The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse

Book Description

Dr. Larry Crabb calls this book ""the most profoundly helpful book about childhood sexual abuse."" Now includes information about false memory issues.

Customer Reviews:

This book breathed life back into my soul!.......2007-09-25

At the time I read this book I was struggling with alot of guilt, shame and self-disqust. I was in bondage to a great deal of baggage from a 10 year abusive marriage. Through his book, Dr. Allender brought me through the bittersweet process of repentence and forgiveness. Dr Allender is truly insightful and divinely aware of the pain that lingers in "The Wounded Heart". He has given me the hope and confidence to know who I really am and why I am here. My tradgedies have been turned into blessings for myself as well as those around me! A must read for anyone who is struggling with an abusive past!
Sally H Taylor Childrens Book Author & Illustrator

Very informative and helpful.......2007-09-24

I am an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse. This book was recommended to me by a Christian counselor and I am glad that I read it. It is very informative and helpful. I have been able to understand more about myself and my life and why I am who I am because of the explanations provided. The author seems to really understand. I can't believe that he knows so much about the inner workings of the heart of a victim like he seems to. I recommend that the loved ones of abuse victims read this book as well. It will be very beneficial in them knowing how to approach and deal with those victims in their lives.

AL SARNO, LPC, BCPC.......2007-07-02

I have recommended this book for years. Clients and friends who have read it all say that it has helped them and their spouses significantly! thx, al

Powerful, tender, transforming.......2007-07-01

"The Wounded Heart" is one of the most powerful, life-changing books I have ever had the privilege to read. I was deeply moved, and wonderfully challenged, while reading it. Allender goes so much deeper than the usual Christian platitudes on the subject of sexual abuse. His writing style is passionate, tender, with a tremendous grasp of rich vocabulary that will leave you saying, "Yes! That's EXACTLY what I have been feeling." He offers far better help to the victim than the usual simplistic "forgive and forget" which so many well-meaning people offer. There is much more to the process of healing....but the healing can be so much richer, deeper, and pervasive than most people expect to enjoy.

If you have been abused, you do not have to feel the shame that your abuser wants you to feel. You are the VICTIM and you did nothing wrong! Your abuser knew exactly what they were doing. But God weeps with you and wants you to know a freedom far greater than you can imagine!

This book will touch your soul in a precious and gentle way. It will draw you closer to God and help you understand why you are the way you are. I definitely recommend "The Wounded Heart" to anyone -- victim, friend, loved one, spouse. You will find hope, help, understanding, wholeness, and joy. In the Bible, God promises to "restore the years that the locusts have eaten." The truth really will set you free!

AWESOME.......2007-03-15

The book is awesome and the workbook gets you to go one step farther. Yet I believe that everyone has to be in that time and space to deal with this issue, if you are the book and this work book and getting professional help from some one who knows what they are doing makes a world a difference!

Average customer rating:

A book that makes you think...
Great in the end
Bravo! Monica!
Loved, loved, loved this book...
Misses the mark in making (too) light of heavy stuff

Driving with Dead People
Monica Holloway
Manufacturer: Simon Spotlight Entertainment
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover

Authors | Arts & Literature | Biographies & Memoirs | Subjects | Books

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Memoirs | Biographies & Memoirs | Subjects | Books
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Dark at the Roots: A Memoir
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If I Am Missing or Dead: A Sister's Story of Love, Murder, and Liberation

ASIN: 1416940022

Book Description

Small wonder that, at nine years old, Monica Holloway develops a fascination with the local funeral home. With a father who drives his Ford pickup with a Kodak movie camera sitting shotgun just in case he sees an accident, and whose home movies feature more footage of disasters than of his children, Monica is primed to become a morbid child.

Yet in spite of her father's bouts of violence and abuse, her mother's selfishness and prim denial, and her siblings' personal battles and betrayals, Monica never succumbs to despair. Instead, she forges her own way, thriving at school and becoming fast friends with Julie Kilner, whose father is the town mortician.

She and Julie prefer the casket showroom, where they take turns lying in their favorite coffins, to the parks and grassy backyards in her hometown of Elk Grove, Ohio. In time, Monica and Julie get a job driving the company hearse to pick up bodies at the airport, yet even Monica's growing independence can't protect her from her parents' irresponsibility, and from the feeling that she simply does not deserve to be safe. Little does she know, as she finally strikes out on her own, that her parents' biggest betrayal has yet to be revealed.

Throughout this remarkable memoir of her dysfunctional, eccentric, and wholly unforgettable family, Monica Holloway's prose shines with humor, clear-eyed grace, and an uncommon sense of resilience. Driving with Dead People is an extraordinary real-life tale with a wonderfully observant and resourceful heroine.

Customer Reviews:

A book that makes you think..........2007-07-02

Being from Monica's hometown, I initially wanted to read the book for fun- to read stories about our town and the people in it. What I didn't bargain for was the amount of self-reflection it perpetuated. Not only is it true that it is one of those books you can't put down (I finished it in just two days) but it is one of those books that you'll be thinking about for weeks after you are finished reading it.

Great in the end.......2007-07-02

When I was reading this book, I kept wondering where it was going. I kept having flashbacks of the Glass Castle. I liked the first half but then got kinda bored with Monica's schooling and when she went to CA and I was wondering what is the point because it didn't really seem to be going anywhere. But then when her sister became depressed, it really got interesting. The way the author writes about what happened in her family is profound. I really felt for her and her sister Joann. I hated the parents so much that I wanted to kill them!! These girls have been through so much and I truly felt their emotions at the end of this novel. I think Monica is a great writer and my heart goes out to her.

Bravo! Monica!.......2007-06-26

Bravo, Monica! Superb writing! It was difficult to put it down. You are a gifted writer. I am so sorry that when you passed through my life "back in the day," I had no sense of where you came from. Blessings! Blessings! Keep on writing! You have a gift.

Loved, loved, loved this book..........2007-06-12

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. The author manages to make you both laugh and cry...sometimes within one sentence. I hope to read more by this very talented author.

Misses the mark in making (too) light of heavy stuff.......2007-05-26

Holloway's attempt to put a funny spin on an unfunny, abusive childhood in her memoir, more appropriately titled, "Transporting Cadavers," is unsuccessful. A vaguely cruel father, an under-supportive mother, distant sisters and an addict brother round out the cast of her dysfunctional family. Having experienced her father's meanness regularly in her youth, she inexplicably chooses to nurture a relationship with him in adulthood, until a depressed sister shares her recollections of his earlier inappropriate behavior. When confronted, he makes a seemingly damning statement, after which she ends further contact. The third sister is maligned for her unwillingness to jump on the bandwagon. Then there is the inclusion of a dream involving her father and sister while in a church, over the top and adding nothing to the plot. Additionally, the contention that the intent of a bedtime routine of her mothers was meant to "prep" the sisters for abuse is a tough sell. Driving with Dead People is a mediocre memoir. Many times better: Jeannette Walls' The Glass Castle, Dominika Dery's The Twelve Little Cakes, David Sedaris' Me Talk Pretty Some Day and Meredith Hall's Without a Map.

The Emotional Incest Syndrome: What to do When a Parent's Love Rules Your Life

Average customer rating:

Very Insightful Reading
Invaluable
Good Insights - Not enopugh practical advice
The right level of detail and advice
Emotional and REAL!

The Emotional Incest Syndrome: What to do When a Parent's Love Rules Your Life
Patricia Dr Love
Manufacturer: Bantam
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

General | Self-Help | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books

General | Psychology & Counseling | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books

General | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books

Family Health | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books

Dysfunctional Relationships | Family Relationships | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books
Similar Items:

Silently Seduced: When Parents Make their Children Partners - Understanding Covert Incest
Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You
Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting over Narcissistic Parents
If You Had Controlling Parents: How to Make Peace with Your Past and Take Your Place in the World

ASIN: 055335275X
Release Date: 1991-02-01

Customer Reviews:

Very Insightful Reading.......2007-06-13

I purchased this book because of another family member (not immediate) experiencing serious issues with her parents, as well as a close friend of mine trying to break free from a very emotionally dependent parent. The book clearly spells out the kinds of problems children endure because of emotionally dependent parents and gives great advice on how to break and stay free. It is very insighful reading because it is written by someone who has been there and lived that. I highly reccomend it.

Invaluable.......2006-08-30

Everyone should read this book. There is so much information in it about how healthy families behave that it would be useful even for those who have not been subject to an extremely close relationship with a parent.

Don't be put off by the title. "Emotional Incest" sounds strong and you might be tempted to believe that it doesn't apply to you. Read the back cover and decide for yourself.

Good Insights - Not enopugh practical advice.......2005-08-21

Good insights into the nature of emotional incest. Well written. Definitely worth a read, but falls short on advice as to WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT.

The right level of detail and advice.......2005-07-21

I found this book to be a good compromise between scientific explanation and practical advice. I would buy it again.

Emotional and REAL!.......2004-11-29

This book is an important addition to the collection of books out there that exist on sexual abuse. Even moreso are the examples of how a mother can be sexually abusive in covert ways unlike fathers who tend to manifest their abuse overtly. This book along with Ken Adam's book, Silently Seduced, are the bible of Covert Incest.
It is easy to say covert incest does not exist since it is subtle, indirect and is about what you don't see, but the victims of this all feel it and it is very real!

Secret Survivors: Uncovering Incest and Its Aftereffects in Women

Average customer rating:

Secret Survivors - Uncovering incest and its aftereffects in women.
This book is saving me...and my marriage.
Your Guide to Diving into the Abyss
"Thank You" seems so inadequate sometimes
Not for male survivors, or anyone who has been abused by a woman

Secret Survivors: Uncovering Incest and Its Aftereffects in Women
E. Sue Blume
Manufacturer: Ballantine Books
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Mass Market Paperback

General | Self-Help | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books

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Dysfunctional Relationships | Family Relationships | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books

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The Courage to Heal - Third Edition - Revised and Expanded: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse
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The Right to Innocence: Healing the Trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse: A Therapeutic 7-Step Self-Help Program for Men and Women, Including How to Choose a Therapist and Find a Support Group
I Never Told Anyone: Writings by Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse

ASIN: 0345369793
Release Date: 1991-02-13

Book Description

"A resource of excellent caliber...Highly recommended for those who suspect that they are unconscious survivors of abuse and especially for therapists to dig into the darkest shadow part of human existence."
ELIZABETH KUBLER-ROSS, M.D.
SECRET SURVIVORS is the first book to expand the definition of incest to include any adult abuser and to focus on what incest does to survivors. E. Sue Blume shows how incest is often at the root of such problems as depression, sexual and eating disorders, drug and alcohol abuse, and phobias and panic disorders. Using this information and the author's guidance, survivors can identify themselves, develop alternative, nondestructive survival techniques and begin again on a new path toward a rich and empowered life.

Customer Reviews:

Secret Survivors - Uncovering incest and its aftereffects in women........2007-07-03

I think this book is the best thing that has happened to me. I have been in and out of private therapy for a few years now, and finally I have found myself validated BY A BOOK no less. For years I felt that SOMETHING "terrible" had happened to me. This books tells me that I am not crazy... or imagining my feelings, etc. It is very informative and to the point. Sue Blume gives good advice as to how to "manage" your life and the reasons behing the way we feel and act. I recommend this book to anyone who is struggling with the aftereffects of incest. Secret Survivors: Uncovering Incest and Its Aftereffects in Women

This book is saving me...and my marriage........2007-05-12

I read this book on the advice of my therapist. It was the most painful yet powerful book I've ever read and I could hardly put it down. It seemed to me that I was represented in nearly every chapter. Reading this book provided me with relief - that I am not alone and that there is hope and healing in my future. It was helpful for me to make the connection of my past sexual abuse and how it relates to the problems I am now having in my marriage. Having read this book I know that it can invoke overwhelming memories through flashbacks and reliving painful events. I'd suggest reading this with someone you trust so you won't feel desperate. This isn't all behind me but I know it can be because I too am a survivor and you can be too.

Your Guide to Diving into the Abyss.......2006-11-28

Dear E. Sue Blume,

I recently had the opportunity to read your book, Secret Survivors. In short, I have discovered a hell within myself that I did not know was there thanks to you.

You see, I had no idea that the after-effects of my incestuous past ran so deep. You originally intended your book to be for those who could only remember their incest in part, or maybe not at all... in my case, it has been the opposite. Most of the memories have remained clear for me, it was the resulting damage that was vague or unrecognizable.

I did not know that in being molested by my family of origin, and having them interchangeably argue that there was nothing wrong with it to justify its continuance... my entire life, my identity, was so deeply fractured by its ugly roots penetrating so deeply. What an incredibly rude awakening you had in store for me.

For example, your checklist... there are 34 items on there. I checked off 28 of them. Eating disorders, wanting to change my name, unable to sleep at night, guilt and shame, psychic numbing, those are just a few of them. About the only thing it seemed I hadn't developed was a multiple personality.

That was just the beginning of my plunge into that internal abyss. Oh no, I hadn't even been that rudely awakened yet. It wasn't to say I didn't know something was there. But I was looking at it through a thickly frosted and smeared pane of glass. You simply lifted this so I could see, and I was shocked.

No, it wasn't until I began reading chapter after chapter of the after-effects, in detail, that I felt my guts wrench. For it was then that I had my eyes opened to just how much they stole from me. Your incredibly accurate descriptions of what goes on behind the compulsions, the fears, the rage, walking around feeling permanently defective and marked, the way it affects adult relationships, dropped my jaw. There were days I had to simply put your book down and walk away, it was so much to take in. It took me months to finish it, I even had to buy my own copy because my library wanted theirs back and I didn't finish it in time.

Here I had thought I was doing okay... when in truth I had merely stayed in a "safe" place where I couldn't - didn't want to - look any deeper. A place I know now was illusionary and would not have served me a long-term purpose, for a transparent sheet cannot keep down the demons that claw away at it. They will burst the membrane and come spewing out, and they would have eaten me alive if I hadn't been alerted to them.

Then you threw me another curve ball: These things in themselves, did not mean I was crazy. They were actually normal ways of coping in the abnormal and evil environment sexual abuse conceives. But once out of that environment I was left with coping mechanisms that don't work within healthy functioning realms... something I had already discovered within my marriage and in my relationships with my children.

He deserves a better wife, they deserve a better Mommy. But how was I to know where to begin if I did not even have my eyes opened until now?

I have had the lid taken off of a pit of hell I could not face or even see before your book, Ms. Blume. It is a pit filled with pure rage, pure pain, and pure grief. Mostly because in seeing how pervasive the tumor of incest is implanted within my being, I've begun wondering just who the hell I really am. Am I merely a bunch of wounds and symptoms? Some days it feels that way.

Lately my stomach is on fire from hurt and anger, and my head is buzzing heavily with emotional memories that I'd forced underground to survive years of abuse. There are days when it's all I can do to run from my desk or from my house, screaming and howling as I tear my hair out in clumps. I was an innocent child who was treated like rotted filth... every little girl should feel like they are a princess in their home, and I never had that.

But you know what? I couldn't be more grateful. You showed me that I was the only one who was "normal" in my family of origin where abuse ran rampant. What an irony for an autistic woman, who doesn't think much of herself most days, to hear this.

You also validated my having been abused by a close-age sibling as being incest, true abuse, when so many "experts" still refuse to see this as anything more than normal experimentation. Sure, they'll admit sibling abuse exists, but it doesn't "count" if you're less than a certain age difference, depending on where you life. Somehow, just because I came along sooner, suddenly I'm seen as a participant, no matter how many times I said no, and regardless of the fact that I went to my mother to make him stop.

In fact you described my situation, the fear and the mixture of confusion I felt, the power imbalance already at play, so dead-on I was speechless. I couldn't stop reading those few paragraphs over and over for the longest time.

Furthermore, I believe you cannot find a solution without knowing the problem, and knowing it intimately. Reading Secret Survivors handed me a mirror that couldn't have reflected this back to me any more clearly. It's almost to the point that I'm going to have to re-read all these wonderful books on healing and recovery that I've had my hands on over the past year. I suspect what they offer is going to appear different to me now.

Despite this hurricane of tumultuous emotions and despair, I have hope, because you've promised that is available to me. You provided no solutions, instead saying we must seek them through outside resources such as support groups and therapy. That is all right, though I do hope someday you will write a follow-up that answers the burning question of, "Now what?"

You have also encouraged survivors like me to speak out, and tell our story, so that we may get the world to wake up and see we cannot ignore this problem that rots and infests the family unit in a silent but fatal way. That includes in the court system, where 16 years after publishing your book, we appear to be no better at protecting children from the monsters who feel fit to breed their victims. I wish every family court system was required to read your words so they would understand the harm they do by insisting on visitations with parents who perpetrate, and family reunification after someone has been caught.

I have also experienced an unexpected result of reading your book: My husband and I are growing closer. I've found the courage to open up to him more about what really happened. He'd known I'd been abused but I'd never really told him everything the way I am now. In turn he has been unconditionally supportive, he has not told me to "get over it" and he is letting me slough off the layers of grief and pain at my own pace. I already knew he was a good man but just as I was not aware of the depth of my pain, I was also not aware of the depths of his love like I am now.

So, thank you Ms. Blume. While I have entered a valley of darkness since the day I opened your book, I also know that this will pass someday and then I will truly know what it is to walk in the sunshine that comes with taking back your life as your own, and truly surviving, in a way I will have never known before.

"Thank You" seems so inadequate sometimes.......2006-06-11

Secret Survivors is one compelling book. The first time, I read it straight through and was sure I'd found the User's Manual to my brain. And perhaps I have. The knowledge packed into this little powerhouse of a paperback is vast and dense, and covers a huge amount of ground. You won't find any fluff, either - every word counts. The writing is tight, clear, and intelligent. And the jewel so carefully packaged within this book's pages is this: it gives the incest Survivor a way of understanding herself from a whole new orientation, one that assumes she is not a nutcase, and that there's a very good reason she acts and thinks the way she does.

Blume is fearless when it comes to confronting the lies and misconceptions surrounding incest. She does it simply and powerfully by stating the truth, the kind you feel in your gut. She is believable. She exudes integrity. This is important because when you begin reading you may feel, as I did, that she's been walking around inside your head, pulling out thoughts - even whole sentences - you've probably never shared with another person. When she says, "The Survivor feels...." or "The Survivor thinks...", or "The survivor may do/act/be this or that..." she's not speculating. She knows, and she's dead-on right. This sense of being known and seen makes the book an intensely personal experience, but never once have I felt exposed or invaded, or, even worse, like someone's science experiment. Instead, I felt respected and validated, enormously relieved that I'm a lot more normal than Mom thought I was, and sometimes even a little overwhelmed by all of this goodness. But I can learn to live with that.

I have gotten so much from Secret Survivors! Blume's belief in our own strength and ability to heal helps me feel stronger. I feel like I have an advocate, and a mountain of one at that, standing between me and a (mostly) unbelieving world. It doesn't matter that I don't know her personally. It just matters that she's real, that she exists someplace. I have something solid to hold on to in this book, that reminds me, over and over, "You aren't nuts - you were hurt in the worst possible way, and this is what it did to you. But you're strong, too, you're gonna make it, kid." I now know it's possible to be told, and to hear, the truth about myself in a way that is life affirming. And I know that the man who hurt me doesn't get to win anymore. All of this is why Secret Survivors remains on the top of the bedside reading stack, why it's all marked up and dog-eared, and why, in the middle of the night when it's too hard to believe I can do this and everything inside feels so broken, it's what I reach for first for comfort and encouragement.

Thank you indeed, E. Sue Blume.

Not for male survivors, or anyone who has been abused by a woman.......2006-05-09

I am a male incest survivor, and I got this book because the Courage to Heal For Women was very helpful to me; there aren't that many books for male survivors. This author has some good things to offer; it's unfortunate that the book gets clouded by her prejudice. [...] Myself and many people I know from recovery (including women) were sexually abused by their mothers or other women without any man being involved. She also insinuates that boys don't often get sexually abused. Wrong. Sexual abuse against boys is much less reported. I support anyone writing a book for female survivors, but there is no need to take shots at boys who have been sexually abused, and it's shameless to not hold female perpetrators accountable for what they have done. Any adult, male or female is responsible for their own actions.

Average customer rating:

Dark But Entertaining
Wait, that's how it ends?
Great book for McCarthy fans
Compelling Read
The Wasteland and the Grail King

Outer Dark
Cormac Mccarthy
Manufacturer: Vintage
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

Contemporary | General | Literature & Fiction | Subjects | Books

Literary | General | Literature & Fiction | Subjects | Books

Child of God
Suttree
The Orchard Keeper
Blood Meridian: Or the Evening Redness in the West
The Sunset Limited

ASIN: 0679728732
Release Date: 1993-06-29

Book Description

Outer Dark is a novel at once fabular and starkly evocative, set is an unspecified place in Appalachia, sometime around the turn of the century. A woman bears her brother's child, a boy; he leaves the baby in the woods and tells her he died of natural causes. Discovering her brother's lie, she sets forth alone to find her son. Both brother and sister wander separately through a countryside being scourged by three terrifying and elusive strangers, headlong toward an eerie, apocalyptic resolution.

Customer Reviews:

Dark But Entertaining.......2007-09-19

Cormac McCarthy was born in Rhode island and grew up in Tennessee, but now lives in Tesuque, New Mexico. He is viewed by many as one of the more unusual and most talented of the current American writers. For example, Harold Bloom has written a number of things about McCarthy. I selected this book after reading pretty Horses. I was interested in some of his early work.

This is McCarthy's second novel published in 1970. The story is about a very poor brother and sister living in the rural south some time around 1900. The sister has a baby and the brother, Culla, does not want the baby and tells his sister it died and leaves it in the woods. The sister, Rinthy, does not believe him and sets out on a journey to find the baby. Simultaneously, Culla sets out on his own "dark" trip.

McCarthy has developed trademark prose, and some might not like it. He writes long rambling sentences to describe the natural setting and between he uses spartan narrative and dialogue.

The prose is complicated by design. I thought the prose was very effective in the middle of pretty Horses. He uses the same technique here but in a less developed way. He opens the book with just three sentences in one page, including one sentence 12 lines long. He reminds me a bit of the opening of Farewell to Arms where Hemingway tries to set the mood through the use of prose: Hemingway uses a narrative of the natural surroundings. McCarthy uses expressions such as "the sun sat blood red and elliptic" in his late book Pretty Horses" and here again we find the similar expression. Sometimes this prose seems out of place when compared to the spartan dialogue of a father and son talking over a breakfast of eggs and coffee.

Also, in later books McCarthy uses what is called polysyndeton, or the use of several conjunctions in close succession, especially where some might be omitted. It is a stylistic scheme used to slow down the tempo. As pointed out by others, polysyndeton is used extensively in the King James Version of the Bible. For example:

"And every living substance was destroyed which was upon the face of the ground, both man, and cattle, and the creeping things, and the fowl of the heaven; and they were destroyed from the earth: and Noah only remained alive, and they that were with him in the ark." Genesis 7:22-24

We see a bit of that here in the early work.

So, this a pretty dark novel about some poor people traveling around rural America set around 1900 or earlier. It is a short but entertaining read and gives us a picture of the young McCarthy as a writer.

Recommend: 4 or 5 stars.

Wait, that's how it ends?.......2007-07-10

I was/am very intrigued with Cormac McCarthy's writing style and prose. Right from the beginning you get a sense that he knows his craft and he knows it well. His clipped, descriptive sentences add much more color than you would think could be added to such a desolate setting. For example, "Holme swallowed the leached and tasteless wad of meat, his eyeballs tilting like a toad's with the effort." I was drawn into this book from the beginning.

At first there seemed a general theme to Outer Dark. Many abandoned buildings in a desolate and poor countryside and yet every person they met offered them food or a place to stay. The exception being Culla Holme, who invariably seemed to be chased by bad circumstances for what he did with his incestuous child. A kind of retribution was being enacted on him.

But this is where it got confusing. All of a sudden there would be a quick excerpt or scene of violence and death. You don't know why it happened or who did it, but it always happened just before or after a Culla chapter. So conclusions are drawn. We soon find out that it isn't him, that it is the villains of the novel. Culla himself runs into them several times as part of the retribution enacted for the incestuous relationship coupled with the attempted murder of his newborn son. Then the novel goes haywire and turns macabre and horror like, leaving you finishing the book not understanding anything, not understanding what the book was about. Perhaps I missed something.

I am definitely intrigued with McCarthy's style of writing and I will definitely read some of his other books. And I think I would find that this is a book more for the diehard McCarthy fans than it is for someone like myself who has never read any of his other novels. I would recommend McCarthy, but not necessarily this book.

3 stars.

Great book for McCarthy fans.......2007-06-20

"Outer Dark" is the story of a brother and sister and their child. The child is born in a desperate cabin someplace in the Appalachian Mountains. The brother, Culla Holme, takes the newborn while the mother/sister sleeps and sets the child in the night woods. The child is found by an iterant tinker. The sister/mother, Rinthy Holme, awakes. She confronts her brother, they argue, and eventually both set out separately on the road--the sister to find the child and the brother for no reason other than perhaps desperation.

Once they are on the road, the book follows a classic journey narrative. The landscape is dark and strange. The people they meet even more so. A few of the chapters are perfectly written. There is a chapter about halfway through the book where Culla meets a snake hunter. Now there is nothing particularly important in this chapter as it relates to the rest of the novel--no important aspects of character revealed, not important action or theme, it is just a beautiful handful of pages that form a perfect circle. The dialogue is brilliant. The snake hunter talks about his well, his wife, his hounds, the neighbor with whom he still carries a feud despite the fact that the neighbor has been dead nearly a decade. The chapter is a great example of Faulkner's observation, "The past isn't dead. It isn't even past." This is true among certain communities in the South, but I also think it belongs to a broader class and generation of people; people who frame their individual and collective lives as narratives to live, relive, and pass along. And I suspect that the reason this chapter stands out for me is that unlike other chapters that rely on strangeness and cruelty for much of their emotional tension, this small chapter is, at least by McCarthy standards, benign. There are no corpses hanging from trees, no drooling mutes or eyeless crones or murdered infants. And I believe that these moments, moments that lean on something other than the weird or cruel, are McCarthy's best. And it is unfortunate that they are often overlooked for the sheer spectacle of his violence.

There are several things I found problematic in this novel. Firstly, there is a triad of evil men prowling the land. They are composite characters that we find in other McCarthy novels. There is the sentient evildoer, the learned man who pontificates the meaning of mankind. There is the cadre mutants, misshapen and nameless--in this case, one man is actually nameless. McCarthy never tells us where they come from or what motivates them. They are just there, a part of the landscape perhaps--a force birthed by the landscape. I don't know. I can only speculate and with very little evidence from the text. Now perhaps they are a reflection of real life, the evil we hear about on the evening news or witness through history. But so what, as I've heard time and again in workshop, life does not good fiction make. Perhaps my problem is that I do not necessarily believe in evil, but rather in motivation--in that people can be motivated to do some awful things. And good fiction is in that motivation. And it does not have to be much. I found the motivations toward evil in Blood Meridian convincing--racism, imperialism, greed, desperation, ceremony. But evil simply for evil's sake, or even as a reflection of some aspect of the human psyche, collective or individual, does not work and detracts from the overall effect of the work.

Then there is the issue of coincidence--or perhaps it is meant to be fate. Either way, the key events of the novel depend upon happenstance that felt incredible and I must say a bit contrived. The first time that Culla Holme meets the triad of evil, he is washed from a ferry on a flooded river. He stumbles into their camp to warm by the fire. And I am trying to figure out why this meeting feels so forced. I suspect that it has something to do with the needless drama of the ferry scene, a drama with no narrative significance other than to put Culla within view of the triad's fire. It would have felt more credible if no great event or drama preceded the meeting, or if some event of greater significance, an event tied inextricably to the progression of the novel, preceded their meeting. As it stands, the action packed ferry scene serves no purpose other than to position the characters.

And then it happens again. McCarthy creates an interesting, high drama scene involving a hog drive, thousands of animals driven through the mountains. One of the hog drivers is forced off a bluff by stampeding pigs. He dies and the blame is assigned to Culla. It is an interesting scene, the dialogue is sharp and the characters of the itinerant preacher and the hog drivers are vivid. They plan to hang Culla but don't have a rope. They march him back to camp for the proper hanging equipment--as one of the characters explains, it is the Christian thing to do. Culla jumps from the bluffs and into the river to escape. And guess where the next chapter finds him? Another river drama, another visit to the evildoer's camp.

A terrible act of violence beings the book to a close. It is turely awful, but it does complete the novel. And were it not for the questions raised by the unmotivated evil, and the coincidences that brought the characters together, the novel would be nearly perfect.

I can't help but wonder how McCarthy could solve the problems of the novel, though I suspect, given his other work from this period, he preferred to leave certain questions unanswered. And these things I label problems are in fact intentional. In any event, I believe an answer resides somewhere in that perfect chapter in the middle of the novel, the chapter with the snake hunter. The thing that makes this chapter work is what Charles Baxter calls rhyming action: "When narratives move in reverse--when they come dramatically or imagistically to a point that is similar to the one they already seemingly passed." I sense that is perhaps something of the intention in this work--much of it doubles back upon itself. One of the reasons the murder is so disturbing is that it had already been committed at the beginning of the work, when Culla left the newborn, naked, in the night woods. But the dramatic events, the river dramas, that bring about the final rhyming murder, ring dissonant with all that came previously. Even though they are repetitive, they stand out from the rest of the work and seem to develop in their own direction--a misplaced rhyme--until the writer pushes Culla into the river and gets him drifting in the right direction.

Compelling Read.......2007-05-13

This is a great book- almost as good as 'The Road'. I didn't want to put it down. The natual slowness doesn't hurt the urge to continue to read. If you like The Road, you will like this!

The Wasteland and the Grail King.......2007-01-03

=Outer Dark= describes a barren Wasteland and Holme is the Grail King, complete with a wounded "leg" as a symbol of his inability to love acceptably. In a Wasteland where women are not valued, children are not nurtured either, and the child ends up burned and half-blinded, in the way that its father and his culture are blind to his disregard for his sister and their child. I love the poetic prose of this writer. And the words-- where does he get those words? Cormac McCarthy is the best writer writing in America today, similar to but better than Steinbeck and Faulkner.

Victims No Longer: The Classic Guide for Men Recovering from Sexual Child Abuse

Average customer rating:

Victims No Longer
Long-But has good info/advice
Awesome read
Victims No Longer
Absolutely Recommended

Victims No Longer: The Classic Guide for Men Recovering from Sexual Child Abuse
Mike Lew
Manufacturer: Harper Paperbacks
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

General | Recovery | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books

Substance Abuse | Recovery | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books

General | Mental Health | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books

Abuse | Self-Help | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books

General | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books

Family Health | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books

Dysfunctional Relationships | Family Relationships | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books
Similar Items:

Beyond Betrayal: Taking Charge of Your Life after Boyhood Sexual Abuse
Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse
Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child
Wounded Boys Heroic Men: A Man's Guide to Recovering from Child Abuse
Broken Boys / Mending Men: Recovery from Childhood Sexual Abuse

ASIN: 006053026X
Release Date: 2004-05-11

Book Description

For millions of men on the path to recovery, Victims No Longer is the next step.

The first book written specifically for men, Victims No Longer examines the changing cultural attitudes toward male survivors of incest and other sexual trauma. Now, in this Second Edition, this invaluable resource continues to offer compassionate and practical advice, supported by personal anecdotes and statements of male survivors. Victims No Longer helps survivors to:

Identify and validate their childhood experiences
Explore strategies of survival and healing
Work through issues such as trust, intimacy, and sexual confusion
Establish a support network for continued personal recovery
Make choices that aren't determined by abuse

Psychotherapist Mike Lew has worked with thousands of men and women in their healing from the effects of childhood sexual abuse, rape, physical violence, emotional abuse, and neglect. The development of strategies for recovery from incest and other abuse, particularly for men, has been a major focus of his work as a counselor and group leader.

Thoroughly updated and revised, and including an expanded Resources section, Victims No Longer educates survivors and professionals about the recovery process -- speaking to the pain, needs, fears, and hopes of the adult male survivor.

Customer Reviews:

Victims No Longer.......2007-09-29

This is an excellent, straight-forward, sensitive book that deals with a topic that is difficult. It is written so that it can be easily understood and is incredibly helpful to victims as well as therapists who treat them. The author validates the victim's world and encourages the victim to get help and talks about the many males who have survived and are healing.

Long-But has good info/advice.......2007-08-25

As a spouse of a survivor, I read this book which also offered advice to partners and spouses. This book gave way too many examples and other info for the first 4 chapters. Most of us already have an idea of what sexual abuse against boys can entail, there were just way too many stories of survivors that were disturbing and difficult to read. It did however give important insight and ways to get help and help yourself but it came along with a lot of unneeded information. If you have the time and patience it is a good tool towards recovery.

Awesome read.......2007-08-24

I gave this wonderful book to my husband who is in recovery from childhood sexual abuse by his father. He cried and read , cried and read from start to finish. The book is empowering, healing and filled with truth that heals. I recommend it as an essential read for those in recovery and for those who love them. Kate

Victims No Longer.......2007-01-23

This is an excellent book. I am a counselor and the issues addressed regarding male child sexual abuse are so important. So many males have been molested and/or incested and carry shame, so that they, perhaps more than females, do not report it. Yet, these unresolved issues carry into adult sexual and friendship relationships until they are healed. I bought a copy for myself to use clinically and one for a friend who is a survivor of incest.

Absolutely Recommended.......2006-03-11

This book is a great resource for clinicians, survivors, and anyone who knows a survivor.

Silently Seduced: When Parents Make their Children Partners - Understanding Covert Incest

Average customer rating:

The Parent-child Dynamics of Covert Incest
Must reading, especially for addicts
a clear guideline
This book changed the way I look at my parents
Silent and invisible

Silently Seduced: When Parents Make their Children Partners - Understanding Covert Incest
Kenneth M. Adams
Manufacturer: HCI
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

Adult Children of Alcoholics | Recovery | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books

General | Recovery | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books

General | Sex | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books

General | Psychology & Counseling | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books

Abuse | Self-Help | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books

Dysfunctional Relationships | Family Relationships | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books

General | Parenting | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books

The Emotional Incest Syndrome: What to do When a Parent's Love Rules Your Life
When He's Married to Mom: How to Help Mother-Enmeshed Men Open Their Hearts to True Love and Commitment
Secret Survivors: Uncovering Incest and Its Aftereffects in Women
Father-Daughter Incest (with a new Afterword)
Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting over Narcissistic Parents

ASIN: 1558741313

Book Description

Did you have a parent whose love for you felt more confining than freeing, more demanding than giving, more instrusive than nurturing? Did you feel trapped in a "psychological marriage" with this parent? If so, you may be a victim of covert incest. Identification of this kind of incest is difficult, since covert incest victimrs often feel idealized and privileged, not violated and abused. In Silently Seduced, Dr. Adams, through illustrative case examples and perceptive insight, provides covert incest victims a framework to understand what happened to them, how their lives and relationships continue to be affected and how to begin the process of recovery.

Customer Reviews:

The Parent-child Dynamics of Covert Incest.......2006-12-14

I purchased this book to use clinically, however found it personally enlightening as well. It is fairly simple to read, but the message belies the book's easy readability. The book focuses on covert incest, as the title suggests, and will probably not be very beneficial for overt incest survivors seeking answers. A client of mine borrowed the book and reported that little pertained to her. This does not mean, however that the parent-child dynamics involved in covert incest can't also exist in a more physically/sexually abusive relationship. I recommend this book for clinicans and survivors.

Must reading, especially for addicts.......2006-02-25

This book certainly protrays the difficulties and impact on children haunted by covert incest. At 55 yrs. old, my life could have been soooo... much better if I had been diagnosed previously. Thanks very much to my therapist (3rd one I worked with) for identifying this issue for me. Amazon's search engine recommended this book immediately and I devoured its message. The 5th chapter will be presented at our area's Spring Retreat of S.A.A. this April. This book should be a must!!

a clear guideline .......2005-11-28

Wow, very impressive! I read it from cover to cover, in one sitting. Just could not put it down. It is written in a clear and concise manner. Almost every word seems well selected and carefully considered to support the theme of the whole book. Very convincing with powerful logic.

I have to admit when I was hesitant to order this book at the beginning. I thought, "What this says about me, if I need to read a book on this topic?" I felt uncomfortable to put myself in the category of covert incest victim.

Several things which are happening in my life, made me decide to take a try. My career has experienced a setback for several years. I have difficulty in establishing a great long term relationship. And most immediately, I have dreams of being angry at my parents. Those dreams rarely occur, but when they do, once or twice a year, I find my whole body tighten up in anger when I wake up. I ask myself, if I can be so angry about something I don't understand, why not spend some time to understand what exactly makes me so angry?

When the book arrived, I wrapped it up in a book cover to hide the name. I have to agree this is an uncomfortable topic and I do not want to be seen reading such a book in public.

But let me tell you, this is one of the most important books I have read in years. It is neatly organized:

First two chapters:
-What is the silent seduction?
-When is a child betrayed by a parent's love?
Introduce the concept of silent seduction and general pattern.

The next two chapters:
-The man of the house
-Daddy's little girl
Talk about the specific situations in case of a mother and a son, and a father and a daughter. The author uses different cases to address different areas. It is quite specific.

The following chapters:
-When does sex become a hiding place?
Discusses the impact on the victim's sexual feelings when the victim grows up.

-The struggle to Commit
Talk about the impact on relationships the victim will face as an adult

The last chapter:
-Towards Wholeness
A short but comforting guide towards healing.

When I was reading the first two chapters, I found myself nodding occasionally but suspicious. But when it got specific, my eyes grew wide, as I saw a step by step description of my life. It is as if the author had followed my life and summed it up in different cases. It is scary to see your life being so accurately depicted.

As it was very late (midnight), I went to sleep. And I was sad. The author reminds in the last chapter that when we let it go, we would feel sadness.

I turned back and forth on bed, feeling emptiness. The kind of emptiness you feel when you cannot find the purpose in life.

The book made a very important point, that when we were treated as special by our parents, often it is perceived as love from our parents, and we hang on to it as the only and most powerful love we have experienced, but actually it is not love, it is an expression of needs of our parents. We were there merely to satisfy the emotional needs of our parents. And our needs, when as little kids, were ignored.

Logically, I accepted this point. But emotionally, it was sad to recognize the single most powerful love in our life experience was not even love. It brought a question: what do we live for?

Since I could not sleep, I got up and started reading again.

The next chapter talks about sex addicts. I almost laughed, hey, this could not be about me. Out of curiosity, I did not skip it entirely. Wow, when my finger touched on the last page of this chapter, it turned out it was talking about me. It talks about the seeking of sexual highs, and the seductive patterns.

It exactly describes the experience I have been having in the last year. I reveled in the attention of many suitors. I seduced one after another. Of course, the seduction was very subtle. I behaved exactly like a lady, but secretly put the man of my seduction in anxiety to get me. It was like a power game. And I felt safe when powerful men fell for me. And I do not stay for any long term relationship. I just seduced and moved on. The reason why I never labeled myself as sex addict, was because actual sex seldom happened. The seduction was very sexually charged (with strong sexual energy), but I almost always moved on before the man could actually get me on bed.

I did not realize this was what I was doing until I read this book. I just did it unconsciously. For me, it was a game of fun and power to get back at men, and to make myself feel safe, treasured, chased and desirable. Upon this chapter, I began to realize, maybe, just maybe, it is the start of sexual and love addiction.

The chapter also talks about double life. It did make me laugh, because in my fantasy of success, I always added on a second life of sexual satisfaction. It is my ideal life to be a highly successful woman, with a colorful secret sex life. The thrill of having a secret dirty life against common convention seems so exciting and satisfying, against the background of success and social recognition.

This chapter makes me rethink my goal. Is my goal of success, really something I want, or is it a way to get back at my past so that I do not need to face my past? Is that a way to prove to my parents I grow up to be better than them, beyond their wildest expectations? Is this a way to prove myself I was not hurt by my parents, I grow over and above the hurtful past?

My career is in a setback for several years now. It happened very unexpectedly. When everyone expected me to become a great career woman, suddenly all motivation drained away from me. For several years, I just sat around, wanting to do nothing. In business meetings, though I knew I probably were the most qualified in giving out professional opinions (due to my qualification and educational background), I sat in a corner, demure and obscure. I do not understand why I hate to go out, getting what I deserve, and what the other people think I deserve. It is like I clipped my own wings intentionally.

It came to a point that I took a look at my past. I had been a wonder kid academically. I found whenever my academic future or career future opened up to a new height, somehow, on several important occasions, I just escaped the night (or months) before it happened. I undid the effort I put in for years, to avoid collecting the fruit of being much more successful than others.

Every time I did that, it was extremely painful for me afterwards. Guilt and confusion took over. It took years to build the base for success, and it took years to recover from the disappointment of escaping from success and make a comeback. It was like a cycle. Maybe it finally got to my spirit, and I started to associate the prospect of success, with the slow and deep pains from disappointment and fear of escaping again. So, in the end, I felt chasing success did not worth it any more.

In Ken Adams's book, it discusses the ambivalence of commitment to relationships. It is an extremely interesting chapter. From my personal point of view, I do see my own relationship surfacing from the pages, a quick commitment, an illusion of starting anew, followed by a slow stew of doubt, and the desire to get out.

I do wish this wonderful enlightening chapter could address more issues: not only commitment to relationships, but also commitment to goals and personal ambitions. Does the fear of abandonment drive us away not only from committing to intimacy, but also to allowing ourselves the success we deserve, work hard for, and deny ourselves for?

When it comes to the last chapter, it is comforting to see we are not hopeless. It talks about letting go of your idealized image of the seductive parent. Among the many thing I learn from reading this book, this is probably the most important. To realize what you cherish as the best love and the integral part of your childhood memory and what makes who you are today, is actually an unconscious seduction by your parent to realize his or her own need in an unhappy relationship. It is not about you, and never about you. And you miss the important development phase of recognizing your own needs, building your own character, wants and values as a human being. Chasing your parent's love is like chasing emptiness, something they never can give, and something which does not exist. The lack of it makes a strong emptiness in your heart, since you never learn how to live for yourself. That phase of development was stolen from you, by the need of your parents.

Naturally it is angry to recognize it. It feels like being betrayed by someone so close to your heart. I now partly understand why my dreams were so intense, where I screamed at my parents for their lack of love and their insistency of not seeing the error where it is. (In real life, I never accused my parents. I just cannot.)

The book talks about acknowledging your anger toward the seductive parent. And I agree it is very necessary. We need to see the reality the way it is, before we can come back to reality and come to terms with ourselves.

Is it necessary to make your parents acknowledge your anger and their grand mistake? From my experience, it is a no. Because they most likely will never acknowledge their mistake, and it will become a contest of wills. My grandmother was seriously abusive, (hehe, now I agree family issues pass from generation to generation), and my father was deeply hurt. But until her death, my Grandma never ever admitted her mistake, no matter how miserable she made her children's lives. It is unfortunate in an effort to be a better parent, my father turned out to be very much like my Grandma, even though in different ways. From my lesson, it is largely useless to confront your parents, making them admit their mistakes, since they will never ever able to see themselves in that light. They pride themselves as the best, most righteous people in the neighborhood. While that blind pride probably will make you very angry, because you know how much dirt is wiped under the family carpet, they live for that image.

But it is necessary to speak your voice, and set boundaries. (The book talks about: If your seductive parent is alive, begin to set boundaries and separate.) If you see something seriously wrong in your family, speak out.

During my brief visit to the parents' home the last time, my father consistently verbally abused my mom before me, saying she was stupid, short-sighted, silly woman, never can do a thing right, blah, blah. I finally could not take it any more and I confronted him alone while my mother was away.

He was so angry that I dared to speak like that to him. He screamed how badly he had been treated for years by my mom. I simply said, there is no way to treat even a stranger, the way you treat mom. No matter how bad she is, at least respect her as a human being in your words. Give her the respect she deserves as a person. And I stuck to this basic point. I did not argue what was right or wrong in their marriage, since that was beyond my ability to argue. My father nearly kicked me out of the home. (Hey, it is important to be economically independent, so when you are kicked out, you have a place to go).

In a few days, when I made the second visit back home, he calmed down and even respected me a little bit. Later, my mother told me he changed a little bit to become more accommodating. I do not know whether my confrontation ever worked, but it is rare to see a man like my father change even a little bit.

My experience is, even though I do not have guts to confront my parents directly about my childhood, start to set boundaries and address the family issues in simple, objective terms. Never take side and never be involved in a family political war, because there is no win for you. But address the serious and persistent wrongs happening in your family, in a simple, firm, objective view, to make the person who is aggressor realize it is wrong, and to make the person who is victim realize he or she is being wronged. Set an example of being assertive, and encourage each family member to stand up for him/herself and take responsibility in his/her life. Compassion is a good thing, but compassion can be misplaced and taken advantaged of.

The last chapter, the healing and the change, is in my view, one of the sweetest things to read in this book. It makes me stay hopeful and think of how to have a plan to address the issues. So, it is no surprise I wish this chapter can be longer, and more specific in how to set boundary and how to address the anger invariably arising when dealing with the pains.

Throughout the review, I repeatedly stress how close the cases in the book resembled my own life. And it surprised me a great deal to read the preface and find out the cases were not real life cases, but structured from the author's clinical practice.

Nonetheless, I agree the cases are very close to reality. It happened some of my close friends have serious problems with their families too.

A guy took to drinking to drown his frustration in dealing with his parents. His story was very similar to the cases in the book. Unfortunately, his anger was not recognized by any of his family members. Coming from a very traditional family background, every family member encouraged him to acquiesce to his parents no matter what. (It is valued as great family ethics to respect your parents, no matter what; and give them whatever they want, to feel like a good deserving child.) And it was exactly what I told him too when he came for my help. I said, "After all, it is your parents. Do you want them to feel unhappy as old man and woman?" In my words, I denied his right to be angry, just because he was the child and he had a duty to make his parents happy, especially since his parents were aging. It was several years ago. I wish I had read this book when he came for my help.

He was not the only friend who has this issue. I am certain there are many people out there who experienced similar issues. It is just that this is not supposed to be talked about among friends, or in public. My book cover is still shielding the book title, and you see, I do not want to use my real name in the review.

But, do yourself a favor. Buy and read this book, if you relate yourself to issues like this, or if you are like me, feeling angry and frustrated about yourself without knowing why. Your own childhood problems can spill over to your career, love life and your view on yourself, and potentially, your children. I wish I had read this book earlier. I would have viewed my family and myself more objectively, and also I would have started earlier to treat myself as an adult who takes responsibility for her life and decisions she makes in her life.

This book changed the way I look at my parents.......2005-09-05

I've been recovery for years but I did not realize how my relationship with my mother distorted my perception of my father and our family. This book has changed the way I relate to them both.

Silent and invisible.......2004-11-29

This book is an important addition to the collection of books out there that exist on sexual abuse. Even moreso are the examples of how a mother can be sexually abusive in covert ways unlike fathers who tend to manifest their abuse overtly. This book along with Pat Loves book, The Emotional Incest Syndrome, are the bible of Covert Incest.
It is easy to say covert incest does not exist since it is subtle, indirect and is about what you don't see, but the victims of this all feel it and it is very real!

Intimate Politics: How I Grew Up Red, Fought for Free Speech, and Became a Feminist Rebel

Average customer rating:

Exceptional
Bettina's writing is beautiful, educational and poignant.
A Moving Memoir
Public defiance, Private pain
some important history

Intimate Politics: How I Grew Up Red, Fought for Free Speech, and Became a Feminist Rebel
Bettina Aptheker
Manufacturer: Seal Press
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

General | Biographies & Memoirs | Subjects | Books

Political | Leaders & Notable People | Biographies & Memoirs | Subjects | Books

Women | Specific Groups | Biographies & Memoirs | Subjects | Books

General | Biographies & Memoirs | Gay & Lesbian | Subjects | Books

Lesbian | Biographies & Memoirs | Gay & Lesbian | Subjects | Books

Activism | Nonfiction | Gay & Lesbian | Subjects | Books

Feminist Theory | Women's Studies | Nonfiction | Subjects | Books
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The Morning Breaks: The Trial of Angela Davis
Will You Die with Me?: My Life and the Black Panther Party
An Archive of Feelings: Trauma, Sexuality, and Lesbian Public Cultures (Series Q)
The Grounding of Modern Feminism
The Armies of the Night: History as a Novel, the Novel as History

ASIN: 158005160X

Book Description

At eight years old, Bettina Aptheker watched her family's politics play out in countless living rooms across the country when her father, historian and U.S. Communist Party leader Herbert Aptheker, testified on television in front of the House on Un-American Activities Committee in 1953. Born into one of the most influential U.S. Communist families whose friends included W. E. B. Du Bois, Paul Robeson, and Elizabeth Gurley Flynn, Bettina lived her parents' politics witnessing first-hand one of the most dramatic upheavals in American history. She also lived with a terrible secret: incest at the hands of her famous father and a frightening and lonely life lived inside a home wrought with family tensions.
A gripping and beautifully rendered memoir, Intimate Politics is at its core the story of one woman's struggle to still the demons of her personal world while becoming a controversial public figure herself. This is the story of childhood sexual abuse, abortion, sexual violence, activism, and the triumph over one's past. It's about FBI harassment and persecution, Jewish heritage, and lesbian identity. It is, finally, about the courage to speak one's truth despite the consequences and to break the sacred silence of family secrets.

Customer Reviews:

Exceptional.......2007-07-07

Like many others involved in the struggles of the Sixties and thereafter, I was aware of Bettina Aptheker: plaintiff in the famous lawsuit that finally validated the legality of the CPUSA; "red diaper baby" of the famous Herbert Aptheker; and participant in many organizations and campaigns. Also like many others, I had no idea at all about the interior person, the feeling individual who was Bettina Aptheker. The revelations of this book were a bit of a shock to me, though not so much as once they might have been, largely due to the feminist movement's success in raising consciousness about the too-common dysfunction of American families.

What makes this book powerful is the way in which the author weaves her personal experience, the dimension of feeling, in with events of the time and all in the context of relationships both comradely and familial. It seems almost a cliche to say it took great courage for her to live life as she did--shattering the conventions that bound her from sexual awareness and recognition of the crimes committed against her by her famous father. Add to this the tension and very real danger implicit in being a high-profile, public Communist in the US, and we can see her as a very strong person indeed.

This book is a gift to those who may be stunted by any form of "correct" conformism, especially that generated within traditional patriarchal families. It is also of value to those who cared about the efforts against war and racism...and who still care about these issues. Finally, it is a gift to see how she and her beloved partner have distilled the essential values of their lives into a spiritual practice. Thus, Ms. Aptheker completes a familiar circle from personal anguish to struggle for social justice to personal transformation. For those who consciously walk this circle, Intimate Politics will be a deepening and worthwhile book to read.

Bettina's writing is beautiful, educational and poignant........2007-05-12

Her weaving of personal narrative and political context makes this book a must read for feminists of all genres and anyone interested in learning more about the real lives of activists, women and daughters. Making real the complexity of family, relationships and love is a journey for the rest of us too.

A Moving Memoir.......2007-01-08

I was one of Bettina's students when she taught at SJSU thirty years ago. Her classes were always packed. She is an amazing lecturer and scholar. She had a tremendous impact on all of her young students.

Even thirty years later, I am impressed by her will, determination, and her sense of self. I read an excerpt of this book published in a local news magazine, but even before I read the excerpt I knew I would buy her book.

Most individuals at some point in their lives reflect on their childhood and how it formed who they are today. Bettina's book does this and more...she examines why she makes the choices she did in a manner that is honest. She does not go for the "easy out", but then she never did.

Her lessons and her ability to bear witness to her own life can easily be internalized and applied to your own experiences. You don't have to agree with her politics...you just have to recognize her unique humanity and in doing that you will grow yourself.

Public defiance, Private pain .......2006-11-21

There are two distinct and fascinating stories interwoven here.
Ms. Aptheker was part of the inner circle wherever boomers spontaneously manned the barricades for social change. She gives us a meticulous (perhaps too meticulous) first-hand account of the people she knew and the events she lived during the free-speech, civil rights, anti-war, and feminist revolutions. Hence, the word 'politics' in the title.

Then she tells another, much more interesting story. The 'intimate' passages introduce us to a very, very bright, traumatized young girl, one who is eager to please and desperate to fit in. So she steps out bravely -- her courage is astounding (especially her courage to change course in pursuit of integrity)-- but every bold action she takes also exposes her to very real dangers from the powers-that-be. A more sensible person might have withdrawn and conformed, but Ms. Aptheker staggers defiantly on. This is a story about secrets, injuries, shame, stubbornness, self-destruction, self-discovery, healing, and the courage to keep following your star, despite it all.

some important history.......2006-11-11

Bettina reviews a very important period; her growth, both personal and political, make for fascinating reading. I know her, and many of the persons and events in the book, and her "take" on them is very insightful. Events in her family, which took/take up so much of the reviewers time, are treated, I think, with respect and love, and don't detract from what is a wonderful story. Bravo to her.

How Long Does It Hurt: A Guide to Recovering from Incest and Sexual Abuse for Teenagers, Their Friends, and Their Families

Average customer rating:

Excellent - one of the best!
I wish I had had access to this book
The best book out there!
deserves more than 5 stars
first real healing experience

How Long Does It Hurt: A Guide to Recovering from Incest and Sexual Abuse for Teenagers, Their Friends, and Their Families
Cynthia L. Mather , and Kristina E. Debye
Manufacturer: Jossey-Bass
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

General | Health, Mind & Body | Teens | Subjects | Books

General | Mental Health | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books

Clinical Psychology | Psychology & Counseling | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books

General | Psychology & Counseling | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books

Pathologies | Psychology & Counseling | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books

Abuse | Self-Help | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books

General | Social Sciences | Nonfiction | Subjects | Books

Social Work | Social Sciences | Nonfiction | Subjects | Books

Child Abuse | Family Relationships | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books

Teenagers | Parenting | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books
Similar Items:

Invisible Girls: The Truth About Sexual Abuse--A Book for Teen Girls, Young Women, and Everyone Who Cares About Them
The Me Nobody Knows: A Guide for Teen Survivors
It Happened to Me: A Teen's Guide to Overcoming Sexual Abuse (workbook)
In Their Own Words: A Sexual Abuse Workbook for Teenage Girls
When Your Child Has Been Molested: A Parents Guide to Healing and Recovery

ASIN: 0787975699

Book Description

How Long Does It Hurt? is the revised and updated edition of the best-selling book written by an incest survivor for future survivors. This step-by-step guide speaks directly to victims of sexual abuse¾to help them come to grips with what is happening to them and overcome their feelings of isolation, confusion, and self-doubt.

Customer Reviews:

Excellent - one of the best!.......2006-09-15

Great book, I've read a lot of books on this topic and especially ones targeted towards young adults. This is another book that I highly recommend because: it's easy to read, it practically speaks to you and you can finish it within afew hours, it's style is appealling to teenagers and young adults.
Also it's directed towards girls and boys, it's style should also interest guys to read it and benefit.
Another good book I recommend for girls is "invisible girls" by Dr. Patti Feuereisen.

I wish I had had access to this book .......2006-02-05

This is a book which is going to help so many people deal with issues and put them to one side before reaching adult hood and meeting a partner. I believe it is a soul saver
thank you for writing this
Lynn Grocott
author of Cut the Strings the true story of a soul reclaimed

The best book out there!.......2005-09-25

I am a therapist with a private clinical practice, working primarily with adolescents and women of all ages who are survivors of some form of trauma, including sexual abuse and incest. I have to say, that this is the book I use most, with all ages, including women who are uncovering and dealing with painful abuse memories. Over and over I hear clients proclaim that the book and quotes from other survivors help them not feel so alone and to also understand better what happened to them and to know there is hope. Also, the way in which the author discloses her own incest history and recovery is refreshing and hopeful and establishes a climate of credibility and trust. In my 20 years of clinical practice and training, I have aquired and read $1000's of dollars worth of trauma books and materials and this book sits as one of the top and most frequently used resources. Also, there is a children's book called "BRAVE BART" which has been a wonderful resource for adult survivors as well as children and adolescent survivors.
D.
(Licensed Clinical Social Worker/Licensed Alcohol and Drug Abuse Counselor)

deserves more than 5 stars.......2005-04-25

this is the best reference book for teens facing sexual abuse that i have found, and i have found several. it is also very, very helpful for a parent/parents.

first real healing experience.......2002-12-16

This book is great. I started reading books on the subject of sexual abuse when I was 15 (when I told) and am now 19. I have read all of the popular book out there on this subject (paticularly The Courage to Heal by Ellen Bass) and have found others helpful, but none of them have ever compared to How Long Does it Hurt. It helped me a lot to realize that what happened to me was horrific and was really abuse and that it was okay for me to feel the things that I did. I'd recommend this book to any and every survivor out there. Teenager or not. It very well could be a lifesaver.

Average customer rating:

Interesting
Clara D. (its my english paper *gasp*)
Great book - can be triggering/disturbing though
I have a love-hate relationship with this book.
Interestingly disturbing

When Rabbit Howls
Truddi Chase
Manufacturer: Berkley Trade
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

General | Biographies & Memoirs | Subjects | Books

Special Needs | Specific Groups | Biographies & Memoirs | Subjects | Books

General | Psychology & Counseling | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books

Mental Illness | Psychology & Counseling | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books

Pathologies | Psychology & Counseling | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books
Similar Items:

Sybil
Flock: The Autobiography of a Multiple Personality
I Never Promised You a Rose Garden (Signet)
The Minds of Billy Milligan
First Person Plural : My Life As a Multiple

ASIN: 0425183319

Book Description

Truddi Chase began therapy to discover why she suffered from blackouts. What surfaced was terrifying: she was inhabited by 'the Troops'-92 individual personalities. This groundbreaking true story is made all the more extraordinary in that it was written by the Troops themselves. What they reveal is a spellbinding descent into a personal hell-and an ultimate deliverance for the woman they became.

"Fascinating...unusual and very emotionally touching." (Dr. Cornelia Wilbur, the psychiatrist who treated Sybil)

"Extraordinary...A nightmarish story." (The Chicago Tribune)

"Startling...powerful." (The San Francisco Chronicle)

"Horrifying, compelling...extremely disturbing." (Psychology Today)

"Remarkable...alarmingly real and courageous." (Toronto Sun)

"Provocative reading...fascinating." (Library Journal)

"Searing...a truly moving and thought-provoking work...an unplifting and inspiring story of a survivor." (Sojourner: The Women's Forum)

Customer Reviews:

Interesting.......2007-04-07

I really enjoyed how this book was written by a lot of her personalities/Troops.

Clara D. (its my english paper *gasp*).......2006-12-13

As a young girl, Truddi Chase suffered horrors that only some can bear to even dream about. All her life, she remembered the horrors, and she was seemingly strangled by them. Her only escape was her mind, and she locked herself away in it. Years went by and slowly she created ninety-two different personalities, all with their own names and even features. Now, in the book When Rabbit Howls, she finally expresses the life of an abused child who suffered from something far beyond a mental illness.

This book was far, far beyond nice. It was beautifully written and was so powerful that you couldn't help but be drawn to certain characters and memories. While reading many books, people look to be drawn completely into the story. However, in When Rabbit Howls you need to rely on your mind to help you get through some of the more complex memories. This was a book that made you use your mind, not just solve out every problem for you. For instance, in chapter 17, page 173, she begins to describe her new memories as such, "Into the woman's half-awake mind fell an image of cylindrical rough stone walls and a quavering reflection in the water below. A sense of movement gripped her; she became dizzy. Long, thin, living shapes rushed at a downward angle past the periphery of her half awake mind.

Except that there wasn't one snake, there were many and they weren't on the bed now. They rained down on the tiny creature hanging in the well, the child who swayed back and forth in some contraption made by man, that only the devil himself could have contrived." This was, to me, one of the more complex memories and I pondered over it until, finally, after reading over more of the book, they explained it.

One of the parts I especially enjoyed about it was how, while reading it, and then explaining When Rabbit Howls to my friends and family, the idea of her mind is so surreal, almost impossible to believe, that I almost felt as though I was speaking of a fiction book. Each personality is so wonderfully formed and is so complete that some of the ones who have `died' in her mind due to especially traumatizing events give you an odd feeling of depression that made me feel like crying or running to some safe corner of my room. Another part that I enjoyed was the perfect feeling of frustration and helplessness that Truddi Chase depicts in her writing. In chapter 22, the last sentence is "...and sanity seemed a very fragile thing." This shows how her world is finally beginning it make sense and, while that is happening, it is also falling apart.

One of the parts I considered most frustrating about the book was the ending. I shall not reveal the specific part that frustrated me so but I must say that it was not an angry frustration but that of feeling incapable to fully grasp a subject clearly beyond your reach. No matter how much I consider it, the idea of Truddi Chase's mind is something I will never quite be able to comprehend. Like many, I'm sure, who have read this book I find it such a hard idea to hear or visualize and that really is quite frustrating for those of us who are used to books spelling out the answer for us. If you enjoy books like that, I can assure you that this is not the right one for you. An intellect is required during and after you read the book to at least partly process the information secretly given to you during the course of When Rabbit Howls. Reading this book for pure fun and no learning will get you no where, you must approach it with an intent to learn and think and, most defiantly, be confused beyond belief.

Great book - can be triggering/disturbing though.......2006-07-30

Read this as a teenager after my mother read it. The book was amazing, I couldn't seem to put it down. It was incredible what this woman went through. However, if you are a survivor of abuse it can be triggering at times and disturbing for anyone. The abuse is discribed explicitly in some cases and with such details you can tend to hold onto it and internalize the childs pain. Be careful - otherwise it was a great read.

I have a love-hate relationship with this book........2006-05-02

I am a multiple, but not of the sort Truddi Chase is. It's important to remember that each multiple is different, and each multiple's experience is different. In that way, I find the idea that this is an "insight into the world of MPD" to be laughable.

I am of the view that one can be multiple, and one can be disordered; the two are very different things. However, if you are multiple, and have been disordered, you might well end up like this.

Nonetheless, I found it a fascinating read - and just incidentally, a direct documentation of the sorts of sickening abuse that many children are subject to.

In that light, I find the infestation of "denial" reviews to be fascinating. Consider the fact that "they" do not want you to read this book to be it's own perverse recommendation.

Interestingly disturbing.......2006-04-20

This is not a book a would normally be drawn to. It was passed along to me as an interesting read. And that it is, for I imagine there is no other story like it.

The book captures the nature of the multiple personalities of a woman who was subject to incest since an early age. Through her journals and therapy sessions Truddi and Dr. Phillips bring this amazing story to us. Oh, and whether I believe in this condition or not, let's just say I'm skeptical.

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