and I don't think he factors in enough compassion for the human condition and the challenges of modern life, especially around getting needs for intimacy and sexuality met. However, there is a lot of wisdom here and anyone can benefit from it.

A problem of the modern world is that it's more complex to find a match than ever and it takes longer because people are more complicated and life is more demanding. While Dr. Warren gives excellent dating advice, he doesn't address how to meet your intimacy and sexual needs while you are involved in a lengthy search for a good partner. Let's face it; the kind of great partners that Dr. Warren is asking us to hold out for don't grow on trees. I wish he wrote section on friends, social support and other coping strategies for what to do in the meantime.

Why It's Great to Be a Girl: 50 Awesome Reasons Why We Rule!

Average customer rating:

My Niece loved this book!
A great baby shower gift!

Why It's Great to Be a Girl: 50 Awesome Reasons Why We Rule!
Jacqueline Shannon
Manufacturer: Harper Paperbacks
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

General | Ages 9-12 | Children's Books | Subjects | Books

Motivational | Self-Help | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books

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ASIN: 0061172146
Release Date: 2007-03-13

Book Description

Why It's Great to Be a Girl is a must-have for every girl from six to sixteen! Chock-full of fascinating facts, enlightening girl-knowledge, and important historical milestones—even a list of great books written by women—here is a guaranteed self-esteem booster for young females everywhere . . . and it's lots of fun too! After all, what girl wouldn't feel great about herself knowing that:

girls hear better than boys
girls drive better than boys
girls' bodies are stronger than boys' in every way, except for muscles
girls are less susceptible to major diseases
and, according to many anthropologists and archaeologists, girls actually "civilized" humankind!

So get ready for an eye-opening journey through the awesomeness of girldom—with the ultimate guide to why being a girl is the ultimate in cool!

Customer Reviews:

My Niece loved this book!.......2007-06-29

I must say I usually don't buy (or read for that matter) pink books about girls. But, it was my 11 year-old niece's birthday party last weekend and I had no idea what to get her. I searched all over Amazon and I found this unique and easy-to-read book. It hasn't even been a week since the birthday party and my niece has already called me up telling me how much she loved this book. The book is about 50 reasons why it is great to be a girl. My niece informed me that "women can outperform men in many sports" and then she started spouting out facts to support this. She also infomed me that "women rarely go bald" and she made fun of my receding hairline. Anyway my sister tells me she has never her seen daughter read a book this fast. It is nice to know that my gift was enjoyed and will actually be remembered by my niece. I am actually the 'cool' uncle for once.

A great baby shower gift!.......2007-06-16

I have friends expecting girls this summer (one of them is expecting TWIN girls) and this book will be among my gifts. Disclosure: I know this author but haven't been in touch with her for years because we moved out of the area. But I bought the original version of Why It's Great to be a Girl, published in the mid 1990s, so I'm in a good position to compare the original with this new and expanded version. The original was a fun and enlightening read but this one is even better. It's directed at girls between 6 and 16, while the original was more targeted at the mothers of young girls. Again, if something doesn't interest you, such as medical breakthroughs made by women, you can skip ahead to something that does interest you. Like the earlier edition, Shannon has "bonus" pages -- these are fast, fun facts, such as that girls are better at expressing their thoughts through instant messaging (yes, a university did a study on this!). It's also interesting to read in the Introduction how her daughter Madeline has changed since she was a preschooler, when the first book was written, to the present, when her daughter is in college. Shannon originally wrote the book out of frustration that her daughter was encountering sexism even at age four. I am a runner, and I did notice that "Females are the most active athletes" is missing from this edition. Apparently, that is no longer true. Kind of sad. Still, there's a whole lotta good stuff in this book to make you, your daughter, niece, etc. feel really great about being a girl.

Shacking Up: 40 Reasons Why Not To - Wise Advice From Someone Who Has

Average customer rating:

WOW....IF YOUR THINKING OF SHACKING UP ....DON'T DO IT!
Shacking up 40 reasons why not to
A one time psychology session for only $26!
A one t ime psychology session for only $26!
for my daughter!

Shacking Up: 40 Reasons Why Not To - Wise Advice From Someone Who Has
Anne James-Sieff
Manufacturer: Authorhouse
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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ASIN: 141402861X

Customer Reviews:

WOW....IF YOUR THINKING OF SHACKING UP ....DON'T DO IT!.......2004-07-09

I found this book really blunt. It is written in a really symplistic way (easy to read). There are some really insightful points, a different way of looking at it...if you will. Honestly, it did make me see "shacking up" in a whole different light. I liked it....but wouldn't give it a five (but then again I'm not doing it) (and wouldn't for sure now) So I guess the book does work after all!

Shacking up 40 reasons why not to.......2004-07-07

I just have to say one thing. This woman is really brave! It's about time this book was written by a woman who put herself on the line about her choosing to shack up and then to tell the world she was doing it! Nobody wants to look bad in front of others but she doesn't care how she looks, she just wants to help other's from choosing this really painful lifestyle! I couldn't have done it, that's for sure. She totally condems herself for doing it! How many of us would talk about our private lives to the world and risk the ridicule that would come from others? No one that I know of! I sure as heck wouldn't. I could see where some people would take offense to it because she's so straight forward about her opinion but she scolds herself while telling others how bad it is for their well being! How brilliant is that I must add! Anyway, I loved the book, there were so many points that I never even thought of! Read it if your shacking up, it's an eye opener. By the way I would never shack up after reading it!

A one time psychology session for only $26!.......2004-06-29

I am so glad that I heard about this book! I have been to hundreds of pyschology sessions at a whoping $150 an hour! My problems were with the man I was shacking up with for 10 years! Anxiety is what I was feeling but couldn't put my finger on it. When I got a hold of the book it answered so many questions I had and more!! After reading it ( I finished it in 6 hours)the next night when my "friend" came home from work (late as always with an exuse) I told him he was moving out on the weekend. That it was over and I actually felt empowered instead of cowaring and weak! I just have to say to the author THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR HARD WORK. I feel so proud of myself and happier than I thought I could EVER be because of your experience. I am telling ALL my girlfriends (there are 8 of them living together) to get this book AND to keep it in plain view for their honey's to see. Wow, you talk about being liberated! I am and I'm loving it!

A one t ime psychology session for only $26!.......2004-06-29

I am so glad that I heard about this book! I have been to hundreds of pyschology sessions at a whoping $150 an hour! My problems were with the man I was shacking up with for 10 years! Anxiety is what I was feeling but couldn't put my finger on it. When I got ahold of the book it answered so many questions I had and more!! After reading it ( I finished it in 6 hours)the next night when my "friend" came home from work (late as always with an exuse) I told him he was moving out on the weekend. That it was over and I actually felt empowered instead of cowaring and weak! I just have to say to the author THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR HARD WORK. I feel so proud of myself and happier than I thought I could EVER be because of your book. I am telling ALL my girlfriends (there are 8 of them living together) to get this book AND to keep it in plain view for their honey's to see. Wow, you talk about being liberated! I am and I'm loving it!

for my daughter!.......2004-06-12

GREAT book!!read it first.thought it was very appropriate for my daughter,since me and her mother went through this some years ago!

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