Average customer rating:
- A great read for everyone who's known a Mr. Wrong
- Love Is Strange
- Did I enjoy this book?
- The ash and sputter of old flames
- Entertainment, consolation, hope for singles?
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Mr. Wrong: Real-Life Stories About the Men We Used to Love
Manufacturer: Ballantine Books
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover
 Love & Romance
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Mate Seeking
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Marriage & Family
| Sociology
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ASIN: 0345490215
Release Date: 2007-01-23 |
Book Description
“Don’t date this guy, he’s crazeeeee.”
–Diana Abu-Jabar, “Of Romance And Revolution”
Mr. Wrong is the tug behind your navel, the guy who lights you up like a Roman candle, the danger you can’t resist. And just about every woman, at some point in her life, has encountered one–or many.
Women everywhere will see themselves in these witty, wise, and entertaining personal essays by some of the literary world’s most accomplished and bestselling authors, including Jane Smiley, Audrey Niffennegger, Jacquelyn Mitchard, Ntozake Shange, Roxana Robinson, Marge Piercy, and Ann Hood. Readers will delight in the array of Mr. Wrongs encountered in these pages–from harmless and charming to revolting and offensive–and ultimately relish the notion that even if we succumb to the temptation of an utterly reckless romance, we can emerge with our hearts intact.
By turns wry and heartfelt, lighthearted and redemptive, these insightful, uplifting real-life stories run the emotional gamut, from Whitney Otto’s satisfying tale of a Mr. Wrong who receives his comeuppance in an unexpected way, to Robin Westen’s steamy account of lust with a zen master, to Monika Ekk’s rueful “I Married a Wanker!” Some are hilarious, like Marion Winik’s “The Ten Most Wanted,” while others, like Catherine Texier’s “Russian Lessons,” take us to the dark side of love and longing.
For every prince charming there are a million frogs. If you’ve ever trusted a man you couldn’t trust, Mr. Wrong will make you laugh, cry, and shake your head in recognition at yourself and your friends.
Customer Reviews:
A great read for everyone who's known a Mr. Wrong.......2007-08-12
This book has it all - humor, pathos, entertainment. Some excellent writers have found the courage to share the tales of love-life mistakes they have made in a way that enriches us all. Some stories made me laugh, and one or two came so close to my own history that it was like seeing myself through a different set of eyes. Joyce Maynard's touching "Your Friend Always" had the power to make me read through it three times, seeing different things in it each time. Pick this book up and read it!
Love Is Strange.......2007-05-04
I thoroughly enjoyed this diverse collection of true tales, masterfully strung together to maintain its momentum--and to keep me reading one after another. The title proved a good hook, but once inside, I found very little gender-fueled smugness.
The stories are filled with all-too-human love seekers, both male and female. Some of these real-life chapters are far different from my own experiences (or am I repressing?), yet I felt an immediate kinship with these women (and man). And tremendous empathy with some of the male partners. I was also amazed at the candor of the contributors (apart from disguising some names of their subjects, which was to be expected). Several of them are well-known writers, who clearly did not give their contributions short shrift.
To the credit of the editor, perhaps, there was a satisfying absence of lightweight sentimentality. I found the stories engaging, funny, frightening, sad, cynical, or just plain out-there, but they all had substance and ultimately were very believable.
I want to give everyone a copy of this next Christmas!
Did I enjoy this book?.......2007-03-18
I don't know if I "enjoyed" this book. The stories were funny, sad, & frightening. The authors were skilled & the book well-written. I read it right through & I liked the variety. Still, I was so empathetic with the women for the bad situations they found themselves in that this is the reason that I don't know if I "enjoyed" this book.
I would, however, share it with my best friends knowing that they would be entertained by the quality & the variety.
The ash and sputter of old flames .......2007-03-06
These essays from women writers run the gamut from Ethel Morgan-Smith's whimsical piece on mid-life personal ads, to Jane Smiley's sensitive and reflective essay on her youthful marriage, to Diana Abu-Jaber's arch and unpleasant account of an eccentric but down-market youthful dalliance.
Some are painfully revealing - of youthful indiscretion and cluelessness, most commonly - but some also illuminate critical, vulnerable moments in the writer's life. Two of these are among the most intense and unflinching in the book.
Joyce Maynard's spiraling correspondence with a convict could not have happened without her painful divorce. When, at the end, she quotes an early passage from the man's letters, it gives the reader a jolt to realize she found them comforting, and a hint of queasiness to recognize the rush of secret excitement they injected into her unhappy life.
Jacquelyn Mitchard contacts an old never-forgotten lover after her husband dies in his early 40s and attempts to resurrect a youthful fantasy. Sounds like something more than one of us (man or woman) has given a passing thought? Squash it.
Roxana Robinson's story of teenage expectation, ignorance, rebellion, and her first senior prom manages to combine complexity, character and intensity with sweetness and retrospective understanding.
Then there are the cute scoundrels, the needy ones and the really bad boys (Marion Winik gives an expert's rundown in the aptly named "The Ten Most Wanted"). There are the ones who stick like glue when you've sworn them off and disappear when you want them, and there are the good ones who got away.
Whether funny, rueful, scary or simply poignant, these essays will strike a chord of recognition in every woman and most men too.
Entertainment, consolation, hope for singles?.......2007-03-02
This book was quick and fun to read, a cross between literary anthology and _Cosmopolitan_. In it you will find a treasure-trove of love debacles ranging from the banal to the bizarre. Sometimes it definitely isn't only the Mr. who is Wrong, but the Ms. as well. You may choose to read some accounts as cautionary tales: Don't be clingy and needy, don't freak out when things don't seem perfect or that will really be the end, don't be sucked in by boys you *know* are bad, bad, bad and who you'd be embarrassed to introduce to your co-workers, and on and on. One story, which confused me at first, was by a gay man looking for romance in London. After all the feminine whining I'd come through, it somehow jarred my expectations, but I suppose it was good for contrast and comparison. The story I liked best was in fact the only other one written from the point of view of a man - this one falls in love with a handicapped e-mail correspondent, who he eventually is ready to leave his family for. Read it for the great surprise ending. The book alternately offers proof that "it could be worse", whatever situation you find yourself in; or the feeling that being single has a lot going for it; or at times simply puzzlement at how some people could be so warped and how others could actually end up stuck in a connection with them. One of the most encouraging parts of this book was learning that some of the contributors had at the time of the writing racked up over a decade in a relatively well-functioning and happy marriage with a Mr. Right. In the end, that is the positive message I personally took from this book.
Book Description
Does the journey toward finding a mate for life have to be filled with anxiety? desperation? fret? or regret? Not according to bestselling author Michelle McKinney Hammond who expertly navigates the choppy waters of singledom—for both men and women—and warmly encourages those stuck in the dead–end dating scene as well as those on an involuntary relationship fast that marriage could be on the horizon.
With her tell–it–like–it–is style using biblical examples, Michelle urges readers to place their need for love in perspective, take life off hold, live purposefully, and gain a basic understanding of successful relating with the opposite sex.
This unique format is presented for both sides of the single coin. Women will welcome Michelle’s sisterly advice and men will appreciate the insider information. Together, they comprise the ultimate guide to successfully finding (and keeping) the love of your life.
Customer Reviews:
Excellent book!.......2007-08-08
Quick read yet enlightening... It is an excellent book. Reinforced the importance of being still, waiting on God, and being prepared.
Excellent.......2007-05-15
This is a great book because it helps you to focus on yourself in the things that you could be doing as a woman instead of sitting around waititng a man. I also like the fact that is very practical. I enjoyed reading it.
Great for whether you are in search of love or searching for yourself.......2006-05-03
I found this book to be very insightful. As a newly divorced mother of two. I wanted to make sure that I looked for the right things in a man and not just go for anything just to say I have one. It made me think about past relationships and not play the victim in what ocurred. To take a hard look at some of the signs telling me this person is not good for you, but did it anyway. Taught me about not investing my time nor my spirit in a person that is not fit for me. I must first Love myself. She writes as if she is sitting right there saying "Girl you better learn some sense." Execellent job!! I have recommened this book to several friends.
God's Word Stands True.......2006-04-30
I just borrowed this book from my sister a week ago and officially just finished it today. This is one of the best books I have read lately on the issue. Michelle was very real about the position single women are in. Usually we are awaiting the man of our dreams. I have learned that Jesus has to be the man of our dreams first before he can release us to another. Michelle used accurate scripture (the story of Boaz and Ruth--you can read it yourself in Bible) to relate God's plan to send us our husbands. The number one thing that I took away from this book is that we are single for a reason. It is usually because God is dealing with us as we are. He wants a deeper relationship with us before we have to share our love with him and someone else. "Ending the search for Mr. Right" will allow you to "Begin the search for true happiness!"
A Bunch of Bull.......2006-03-18
I don't even want to elaborate on the crap this woman has written. But readers should be aware. First of all, how can a person take advice from someone who is in her mid to late 40s and never married? What can she tell a sister about finding the "right" mate when she haven't even found him for herself? What a hypocrite! 'Do as I say, not as I do' syndrome.
It's a sin and a shame that people will cheaply cling their paws into lonely women and write anything to soothe their burning flesh just for the sake of fame and fortune. Ladies, I say, see what Jesus says about love and marriage and stay away from the predator writers who lean unto their own understanding.
Book Description
You know the man. He's the one who looks good at a glance -- but not so good once you get to know him. What kind of women fall for him, and why? What are the chances he will change? And what if you've already married him?
More than just a checklist of men to steer clear of, Avoiding Mr. Wrong is a powerful tool to help women learn more about themselves and the Mr. Wrongs to whom they often feel drawn. Those men include: The Control Freak, The Mama's Boy, The Cowardly Lion, The Ungodly Man, and Mr. Wonderful.
Complete with a diagnostic quiz and quick reference lists, Avoiding Mr. Wrong is ideal for women whose hopes have been dashed again and again by a seemingly promising relationship. The book helps them to see more clearly, think more rationally, and act more wisely in the pursuit of Mr. Right.
Customer Reviews:
Stephen Arteburn is like the voice of reason..........2007-01-04
I really enjoyed this book! So much so, I brought additional copies and gave it to people. I enjoyed it because it did not candy coat things. It let's you know what to look for in other, as well as, what to take notice of in yourself. It is a great book to read it you really want to begin making changes in your life.
Not too helpful...Sorry.......2003-10-04
I got this book based on the description and the reviews written. I found the book to be something easy to just flip through although I tried to read page for page, it was just not too insightful. The stories were good to read, and the checklist/info at the end of each chapter was good. The only thing I did not like was the Bible/Christian perspective of the book. It does not allow all readers to relate to. Some of the suggested advice was to ACCEPT GOD? The author should have atleast indicated where some of the perspective was geared towards. Not every one is Christian, and not every can relate to the bible or a cheating minister as a husband =(
Best Book To Spot The Wrong Men!.......2001-12-04
Wonderful insightful book. It seems so simple, that you would be able to spot these men a mile away and run the other way but not true for some. This book has explained in clear language with a touch of spiritual aspect but not too much. Very real and straight to the point. I suggest this book for women of all ages. A must read.
A MAN TELLING ON HIMSELF WHILE TELLING WOMEN THE DEAL............2001-07-30
This book, writen from a frank, but Christian perspective, lists the types on men to avoid, what they look for in a partner/victim, why the women themselves are drawn to these losers and how to work through the issues to eventually create a better relationship (except if the man is violent). The 2 end chapters also give tips on how to steer clear of "Mr. Wrong" to begin with and hope on making the existing relationship a healthier one. Mr. Arterburn's disclosure of his past mistakes, dry humor and case scenarios make this book a must-read for women who want to empower themselves, gain insight into these types of "men" and start on the path to "Mr. Right", and it will help the men who are open-minded enough to want to correct their flaws. I highly, whole-heartedly recommend this important book.
Life Changing.......2001-07-17
I have shared this book with many, many friends and their daughters. I share it in the hopes that it will keep others from marrying a Mr. Wrong. I am recently divorced, however, I began to read this book while separated from my husband. It helped me to better understand the dynamics of my marriage and my relationship with my husband. The power of this book is beyond measure. RED FLAG: NEVER MARRY SOMEONE WHO IS IN A HURRY TO MARRY. He may be a deceiver who is afraid that you will find out who he really is, so he hurries you. GREAT ADVICE: INTRODUCE HIM TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY, BE OPEN TO THEIR INPUT. Mr. Wrong will try to keep away from those who will be honest with you. I now look at relationships in completely different ways, and often times find my self saying .... he is a deceiver, he is a momma's boy....etc. I will continue to read this book over time to avoid meeting a Mr. Wrong and marrying him. One critical feature of the book is identifying characteristics that are changable and those that are likely to never to change and are potentially dangerous. This is a must read.
Book Description
Wish you had a crystal ball that could tell you if your guy was Mr. Right? Tired of wasting time with one Mr. Wrong after another? You’re not alone. Too many of us make bad decisions about the men in our lives and end up committing to relationships that don’t bring us the happiness we deserve.
Now you can have that crystal ball you were wishing for. With this groundbreaking book, internationally recognized relationship expert and bestselling author Mira Kirshenbaum turns her attention to the most common relationship question women have: Is he the one I should commit to? This is the only guide you’ll ever need to answer that question once and for all.
Offering savvy, straightforward advice gleaned from helping thousands of women find lasting love, Kirshenbaum offers the only step-by-step strategy for determining whether or not you should commit. Is He Mr. Right? will help you:
• Decide if your guy is a keeper—or not
• Identify the Five Dimensions of Chemistry and how to tell if you and your man have it
• Understand the secret of women who find love: dump the duds fast
• Focus on what you need to make you happy—and get it
You will discover what you really want from a relationship, learn how to trust yourself again, and stop wasting time with guys who aren’t right for you. A must-have for any woman, Is He Mr. Right? provides the tools you need to find real happiness in love.
Customer Reviews:
Guys -- this is great if you're straight!.......2007-07-10
Okay, I'm a straight guy and I don't usually read self-help books. But my sister told me I gotta read this cause, let's face it, my relationships haven't worked out and now I'm getting serious about this woman. My sister just didn't want me to make another mistake. And I'm like, hey, I'm not looking for Mr. Right. She said, stupid, just change the genders -- it works just as well the other way. I have to say the book was amazing. Touched on every area I had concerns about -- like was she an OK person, and was our chemistry good, and was it real or fake. Kirshenbaum is so solid and smart and down to earth. If your a guy looking for Ms. right and you're afraid of getting burned, you've got to get your hands on this book. It's a lot cheaper and a lot more fun than ultimately getting divorced.
Definitely should be read by gay men.......2007-01-25
Here's the short of it. I know a lot guys who could benefit from this book. A couple of years ago I got involved with the wrong guy. A guy who was partnered. Well needless to say I learned many lessons. My self-respect was clearly absent during this time but the humiliation did me a lot of good. I slowly made my way back to the dating world. I had been pinballing from guy to guy over the last 7-8 years when my first serious relationship ended after 6 years. One of the things I noticed was that all the other guys I dated these last handful of years, I didn't really feel anything for them but they felt something for me. I thought I could make up the difference. Well let me tell you something, you can't. In my 1st relationship I definitely felt something and we had a good run and parted amicably but all these other guys, I really didn't feel enough of anything and they were great guys! I think part of what was going on was that I needed to...grow up. I have learned the hard way NOT to enter into a relationship that is based on fear. I wasn't being very selective and I have learned that I really should be selective. I can be picky but not choosy. Takes more time than you think but I feel now I am on my own journey and I am finally having fun.
And lo and behold, I find this book. I thought it would be a light read but man it was far better than I thought it would be. All the mistakes she points that people make like not paying attention to chemistry, I have made a lot of them. It was refreshing to see in print what I had arrived at these last couple of years. If anything, this book cements my resolve to base any future relationship I have on nothing but proactive self-respect and love. I am so very glad that I am single in my late 30's and finally at east with it. In my own opiniong I think men, especially gay men, make better relationship candidates in their late 30's and into their 40's. I finally feel like I'm ready.
The author provides in this book confident agreement with what many of us think but are afraid to act on. I'm not afraid any more and with this book, the author gives a nice kick in that pants. It's like having that wise aunt that tells you like it is but with nothing but love.
I can't say enough about this book -- good stuff!
Amazingly helpful to gay men as well!.......2007-01-09
I am a 38 year old gay male. I had an 11 month relationship with a guy in which I was not only lied to but cheated on. But I stayed because I loved him. This book makes you realize signs of when and why to run away before you let your heart and feelings take over. It also makes you realize if it is right to stay in the current relationship you may be in. Breaking up is hard (I'm single only a week now) but I know the pain will pass. If I were to stay in the relationship I would have just prolonged the pain. GET THIS BOOK if you have doubts. Mira is the best!
What every person - man or woman - should know before they commit to each other.......2007-01-01
I can see now why I've had so many problems in all my past relationships - I didn't know what ingredients made for a good, long-lasting relationship.
I pondered this question in my teens and married my first husband based on compatibility. But we didn't have chemistry.
Very importantly, I've been relieved of another myth that "chemistry is the physical/sexual attraction" and that it is all you need. I've had that fantastic sexual chemistry but the safety dimension of chemistry was missing and the relationship didn't survive.
Equally as important, I've been relieved of another myth, "that there is just one person out there for each of us". Because we can have chemistry with many potential partners, the hope that I will meet someone who is right for me has been rekindled.
I wish I had this information at the start of my dating and I would have done things differently!
I want to thank Mira for writing this book and sharing her knowledge of what ingredients make a healthy loving relationship with the rest of us. Her work is a true gift on the planet.
Thank you.
Margaret-Ann, Melbourne.
practical guide to whether to say yes.......2006-12-16
For those of us a little confused about whether we're with Mr. Right, this is a good practical guide to all the things you should look for. In fact, reading it, I immediately recommended the book to my sister... hoping it would shed light for her as well.
The author outlines basic check list of "must haves" in your man and gives evidence that the check list is valid.
Some may think the list is a bit over simplified, but having put it into use, I can say that it's probably right on the mark. There are so many factors to every relationship, and it's all open for interpretation... but fundamentally, there are only a few things that are truly important. The study of long lasting relationships gives us the common denominator.
The book is a fun read. So the worst case scenerio is that it doesn't work and you had nice reading material.
Book Description
Gene Clark soared to fame as a founding member and frontman of The Byrds, one of the most important and influential groups of the '60s. His songwriting with The Byrds and subsequent work as a solo artist and with Dillard and Clark mark him as one of rock's key innovators and a pioneer of folk-rock, psychedelia, and alt-country. Yet Clark's personal demons shadowed him throughout his life, and until now his legacy has been clouded in mystery. Told through the personal recollections of those closest to Clark, Mr. Tambourine Man offers a rare glimpse into his life and work, a revealing portrait of one of rock's greatest bands, and a cautionary tale of the pitfalls of fame. Endorsed by the Gene Clark estate, the book also features rare and previously unseen photos from family and friends.
Customer Reviews:
A word for the general reader.......2007-10-10
A while ago I found a section of my local library that I had been unaware of: Rock Biography. Over the years I've read and enjoyed many books in this genre (the most interesting perhaps being Sting's Broken Music). Taken in a concentrated dose, however, there is a certain gloomy sameness about many of them.
The current opus is a case in point. I see that other reviewers rate it highly; and from an objective stand-point I have no reason to disagree. But although Gene Clark wrote some of my favourite songs, I found this book even more depressing than Hank Bordowitz's Bad Moon Rising.
It would certainly be rash to judge anyone on the basis of a single biography that may be biased, incomplete or simply incompetent (although I notice that this one has the endorsement of his estate -- which presumably includes his family).
And obviously no one can be blamed either for having bipolar disorder (if indeed this was the case) or for fear of flying. Nor can I even say with these reservations, that of the parade of egocentric drink- and drug-sodden oafs filing past me on the printed page over the past few weeks, Gene Clark appears to be the most selfish: the competition is much too stiff for that. As depicted here, though, he would certainly seem to be a contender.
He was one of thirteen children raised by hardworking parents just above the poverty line. After he became successful, they heard nothing from him for months. I searched this book for some evidence of any generous act on his part. The best I could find was the gift of a television to his mother and father (p.76 -- possibly so that they could watch him in colour, although the book doesn't actually say so). I could have missed something, of course, and if you think this might be the case, you should read the book and judge for yourself. I'd love to learn that this is a false impression.
I found incomprehensible the author's repeated insistence that the Byrds' roots were in Folk Music; but this could be simply culture gap due to the fact that in the States, "folk musician" seems not refer simply to someone who sings traditional songs of unknown authorship, but to anyone who plays an acoustic guitar.
Mr. Einarson's research looked painstaking and thorough. His prose style seemed to me no better than serviceable, but this may be unfair. It could be that no writer can make a good story of this sad Rake's Progress from athletic and talented teenager via pugnacious drunk to 46-year-old corpse lying in a pool of vomit.
The fours stars reflects how well I think Mr. Einarson has done with the material he had to work with. In terms of general interest alone, I'd give the book two.
Summary
=======
If you're a major Byrds or Gene Clark fan, this is probably essential reading. If your interest is only cursory, though, I'd advise you to give it a miss -- unless you're a masochist.
An Unrecognized Genius.......2007-06-18
Gene Clark, one of the founders of the Byrds and for the most part the magic and genius behind the Byrds was and is a milestone in 60's music. Unfortunately after the Byrds, he never reached the pinnacle of success that he was capable of reaching though he had no one to blame but himself. His fear of flying, his anxieties and panic attacks, his drinking and drug use, all of it and more took its toll as so often is the case with people who have been blessed with above average talent. This book was very interesting, very factual, and very difficult to put down once I started reading it. If you're looking for the inside story of a man who helped define the 60's, I would highly recommend this book. There's a lot of information out there on the Byrds, but nothing about Gene Clark as comprehensive as this.
The Reason Why.......2007-05-14
What a great book. A lot of time went into collecting/interviewing all those folks who were part of Gene's life. I bought this book because I wanted to know how Gene Clark ended up a wasted shell of a human being when I saw him at a club in Santa Monica just before he died. A man in his mid-forties should have been in top form and good health. Instead, that night in that small venue (it was essentially just a bar) I sat 30 feet from Gene and could see his haunted face and emaciated body. He kept looking into the audience but his eyes were dead. I remember feeling terrible after I left. And then a few months later I found out he had passed away.
This book explains everything. As the lead singer for the Byrds and as a solo singer/songwriter Gene had it all: good looks, strong physique, excellent lyrices, and a great voice. But built into Gene from day one were the seeds of his own destruction that would result in an internal battle whose ultimate casualty was the man himself. Now I understand why Gene never achieved the kind of fame one would have expected from such a talented individual. God bless you Gene...and thanx for the beautiful and moving music.
If you are into the Byrds, the roots of country rock, or a die-hard Gene Clark fan....you gotta get this. It is a labor of love and will provide insight into a tortured soul, and maybe in reading it, you will also see a bit of yourself in Gene.
a valuable addition to any collection of music biographies.......2006-09-25
I was hooked from John Einarson's statement in the introduction that for Gene Clark it was all about the lyrics. Einarson's meticulous research into Gene Clark pays homage to the introspective, troubled soul who produced some of the most haunting, memorable lyrics to come out of the 60s and 70s. Clark was unable to maintain the success achieved by the Byrds, and his efforts to throw off the label of "ex-Byrd" continued throughout his life. Einarson explores Clark's impoverished childhood and the impact it had on his inability to cope with fame and fortune. He details Clark's frustration with the music industry, as well as his continual struggle with substance abuse. Einarson makes no attempt to excuse or romanticize Clark's drinking and drugging as part of the times, but instead portrays the reality of a musical genius destroyed by his own demons.
Einarson has amassed an incredible number of interviews which offer a great deal of insight into Clark. Clark family members, including his two sons, are quoted frequently. Although many legendary musicians were interviewed, Einarson maintains his focus on Gene Clark. It is fitting and ironic that the spotlight Clark so studiously avoided shines directly on him in this amazingly detailed biography.
Those of us who spent hour after hour listening to the Byrds and dissecting their music found it incomprehensible that Gene Clark could have simply walked away. The perspective of time, life experience, and this book helps us to empathize with the desire of an insecure singer/songwriter to be heard and appreciated.
A story that needs to be told.......2006-06-26
Gene Clark was not only the genius behind the Byrds, notwithstanding Roger McGuinn's brilliance and David Crosby's backup roll, but a true pioneer of several variations of modern rock and popular music.
The story of this troubled man is long overdue and one that I think today's fans of folk-rock, psychedelia, alt-country and Americana are largely unaware of.
The book is long on facts and that is OK but the one quibble I have, and the reason I did not give 5 stars, is that the author tends to repeat himself rather than just tell a straightforward story.
Otherwise the book is outstanding and has led me to look for more and more of Clark's work as I re-discover and discover this true innovator of American music.
Amazon.com
Since the 1960s, when his work gained a new recognition in the literary canon, biographies of Oscar Wilde and critical analysis of his work have become commonplace. While this writing acknowledged the "fact" of Wilde's homosexuality, it did not, for the most part, explore the complexity of the impact it had upon his life and work. This is remedied in Neil Bartlett's Who Was That Man?, which squarely places Wilde in a gay historical context and literary tradition.
Neil Bartlett--an openly gay British novelist, critic and leading innovator on the British stage--has produced the one of the most remarkable books ever written on Wilde. Who Was That Man? is a personal meditation on Wilde's work and the relevance of the artist and playwright in the contemporary world. Bartlett uses his own experience as a gay man to understand Wilde's life and manages--through extensive historical research and evocative language--to make observations and connections and illuminate our understanding of the writer and his place in his own world and ours.
Customer Reviews:
The Wilde Side.......2000-02-04
A gay Londoner of the 80s goes searching for his roots and finds Oscar Wilde, a complex figure early on in the history of the cultural and social construction of twentieth-century homosexuality. If you're interested in Wilde, this is a very good book to read along with Richard Ellman's more standard biography.
Book Description
What the international phenomenon of The Rules did for conventional dating, The Rules for Online Dating does for the search for love on the Internet. You'll never hit the "reply" button the same way again.
Millions of women around the world are meeting men on the Internet, or they've met in person and are corresponding by e-mail. But though e-mail and Net-based dating services have revolutionized the dating landscape, they've created their own pitfalls and challenges. Women need new strategies that will improve their chances of capturing Mr. Right.
Boasting the same time-tested formula and romantic spirit that made The Rules an international bestseller and launched thousands of women down the path to committed relationships, The Rules for Online Dating shows all women -- regardless of age, status, or computer savvy -- how to use electronic communication to relate to men in a way that maintains self-esteem and leads to a healthy relationship.
Here is a comprehensive list of dos and don'ts that will help every woman conduct an e-courtship safely and successfully; find and keep the interest of suitable mates; and save time, energy, and potential heartache by weeding out dead wood. The Rules for Online Dating takes women through the process -- step by step, Rule by Rule -- to the ultimate goal: a relationship based on mutual attraction, interest, and respect.
Download Description
What the international phenomenon of The Rules did for conventional dating, The Rules for Online Dating does for the search for love on the Internet. You'll never hit the "reply" button the same way again. Millions of women around the world are meeting men on the Internet, or they've met in person and are corresponding by e-mail. But though e-mail and Net-based dating services have revolutionized the dating landscape, they've created their own pitfalls and challenges. Women need new strategies that will improve their chances of capturing Mr. Right. Boasting the same time-tested formula and romantic spirit that made The Rules an international bestseller and launched thousands of women down the path to committed relationships, The Rules for Online Dating shows all women - regardless of age, status, or computer savvy - how to use electronic communication to relate to men in a way that maintains self-esteem and leads to a healthy relationship. Here is a comprehensive list of dos and don'ts that will help every woman conduct an e-courtship safely and successfully; find and keep the interest of suitable mates; and save time, energy, and potential heartache by weeding out dead wood. The Rules for Online Dating takes women through the process - step by step, Rule by Rule - to the ultimate goal: a relationship based on mutual attraction, interest, and respect.
Customer Reviews:
Capturing Their Heart?.......2006-09-27
After being out of the dating scene for ages, I've been trying to work my way back in, and find The Rules aren't necessarily about capturing the heart of "Mr. Right," as they are weeding out "Mr. Wrongs" and not kicking yourself over a failed relationship or a relationship that's not getting off the ground. If he hasn't asked you on a date after four emails, it's because he simply doesn't want to, at least not badly enough to ask. The Rules help you give a guy enough room to decide, and communicate, what he wants -- the opposite of manipulation.
excellent advice.......2006-07-17
I am a fan of the first book and subsequent "Rules" books by these authors. While these authors are criticized for being manipulative and non-feminist, one only has to try out their methods and look for results (or, conversely, violate the rules and see that doing so ends in disaster). Every time I have violated a rule of theirs, the man has immediately lost interest. What's great about this book is that it tells you exactly how to handle certain situations that arise when you are engaging in the online search for a significant other. This book is just what I needed to save myself time and heartache!
You will either hate or love this book.......2006-05-18
By reading other reviews you most likely have an opinion right now if this book is for you or not. Is it old-fashioned? Sexist? Stupid? Playing Games? Honestly, that's your call. There were several points I liked in this book, I think it has some valid content.
Profiles, the authors state that men basically look at the pretty pictures of the women, and glance at their profiles. Is this true? Men are visual. So pick a nice smiling photo. Don't write too much. I like this, not because it creates mystery, because your leaving out emotional baggage. Your selling yourself, not the fact your ex cheated on you with your neighbor, wouldn't commit, or he was mean.
I liked the after 4 emails, and he didn't give you his phone number, or ask for yours move on. Really, your on a dating website to date. If you are looking for chat buddies, go to a chat room. The author also asks you to wait 24 hours before you respond. There is a lot of pressure to respond right away, do you need to wait a full 24 hours?
There are a lot of tips like this that I think help weed out the real potential canidates. Online dating isn't for the faint-hearted. It is work finding the right person. I like that this book sets boundaries initially. I haven't read their other book, but I felt this book does a good job of helping you to sort through people. If you liked 'He's just not that into you', you will like this book as well.
Making Money Off Of Desperate Women: A Guide.......2006-03-16
As someone who has never seriously considered joining an online dating service (working with patrons in a public library computer center is enough to dissuade even more open-minded, shy, and luckless single people from doing this) it was just by chance I happened to stumble on The Rules for Online Dating, written by the cynical and cloying sexists Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. I hear their Rules for Dating series is quite popular; if I really wanted to go after them, I suppose I should've read the original book. However, having read full portions of this one, I imagine I've gotten enough of an idea that reading any further would be act of senseless masochism. Fortunately, I do have an intrepid reporter updating me on the other books, saving me that displeasure.
The first thing that most readers who are not, as the authors put it, "Rules girls" (meaning those who do not slavishly accept the divine and unerring wisdom of Ms. Fein and Schneider) will notice is that the authors have an attitude towards gender that could be fairly described as bigoted; I'll get to that in a bit, as there's quite a lot to be said.
The second thing they might notice is a creepy implicit desire for control over their readers, not-so-subtly scolding those who disagree with their pronouncements as "Rules breakers". In this vein, it should be noted that the Rules books once contained a chapter entitled "Don't discuss the Rules books with your therapists," which, we should thank our lucky stars, has been removed in later editions of the book.
The third thing the reader might notice is that book is, put simply, annoying, written in a cloying and condescending tone of voice. Finally, the reader will be forced to conclude that the book, in addition to being unpleasant and sexist, simply doesn't achieve its goal. Or at least, I'm not familiar with the type of men the authors claim to be discussing (probably through self-selection of friends), and try to avoid the type of women they're targeting.
First, let's address the rather nauseating sexism. In the fourth chapter the authors have already used the classic sexist trope, encouraging Rules girls to "smile a lot and not speak too much." I hope most men today believe that being fun, exciting, and even (gasp!) intellectually stimulating might at times involve the act of speech. The sexism, of course cuts both ways. The Rules books are brimming over with implicit insults to men. Remember, ladies... Men, being shallow oxen, don't care for smarties. The book warns women that "men are not looking for Shakespeare or Hemingway when they search Matchmaker.com." And god forbid you ever mention to a man that you're having a bad day... The poor dears are simply not equipped for that level of emotional baggage.
The authors work hard to distill a sense of entitlement and self-satisfaction in the reader. They want ladies to think of themselves, in their sickly terminology, as "CUAO"s... "Creatures Unlike Any Other." Ladies ought to walk into a room "as if they just stepped out of a limo," as someone who would never dream of going Dutch. The thought that a woman may actually be making more than the man and doesn't need his beneficence does not occur to the writers... or at least they assume such a self-supportive woman is not in their target demographic. (Don't make an exception for students or guys on a tight budget, they explicitly caution in the first book.)
The book sometimes takes a break from sexism for simple incompetence. Their suggestions for screen names are dazzlingly banal, seemingly designed to demonstrate that a woman has no personality whatsoever. For example: BlondBeauty50, PetiteBrunette34, TrulyCute22, GorgeousGreenEyez44. They encourage self-conscious rudeness, which I can only imagine would be wildly counterproductive in many cases, for example never answering messages on weekends or in a timely manner... Don't ask why, I still don't understand it. They also assume that men, by and large, will only be truly interested in a woman if she makes a point of pretending to not be particularly interested in them. Obviously, this is going to scare off the shyer men, who are just going to assume the woman is not interested. And considering that, man-wise, online dating is the province of the shy and the creepy, that pretty much just leaves the creepy.
(Scratch that... I've just been informed by the original Rules screed that shy men do not exist. And in a puff of smoke I disappear.)
The fact that not all the advice included in this book is bad is not a sign of its usefulness so much as a demonstration that the authors are not afraid of the obvious. The fact that they have an entire chapter, not even an especially short chapter, on why you should avoid dating a married man ("even online"!) gives you an idea of what the authors really think of the intelligence and character of their readers.
There's a somewhat ugly aura of exploitation hanging over the whole enterprise. The writers assume pretty obviously that their readers are desperate. Instead of counseling them against this state, they encourage women to mask their desperation behind deliberate and rigorously maintained fakery. If they genuinely wanted to make women feel good about themselves, as they claim in the early chapters, they might wonder whether there might be more to doing so than finding a man and "closing the deal," (as they refer to marriage in an articulation of cynicism that truly takes the breath away.) Even more disturbing, the monomaniacal final chapter sternly warns readers "Don't Bend or Break The Rules Online-Even a Little Bit, accompanied by horrible accounts of what can happen when some foolhardy Rules-breaker steps out of line. In addition to this lockstep conformity being self-evidently bad advice, this is the type of language more befitting a cult than a self-help book. But of course we need a steady supply of Rules-girls to buy the next book. One wonders... is the bad advice I've mentioned really unintentional?
Rating: 0 out of 10. (Not merely bad, but evil.)
Excellent! .......2006-02-26
I am a fan of "The Rules" and have all of the books except for the one about marriage. I loved this book so much that I really wish I had this book a long time ago, particularly when I had started dating my ex-boyfriend online.
This book made me realize that my pursuing men via cyperspace has eventually led to my downfalls in my online relationships. Because I had broken all The Rules, I ended up with men who either just wanted sex, wanted something "on the side," or men who weren't into me as I was into them.
From my own personal experiences and from their other books, I am convinced that romantic relationships work best when a MAN pursues a woman and the woman stays "elusive."
This book has great practical advice, as well as encouraging success stories of women who've found love by following The Rules online.
If you are only looking for fun, sex, or a pen-pal through online dating sites, this book is not for you. This book is only for women who is serious about finding the love of their lives online.
Book Description
In discussions about finding a marriage partner, we often hear the cliché you'll just know. Unfortunately, this conjecture can be dangerous, as love is blind to many faults. When those words have faded, the heartache of an ailing or broken marriage will still be sharp. In Finding Mr. Right, the authors offer a list of ten characteristics to look for in Mr. Right--physical attraction is NOT one of them!--along with ten principles on how to choose Mr. Right. They dispel the one perfect person myth, encouraging women to abandon the search for Mr. Perfect and become comfortable with Mr. Right. Additionally, they share steps to becoming Miss Right. For women confused by the dating game or seeking guidance in this major life decision, Finding Mr. Right is an essential resource.
Customer Reviews:
I agree with it.......2007-05-04
I have read this book several times. I like that it has bible verses. For me, it wouldn't be a Christian book if it didn't. That would be like writing a college paper and not citing your sources! I am a Christian and I wanted to know what God thought about dating. The book is welcoming because of it's title and draws you in to learn more about yourself, about someone you will date or are dating, and helps you improve upon and strengthen things. Since reading this book I have been more "strategic" and basically that means that I treat myself with more respect that I ever did before because I expect the person I marry to do the same.
Could have done without the preaching.......2007-02-06
The title of this book is a little mis-leading. It should have been called "How to find Mr. Right using the Bible". I am Christian but I found all of the constant refrences and Bible quotes to be overwhelming. I was searching for a book about how to find Mr. Right, not really a book about how to use the 10 commandments to find a decent non-good-looking guy. It does however have many valid points and the Bible is a good refence point for most things in life.... but this was just too much God for me to handle for entertainment sake.
Great Book but should have left out the bible quotes.......2004-04-01
I throughly enjoyed book. I found it to be fresh. I have read almost every relationship book out there and found this to be a keeper. I am 54 and don't feel I need to "save" myself for marriage. I have passed over the "preaching" lightly with humor. Buy this book you'll definely learn something from it.
Could have been Excellent ..........2003-08-12
I really enjoyed this book until I reached pages 125 - 152 where the author(s) begin to tell us (women) "Where and How to Look for Mr. Right". Anyone who knows the Bible knows that women are "good things to be FOUND". We have no business looking for men, researching the web (Eharmony.com - the author(s) really pushed this website, it makes one wonder...?), having friends/family "set us up" etc. This is not biblical. Yes, God desires that we marry. God presents the woman to her man just has he presented Eve to Adam, Eve didn't run around looking for Adam. Eve was made for and presented to Adam.
Disturbingly enough, there's also a chapter that not only encourages, but also shows women how to FLIRT! In this chapter, you will find your "flirting style" and find that "flirting is fun!" I can't find any reference to "biblical flirting" in the Bible, therefore you won't find me doing it.
Other than the chapters I spoke of, I liked the book. It was thought provoking and covered issues other books on courting and relationships do not.
I gave the book 3 stars because anyone lacking wisdom and who may not be rooted and grounded in the Word of God may do as the book suggests in those 2 chapters and be in for a rude awakening.
okay..........2003-02-02
A lot of the advice written in here is very good but a lot of it also isn't. Some of it is so obvious but anyhow, I felt that the author pushed the point that people should take it upon themselves to find Mr. Right. When we should really trust God to do it for us, I've read dozens of dating/courting books and the one that I like best is "When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy." Its more realistic.
Average customer rating:
- Lighthearted fun
- Hysterically funny!
- Disgusting, anti-male garbage
- Wonderful
- Ugh
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Looking For Mr. Right
Bradley Trevor Greive
Manufacturer: Andrews McMeel Publishing
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ASIN: 0740718371 |
Book Description
Every woman's been there and some have been there again and again! Best-selling author Bradley Trevor Greive (BTG) understands (really, he does) the very essence of woman's age-old quest for her soul mate, the endlessly frustrating search for "Mr.Right." Women from all walks of life ask, "Why is a good man so hard to find'" BTG has the raw objectivity, brutal honesty, and deep insight into the male psyche (after all, he is the enemy) to provide a credible answer: "Hey, maybe there aren't any!" Bradley Trevor Greive again has combined witty, original text with superb, side-splitting photographs (retro images of people this time) to perfectly illustrate a simple, but powerful message about how we choose to live our life and who we choose to share it with. Looking for Mr. Right is one of the most hilarious, uplifting books for women ever written and makes an absolutely ideal gift for all ages.
Customer Reviews:
Lighthearted fun.......2006-10-04
First of all, those who gave this book low ratings (such as the gentleman who called it male-trashing filth) must not "get it." This isn't supposed to be deep and heavy...so of course the text is simple and to the point (it's a picture book, for heaven's sake, people). This book is not meant to seriously bash males...it's more like a caricature portrayal. Men and women are different, and we should just laugh at it because that's not going to change anytime soon. Greive helps us to do just this. As a man, I'm sure he wouldn't go around bashing men in a serious way...how many times have female comedians stood onstage poking fun at the female stereotypes of being emotional, or catty, or in love with shoes?? Sure not every female is like that, but there are certain stereotypes in our world that make for great humor when it's done in fun. This book is both humorous and inspiring. I bought it when i was single, and I also gave it as gifts to friends -- single & looking, recently single, and even married. My boyfriend saw it on my coffee table this weekend and started looking through it...he thought it was hilarious! The vintage pictures are great, and although it pokes some light fun at the guys, by the end of the book the message is serious and poignant - don't try to be anything but who you are, and in doing so everything else will fall into place in its own way and time. This is a great gift for any girlfriend going through a breakup, as well as those who are single and feeling a little disenchanted. My only regret is that there are only 5 stars, because this book deserves many more!
Hysterically funny!.......2005-09-05
and unfortunately, soooo accurate! Any woman who has loved or tried to love a man will love this book. A side-splitter!
Disgusting, anti-male garbage.......2004-10-16
This piece of filth was written by a self-loathing male and is bought by misandric, self-centered imbeciles. It's nothing but a grocery list of men's faults and an insinuation that women, in contrast, are perfect. Even violence against men is joked about: suggestions of women shooting men and even severing their private parts.
If there were a similar book about WOMEN being awful, NOW would have sent death threats to the publishing house. Ridiculing men for about a hundred pages is no different.
This piece of sexist garbage is for the woman who says how much she hates men -- and then wonders aloud why no one will go out with her. Who in his right mind would?
Wonderful.......2003-12-31
I received this book as a gift. I LOVED it, the pictures and the one liners were funny, true and really made me think. I had to purchase this book for my sister. We all are looking for "that one" what this man said was "I am the one" be true to yourelf. then you will find truth, love and Mr Right. Thanks!
Ugh.......2003-04-07
Anyone with 5 spare minutes could have written the text for this book - I found it very cliche - I'll admit some of the photos are decent - but really why would you pay money for this? So-so" photos don't make a good book.
Customer Reviews:
Still holds up thirty years later........2006-12-21
Judith Rossner, Looking for Mr. Goodbar (Washington Square Press, 1975)
Looking for Mr. Goodbar was an unconscionably shocking novel when it appeared in 1975. It was still shocking when Richard Brooks turned it into a devastating film featuring rising stars Richard Gere, Tom Berenger, and William Atherton as the three most important men in Diane Keaton's life. Now, here we are thirty years later. The scene Rossner set isn't shocking. But in some ways, her treatment of it is, and this is why Looking for Mr. Goodbar is still in print, three decades after its original release.
Theresa Dunn, we learn on the first page, is dead. She was killed by a guy she picked up in a bar a few hours beforehand (leading to Rex Reed's famous, and utterly inaccurate, statement "this is the story of what happens to Theresa in bars."). We go from police report to said guy's statement, which is equal parts amusing and chilling. Then the rest of the novel's three hundred ninety pages gives us Theresa's story as it leads up to her murder.
Despite Reed's tantalizing review, Theresa Dunn is not the kind of barhopper one might find in a bad seventies softcore movie. In fact, she spends not much time at all in bars themselves. (Mr. Goodbar, the name of the bar where she picks up the guy who kills her, is only mentioned by name twice in Theresa's portion of the story, if I recall correctly.) The novel actually focuses on Theresa's relationships, and how they contribute to the novel's outcome-- first with one of her college professors, and then conflicting, simultaneous relationships with two men, the macho and aggressive Tony and calm, staid James, as Theresa tries to figure out who she really is and what she wants from life.
Rossner approaches her subject matter in a frank, matter-of-fact tone. Thirty years on, it's not the sex that's shocking, nor the idea of having it casually; we've seen it all a thousand times before. It's small offhand comments about tangential topics, or terminology (none of which, of course, is capable of being used in an Amazon review), that are still a shock to the system. Reading it, you realize that not all of the boundaries we pushed in books in the seventies were eventually broken; some of them rebounded.
But all that aside, what's it like as a book? Well, it's readable, and a relatively quick novel; Rossner does know how to keep the pages turning. I'm not sure whether she had literary aspirations with this novel (and, to be honest, I'm not sure whether she achieved them, though being re-released by Washington Square Press in 1995 certainly lends the novel an air of credibility in that regard), but it's certainly two or three rungs above your garden-variety genre potboiler or Beeline novel. Rossner's characters are deep, rich constructions, even when they border on the stereotypical (Theresa's sister Katherine and her husband are clinging-to-the-sixties free love poster children, better for a laugh these days than anything else), and the situations in which they find themselves are grimly realistic. Rossner wrote herself a fine novel, and one that deserves to be rediscovered by a new generation. *** ½
Painfully real account of a life lived carelessly.......2005-04-13
Rarely has a bestseller had such a powerful yet upsetting impact on the psyche of contemporary American sexuality. Judith Rossner's novel brutally reflects the condition of today's swinging singles scene with the story of Theresa Dunn, a young 20-something grade school teacher living alone in Manhattan during the freewheeling 70's. On the surface, Theresa resembles the compassionate, down-to-earth All-American Girl that we can all identify with. Her ambition and desire for freedom and personal liberation transform her from a shy, insecure girl into an independent young woman living in the Lower East Side with a career teaching second graders. But as a result of a few traumatic events in her childhood and several debasing sexual relationships, this image is slowly deteriorated as we gain more insight into Theresa's troubled emotional and mental state. Add to that the unforgiving tide of the era's sexual revolution, Theresa becomes swept away in a pessimistic and alienated life of nameless sex and drug use.
Fearing genuine emotional intimacy and attachment with anyone, Theresa instead tries to fill the spiritual and emotional void inside of her by taking home various men from bars and clubs for sex, and then kicking them out afterward so that she won't have to face the emotional consequences. Not surprisingly, Theresa soon finds herself spiraling downward at an out-of-control rate, and just as she realizes that she is careening toward catastrophe, she takes the wrong man home with her, and thus seals her own tragic fate.
Rossner spends a considerable amount of the novel producing the background circumstances for Theresa's behavior, so that we can see why she unwittingly paid the ultimate price for the sake of misguided pleasure. What sets this novel miles ahead of similar psychological thrillers is the unsympathetic realism that is portrayed in the circumstances surrounding Theresa's self-destruction. The sex scenes are unpleasant and emotionally deadening and you'll never find more starkly realistic dialogue anywhere else. And then there's that notoriously graphic and bone-chilling ending which will haunt you for several weeks to follow....
Probably the biggest reason why such an overwhelmingly depressing novel like this was so widely popular and culturally influential is because Theresa is such an explicit reflection of the very worst in all of us. Not only do we see Theresa's insecurities and fears in our own thoughts, but her story is still told today again and again through the real-life tragic misjudgments of Natalie Holloway, Matthew Shepherd and others. This is not a crime novel or thriller. Rather, it is a psychological study of the tragic self-destruction of a human being. Overall, `Looking for Mr. Goodbar' is an essential must-read for those who are brave enough to acknowledge why we as individuals often cannot help but destroy ourselves.
A More Seedy, Sexually Charged "In Cold Blood".......2004-01-19
This is definitely one of those novels that is like a car accident-- it's ugly, but you can't look away. Rossner's hypnotic writing style and pitch-perfect characterization will hook you from page one. What is perhaps most haunting about this work, however, is not being ushered into this dark, lonely way of life that Theresa Dunn leads but rather finding out just how many similarities you share with her. This book will definitely stay with you, which isn't the best feeling, frankly, but trust me, if you don't read it, you're missing out on a superb literary experience.
Compelling..........2003-10-19
This book was lent to me by a friend in March 2003 and I didn't get around to reading it until June 2003. I'm so glad I took time out to read this book. It was sad, compelling, smart, provacative and intriguing-all in one. I won't spoil the story for anyone but it's one of the top 50 books ever written.
Caution on the road to love.......2003-02-19
Judith Rossner's warning in her novel to take a flashlight when we visit the darkest corners of sexual experimentation is forever relevant. "Looking for Mr. Goodbar" (the title not a character but a pick-up bar) gives us a Catholic teacher of deaf children who, after dark, takes on a truly dark character and sets out on the bar scene looking for sex and, maybe if she's lucky, love. But the search for both is strewn with broken hearts, disappointments and dangers, as Theresa finds out too late. Rossner's main character comes across as a basically desperate human scarred by years of indifferent parents, a sister who was preferred in childhood over her and a low self-image caused by a curved spine (although later corrected by surgery). In seeking approval, validation, redemption and love, Theresa ventures forth into the darkness and risks of anonymous sex and, of course, not finding in the darkness what she seeks. The accomplishment of "Goodbar" is Rossner's uncanny ability to focus on and then bare the desperation that fuels any person's search for love or whatever it's called. All too often, the searchers who wander too far into the blackness meet the same final fate that Theresa does, and Rossner's descriptive talents of that fate spare no one. Hers is a cautionary tale that, if we must, don't go too far into the night without a light on in the brain. Without it, we may never get a second chance. The book was later turned into a theatrical film with Diane Keaton turning in a tremendous performance. Both the film and book warrant attention and respect of the dangers of the night.
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