Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most

Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most
Average customer rating:

Will you ever have a hard conversation? Sure, you will! Read this book first.

Difficult converations

great read

Best Book on Communication

Quality of Life Must Read

Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most
Douglas Stone , Bruce Patton , Sheila Heen , and Roger Fisher
Manufacturer: Penguin (Non-Classics)
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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ASIN: 014028852X
Release Date: 2000-04-03

Amazon.com

We've all been there: We know we must confront a coworker, store clerk, or friend about some especially sticky situation--and we know the encounter will be uncomfortable. So we repeatedly mull it over until we can no longer put it off, and then finally stumble through the confrontation. Difficult Conversations, by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen, offers advice for handling these unpleasant exchanges in a manner that accomplishes their objective and diminishes the possibility that anyone will be needlessly hurt. The authors, associated with Harvard Law School and the Harvard Project on Negotiation, show how such dialogues actually comprise three separate components: the "what happened" conversation (verbalizing what we believe really was said and done), the "feelings" conversation (communicating and acknowledging each party's emotional impact), and the "identity" conversation (expressing the situation's underlying personal meaning). The explanations and suggested improvements are, admittedly, somewhat complicated. And they certainly don't guarantee positive results. But if you honestly are interested in elevating your communication skills, this book will walk you through both mistakes and remedies in a way that will boost your confidence when such unavoidable clashes arise. --Howard Rothman

Book Description

Members of the Harvard Negotiation Project--which brought you the mega-bestseller Getting to YES--show you how to handle your most difficult conversations with confidence and skill.

Whether you're dealing with an underperforming employee, disagreeing with your spouse about money or child-rearing, negotiating with a difficult client, or simply saying "no," or "I'm sorry," or "I love you," we attempt or avoid difficult conversations every day. Based on fifteen years of research at the Harvard Negotiation Project, Difficult Conversations walks you through a step-by-step proven approach to having your toughest conversations with less stress and more success. You will learn:
how to start the conversation without defensiveness
why what is not said is as important as what is
ways of keeping and regaining your balance in the face of attacks and accusations
how to decipher the underlying structure of every difficult conversation

Filled with examples from everyday life, Difficult Conversations will help you on the job, at home, or out in the world. It is a book you will turn to again and again for advice, practical skills, and reassurance.

"Does this book deliver on [its] promise of an effective way through sticky situations, whether 'with your baby sitter or your biggest client'? It does."-- The New York Times

"These talented communicators blend a daunting array of disciplines into highly readable and practical advice."-- Booklist

"Brilliant. . . . I've already re-read most of it. I'm using it. What more could a reader ask?"-- Tom Peters

"Emotional Intelligence applied to life's tough moments."-- Daniel Goleman

Download Description

"What is a difficult conversation? Asking for a raise. Ending a relationship. Saying ""no"" to your boss or spouse. Confronting disrespectful behavior. Apologizing. Conversations we dread, and often handle clumsily as a result, are part of all our lives: in boardrooms and family rooms, across the negotiation table and the dinner table. Now, Difficult Conversations teaches us how to handle these dialogues with more success and less anxiety. How does it work? Based on fifteen years of research and consultations with thousands of people, Difficult Conversations pinpoints what works. The authors discovered that regardless of context, the same small but crucial errors are what trip us up--and a few key adjustments can make all the difference. * The role of emotions--ours and theirs * The impact of what is said and what is not said * Why admitting our mistakes will put us in a stronger position * The truth behind the myth that women are better at expressing their emotions than men * How to respond productively in the face of personal attacks Who is this for? Filled with examples from everyday life, Difficult Conversations is certain to be an instant and lasting classic for families, neighbors, bosses, employees, customers, tenants, landlords, psychologists, teachers, and more. Who are the authors? Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen teach at Harvard Law School and at the Harvard Negotiation Project. They have consulted to countless businesspeople, governments, organizations, and communities including all parties to the negotiations on constitutional transition in South Africa; school teachers in Medellin, Colombia; and community leaders and the police department in Springfield, Massachusetts. They lecture throughout the world and have written on negotiation, conflict resolution, and communication. Bruce Patton is co-author of Getting to Yes."

Customer Reviews:

Will you ever have a hard conversation? Sure, you will! Read this book first........2007-09-21

This little book can be a great help. We all have avoided conversations we knew were going to be difficult. Often not talking made things worse, so as things became intolerable we had the discussion and things got even worse. These authors break down the inner structure of difficult conversations and how we often mishandle them. They then show us the ways in which we can turn this into a constructive process that brings more understanding, greater cooperation, and learning that will help avoid repeating the difficulties in the future.

Certainly, I can't recap the whole book in this little review, but I especially like their concept of three conversations happening within each difficult conversation. They are the debate over what happened, the feelings conversation, and the identity issues. In the what happened conversation the problem is that each side assumes it knows the truth, that they know the other party's intentions, and that they know where and how to assign blame. Of course, all this is a fiction and a waste of time. It does nothing to fix the situation or improve the process to avoid the problem in the future. The book then shows you how to have a constructive approach to the same problem. Excellent stuff!

The authors are part of the Harvard Negotiation Project and has a foreword by one of the authors of the famous book, "Getting to Yes". The book is concise, but full of very good information. I recommend it very much.

Reviewed by Craig Matteson - Ann Arbor, MI

Difficult converations.......2007-09-17

this book is well worth the read,
it is easy to get throught, and does not repeat itself.
You want to read the whole book.
nancy carlson

great read.......2007-08-27

This book is used as a textbook at the Harvard MBA. Good tool for those messy conflicts

Best Book on Communication.......2007-08-24

This is the most useful and comprehensive compendium of effective, research validated, communication concepts I have ever seen in one book. Useful for anyone who speaks with other humans, especially significant others, business colleagues and teenagers. If you are a coach, this reading is required. Difficult ideas presented in a way that makes them easy to understand and easy to apply.

Quality of Life Must Read.......2007-08-04

Difficult Conversations, by Stone, Patton, and Heen, is a foundational book in the literature of holding difficult conversations in purposeful ways. I have read it often and use its principles in my teaching and in daily life. Underlying its principles is the simple understanding that we can get better at listening, talking, and acknowledging what is actually going on in our relationships; that we create the reality of our lives by the ways in which we talk about it; and that one conversation at a time, we can choose to work with the energy of conflict instead of avoiding it. There are many good books on this topic. I suggest reading them all, starting here.

Judy Ringer is the author of Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict

Average customer rating:

Shows a lot of thought, reflexion, and prayer
Great book!!!
Reason and Restraint
V. Good
informative

Palestine: Peace Not Apartheid
Jimmy Carter
Manufacturer: Simon & Schuster
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover

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The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream
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ASIN: 0743285026
Release Date: 2006-11-14

Amazon.com

The crowning achievement of Jimmy Carter's presidency was the Camp David Accords between Israel and Egypt, and he has continued his public and private diplomacy ever since, winning the Nobel Peace Prize in 2002 for his decades of work for peace, human rights, and international development. He has been a tireless author since then as well, writing bestselling books on his childhood, his faith, and American history and politics, but in Palestine: Peace Not Apartheid, he has returned to the Middle East and to the question of Israel's peace with its neighbors--in particular, how Israeli sovereignty and security can coexist permanently and peacefully with Palestinian nationhood.

It's a rare honor to ask questions of a former president, and we are grateful that President Carter was able to take the time in between his work with his wife, Rosalynn, for the Carter Center and Habitat for Humanity and his many writing projects to speak with us about his hopes for the region and his thoughts on the book.

A big thank you to President Carter for granting our request for an interview.

An Interview with President Jimmy Carter

Q: What has been the importance of your own faith in your continued interest in peace in the Middle East?
A: As a Christian, I worship the Prince of Peace. One of my preeminent commitments has been to bring peace to the people who live in the Holy Land. I made my best efforts as president and still have this as a high priority.

Q: A common theme in your years of Middle East diplomacy has been that leaders on both sides have often been more open to discussion and change in private than in public. Do you think that's still the case?
A: Yes. This is why private and intense negotiations can be successful. More accurately, however, my premise has been that the general public (Jewish, Christian, and Muslim) are more eager for peace than their political leaders. For instance, a recent poll done by the Hebrew University in Jerusalem showed that 58% of Israelis and 81% of the Palestinians favor a comprehensive settlement similar to the Roadmap for Peace or the Saudi proposal adopted by all 23 Arab nations and recently promoted by Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. Tragically, there have been no substantive peace talks during the past six years.

Q: How have the war in Iraq and the increased strength of Iran (and the declarations of their leaders against Israel) changed the conditions of the Israel-Palestine question?
A: Other existing or threatened conflicts in the region greatly increase the importance of Israel's having peace agreements with its neighbors, to minimize overall Arab animosity toward both Israel and the United States and reduce the threat of a broader conflict.

Q: Your use of the term "apartheid" has been a lightning rod in the response to your book. Could you explain your choice? Were you surprised by the reaction?
A: The book is about Palestine, the occupied territories, and not about Israel. Forced segregation in the West Bank and terrible oppression of the Palestinians create a situation accurately described by the word. I made it plain in the text that this abuse is not based on racism, but on the desire of a minority of Israelis to confiscate and colonize Palestinian land. This violates the basic humanitarian premises on which the nation of Israel was founded. My surprise is that most critics of the book have ignored the facts about Palestinian persecution and its proposals for future peace and resorted to personal attacks on the author. No one could visit the occupied territories and deny that the book is accurate.

Q: You write in the book that "the peace process does not have a life of its own; it is not self-sustaining." What would you recommend that the next American president do to revive it?
A: I would not want to wait two more years. It is encouraging that President George W. Bush has announced that peace in the Holy Land will be a high priority for his administration during the next two years. On her January trip to the region, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has called for early U.S.-Israeli-Palestinian peace talks. She has recommended the 2002 offer of the Arab nations as a foundation for peace: full recognition of Israel based on a return to its internationally recognized borders. This offer is compatible with official U.S. Government policy, previous agreements approved by Israeli governments in 1978 and 1993, and with the International Quartet's "roadmap for peace." My book proposes that, through negotiated land swaps, this "green line" border be modified to permit a substantial number of Israelis settlers to remain in Palestine. With strong U.S. pressure, backed by the U.N., Russia, and the European Community, Israelis and Palestinians would have to come to the negotiating table.

1/18/2007

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From Publishers Weekly
The term "good-faith" is almost inappropriate when applied to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, a bloody struggle interrupted every so often by negotiations that turn out to be anything but honest. Nonetheless, thirty years after his first trip to the Mideast, former President Jimmy Carter still has hope for a peaceful, comprehensive solution to the region's troubles, delivering this informed and readable chronicle as an offering to the cause. An engineer of the 1978 Camp David Accords and 2002 recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize, Carter would seem to be a perfect emissary in the Middle East, an impartial and uniting diplomatic force in a fractured land. Not entirely so. Throughout his work, Carter assigns ultimate blame to Israel, arguing that the country's leadership has routinely undermined the peace process through its obstinate, aggressive and illegal occupation of territories seized in 1967. He's decidedly less critical of Arab leaders, accepting their concern for the Palestinian cause at face value, and including their anti-Israel rhetoric as a matter of course, without much in the way of counter-argument. Carter's book provides a fine overview for those unfamiliar with the history of the conflict and lays out an internationally accepted blueprint for peace.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Book Description

Following his #1 New York Times bestseller, Our Endangered Values, the former president, winner of the Nobel Peace Prize, offers an assessment of what must be done to bring permanent peace to Israel with dignity and justice to Palestine.

President Carter, who was able to negotiate peace between Israel and Egypt, has remained deeply involved in Middle East affairs since leaving the White House. He has stayed in touch with the major players from all sides in the conflict and has made numerous trips to the Holy Land, most recently as an observer in the Palestinian elections of 2005 and 2006.

In this book President Carter shares his intimate knowledge of the history of the Middle East and his personal experiences with the principal actors, and he addresses sensitive political issues many American officials avoid. Pulling no punches, Carter prescribes steps that must be taken for the two states to share the Holy Land without a system of apartheid or the constant fear of terrorism.

The general parameters of a long-term, two-state agreement are well known, the president writes. There will be no substantive and permanent peace for any peoples in this troubled region as long as Israel is violating key U.N. resolutions, official American policy, and the international "road map" for peace by occupying Arab lands and oppressing the Palestinians. Except for mutually agreeable negotiated modifications, Israel's official pre-1967 borders must be honored. As were all previous administrations since the founding of Israel, U.S. government leaders must be in the forefront of achieving this long-delayed goal of a just agreement that both sides can honor.

Palestine Peace Not Apartheid is a challenging, provocative, and courageous book.

Customer Reviews:

Shows a lot of thought, reflexion, and prayer.......2007-09-24

You can tell President Carter has a true passion for world peace and a desire to truly understand what drives people, both individually, and as a people to become who they are and do the things they do. What drives the human psyche and soul is affected by things, events, people, time, and place in history, and things beyond what we can imagine. No one can truly judge someone else without prejudice without at least attempting to walk a mile in his subjects shoes; and yet he is humble enough to know that even in doing so he has still only walked a mile in someone else's shoes. He has still not lived someone else's life or struggled that person's plight whatever it may be consist of. He takes responsibility for his opinions and explains his points of view and what got him to those conclusions. We are all entitled to form our own. I like that his reflect deep thinking and prayer.

Great book!!!.......2007-09-19

This book needs to be read by everybody out there for whether you believe it or not, we areall affected by what's happening in the Middle East. Every right mind would agree that it there wasn't this rage in the East, the world would have been a much different place. Safer, I don't know about that. Any way, Mr. Carter take a very unusual look at the situation. The look is impartial and that's what makes it unusual. One of the point Mr. Carter argues about, which I am very greatful for, is that Israel has confiscated lands that are not theirs making the world believe that's it's for military security, whereas in reality it's for geographical expension.

I do belive that Israel shouldn't be going anywhere for, like all people, they've gotta have a place to live for they are, like all people, citizens of the planet Earth. But at the same time, Israel needs to respect the Palestine rights to exist and be a nation. And until we have a group of people to think like Mr. Carter and make Israel understand all of that, we'll still be sitting on an eastern hot pot ready to explode.

Reason and Restraint.......2007-09-18

President Carter draws from history, personal experience and extensive observations to present largely unknown or ignored facts and conclusions about the Palestinian-Israeli conflict. His writing is clear and even-handed, never boring. Continuing his quest for peace in this region, Carter offers specific steps that both sides can follow to resolve their differences. "... we must not abandon efforts to achieve permanent peace for Israelis and freedom and justice for Palestinians."

Carter's realistic approach and unfailing optimism are highly commendable. Everyone should read this excellent book.

V. Good.......2007-09-14

very good book that sheds some light on the conflict and how to get out of it

informative.......2007-09-12

even for someone who have alot of knowledge about the conflict, this book is fully informative. i learned alot of details about the camp david accords that i ignored before. its language is simple and interesting to read.

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

Average customer rating:

ONE GREAT PARENTING BOOK
There are better books on the market on this topic
Such a BIG difference in my family!
too short! like cliff notes or a trailer to a movie - get the book instead!
An easy way to relate

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
Adele Faber , and Elaine Mazlish
Manufacturer: Collins
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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ASIN: 0380811960
Release Date: 1999-10-05

Amazon.com

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk is an excellent communication tool kit based on a series of workshops developed by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Faber and Mazlish (coauthors of Siblings Without Rivalry) provide a step-by-step approach to improving relationships in your house. The "Reminder" pages, helpful cartoon illustrations, and excellent exercises will improve your ability as a parent to talk and problem-solve with your children. The book can be used alone or in parenting groups, and the solid tools provided are appropriate for kids of all ages.

Book Description

You Can Stop Fighting With Your Chidren!

Here is the bestselling book that will give you the know–how you need to be more effective with your children and more supportive of yourself. Enthusiastically praised by parents and professionals around the world, the down–to–earth, respectful approach of Faber and Mazlish makes relationships with children of all ages less stressful and more rewarding.

Their methods of communication, illustrated with delightful cartoons showing the skills in action, offer innovative ways to solve common problems.

Customer Reviews:

ONE GREAT PARENTING BOOK.......2007-09-30

I learned many ways of listening to my children, making them talk, very helpful in many ways. One great parenting book. A MUST HAVE FOR MOMS and DADS!! My husband read too and helped him to see a whole new way of managing trantuns and every day circunstances with the children.

There are better books on the market on this topic.......2007-09-25

This book has a lot of little cartoon drawings which I personally find annoying in a book geared towards adults. In the book and the cartoon drawings there are many sample conversations of what a parent should say and then how the child will respond. Most of the cartoon scenarios depict best case results, with the children positively responding when the parents use the tactics suggested in the book. I can see where some parents might like this book and some children might respond positively. However, I think it seems a bit naive on the part of the authors to assume that all children will respond exactly as they predict based on being talked to in a certain way.

Instead of buying this book I would recommend the book Assertive Discipline by Lee Canter and Marlene Canter. I suspect the ideas in that book would be more applicable to a wider variety of children's personality types.

Such a BIG difference in my family!.......2007-08-16

Wow I thought I was an encouraging loving mother until I read this book, there are all kinds of little things I was doing that were kind of undermined my kids self esteem and confidence! What a shocker for me! I have also read How To Talk So Kids Can Learn, another EXCELLENT book. That book was the beginning of a much more positive homeschool situation and excelled learning!!! Both books have transformed me from a frazzled tired Mom to a much less stressed one, knowing simple ways to make a difference in my kids lives...the best part is that the more confident and happy the kids are (and the happier I am from not being so overwhelmed) the better they behave daily! I checked the book out from the library but am going to buy a copy of my own to keep and share!!! I wish every parent and teacher could read this book!

too short! like cliff notes or a trailer to a movie - get the book instead!.......2007-08-08

I got this CD thinking it would be an easy way for me to be productive on the subway to and from work. By the time I got home... I had listened to the whole CD!! That's it! I was very disappointed, because the content was great, and I wanted to hear more. I neglected to read that this was an "abridged" version of the book. Too bad, it felt like one chapter out of a book rather than the whole book. I got the book for my 3 pregnant girlfriends and they were all really excited to read it (as were some of their husbands). I own the authors' book about how to talk so kids listen and learn, and i think the principles taught are wonderful. I have yet to try them on my future students, but I have secretly tried their techniques on my husband and it seems to work with him :).

An easy way to relate.......2007-07-28

I have a toddler and also teach high school. This book works for both situations! The illustrations support the concepts presented. Everything is so easy to follow. It even works while talking to my husband when I try not to get irritated with him!

Conformity and Conflict: Readings in Cultural Anthropology (12th Edition) (MyAnthroKit Series)

Average customer rating:

Best Anthro Book I've Read
School Book
Excellent collection, a standard in anthro -- and the 12th is DIFFERENT from the11th
Good stuff
Excellent introduction to cultural anthropology!

Conformity and Conflict: Readings in Cultural Anthropology (12th Edition) (MyAnthroKit Series)
James & Spradley , and David W. McCurdy
Manufacturer: Allyn & Bacon
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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ASIN: 0205449700

Customer Reviews:

Best Anthro Book I've Read.......2007-10-06

Definately, this is one of the best Anthropology-oriented books I've read, academically or for pleasure. The fact that it is mostly exerpts from actual ethnographies helps to get points across while still more than keeping my attention.

Well Done

School Book.......2007-04-27

got this book for an anthro class at my University. its basically just a compilation of short stories (3 pages - 10 pages) about case studies in anthro. its an easy read and actually was pretty interesting.

Excellent collection, a standard in anthro -- and the 12th is DIFFERENT from the11th.......2006-04-15

I've used this collection off and on for years in teaching Introduction to Cultural Anthropology. It's a great book, a real standard in anthropology. Honestly, I think the relevance and quality of the essays varies from edition to edition. I liked the 11th more than the 12th. Sometimes a 'favorite' essay gets replaced; and then in the next edition it is returned. Go figure.

I note that sellers of used copies are claiming that the 11th edition is virtually the same as the 12th, that nearly every article is the same. THIS IS NOT TRUE!!!!!!!! I can't tell you how often I have students believe this and buy the 11th edition, then struggle all semester because they don't have the chapters I've assigned. Only someone who has never used the book in class, either as a student or a teacher, would make such an egregiously wrong claim. So, if you're looking for a nice, cheap, used version, make sure that you buy the edition being used in your class. Most teachers will not assign every single chapter in the book; most select 8-12 chapters, and they can well be the chapters that are not in the older edition.

Caveat Emptor ...

Good stuff.......2006-03-20

The book came fast and it was brand new. The book was crisp. It's a soft covered book but it still made that new hard-textbook sound. :0)

Excellent introduction to cultural anthropology!.......2005-05-13

This text was used in my introductory anthropolgy class, and I thoroughly enjoyed the readings. The text includes many case studies of differing cultures without being overly technical. I found this text easy to read, but very thought provoking. Highly recommended!

Average customer rating:

A moderate Palestinian's story
Once Upon a Peace Maker!
A genuine peacemaker and a pleasure and privilege to read
Interesting and enlightening, but ...
The NY SUN sums it up a lot better than the reviewers below.

Once Upon a Country: A Palestinian Life
Sari Nusseibeh , and Anthony David
Manufacturer: Farrar, Straus and Giroux
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover

General | Ethnic & National | Biographies & Memoirs | Subjects | Books

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ASIN: 0374299501
Release Date: 2007-03-29

Book Description

A prominent Palestinian's searching, anguished, deeply affecting autobiography, in which his life story comes to be the story of the recent history of his country.

Sari Nusseibeh’s autobiography is a remarkable book—one in which his dramatic life story and that of his embattled country converge in a work of great passion, depth, and emotional power.

Nusseibeh was raised to represent his country. His family’s roots in Palestine traced back to the Middle Ages, and his father was the governor of Jerusalem. Educated at Oxford, he was trained to build upon his father’s support for coexistence and a negotiated solution to the problems of the region.

But the wars of 1967 and 1973 spelled the beginning of the end for the vision of a unified Palestine—and Nusseibeh’s response to these events, and to those that followed, gives us the recent history from a Palestinian point of view as no book has done. From his time teaching side by side with Israelis at Hebrew University through his appointment by Yassir Arafat to administer Arab Jerusalem, he holds fast to a two-state solution, even as the powers around him insist that it is impossible. As Palestine is torn apart by settlements and barricades, corruption and violence, Nusseibeh remains true to the ideals of his youth, determined to keep hold of some faint hope for the life of his country.

Once Upon a Country is a book with the scope and vitality of an old-fashioned novel—one whose ending is still uncertain.

Customer Reviews:

A moderate Palestinian's story.......2007-08-23

If you want to understand the immense gulf between Israel and Palestine even among moderates, read this book.

Once Upon a Peace Maker!.......2007-08-08

This is a truly important book for anyone wishing to understand fully the Arab / Palestinian - Israeli conflict. It sheds tremendous light on very important events, thus far not fully presented from the Palestinian side, especially that of the non rejectionist Palestinian camp. Sari Nusseibeh is a truly visionary man with tremendous courage and is a highly gifted activist and indeed very clever politician despite his own denials.

I have thoroughly enjoyed, and was often moved by, the first half of the book which dealt with the history of Nusseibeh's family and contained his even handed description of the events leading to 1948 and all the way through the 1967 war and his subsequent return to live in Palestine with his British wife. Nusseibeh's portrayal of the lives of the Palestinians between the wars of 1948 and 1967 was very helpful.

In the second half of the book Nusseibeh hammers in, over and over again, on the tacit unspoken alliance of the extremists on both sides and shows how Israel supported the creation of Hamas as a counter weight to the Fateh and PLO. He coherently and very persuasively presents the thought process that he went through to move from the one state solution to the two state solution and demonstrates very effectively the threats that prolonging the conflict would cause to it.

Nusseibeh was often right at the center of things or at least presents himself as such; we see him as a leading figure in standing up to the Israelis and to the Islamists, we see him as the key engine behind the first intefada, or uprising, and we see him winning the respect and approval of Yasir Arafat. In this, second, half, this book moves from being a truly exceptional account of the personal and family history more into an aggrandizing politician's memoir. This should not reduce nor detract from the tremendous personal sacrifice and commitment Nusseibeh made to his cause.

I have heard of the peace work of Dr. Nusseibeh and read some of his articles and interview for some years and while I admire him more than any other Palestinian public figure, this book troubled me in a number of ways. Unlike the other three Palestinian memoirs, originally written in English, that I have read (Gada Karami, Fay Kenfani & Edward Said) Nusseibeh sought to justify every action he has ever taken, to defend his various historic positions and to settle the scores with those of differing views. Most unlike the other three biographies, the book contained virtually no retrospective sole searching whatsoever and important topics such as his obvious passion and skill for politics vs. his academic eccentric persona were packaged for the purpose rather than thought through. Nusseibeh repeatedly simply presented himself as the reluctant professor, yet left us wondering about his very savvy organizational, political and survival skills. He seemed to know exactly how to deal with wily old Arafat, Hamas, the Israeli intelligence and the various factions of the PLO yet retain the freedom to advance his own agenda as well as build important relationships with Israelis.

The tremendous heights, in which, Nusseibeh holds his father, a former Governor of Jerusalem, ambassador and member of cabinet gives the feeling of an immature biography lacking in the distance to be objective. Indeed the first half of the book contains rework of the some of the father's own unpublished memoirs. Obvious points such as the father's commitment to an idealistic form of pan Arabism, albeit non Bathist and non Nasserist, and Nusseibeh own movement into being Palestinian nationalist, seeing Palestine being in natural alliance with Israel did not cause him to reflect further on the role and thinking of his father. A respectful critique and contrast of the views would have enhanced and not hindered the understanding of his father and need not be disloyal to his memory.

Most grating perhaps is the competitiveness displayed with other Palestinian peace advocates and the various attempts at discrediting them. This was particularly evident in describing the efforts that led to the Geneva Accord, which Nusseibeh referred as the plan by the name of the Israeli negotiator, thus marginalizing the Palestinian partner. At some point Nusseibeh clearly fell out with Hanan Ashrawi and Dr. Barghouti, both articulate advocates of the Palestinian cause and for peace and coexistence with Israel, he made his disdain of them very obvious and has not troubled himself to analyze their positions even in retrospect.

A genuine peacemaker and a pleasure and privilege to read.......2007-07-24

In the Palestinian struggle against an apartheid, territorially hungry (manifest-Zioinst-destiny) Israel, there has been a shortage of local leaders of wisdom, character, and good fortune. This shortage has been partially circumstantial and partially managed by Israel who has been "sowing the wind" for decades by imprisoning moderates and secretly cultivating Islamist extremists. That Nusseibeh has managed to be spared assasination by Israel or others is fortunate for everyone. We may hope that just as modern Israel has risen from the ashes left in the ovens of the shoah, a viable modern Palestine will emerge from the ordeal of Israeli presecution and imprisonment, and Nusseibeh's voice might be revered as both prophetic and instrumental. Otherwise, we might well see a second shoah (of the sort for which, unfortunately, many end-times enthusiasts seem to hanker). We must hope, indeed we should pray, that Nusseibeh's humanitarian good will and good sense are not too late and that his voice, now seemingly crying in the wilderness, will not have been a waste of breath.

Interesting and enlightening, but ..........2007-07-05

Well written history of the Israeli/Palestinian conflict from somewhat of a unique perspective. The author had a very different experience with some of the primary events of the conflict - not up close and personal a la Arafat, but certainly not man-on-the-street. Dr. Nusseibeh has been a broken record set on "peace," but events have conspired to not let his message get across. An interesting look at a mostly unfortunate series of events.

The NY SUN sums it up a lot better than the reviewers below. .......2007-06-17

First off let's start by exposing who Nusseibeh really is:

He's a double-talker. Saying one thing in English and another in Arabic.
* Helped organize the first Palestinian Intifada, 1987-1993
* Seeks the ultimate destruction of Israel
* Supports Palestinian suicide bombings against Jews

He has appeared on Al-Jazeera TV supporting the Palestinian "right of return" and the "stages" strategy towards the eventual annihilation of Israel. This has been Nusseibeh's modus operandi for some time: pursuing a sequence of small, pragmatic steps - each arguably justifiable as purported attempts to mitigate hostilities - but whose ultimate objective is to bring about Israel's destruction.

He does not condone bombings against Jewish civilians, and sees the terrorist attacks and martyrdom operations.

Then there's the complete BS included.. the NYSun covers it well:
In Once Upon a Country: A Palestinian Life, Sari Nusseibeh misses no opportunity to denigrate and delegitimize Israel through sharp, short, often subtle yet always false readings of history.
His text is marred by countless factual errors and inaccuracies that cast a serious doubt on the validity of his personal narrative, not to mention the wider historical and political picture he seeks to paint.
But Mr. Nusseibeh is not someone to be bothered by the facts. His text is marred by countless factual errors and inaccuracies that cast a serious doubt on the validity of his personal narrative, not to mention the wider historical and political picture he seeks to paint.
--The British foreign secretary who made the famous declaration (in November 1917) on "the establishment in Palestine of a national home for the Jewish people" was Mr. Arthur James Balfour, not " Lord Alfred Balfour," and the declaration was made in a letter to Lord Rothschild, not to Chaim Weizmann.
--Lawrence of Arabia had nothing to do with the Anglo-Hashemite correspondence that led to the "Great Arab Revolt" of World War I, and the person with whom the British plotted the revolt was Emir Hussein ibn Ali (later King Hussein of the Hijaz), not his son Emir Faisal (misrepresented by Mr. Nusseibeh as " Sheikh Faisal Hussein").
--Neither did the British ever promise Faisal (or Hussein for that matter) the headship of the Arab kingdom that would be established on the ruins of the Ottoman Empire.
--General Edmund Allenby did not occupy Palestine with his Mule Corps but rather with the powerful Egyptian Expeditionary Force, and the Ottoman potentate Djemal Pasha did not surrender to the British in 1917, as it was only in late September 1918 that Allenby scored his culminating victory, in the Battle of Megiddo.
--Sheik Izz al-din al-Qassam, the Syrian religious fanatic operating in Palestine in the mid-1930s, was not hanged by the British but killed in action.
--The Higher Arab Committee (established in 1936) comprised 10, rather than six, members and Jaffa's Arab population in 1948 didn't amount to 200,000 people, but to about a third of this figure.
--The Dome of the Rock was built by Caliph Abdel Malik ibn Marwan and not Mu'awiya, and Caliph Omar did not capture Jerusalem in 638 C.E. after the bloody conquest of Baghdad and Cairo for the simple reason that both cities were established long after the Muslim capture of Jerusalem. And so on and so forth.
If the Arabs reverted to violence, as they occasionally did, it was invariably the Jews' fault, according to Nusseibeh. The 1929 massacres, for example, in which 133 Jews were slaughtered by their Arab neighbors, and hundreds more were wounded, were but "a nasty backlash among Muslims" to Zionist nationalist aspirations regarding the Wailing Wall; just as Arafat's war of terror was a logical reaction to Ariel Sharon's short stroll along the Temple Mount. But then, why should Muslims act differently when Jews, who have no valid claim to Palestine, let alone to the Wailing Wall - "a most likely candidate for being the wall of a fortress built for Roman legions" - make outrageous demands on this holy Muslim site.

This absurd assertion -- part of a lengthy historical fabrication of Jerusalem's history posted on the homepage of Al-Quds University, an institution headed by Mr. Nusseibeh -- is hardly different from the countless misrepresentations and distortions contained in "Once Upon a Country." It is also congruent with the persistent Palestinian denial of the existence of King Solomon's Temple, and by extension the Jewish millennarian attachment to Jerusalem and the land of Israel. Small wonder that in 2002 he was appointed PLO Commissioner for Jerusalem affairs by Arafat, who in the Camp David summit of September 2000 had told President Clinton that the Temple had been located in Nablus rather than in Jerusalem. To judge by the gist of "Once Upon a Country," Arafat could not have made a better choice.

Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child : Eliminating Conflict by Establishing Clear, Firm, and Respectful Boundaries

Average customer rating:

A Quick and Ezcellent Read!
Setting Limits - Saved my relationships with my Kids and Husband!
Better books out there
Best parenting book I've ever read!!
Great Book

Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child : Eliminating Conflict by Establishing Clear, Firm, and Respectful Boundaries
Robert J. MacKenzie Ed.D.
Manufacturer: Three Rivers Press
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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ASIN: 0761521364
Release Date: 2001-01-25

Book Description

Now You Can Effectively Parent Your Strong-Willed Child
Does your child constantly misbehave and ignore or refuse your requests for proper behavior? Is your relationship with your child based on conflict instead of mutual respect and cooperation? With the help of this groundbreaking book, you can create a positive, respectful, and rewarding relationship with your child.
Inside are proven techniques and procedures that provide a refreshing alternative to the ineffective extremes of punishment and permissiveness. Parents and teachers alike will discover how to effectively motivate the strong-willed child and achieve proper conduct. You will learn how to:
·Understand and empathize without giving in
·Hold your ground without threatening
·Remove daily power struggles between you and your child
·Give clear, firm messages that your child understands and respects
·And much more!
"Eminently useful and readable! This book should be a part of every parent's and school's reference library." —Judy E. Hunt-Brown, principal, Elk Grove Unified School District
"A grand book that teaches everybody in the family new skills and encourages more peaceful, socially acceptable lives at home, school, in the office, or in any social group." —Barbara O'Donnell, principal, St. Francis Elementary School
"A highly recommended eye-opener; beautifully documented." —Stewart E. Teal, M.D., clinical professor of child psychiatry, University of California, Davis

Customer Reviews:

A Quick and Ezcellent Read!.......2007-10-03

I hate that I saw myself, as a parent, portrayed in the Ineffective Action & Soft Limits categories. I started to recognise behaviors in myself that needed addressing and what success! Thank you Dr. MacKenzie from my whole family!

Setting Limits - Saved my relationships with my Kids and Husband!.......2007-09-24

I can't express how important this book has been in our family. I still return to it every now and then - it's great to re-group and re-learn its lessons. This book gave my husband and I the power to deal with our strong-willed child, and even our more compliant child - together, consistently, fairly, and sanely.

Better books out there.......2007-09-13

This book is based on the ideas in Positive Discipline. There is practically nothing new, except the idea that a spirited child will test your limits again and again, so you have to be even more consistent. There! Now that you know that, just get the Positive Discipline, which is excellent. It describes the background of the method, specific approaches, gives you ideas for all ages. "Setting Limits", btw, is much harder to adapt to a toddler. The writing is leaves something to be desired as well.

Best parenting book I've ever read!!.......2007-09-11

Dr. MacKenzie is a God-send! The techniques in this book are helping to complete transform my relationship with my strong-willed 7 year old (who also has ADHD!). After all the years of being worn down by power struggles and tantrums, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my back. This book is well-written, a quick read, and TOTALLY PRACTICAL. If you have a challenging strong-willed child, there is no other book or advice that will help you more. You will QUICKLY begin to have a calm, cooperative, tension-free home!!

Great Book.......2007-09-10

I found this book extremely helpful and full of wisdom. I am so glad a friend recommended it and I have already recommended it to moms who may or may not even have a strong willed child. Great help for parents.

Supreme Conflict: The Inside Story of the Struggle for Control of the United States Supreme Court

Average customer rating:

A terrible disappointment...
In A Class By Itself
Decent book for non-lawyers
Fascinating
Valuable Insights but Lacking on the So-Called "Liberals"

Supreme Conflict: The Inside Story of the Struggle for Control of the United States Supreme Court
Jan Crawford Greenburg
Manufacturer: Penguin Press HC, The
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover

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ASIN: 1594201013
Release Date: 2007-01-23

Amazon.com

With its closed chambers and formal language, the Supreme Court tends to deflect drama away from its vastly powerful proceedings. But its mysteries hold plenty of intrigue for anyone with the access to uncover them. In Supreme Conflict, Jan Crawford Greenburg has that access, and then some. With high-placed sourcing that would make Bob Woodward proud, she tells the story of the Court's recent decades and of the often-thwarted attempts by three conservative presidents to remake the Court in their image. Among the revelations are the surprising influence of the most-maligned justice, Clarence Thomas, and the political impact of personal relations among these nine very human colleagues-for-life. Written for everyday readers rather than legal scholars, her account sidesteps theoretical subtleties for a compelling story of the personalities who breathe life into our laws. --Tom Nissley

Crawford graduated from the University of Chicago Law School, and was a legal affairs reporter for the Chicago Tribune and Supreme Court correspondent for PBS's NewsHour before becoming the legal correspondent for ABC News. We had the chance to ask her a few questions about Supreme Conflict:

Questions for Jan Crawford Greenburg

Jan Crawford Greenburg Amazon.com: How hard was it to get the access to justices and clerks that you had for this book? Does the culture of the Court promote that kind of openness about their deliberations?

Jan Crawford Greenburg: Hard! And let me tell you it took some time--they weren't flinging open the doors of their chambers for the first few years I was covering the Court. It takes awhile to build relationships and trust, and I was fortunate enough to do that during the dozen years I've been covering the Supreme Court. As for openness, I think the culture of the Court instead promotes anonymity and privacy. The justices aren't like the people across the street in Congress, or down Pennsylvania Avenue in the White House. They don't hold press conferences or solicit media coverage of their views. They speak through their opinions. I was fortunate that they also chose to speak with me for this important book about the direction of the Supreme Court and its role in our lives.

Amazon.com: Harry Blackmun's notes must be a treasure chest for Court historians. Could you describe what you found there?

Greenburg: A treasure chest is an understatement. Harry Blackmun took extraordinarily detailed notes--almost breathtaking in their scope and level of detail. (He would even write down what lawyers were wearing when they'd appear in Court to argue a case.) He recorded the justices' comments during their private conferences--when they discuss cases--and he took down their votes. And he kept all the key memos and letters that the justices would send back and forth when they were discussing a case. It was a tremendous window into the Court's inner sanctum, during some of the most pivotal years for the institution.

Amazon.com: One of the biggest revelations of your book is your characterization of Clarence Thomas as far more influential, even in his first year on the Court, than he's usually given credit for. Could you describe what his role on the Court has been?

Greenburg: Clarence Thomas has been the most maligned justice in modern history--and also the most misunderstood and mischaracterized. I found conclusive evidence that far from being Antonin Scalia's intellectual understudy, Thomas has had a substantial role in shaping the direction of the Court--from his very first week on the bench. The early storyline on Thomas was that he was just following Scalia's direction, or as one columnist at the time wrote, "Thomas Walks in Scalia's Shoes." That is patently false, as the documents and notes in the Blackmun papers unquestionably show. If any justice was changing his vote to join the other that first year, it was Scalia joining Thomas, not the other way around. But his clear and forceful views affected the Court in unexpected ways. Although he shored up conservative positions, his opinions also caused moderate Justice Sandra Day O'Connor to back away and join the justices on the Left.

Amazon.com: Not every Supreme Court confirmation is a battle, even when the Senate and the President are from different parties. What separates the candidates who sail through from the ones who get put through the wringer?

Greenburg: The recent appointment of Samuel Alito shows a justice with a clearly conservative record can get confirmed--and even pick up some votes from Democrats. Maybe the secret is developing a reputation as a fair and nonpartisan judge on a federal appeals court. At his hearings, liberal and conservative judges who had worked with him on the appeals court testified in his behalf, as did his law clerks--some of whom were self-identified liberals. Alito was the conservative counterpart to Clinton nominee Ruth Bader Ginsburg. She had been an outspoken advocate for liberal causes (including the ACLU), but she'd developed a reputation as a fair and thoughtful judge on the federal appeals court, garnering respect from both sides.

Amazon.com: How much do Americans know about how their federal courts work? What should they know?

Greenburg: Most Americans, understandably, think about trials and drama when the issue of the courts is raised. But the appeals courts--and the Supreme Court--remain mysterious, even though those courts have an enormous impact on American life. The judiciary is one of the three branches of government, but its decisions take on outsized importance at times. It can provide a vital check against abuse of individual rights by government--but it also can usurp the role of the people when it reaches out and takes on issues that more appropriately belong in the purview of the other branches.

Amazon.com: Even though you show how our expectations for where new members will take the Court are so often wrong, I'll ask you anyway: What do you expect in the next few years from the Roberts Court?

Greenburg: To be more conservative than the one led by Chief Justice William Rehnquist. John Roberts himself is a solid judicial conservative who believes the Court has too often taken on issues that belong in the realm of elected legislatures. He is advocating a more restrained approach, with greater consensus among the justices. In addition, Justice Alito replaced key swing-voter Sandra Day O'Connor, the Court's first female justice. O'Connor's vote often carried the day on the closely divided Court--and she typically sided with liberals on social issues like abortion, affirmative action, and religion. Alito is more conservative, and I expect to see the Court turn to the right on those and other issues.

Book Description

Drawing on unprecedented access to the Supreme Court justices and their inner circles, acclaimed ABC News legal correspondent Jan Crawford Greenburg offers an explosive, newsbreaking account of one of the most momentous political watersheds in recent American history.

Over the past decade, the central front of America's bitter culture wars has been the titanic battle over the composition and direction of the United States Supreme Court. During that period, no journalist has been closer to the action on the ground-the ideas, the politics, the personalities, the gamesmanship-than ABC News correspondent Jan Crawford Greenburg. Now, in Supreme Conflict, Greenburg draws on all of her formidable reportorial resources to give a brilliant, vivid, astonishingly unvarnished account of the struggle for the soul of the highest court in the land.

Greenburg picks up the plot with the Rehnquist Court, which, despite having seven Republican nominees, proved deeply disappointing to conservatives hoping to reverse decades of progressive rulings on key social issues. She reveals for the first time the real story behind a series of failed Republican nominations that enraged the American conservative movement and left it seething with frustration and resolve not to squander future opportunities. Enter: George W. Bush and the setting of the stage for a full-blown conservative counterrevolution. Supreme Conflict contains entirely fresh perspectives across the entire sweep of its story, from the conservative movement's early fumbles with the nominations of justices Anthony Kennedy and David Souter to its crowning successes with the appointments of justices Roberts and Alito. The book breaks news in its revelations about the effect of Chief Justice Rehnquist's illness on the process; on the truth behind Harriet Miers's disastrous nomination and how it was really scuttled; and on how decades of bruising battles led to the triumph of the conservative agenda with the appointment of two of its leading judicial exponents. Through the entire dramatic story, rich in character and conflict, Greenburg never loses sight of the gargantuan stakes in this struggle, the opposing ideological agendas at play.

The story Jan Crawford Greenburg tells is that of the fulcrum event of our time, the massive coordinated campaign to move the Supreme Court in a very different direction, to a more limited and restrictive role in American government. A masterpiece of old-fashioned gumshoe reportage, rich storytelling, and penetrating analysis, Supreme Conflict will be the definitive account of the most consequential shift in the use of American judicial power in almost one hundred years.

Customer Reviews:

A terrible disappointment..........2007-10-08

I thought, considering the book's title and that this reporter touted her access to nine justices, that this would detail the inner dynamics and interpersonal relationships of the justices and their clerks, like The Brethren. Instead, it was a laborious and too-detailed factual account of process the Executive and Legislative Branches used to select this court.

I see strong bias on the part of the author, who as a reporter, hopes to keep "inside access." She veritably fawns over Alito, in an effort to ingratiate herself with him and his family while, in contrast, she trashes the reclusive Souter, and the presumably uncooperative Kennedy.

Only 20% of this book was worthwhile reading.

In A Class By Itself.......2007-09-30

In all respects -- writing, research, organization, balance -- this is the best book on the Supreme Court. To be sure, there'll be other (and perhaps better) books written on this always fascinating institution. For now, however, it positively towers over its competition. I've read (and enjoyed) them all -- Woodward/Armstrong's, Toobin's, Rosen's -- but Jan Crawford Greenburg's "Supreme Conflict" is, to reiterate my title, in a class by itself.

Highly recommended.

Decent book for non-lawyers.......2007-09-27

Most legal reporting in the mainstream media stinks. Either non-lawyers miss the point of cases, or lawyers fail to translate that point to a level where the average person can understand. "Supreme Conflict" is an exception. This book focuses more on the personalities and dynamics of the justices, and on the nomination and selection process, than on particular cases. The tales of how certain people are selected for the Court, and how they mesh with the other justices once they have arrived, are interesting glimpses into a world rarely seen by outsiders. Some reviewers point out, rightly, that "Supreme Conflict" does not hash out particular cases in detail. But that's not the kind of book this is.

Other reviewers contend "Supreme Conflict" is too sympathetic to the right. That leaves me scratching my head, given the account of how Bush Jr. picked Harriet Miers as a nominee. True to form, Bush Jr. got some kind of gut feeling and couldn't be talked out of it by reason, and you see what that got him. We also see the mechanism of how the great right-wing spin machine is deployed for, or against, particular nominees. None of this is particularly flattering for Republicans.

This is a good companion to "The Brethren," by Bob Woodward, a similarly-good popular level book about the Supreme Court of an earlier era. Most libraries will have this book, and it is worth checking out if you're interested in the Supreme Court but not so interested as to add "Supreme Conflict" to your permanent collection.

Fascinating.......2007-09-06

Do not start reading this book if you have to go to work or to school the next day. I read it in two evenings because it was so interesting.

Greenburg is to be congratulated for getting interviews with so many of the judges and for doing so much research and confirmation. The interest builds, and the final chapters on the Roberts, Miers, and Alito nominations are riveting, even though we know the final outcome. But what we didn't know is all the behind the scenes work.

I think Greenburg was fair to the justices and to those in the White House involved in the nomination process. She tells what they did well and what they did poorly. And some of the mistakes were monumental (Bush believing Sununu when he said that Souter was a conservative, for instance). Just from reading the book, it would be difficult to guess Greenburg's own political leanings.

Many things are surprising in this book. Justice O'Connor did not really know much about constitutional law when nominated. Clarence Thomas influenced Scalia's vote more than vice-versa during the first term. And liberal Democrats, more than anyone else, are responsible for Roberts and especially Alito, two conservative white males, being on the court.

Valuable Insights but Lacking on the So-Called "Liberals".......2007-08-09

I don't know who Greenburg's sources are, but this is a highly readable "behind the scenes" account of the political maneuvers that have influenced the selection of U.S. Supreme Court Justices from Reagan's appointees through the present. Her insights on Kennedy's jurisprudence and on O'Connor's, Roberts's, and Alito's confirmation hearings are particularly illuminating.

Greenburg is on less stable ground when it comes to the so-called "liberals." Only one chapter is devoted to Clinton's appointees, Ginsburg and Breyer, even though their selection can be seen as relative triumphs for the liberal to moderate vote that rejects the kind of judicial activism that radical conservatives like Scalia and Thomas uphold (and which Roberts and Alito tacitly support, unfortunately).

Greenburg also constantly reminds us that George H.W. Bush's appointment of David Souter is seen by many conservatives as one of the "biggest political blunders" by a Republican president in the twentieth century. While that may be true, among conservatives, I would have liked Greenburg to analyze Souter's appointment and subsequent rulings more even-handedly. Souter, in fact, is a traditional New England Republican who doesn't believe in legislating religious and moral issues from the bench. In my estimation, it's not that Souter is or became "liberal" but rather that the Court has become, under Rehnquist and now under Roberts, especially conservative, even radically so.

Still, Greenburg's book is a great survey of recent Supreme Court history and necessary reading for anyone who continues to deny the influence of politics on the shaping of law in this country.

The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond

Average customer rating:

What a horrible piece of bitterness
Finally
Relationship analysis
This Book Saved My Life....
Helpful advice on protecting yourself from verbal abuse

The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond
Patricia Evans
Manufacturer: Adams Media Corporation
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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ASIN: 1558505822

Amazon.com

Are you now, or have you ever been, in relationships with family, friends, or mates who have been verbally abusive? Is your happiness with someone you love continually threatened by interactions that continually undermine your self-esteem? Do you feel trapped in a relationship that keeps decaying in a downward spiral of overt or passive-aggressive abuse?

If so, this book could be your life raft, either carrying you toward repair of the existing relationship or the effects of past relationships or offering liberation from your current confusion. Its practical approach can help clear your head and possibly change your life. The only criticism that I and other readers have is that the author assumes verbal abuse is almost always directed by males toward females, which, in my experience and that of others I know, is not necessarily the case. Highly Recommended.

Book Description

If you or someone you know answers "yes" to one or more of the following questions, this book is required reading:

Does your partner seem irritated or angry at you several times a week?
Does he deny being angry when he clearly is?
Do your attempts to discuss feelings of pain or emotional distress leave you with the feeling that the issue has not been resolved?
Do you frequently feel perplexed and frustrated by his responses, as though you were each speaking a different language?

Almost everyone has heard of or knows someone who is part of a verbally abusive relationship-if they're not involved in one themselves. In The Verbally Abusive Relationship, you'll find validation and understanding-it's "not all in your head"-and encouragement for your efforts to change the situation. In this expanded second edition, author Patricia Evans explores the damaging effects of verbal abuse on children and the family, and offers valuable insight and recommendations to therapists, as well as those who seek therapeutic support.

Customer Reviews:

What a horrible piece of bitterness.......2007-09-22

I read this entire book at my wife's request - but the book was thrown against the wall more than once. I guess if you listen to this pompous and self-righteous author, that makes me an abuser. Of course, her main point was that if I am a man, I am an abuser. You could hear the bitterness of her probably coming from a bad relationship.

Of course women love this book. According to his author, a women is not responsible for her own happiness, her husband is. You don't have to get very far into the book to see her ridiculous list of things that identify an abusive husband - she's not happy, she doesn't feel understood, she is confused, her husband gets angry, her husband doesn't tell her his feelings, her husband tells her his feelings.

Then you go on to some more indicators. What "red flags" should a woman look for to call her husband an abuser? If he brings her gifts, if he takes her to a nice restaraunt, if he says he loves her, if he doesn't understand her, if she doesn't understand him, if he talks to her, if he doesn't talk to her, if he asks her if everything is OK, if he pays too much attention to her, if he doesn't pay enough attention to her.

Then this author goes on with the feel-good psycho-babble. If you feel it - it is true. Do you feel alone - you have been abandoned. Do you feel sad - you are abused. Do you feel like you don't understand your husband - you are being deceived.

How did she get the information for this book? By talking to women - only women. Not one single man. She didn't determine if what the woman was telling her was accurate or a complete fictional account. Why wouldn't she talk to men? Because we're all abusers - why would she waste her time talking to any of us. This bitter lady is a certified man-hater and it appears to be her goal in life to break up as many marriages as possible.

She offers about 3 pages on how to keep a relationship together - but not before telling the woman that the only real solution is to leave your husband if he is an abuser - and we're all abusers. She goes on and on about how there is almost no chance whatsoever salvaging a marriage, so you might as well divorce your husband and live alone for the rest of your life.

This is a horrible hate-filled book and it saddens me how many marriages this bitter woman will destroy.

Finally.......2007-09-11

My daughter said, "How does one study verbal abuse? The abuser denies it". So, this book is soooo helpful in describing the situation. Finally, someone understands! The author puts into words experiences so many have, yet cannot share. Not being able to share and be understood is a prison to the soul. The author also has some answers, and I'm sure more will come, even from the reader! If you think you're crazy, the "only one" who is unable to relate to your spouse, or a failure as a woman/spouse, a must read!

Relationship analysis.......2007-08-30

This book is very "text bookish" and I feel it would be beneficial to have written this book as more of a story line and not so much repetition. I was hopefull that Patricia could have focused more on the "abuser" becoming less abusive and more cooperative with his mate. I do like the short questionares she recommends to take to determine an abusive status in a relationship. There is truely much to gain by this book, but I feel a more personable approach would have been better.

This Book Saved My Life...........2007-08-12

With friends and family trying to convince me to stay with my husband...because he was the life of the party, so sweet and kind to them, and because I would be homeless and penniless if I left...
This book saved my life. I went from a "full-of-life" woman to a weak and depressed shell-of-a-person. I was so sad and exhausted from his verbal abuse that I didn't want to go on living.
So here I am, homeless and penniless..with nothing but the clothes on my back and Patrica's book under my arm. At least I know I am not crazy and that I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.
With all my heart...thank you.

Helpful advice on protecting yourself from verbal abuse.......2007-08-10

Verbal abuse might not be as visible as physical abuse, but it can be just as damaging. What makes this type of abuse so insidious is that the victim blames herself, further weakening her self-esteem, instead of placing the responsibility firmly where it belongs - on the abuser. Patricia Evans unmasks verbal abuse in all its hurtful guises, from the most obvious such as yelling and name-calling, to the covert manipulations of sabotage, double-speak and denial. Evans bases her insights and conclusions on extensive research. She uses real-life situations and dialogue to shed light on this dark, destructive ailment - though she sometimes can be repetitive and unnecessarily complex. Her in-depth analysis of the dynamics of verbal abuse may be more suited to therapists and researchers than to victims seeking coping advice. Evans would be the first to say that if you are in imminent danger, get professional help or a cop. We recommend her book to anyone who might be in a verbally abusive relationship or who cares about someone who is. Therapists and counselors will also benefit from this well-researched thesis.

Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too

Average customer rating:

The best parenting book I've ever encountered
Simplistic
Really helped me with the toddler years
i recomend it warmly
Great

Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too
Adele Faber , and Elaine Mazlish
Manufacturer: Collins
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

Siblings | Family Relationships | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books

General | Parenting | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books

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How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child : Eliminating Conflict by Establishing Clear, Firm, and Respectful Boundaries
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Accessories:

Health o Meter HDC100-01 "Grow with Me" Teddy Bear Scale for Babies and Toddlers
Braun IRT 4020 ThermoScan Ear Thermometer

ASIN: 0380799006
Release Date: 2004-12-14

Amazon.com

With a title like this, it's no surprise that authors Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish had a monster bestseller on their hands when the book first appeared in 1988. From the subsequent deluge of readers' stories, questions, and issues, they have created nearly 50 pages of new material for this, the 10th anniversary edition. The central message remains the same, and sounds almost too simple: avoid comparisons. But parents know that's easier said than done. The value of Faber and Mazlish's discussions is precisely that they talk you through umpteen different situations and outcomes to help you teach your brawling offspring a new set of responses. The highly informative text is punctuated with helpful summary/reminder boxes and cartoons illustrating key points. It's a must-read for parents with (or planning on) multiple children. But parents of young children who get along fine (so far) should read it too--as the authors make very clear, rivalry is inevitable. The only question is how to manage the rivalry with intelligence and compassion, and on that subject they offer a wealth of good advice. --Richard Farr

Book Description

When parenting authorities Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish sat down to write the national bestseller How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, they found that they couldn't contain their chapter on sibling rivalry.No matter how much they tried to pare down their advice, they found the subject inexhaustible -- and their readers agreed!

The result is this seminal book -- revised and updated after more than ten years of feedback from parents' letters, TV and radio talk shows, and Faber and Mazlish's highly successful parenting workshops. Siblings Without Rivalry guides the way to family peace and tranquillity with humor and compassion for both parents and children. Illustrated, action-oriented, and easy to understand, it's packed with sensitive yet sensible ways to turn quarreling siblings and frustrated parents into an open, communicative family.

Customer Reviews:

The best parenting book I've ever encountered.......2007-09-13

This book reads like a novel. I literally could not put it down, staying up way past my bed time and paying the price the next day. It describes a multi-week workshop that the author held. Each week there are stories from the parents, ideas from the lecturer, questions, problems, hearts being poured out, family stories, including the tales of the adults (now parents) who survived difficult sibling situations. You get to know some of the people in the workshop, and you live through the ups and downs of applying workshop ideas to their families. You want things to end well and you wait with abated breath for what happens next.

On top of that, the ideas are eye-opening, life-changing and at the same time so obvious! Like, how could I fail to see that?!

Never have I encountered such an excellent read in parenting books, nor, come to think of it, any non-fiction that comes to mind. Just don't start reading it at night! You could be a very cranky mommy in the morning!

Simplistic.......2007-08-30

This book, proposing to teach parents how to raise siblings who don't hate each other and whose adult lives aren't still ruled by childish pain, contains a few gems. I will keep from it several bits of insight as I raise my two kids.

However, I found much of this book far too simplistic. I was turned off by the pages of cartoons that seemed to imply that with one simple phrase from mom or dad, kids would stop fighting and get along. I also found the constant description of the workshop to be distracting and contrived, like the authors were unable to put together a book that answered all of the necessary questions about their methods without having these disembodied voices posing the necessary questions. In creating these voices, too, it seemed it was always the disgruntled man who opposed and questioned everything these enlightened women had to say. The whole writing style struck me as unprofessional.

Overall, this book was decent for skimming, and it left me with a couple of ideas to ponder, but it didn't succeed in dramatically changing my parenting style, and I don't feel like it will end the sibling rivalry in our household. My search for peace continues.

Really helped me with the toddler years.......2007-08-13

I have 3 children 3 & under and this book really helped me to understand why my children were acting the way they were and gave great insight on ways to help.

What was most helpful was the examples and questions in the first couple of chapters. It was also helpful to understand that children do have strong emotions and need a way to express them.

I read this book at the same time as Kids, Parents and power struggles and they seemed to work together.

i recomend it warmly.......2007-07-29

great book!
i wish it was more easy to put it to practice, but that is not the fault of the authours.

Great.......2007-05-11

This book is just great. It is essencial in your life if you have two or more kids.

Showing Our True Colors (True Success Book)

Average customer rating:

Awesome Book!!!!!!!!!!
Showing Our True Colors
Color Me Satisfied
Life-long Learning!
Easy-to-Use Reference Guide

Showing Our True Colors (True Success Book)
Mary Miscisin
Manufacturer: True Colors
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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Accessories:

Health o Meter HDC100-01 "Grow with Me" Teddy Bear Scale for Babies and Toddlers
Braun IRT 4020 ThermoScan Ear Thermometer

ASIN: 1893320235

Book Description

Playfully illustrated, this fun, easy guide for identifying personality styles provides insights as to why people behave as they do. Based on Don Lowry's True ColorsÒ model, you will discover tips for understanding, appreciating and relating to each style. Lighthearted anecdotes convey concepts in “real life” situations, offering immediately useful methods for resolving conflicts, opening lines of communication, and enhancing personal effectiveness. Convenient reference lists and a set of color character cards are included for easy determination of your True Colors spectrum. The end result is a celebration of the uniqueness in yourself and others.

Customer Reviews:

Awesome Book!!!!!!!!!!.......2006-11-05

True Colors is a true way to learn how to communicate and learn how to deal with other people. Being the Blue personality that I am, I have learned how to read other colors. I have learned how to deal with strong Gold personalities. Every boss and/or organizer should pick up this book to learn how to deal with the people they work with. It will make life so much easier. Buy this book today!!!!!!!!!!!!

Showing Our True Colors.......2005-03-05

Mary Miscisin's book was outstanding! It was a fun and easy read, yet full of informative and interesting ideas about people and how and why they act the way they do. Having been an educator for many years, this is THE book I could have used long ago to better interact with my students and their parents. The book's content makes easy what Myers-Briggs tries to do. I would recommend it to anyone who has a desire to deal more effectively with children or adults.

Color Me Satisfied.......2005-03-04

Easy to read, full of wisdom. I never could figure out how to use Myers-Briggs. I can use this everyday with everyone I meet. Useful for all ages, both sexes. Entertaining presentation helps emphasize a language of Colors that is non-threatening, non-emotional, and constructively wonderful

Life-long Learning!.......2005-03-04

As an educator with 30 years experience in the classroom and in coaching, I wish I could have read Mary Miscisin's book 30 years ago! I would have been a much better teacher and coach because I would have had a much better understanding of my students and athletes and how to more effectively communicate with them based on their colors. I couldn't put the book down because I kept meeting past students as well as people I know now represented in Miscisin's creative and stimulating examples. "Showing Our True Colors" was so challenging and packed with information, yet so simple to understand and implement. Every parent, teacher, and coach ought to read the book. It is a must for couples and anyone who wants to communicate more effectively. Where was this book when I needed it? Oh, yeah, I still do need it today. Thanks Mary!

Easy-to-Use Reference Guide.......2004-11-16

Miscisin and company do an excellent job of taking a complex topic, stripped it of the "psycho-babble" that can turn you off (or at least give you a headache) and presented it in a fun, easy to use guide on different styles. As a Human Resources professional. As a person who just wants to know more about me and those with whom I interact, it's been of phenomenal help. Most helpful is the section on "when colors fade". It has provided insight into how to manage and assist people who are in the middle of burnout and are heading downhill personally and professionally. Read it because it is interesting and informative. Hang on to it because it is because you'll keep referring to it.

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