Book Description
"If you really loved me..."
"After all I've done for you..."
"How can you be so selfish..."
Do any of the above sound familiar? They're all examples of emotional blackmail, a powerful form of manipulation in which people close to us threaten to punish us for not doing what they want. Emotional blackmailers know how much we value our relationships with them. They know our vulnerabilities and our deepest secrets. They are our mothers, our partners, our bosses and coworkers, our friends and our lovers. And no matter how much they care about us, they use this intimate knowledge to give themselves the payoff they want: our compliance.
Susan Forward knows what pushes our hot buttons. Just as John Gray illuminates the communications gap between the sexes in Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, and Harriet Lerner describes an intricate dynamic in The Dance of Anger, so Susan Forward presents the anatomy of a relationship damaged by manipulation, and gives readers an arsenal of tools to fight back. In her clear, no-nonsense style, Forward provides powerful, practical strategies for blackmail targets, including checklists, practice scenarios and concrete communications techniques that will strengthen relationships and break the blackmail cycle for good.
Customer Reviews:
If you keep asking yourself, whadd'id I do? and walking on eggshells, this book is for YOU!.......2007-10-04
This book was recommended by a close friend who'd been listening to my "what happened?" tales of confusion and she recognized the syndrome instantly. "Emotional Blackmail". Just the title itself is helpful before the book even arrives at your door. Granted, it's very important to examine what part you may well be playing in this weird dance, however it's presenting itself in your life. BUT, you know, it just MIGHT NOT be about YOU!!! I do wish this book went further to include other relationships (such as the one pertinent to my dilemma with an adult step-son), however, it's so well done that you can extrapolate and employ various strategies to help straighten out your head and heart instead of going around miserable all the time wondering my personal mantra of "whadd'id I do?". And I'm a COUNSELOR! You know, you can be just too close to situations in your own life and this book will help you unravel some really common ones. Do yourself a favor. Take a deep breath, relax that knot in your stomach, and get this book. Then read it and get yourself FREE. Yow, it's a subtle thing to get tangled in!
Overwhelmingly Helpful!.......2007-07-19
I bought this book a few months ago. I read it in a single night. It was so amazing; it felt like I was reading about my life and my family members! This book helped me to identify the different types of control and manipulation people use and how to break free from the vicious cycle. I used this book along with "If you had controlling parents" by Dan Neuharth, to get out of the destructive and dysfunctional cycle that my family was in the middle of. I highly recomend both of these books! This particular book works for any controlling and manipulative relationship you might be in---there are lots of stories with examples form real people's lives.
Excellent! Excellent! Excellent!.......2007-07-05
A great book, I would love to get in touch with the author to thank her for being part of my emotional healing after leaving an extremely abusive church. Does anybody know her email?
I felt like face to face with Susan, she was right there, present all along the way. Easy to read, easy to understand the principles of blackmailing and warm guiding through the healing process.
I recommend this book for any person who feels weak and frustrated when yielding to pressure. But please, don't read it quickly. Give it time to transform you, chew the information and take time for the exercises!People of the LieThe Road Less Travelled (Arrow New-Age)
Thank you Susan!
You can any time get more info at tabara.kairos@gmail.com
good book.......2007-05-09
Very good book. Hit right on the money for what I've experienced in terms of emotional blackmail. Very useful. Just reinforced my decision to exit a relationship for the very reasons this book discusses; enduring persistent pressure from narcisistic partners trying to manipulate you into actions and behaviors for their own interests, with little regard for your own. If you even remotely identify with the title of this book, then it would be worthwhile to read it and then implement the corrective steps to get past the subtle blackmailers in your own life, and stop enabling them to press you into making poor personal decisions.
Emotional Backmail.......2007-01-30
Excellent book on disfunctional relationships. Especially informative when having to deal with Family relations that exhibit the use of FEAR, Obligation or Guilt to achieve their desired results
Book Description
Originally published by Tarcher in 1988, The Now Habit has sold more than 58,000 copies, and is as relevant as ever!
Author Neil Fiore offers the first comprehensive strategy to overcome the causes of procrastination and to eliminate its deleterious effects. His techniques will help any busy person get more things done more quickly, without the anxiety and stress brought on by failure to meet the workplace's pressing deadlines.
This revised, redesigned edition includes a new introduction and a section that provides strategies to understand and deal with the complex role technology plays in procrastination today.
Customer Reviews:
The Now Habit Review.......2007-09-06
This was most excellent. It really gave me insights into why I procrastinate. I received many useful tips and strategies.
love it, love it.......2007-08-26
Useful book for all procrastinators out there. I have less anxiety about starting my projects. Also I have less guilt about having fun and not working. Learn new strategies instead blaming your parents for not teaching you the right way.
This book delivers.......2007-08-24
I bought this book several weeks ago and have now read it twice. I've recommended it to many other people at my work. It's a book not just for procrastinators, but for anyone who occasionally finds Mondays depressing, and who feels that work is taking over their lives. In my opinion, the most powerful concept Fiore offers is that of scheduling (he calls it the "unschedule") non-work time; i.e., errand time, living time, fun time (especially fun time), down time -- and sticking to that schedule. The idea is two-fold: it gives you an accurate idea of how much time there actually is to accomplish your work, so that you're more likely to take advantage of the present moment, and it means that you will always have something to look forward to -- and soon -- apart from whatever task you're dreading. So you say to yourself, "Yes, I'm going to work on X, which I don't like much, but that's just part of what's on the menu for today, and once I get some meaningful work put in on it (which Fiore defines as being as little as 30 minutes of quality time), I'll go on to something else, and I will do it without guilt." That makes it more likely that you will actually put some work in on the task, because it no longer is so monumental; you now see it in perspective of everything else you do. It also means you're less likely to find something distracting to do just to avoid the main task, because you're always aware there's good stuff to look forward to. So no "need" to surf the Web just now; you've scheduled plenty of time to play later. Fiore emphasizes that you need to have guilt-free play, separate from work, in order to produce quality work. Although I don't have a particular problem with procrastination, I have found the book quite liberating; it certainly makes me feel better on my morning commute, because I know the day isn't going to swallow me.
One of the best books on procrastination.......2007-07-31
Literally changed my life, or at least the way I think (in a positive way). I am only 3/4 of the way through, so can only speak to the first half or so, but it has been so excellent to this point that I already decided I am going to buy a copy for my Mom, Dad, and sister and brother who all have procrastination issues (must be genetic!)
I have read several other books (re: procrastination), and none of them affected me the way this one did. Made me aware of and changed the way I think about myself, for one, but also presented SOLUTIONS, not just "this is what you are doing and why you procrastinate" which is where so many books like this stop.
Just great stuff, can't recommend it enough. I plan to see what else the author wrote (hopefully this is not a one hit wonder type situation)
Hopefully the rest of the book is as good as the first half.
I should also note, I think this book is definitely not geared towards those who just put things off every once in a while, and would like to be better organized (again, which is where a lot of other procrastination books focus). This one, and probably the reason it reached me so effectively, is for people that have procrastination problems that go beyond the norm - consistent behavior that could/would likely result in losing your job, relationships, and just unhealthy living in general (mental and physical).
Fiore seems to treat the issue from a mental health perspective, not just "let's try to get you more organized!" Very impt distinction, and if you don't have a SERIOUS, life...hampering problem, I would probably not recommend this.
5 stars from me
an innovative approach.......2007-07-25
The only reason I didn't give the book five stars is because I still haven't followed its advice. If a self-help book can actually get me to CHANGE, then I'll give it five stars. In short, I haven't yet made the changes in my schedule and lifestyle that the book recommends, but the book has shifted my thinking quite dramatically. I now understand that it is just as important (in fact more important) for me to plan, schedule and commit to doing things that I love to do, as it is for me to plan, schedule and commit to doing things that I don't want to do (or that I resist). The author's proposed "unschedule" is a radical approach to addressing procrastination - one that holds tremendous promise for anyone struggling with productivity in any form. I fully intend to create my own "unschedule." Now, if only I could get myself to actually do it . . . .
Average customer rating:
- Suspenseful reading for my son
- Stupid Mistake Ruins Lives
- Swalloing Stones is a story with an intriguing plot
- Swallowing Stones
- Swallowing Stones
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Swallowing Stones
Joyce Mcdonald
Manufacturer: Laurel Leaf
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Binding: Mass Market Paperback
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Slam! (Point Signature (Scholastic))
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ASIN: 0440226724
Release Date: 1999-07-13 |
Book Description
It begins with a free and joyful act--but from then on, Michael finds it impossible even to remember what it felt like to be free and joyful. When he fires his new rifle into the air on his seventeenth birthday, he never imagines that the bullet will end up killing someone. But a mile away, a man is killed by that bullet as he innocently repairs his roof. And Michael keeps desperately silent while he watches his world crumble.
Meanwhile Jenna, the dead man's daughter, copes with desperation of her own. Through her grief, she tries to understand why she no longer feels comfortable with her boyfriend and why a near stranger named Michael keeps appearing in her dreams.
Suspenseful and powerfully moving, this is the unforgettable story of an accidental crime and its haunting web of repercussions.
Customer Reviews:
Suspenseful reading for my son.......2007-09-09
My 13-year-old son (whom I would say has only an average interest in reading) was required to read this book over the summer for his pre-AP English class (8th grade). It was so good, that at the end he couldn't put it down, and unbeknownst to me, stayed up till 2 a.m. to finish reading it.
Stupid Mistake Ruins Lives.......2007-06-03
On the Fourth of July Michael has a huge birthday party. He is seventeen, everything is going well and tomorrow his best friend Joe will take him to get his driver's license. Michael's grandfather sent him his old military rifle as a birthday present, and Michael and Joe take it out into the woods behind his house and shoot it off once into the air in celebration before going back to the party.
Somewhere across town, Jenna's father is up on the roof of his house, fixing a leak. He is hit in the head by a stray bullet that seems to have dropped right out of the sky. Moments later he is dead from the gunshot wound.
When Michael hears the news the next day, he suspects that it was probably his bullet that killed Jenna's father, but Joe convinces him that no one could ever prove that and he should jsut keep quiet abou it. Michael follows his friend's advice and buries the rifle where he figures nobody will find it. But he is still haunted by what he has done, especially when he starts seeing Jenna all over town.
Jenna's life is falling apart. She can't seem to get over her father's death and she is obsessed with finding out who shot the bullet, harassing the police about the investigation on a daily basis. She notices a guy a year or so older than her who seems to be watching her wherever she goes, but thinks she may just be imagining it.
When the investigation starts closing in on Michael's street and the police start asking some difficult questions, Michael is forced to make choices that have the potential to ruin his life--or the life of his best friend.
I liked Michael's building relationship with Amy, although it is never clear why Amy had the reputation she had in this book. I liked the way Michael's and Jenna's lives intertwined. It was sad but interesting to see how Joe's guilt ended up putting him into such a horrible downward spiral.
I thought Michael should have been smart enough to realize that the police weren't going to give up as easily as he thought. I could understand his initial lie, but then when they kept coming back and it was obvious they thought he was involved, he should have known enough to come clean.
Swalloing Stones is a story with an intriguing plot.......2007-03-28
Joyce McDonald has written a remarkable story about a boy who accidentally killed a man and how he has to live with it forever.
In the story Michael has to deal with the fact that he killed a man. As the story progresses Michael realizes that every time he sees Jenna Ward he feels an enormous pile of guilt. Will Michael tell the police that he is the one who killed Charlie Ward, or will he let his best friend take the blame?
Jenna is a normal teenage girl, until he father falls off the roof because he was shot. She wants to seek revenge on who ever killed her father. At night Jenna has a reoccurring dream and Michael MacKenzie keeps appearing in. Will Jenna forgive whoever killed her father?
This is a great mystery story. I would recommend this story to adolescents who love a story that you can't predict what is going to happen next. It is an extremely easy read. I love this book because as I was reading I couldn't put it down, it grabbed my attention from the first page.
Swallowing Stones.......2006-10-26
This book was a good book. It had so many different points in which a person good relate to. It touched such a soft topic but made it interresting. It allowed me to connect with all the character especially Jenna and Michael. It showed two different point of views on the same event. They had the opposite perspective which made it draw you in and want to never put the book down. This is why I recommend the book Swallowing Stones.
Swallowing Stones.......2006-09-20
Michael McKenzie is turning 17. It's the fourth of July and his parents are throwing him an all day barbeque and pool party with all of his friends. He's having the time of his life! Little does he know that this day will change the rest of his life---for the worse. Swallowing Stones by Joyce McDonald made me realize how an innocent act can turn your life upside down. The protagonist, Michael, is in conflict with himself throughout the entire book when he realizes that he has unknowingly killed a man with the 45-70 Winchester rifle that his grandfather has just given him. Michael goes from an athletic, popular, well-liked student with a wonderful girlfriend to a withdrawn kid who loses most of his friends. I felt sorry for him as the plot thickened. He was scared and since he remained silent he didn't have anyone he could turn to for help. He loses all of his relationships and is alone. His personality changes and he is constantly on edge. News of the details spread throughout town as the police close in on their investigation. When the detectives appear on his doorstep to question his father, Michael's story becomes twisted and he even implicates his own best friend. Will Michael clear his conscious and turn himself in? Read Swallowing Stones by Joyce McDonald to find out how this thriller ends.
Book Description
"It is my feeling that debilitating shame and guilt are at the root of all dysfunctions in families," says Jane Middelton-Moz. A few common characteristics of adults shamed in childhood: You may suffer extreme shyness, embarrassment and feelings of being inferior to others. You don't believe you make mistakes, you believe you are a mistake. You feel controlled from the outside and from within. You feel that normal spontaneous expression is blocked. You may suffer from debilitating guilt; you apologize constantly. You have little sense of emotional boundaries; you feel constantly violated by others; you frequently build false boundaries. If you see yourself in any of these characteristics, you can learn how shame keeps you from being the person you were born to be and how to change that. Shame And Guilt describes how debilitating shame is created and fostered in childhood and how it manifests itself in adulthood and in intimate relationships. Through the use of myths and fairytales to portray different shaming environments, Dr. Middelton-Moz allows you to reach the shamed child within you and to add clarity to what could be difficult concepts. Read Shame and Guilt - you're worth it.
Customer Reviews:
Great.......2007-06-17
This small book is about much more than the difference between shame and guilt. It is about degrees of shame (to the point of debilitating shame), ways that children are shamed, the consequences, characteristics of adults shamed as children and a lot more. One specific topic that I found extremely interesting was the explanation of grandiosity as a response to debilitating shame, which makes this book required reading for people with this symptom (such as alcoholics and families; bipolars may also benefit). Great condensed book.
Excellent book.......2006-11-01
I read this book cover to cover and I plan reading it again. The author does and excellent job of explaining how shame and guilt are transmitted across generations and how shame effects people. I especially like the fable she use in chapter one to illustrate the giant chameleon and perfect personalities and how they interact in a family. The illustration of Giant and Chameleon on oposite ends of the spectrum and the human being in the healthy middle was very insightful. I also liked the example she gave of how a shaming family handled a dispute between there sons and how a nonshaming healthy family does it.
This book has taught me a lot and given a lot of insight into my condition and my family. It has also helped me and my wife to be better parents to our children. I would recomend it to anyone who is dealing with these issues.
Couldn't Put It Down: Full of Insight.......2005-03-18
Never really thought about the difference between shame and guilt until I read this book. Guilt being when we blame our behavior in a given circumstance and shame being when we judge our very being. It has made me think twice about how I parent my own children and discipline their behavior. Eye-opening !
I found this book very helpful.......2002-05-29
I remember having this book recommended to me years ago at the now closed "Journey's Bookstore" in Beaverton, Oregon. The woman who recommended it had actually heard the tape edition of this book first and was placing an order for the book version. She told me that it made her "cry for the child within her." I thought that any book that had such a powerful affect as this, must be a book I should read.
I ordered the tape and book edition. I listened to the tape version first (which was of the author talking to an audience about the content of this book), and then I read the book. The two together were quite powerful. The most interesting thing about this book was that it differentiates between "guilt" and "shame." The author says that often we use the two interchangeably. But the author says that they are actually two different things. The author says that guilt is "the feeling that what you have DONE is wrong," and that shame is "the feeling that what you ARE is wrong."
An absolutely illuminating book for shamed adults........1998-07-22
An amazing book that touches at the very core of the feeling of shame. If you feel there is something fundamentally wrong with you, or feel you're hiding awful secrets inside you - read this book! Shame lies at the very heart of so many problems; this book is a great start towards healing that shame.
Book Description
In 1955 the murderers of Emmett Till, a black Mississippi youth, were acquitted of their crime, undoubtedly because they were white. Forty years later, O. J. Simpson, whom many thought would be charged with murder by virtue of the DNA evidence against him, went free after his attorney portrayed him as a victim of racism. Clearly, a sea change had taken place in American culture, but how had it happened? In this important new work, distinguished race relations scholar Shelby Steele argues that the age of white supremacy has given way to an age of white guilt -- and neither has been good for African Americans.
As the civil rights victories of the 1960s dealt a blow to racial discrimination, American institutions started acknowledging their injustices, and white Americans -- who held the power in those institutions -- began to lose their moral authority. Since then, our governments and universities, eager to reclaim legitimacy and avoid charges of racism, have made a show of taking responsibility for the problems of black Americans. In doing so, Steele asserts, they have only further exploited blacks, viewing them always as victims, never as equals. This phenomenon, which he calls white guilt, is a way for whites to keep up appearances, to feel righteous, and to acquire an easy moral authority -- all without addressing the real underlying problems of African Americans. Steele argues that calls for diversity and programs of affirmative action serve only to stigmatize minorities, portraying them not as capable individuals but as people defined by their membership in a group for which exceptions must be made.
Through his articulate analysis and engrossing recollections of the last half-century of American race relations, Steele calls for a new culture of personal responsibility, a commitment to principles that can fill the moral void created by white guilt. White leaders must stop using minorities as a means to establish their moral authority -- and black leaders must stop indulging them. As White Guilt eloquently concludes, the alternative is a dangerous ethical relativism that extends beyond race relations into all parts of American life.
Customer Reviews:
Best book on race I've ever read.......2007-10-08
It is very hard to see what anyone who actually read this book could find wrong with it. His analysis puts into well ordered paragraphs things I have felt for years, but he does it with conviction and power. There is no need for me to go into great detail here. Steele nails issue after issue. If you have doubts, read his analysis about why black kids do poorly in school, where they are treated as "at risk" and as specimens to be coddled and assisted at every turn, where every failure is not their fault, and excel on the basketball court, where their success or failure is theirs alone. I taught at an inner city school; oh my, was this accurate.
As long as the left continues to define racism by inequality of results, it is guaranteed to get those results. Steele explains why. And why they like it that way. This is a short book, but a dense one, requiring slow, careful reading. But worth it. Oh so worth it.
white child of affirmative action.......2007-08-14
Obviously Shelby is totally unaware of the many white children of affirmative action who've been victims of violent race-based crime, feel the pinch in their paychecks (to the point they are not reproducing white babies in America now), due to race-based economic policies totally disadvatageous to whites, who have been told when they want to have kids by therapists (as I was) to adopt a black or hispanic child, and so much more...who see BLACK FOLKS TRYING to guilt us, just to beef up the big paycheck of affirmative action policies and so on. The idea that I should feel "guilty" is certainly Mr. Steele's idea, but the book made me feel furious. When will the black community look at itself? Many whites survived far worse torture than American slavery (try Medeival Europe), and have been treated like dogs racially (although their own families fought in the Revolutionary and Civil wars), and besides, they actually know things about real slavery (that Shelby Steele doesn't seem to have heard of), such as the worse brutality of Brazil and other Latin countries, which comprised 90 percent of all the slave trade on the continent; we had as many slaves as Canada, and I honestly think they've done so well (to the point of guilting, shaming, ragging on whites) because we were so nice, compared to the other countries, where in reality, the descendants of slaves have not multiplied or done nearly as well. Shelby Steele is just part of the continued on-going, throwing the black community difficulties back into the camp of whites. I feel he should write a book about black murder, violence, school problems, and so on that does not blame whites, and once more, have them take on others realities and problems. Besides which, I'm Scottish. We didn't roll over Africa. Most whites I know do not feel guilty at all, but many would not say what I've written. Mr. Steele totally overlooks that anything resembling truth to the black community (about itself and how much harm it causes whites), is summed up as "racist" and then people lose their jobs, houses, kids. So, people tow the line to the "powers that be" who want the "guilt rap" to be published by folks like Shelby. He actually got a Pulitzer, which stuns me, since I find his writing so simplistic and outside the complexity of any race issues. He's not a thinker (at least not to me). Anyway, I took an hour and read it. Same old, same old. And exactly what the powers of America today want people to think about when they frame race. I mean, academics may think (some of them) so reductively as Shelby projects onto (God forbid) all whites. But he's out to lunch, I think, regarding how most whites really see the issues and what needs to be done---but even blowing off a little steam will get you fired from your job. Mightn't firings of whites be a factor, too, Mr. Steele? No one will ever say this. Whites are totally silenced---unless they pretend what Steele wants, guilt they don't really feel (excepted that they've spent a lifetime hearing blacks like Shelby guilt and shame them. Sometimes, the black harangue works, especially when you're young in school--why so many home school, and many feel the public school system has become unusable to whites. The guilt is not real, but manufactured by books by black folks taught in the schools. what about that?
Living with White Guilt.......2007-06-07
Today, on a day off from work I strolled into the bookstore not expecting to spend more than 5 minutes browsing the shelves. Instead I spent the next 2.5 hours reading this amazingly concise book about race, America and history. Steele's rousing defense of the Western values such as individualism and freedom should not be confused with a blind allegiance or rosy colored glasses analysis of the nation's tumultuous racial past. In his analysis he lights a candle, a way and path out of the maze that is post 1960's politics, towards a reinvigorated America -- one at peace with its demons, but holding true to its promise of liberty and the pursuit of happiness for all.
If you care about poverty, justice and individual freedom -- read this book -- it is not so much a history of African Americans, but a history of America.
A paradigm-shifting book for this anti-racist white liberal.......2007-05-21
My conservative father-in-law recommended I read this book, and after it sat on my shelf, undisturbed, for close to a month, I picked it up one Saturday afternoon and did not put it down until I had finished. WHITE GUILT is truly a paradigm-shifting read for anti-racist white liberals who are willing to be open-minded about their preconceived notions of racial understanding and policy. Steele shows how typical white liberalism has denied the humanity of Black Americans, and how Black "leaders" have made a career out of so-called "white guilt," enforcing a collectivist mindset among their "followers" and Blacks in general. Steele is no Republican stooge - he was a Black radical himself - and he does not make esoteric arguments against the Civil Rights Act, or pretend that things weren't that bad under segregation. In fact, he points out that, in the aggregate, the nation's morals have not waned since the fifties, since in the Age of Eisenhower, Black families were forced to search out other Black faces whenever they entered a new town in order to do something as simple as use the bathroom. But I give this book 4 stars instead of 5 due to Steele's reckless embrace of the modern GOP, and his apparent blindness to its glaringly obvious faults. Also, he talks about how Eisenhower allegedly used the n-word on the golf course, which would have gotten Bill Clinton impeached (and removed from office) had he done it; and yet Eisenhower would have been impeached and removed if he had been convicted of Clinton's "crime" (MonicaGate). This dichotomy is intended to show how anti-racism (or at least, presumed anti-racism) has replaced traditional morality in the modern age, but Steele conveniently omits the fact that Eisenhower was widely believed to be engaging in an affair right under the media's nose. This is the type of disingenuous Republican boosting that prohibits me from giving this book 5 stars, which it would otherwise deserve, but I would still highly recommend it to any non-dogmatic Democrat or liberal independent. If you have an open mind and half a brain, this book will change the way you look at race.
Great book!.......2007-05-15
This book was written very well. Mr Steele is an intelligent man and did a wonderful job in this book. This should be a must read for all college students as part of the English credits they do!
Average customer rating:
- Not a good mystery
- Good first read
- I hate to be the party pooper but...
- Keeps you reading
- Good but not his best
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Guilt
John Lescroart
Manufacturer: Island Books
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Hard Evidence
ASIN: 0440222818
Release Date: 1998-08-10 |
Amazon.com
Even though the excellent thrillers by John Lescroart--The 13th Juror, A Certain Justice, Dead Irish, and Hard Evidence are out in paperback--usually feature stirring courtroom scenes, where they really shine is out in the real world. His latest is no exception, as Mark Dooher, a high-profile attorney with links to the Catholic hierarchy of San Francisco, is charged with the brutal murder of the wife he had come to hate. Did Dooher do her? Lt. Abe Glitsky, whose own beloved wife is dying of cancer, is sure of it, but defense attorneys Wes Farrell and Christina Carrera--for different but equally hidden reasons--are certain he's being framed. You'll enjoy the tension and appreciate the intricate plotting.
Book Description
Mark Dooher is a prosperous San Francisco attorney and a prominent Catholic, the last person anyone would suspect of a brutal crime. But Dooher, a paragon of success and a master of all he touches, is about to be indicted for murder.
Charged with savagely killing his own wife, Dooher is fighting for his reputation and his life in a high-profile case that is drawing dozens of lives into its wake--from former spouses to former friends, from a beautiful, naive young attorney to a defense lawyer whose own salvation depends on getting his client off.
Now, as the trial builds to a crescendo, as evidence is sifted and witnesses discredited, as a good cop tries to pick up the pieces of his shattered life and a D.A. risks her career, the truth about Mark Dooher is about to explode. For in a trial that will change the lives of everyone it touches, there is one thing that no one knows--until it is much too late....
Customer Reviews:
Not a good mystery.......2007-08-10
This book is too hard to follow. The plot is more into personal relationships than crime and would be better served in the romance novel section of a bookstore. It is one of the worst mysteries I have ever read. The crime part doesn't begin to happen until halfway through the book
This book is not worth the noney.
Good first read.......2007-04-08
This is my first Lescroart novel. Despite an awareness as to the identity of the culprit in the early stages of the novel, the book was a fairly quick read. About half way through you will be absolutely sure of the creep's identity. The creep is a murderous sociopath who has taken big chances in life, always at the expense of others, not himself. Hence, an extremely selfish individual at that.
One of the main characters is a tough cop who has to deal with personal life pains in addition to capturing the scum who has been perpetrating horrendous crimes in San Francisco.
Although not my favorite crime novel by far, I will definitely read more of Lescroart in the future
I hate to be the party pooper but..........2006-11-27
Despite good experience with Lescroart in the past, despite the rave reviews on this site and despite the rave reviews on the back cover and a dozen rave reviews inside the front cover, I found myself only caring about what happened to Abe Glitsky. The slow-moving, plodding plotline only reinforced the fact that I did not care what happened to the Mark Dooher. Did he kill his wife? I don't know - it's mentioned in the first sentence in the plot synopsis on the back cover and 200 pages into the book she's still alive and I'm getting irritated at reading about Dooher's connivings to sleep with one of his young employees.
So, anyway, I read exactly 200 pages of this book. It was not easy. I was forcing myself to continue on, much like I would do with a college textbook. Then I came across the new Tony Hillerman book and I gladly dropped this one into the box of books that I'm dropping off at the Goodwill. Thank goodness I am now "Guilt" free!
I give this one a grade of F.
Keeps you reading.......2006-07-21
GUILT is one of those books that keeps pushing you to read "just one more chapter."
If you read the back cover, it is about a murder, but we don't get THAT murder until page 300. The set up is worth the read. Lescroart populates his novels with plenty of interesting characters and motives.
The gist if the book is a successful lawyer is indicted for murdering his wife. You know the book is heading in this direction, but when you get to that point you are still wondering if he did or didn't kill her.
I won't spoil anything, except to say run don't walk to your nearest browser and add this one to your shopping cart.
Good but not his best.......2006-04-17
Abe Glitsky and Dismas Hardy are hardy mentioned in this latest legal thriller by Lescroart, but none the less, it is an excellent read. You can guess whodunnit early on, but it is still a good read, especially for a plane, train or the beach.
Book Description
Bestselling author of She’s Gonna Blow Julie Ann Barnhill explores how little and big guilt in a woman’s life can keep her from experiencing motherhood with joy. With her trademark honesty and humor, she eases women down from the top of “Mount Guiltmore” and into the freedom to be their own unique brand of mom by
- acknowledging the things they don’t have guilt over and embracing those
- understanding the inheritance from their own mothers
- discovering personal qualities that will make them great moms
Practical insights and a sassy, realistic look at all mothers do, take on, accomplish, and carry with them provide women with a fresh perspective that can open up their lives to all that God has for them and their children.
Customer Reviews:
A good book!.......2006-05-17
For some of us, being a mother means fighting our insecurities; as doubt and guilt swarm around us. We're constantly being torn between what the experts tell us we should be doing and comparing our actions to the generation before us, in order to be the perfect mother. Everything from diaper use, choosing our children's health care provider, and whether or not we should we work inside or outside the home are questions many of us face as we raise our children.
Author Julie Ann Barnhill believes that motherhood is a journey that can be trekked with humor, realistic expectations, and enough of God's grace to allow you to enjoy the journey.
So how does the book assist those of us who are struggling through the woes of raising our children? First and foremost, we're reminded that we're never alone.
God is with us all the way, and if that's not enough, Barnhill promises to be the sherpa that will guide us through the treacherous mountain range called, Guiltmore National Park.
Humor abounds as we read how to navigate Mountains Shoulda, Coulda, and Woulda. The heartwarming stories tell how the author has stumbled over the rocky terrain of motherhood, making the same mistakes many of us make, i.e., yelling too much, not saving for college tuition soon enough, or the guilt-monger of them all, battling whether to work outside the home.
So many of us have succumbed to feeling inadequate when our parenting
choices are wrong. But it's these very same feelings that prevent us from being great parents. Sure, as human we all make mistakes, leaving room for a positive change--like maybe recognizing that our expectations are set too high. Or maybe we need to talk to a counselor to change the destructive behavior. Whatever our reasons, whatever our actions, the truth is, you are the mother that God gave to your children and He doesn't make mistakes.
Armchair Interview says give yourself credit for what you do do right, acknowledge what you've done wrong, make amends, and look to God for a brighter, happier future with your children.
Guilty No More.......2006-03-21
I heard Julie speak on this topic at the MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) Convention last year, and could hardly wait for the book. Julie, you didn't disappoint! I resonated with so much of your story--of messing up, and feeling regret, yet longing to live in freedom. I think this should be a required text for all new mothers! Thank you, Julie, for your vulnerability, your honesty, your humor, and the way you point readers to Jesus. Oh--here's what's NOT on my "guilt list" as a mom: laughing A LOT; tickling and hugging and kissing and telling my boys "I love you" all the time; teaching them about God; working part-time so I can be available to them; monitoring their media intake; taking them to church; going on regular date nights with their dad; and having a career I'm passionate about.
Book Description
Where Did THAT Come From?
You know that dreaded, sinking, I-can’t-believe-I-said-that-out-loud feeling? It’s a disconnect between your attitude and your actions. Or is it? âFor out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks,â states Matthew 12:33. Scary, but true: The words you âaccidentallyâ speak and the actions you later regret are actually in keeping with what’s hiding in your heart. Andy Stanley’s life-changing message examines four conditions at the root of sour attitudes, hurting relationships, and regretful actions: guilt, anger, greed, and jealousy. This book will help you disclose the true state of your heart and turn what’s terrifying into what’s terrific.
You Can’t Run
from What Lurks Within
More frightening than Frankenstein. More seductive than a vampire’s kiss. More destructive than alien invaders from another planet. They will numb your soul, steal your life, and threaten your most treasured relationships.
Who are these creatures?
Where do they come from?
At the fall of mankind they were unleashed on the world, wreaking havoc and sending countless thousands fleeing from their homes. And their lair is found in the last place anyone wants to look â the mysterious depths of the human heart.
You think nobody knows the real you. You think your secret is safe. Beware! These forces gain strength from darkness. And left to their own, they will grow in power and influence, like a lab experiment gone terribly wrong.
But these monsters have a weakness. They can be defeated. You can escape their clutches and be forever free of their influence.
Learn the truthâbefore it’s too late!
[FLAP]
Are you afraid to look inside?
Suddenly a young wife files for divorce. Suddenly a college student’s grades drop and his attitude changes. Suddenly a man’s harmless pastime becomes a destructive habit.
Each looks for someone else to blame. But the real enemy lurks within. Each of these people is a victim, but not in the way they might think. An invader, a deadly parasite, has wrapped its powerful, controlling tentacles around each victim’s heart.
The heart. Not the organ that pumps blood through our veins, but that invisible, intangible place where we experience love, compassion, contempt, and jealousy.
Like the physical heart, this other heart is highly susceptible to attackâby four nightmarish foes, in particular. Four malevolent forces that, left unchallenged, have the power to lay waste our homes, trample our careers, and leave our relationships in fiery ruins.
But hope is not lost. There is a way to fight back.
In this smart, revealing book, you will be introduced to these four invaders of the heart. More importantly, you will be given four weapons designed specifically to destroy them. Writing with deep honesty and gentle humor, Andy Stanley shows how you can overcome these monsters and save your world, starting now.
Story Behind the Book
Andy Stanley is the senior pastor of three North Point Ministries campuses with a cumulative congregation of more than twenty thousand. In his role he sees a tremendous number of people struggling with the same basic issues. This book is based on a message he spoke to his congregation to help them better understand, work through, and move beyond the problems caused by a hurting heart.
Customer Reviews:
Well worth it!.......2007-06-12
Well written, thought provoking, and informative, this is one of the best christian non-fiction books i've ever read. It deals with four main sins of the heart: anger, guilt, greed, and jealousy. It doesn't mention pride or some of the other sins the Bible names but for the four that it does, it gives great insights to each. I found a lot of his statements eye-opening. Verses i've read and heard a thousand times were cast in a perspective i had never thought of before. Some people who've reviewed this book already didn't agree with guilt being a problem of the heart. I agree with that to an extent because feeling guilty of committing a sin makes you aware of its horrible potential if you continue in it. But, i think guilt can become a sin when you hold on to it and when it begins to hinder you from growing closer to God. In the end, this is a very short and very powerful book for anyone: from a teenager to a elderly man or woman.
Good points but somewhat incomplete.......2007-03-10
Mr. Stanley has a very readable style and this is a good book for teenagers. It does, however, have several important shortcomings.
1. Christian thinkers for centuries have indicated that "pride" is the chief sin. There is no mention of "pride" in this book. One is advised to consult C. S. Lewis' MERE CHRISTIANITY and read the chapter on "The Great Sin".
2. The sin that has devastated modern culture is "Lust". Stanley seems to think of it as a minor problem to be eliminated if we could get rid of guilt, anger, greed, and jealousy. He doesn't tell us why he thinks so. I must disagree. The scripture is clear. Matt. 5: 27 - 32 is a clear indictment on our culture which is saturated with pornography not to mention STD's. This is a serious ommision in view of America's slide into the gutter.
3. Guilt is not an evil sin lurking in the heart. If we get rid of "shame" , which we have been trying to do for about a century with the help of the Psychiatric community, we eliminate a great safeguard for our soul. When it is in our heart we must deal with it. But it is not a cause but a symptom of condition in the heart. It is the result of a forbidden word today "sin."
The great sins are greed, anger, pride, sloth, lust, envy, and gluttony. A good list to remember. In my opinion this book is readable but a bit shallow. But Stanly makes some excellent points and it is worth a read.
R. C. Lewis
This Book Will Teach!.......2007-02-26
We used Stanley's book "It Came From Within" as a series with our Senior Highers. They loved it. The information in Stanley's book is so practical. It's a great reminder that our hearts are a pretty filthy place apart from God's touch. The old monster movie parallels that Stanley uses are fun, and actually have a unique way of conveying the message themseleves. I highly recommend this book.
Good Place to Start for Self-Examination.......2007-01-09
No matter how 'good' or 'spiritual' we feel, there are still negative words, actions, and thoughts that seem to come from nowhere. Andy Stanley reminds us that the Bible teaches those things come from within our hearts.
By covering four main inner 'monsters' (guilt, anger, greed, and jealousy), he shows how to overcome these diseases of the heart. He particularly does a good job of showing how we all practically struggle with these four monsters, even if we wouldn't previously think so.
I've found "It Came From Within" very helpful in teaching our teenage Bible class. Many of us adults agree that some of these difficulties very likely had their roots in our childhoods and adolescent years. When I'm blessed with children, Lord willing, I hope to be able to help them deal with keeping their hearts pure from these dangerous calamities.
Enjoyable... read it reflectively..........2006-09-06
This is an enjoyable and easy read, but do read it reflectively. What Andy wrote has helped me reflect on my life and also identify areas that I need to work on even though I was not aware of them previously. He went to the heart of the matter, and not just the surface actions. He sorted through common reasons and rationale, and showed how it was flawed in light of what lurks beneath.
The 4 areas that Andy wrote about, what that means, and their remedies are:
Guilt - "I owe you" [Remedy: Confession]
Anger - "You owe me" [Remedy: Forgiveness]
Greed - "I owe me" [Remedy: Generosity]
Jealousy - "God owes me" [Remedy: Celebration]
Confession allows us to come out from hiding. Forgiveness allows others to come out from under cover. Generosity allows us to partner with God as He shows himself in tangible ways to the world around us. Celebration makes us a vehicle thorugh which God communicates pleasure... these four habits set us free to love as God intends for us to love. Anger, greed, guilt, and jealousy are the antithesis of love. [pg. 218]
But what about lust? Andy writes that lust is different in that lust is an appetite that needs to be managed. Andy writes that lust can be a good thing, and if not for lust, we would probably not have been born. He also states that before sin, there was lust. (pg. 212-3) I guess this would be a matter of definition as what lust is. In anycase, Andy writes that if we deal with the 4 monsters of guilt, anger, greed and jealousy, we would reduce the problem of sexual temptation.
Average customer rating:
- Dr. Atkins Gets It
- Relationships Can Improve!
- Got Parents? Read This!
- I'm One of Those Parents, and I want to be OK too!
- How adults can learn to relate better with their parent
|
I'm OK, You're My Parents: How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger, and Create a Relationship That Works
Dale Atkins
Manufacturer: Henry Holt and Co.
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Binding: Hardcover
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ASIN: 0805073531 |
Book Description
In a recent study, half of all Americans rated their relationship with at least one parent as either 'poor' or 'terrible,' and more than a third felt this way about both parents. As life expectancy continues to rise and the parent-child relationship extends further into adulthood, this problem is becoming more prevalent than ever. Now, psychologist Dale Atkins presents a step-by-step plan for adults trying to come to terms with parents who are only human-before it is too late. In I'm OK, You're My Parents, Atkins applies the same intelligent, no-nonsense approach that's made her a frequent guest on top-rated TV shows. She urges a restructuring of the relationships between adults and their aging parents and gives practical, specific advice on how to exorcise the demons of anger and resentment, untangle financial arrangements that cause stress and feelings of powerlessness, set limits on your parents' demands for time and attention, turn a spouse or friends into a powerful resource, overcome your own resistance to change, and discover the redemptive power of humor. This book draws on Atkins's twenty-five years of experience as a relationship expert to present a comprehensive guide to repairing difficult relationships, gaining control, and building a life that you and your parents can live with for years to come.
Customer Reviews:
Dr. Atkins Gets It.......2005-09-24
I recently finished Dr. Dale Atkin's 'Sanity Savers' and found it so helpful I had to see what else she had written. First of all I found that Dr. Atkins is a prolific writer, but after happening upon "I'm OK You're My Parents: How To Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger, and Create a Relationship That Works," I am convinced she is not only a talented professional but a wise woman who understands that true interpersonal intimacy is not only good for one's mental health but physical heath as well. I, once again as after reading "Sanity Savers," came away with a deep appreciation of the depth of her knowledge about how familial relations actually work including all the love, ambivalence, joy, sorrow, anger and remorse that are contained within them. I lent it to a friend who called me to say the book opened her eyes in the same way it did mine. Thank you Dr. Atkins from both of us.
Relationships Can Improve!.......2004-07-07
Despite your adult age, are your parents still driving you crazy? Dr. Atkins' can help! With engaging wit, she shares wisdom mined from years of experience helping people improve their relationships. Dr. Atkins helps us see and claim the power we have to make changes in ourselves that inevitably alter our relationships with parents. Her discussion of family dynamics comes to life through the many stories she shares. Dr. Atkins guides the reader through specific practices that will improve not only one's ability to deal with parents, but other significant relationships as well. If you are serious about improving your relationship with your parents, or with your adult children, this is the book to read.
Got Parents? Read This!.......2004-07-07
For anyone with parents -- living or passed on -- this book is a must read. It will make you laugh, it will make you cry but
most of all .. it will make understand that you are not alone.
Your issues - good and bad - are not solely yours. Everyone
has parental issues and Dr. Atkins shows us how to live and love
our way through them! Not riddled with psychological mumbo jumbo Dr. Atkins speaks to the heart of the matter. From being
a child with parents to an adult parenting your parents, I'm OK guides you through survival! Beautifully written and the type of book that you refer back to often throughout your daily life.
I'm One of Those Parents, and I want to be OK too!.......2004-07-07
I predict this book will become one of the classic self-help best sellers, and it should! Dr. Atkins writes from years of expertise in counseling young (and not-so-young) adults who are looking for ways to improve their relationships with their parents. Not "bad, awful, terrible" parents, but mothers and/or fathers who sometimes intrude, impose, ignore, invade, and/or may be insensitive to (or unaware of!) some of the needs, wishes, interests, and/or opinions of their adult children. The book is filled with a wide range of parent - adult child issues that will ring many familiar bells for probably most of us. Dr. Atkins' approach is articulate, optimistic, and practical, and is fun to read. I was sure she was writing about my own parents in several chapters, and I wish I had had access to these ideas years ago, instead of just rolling my eyes, silently mumbling and grumbling, planning visits carefully, censoring how much of my own life I shared with them. And they were actually pretty darn good parents - we just couldn't communicate about a lot of "stuff" from their generation to mine. After reading Dr. Atkins's book, I ordered a copy for my adult daughter! She's reading it now. Gulp!
How adults can learn to relate better with their parent.......2004-04-27
In the wake of a multitude of books about how our parents have created all of our emotional problems comes this book that points out the fact that blaming someone is not a solution to problems. The focus of the book is to take that next step and find ways that you can move through guilt and anger and create a working relationship with your parents. To this end the book contains lots of examples from Dr. Atkins' actual patient files. It also includes exercises to work through, questionnaires to help you understand yourself and your relationship with your parents, and various lessons to illustrate the principles involved.
The first part of the book focuses on you. It includes an examination of ways to take control of your life so your past doesn't control your present, how to deal with guilt and parents who use it to control you, and anger.
The next part changes focus to your parents. How did they grow up? What did they go through as they were growing up? What was their life like? The focus is on developing empathy so you can use it to develop forgiveness. One of the most important points of the chapter is realizing that your fantasy parent doesn't exist. Not only do they not exist but also those fantasy perfect parents that your friends seemed to have were not perfect either. Two of the coping techniques covered in this chapter include creating reasonable expectations for yourself and your parents and creating appropriate boundaries.
The last section discusses the most common problems when dealing with parents. For example, some of the problems covered include the bait and switch technique, manipulating you with a health crisis, becoming easily offended when you don't share personal details of your life, putting you in the middle of their problems, or using money to manipulate you.
If you have a troubled relationship with your parents and are seeking to change, you should consider picking up a copy of "I'm OK, You're My Parents".
Book Description
1 cassette / 90 minutesRead by the Author"If there were a quick fix for our trouble globe, it would be the profoundly tolerant message, teeming with humanity, at the heart of this book."-Thomas Moore, author of Care of the SoulFrom the author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People, comes an inspiring new bestseller that puts human feelings of guilt ad inadequacy in perspective - and teaches us how we can learn to accept out selves and others even when we are less than perfect.Kushner begins by offering a radically new interpretation of the story of Adam and Eve, which he sees as a tale of Paradise Outgrown rather than Paradise Lost: eating from the Tree of Knowledge was not an act of disobedience, but a brave step forward toward becoming human, complete with the richness of work, sexuality, and child-rearing as well as a sense of our mortality.Drawing on modern literature, psychology, theology, and his won thirty years of experience as a congregational rabbi, Kushner reveals how acceptance and forgiveness can change our relationships with the most important people in our lives and help us meet the bold and rewarding challenge of being human.
Customer Reviews:
How Good DO We Have To be? A New Understanding of guilt and Forgiveness.......2006-11-04
This was all I had hoped it would be. It was received in good condition and in a timely manner
something for everyone.......2006-07-20
Review of How Good Do We Have To Be: A New Understanding of Guilt and Forgiveness by Harold S. Kushner. Little, Brown, & Company, 1996. Hardcover.
Harold Kushner draws on his experience as a husband, father, and rabbi to explain the complex human condition: "The challenge of being human is so great that no one gets it right every time." Therefore, we experience (or anticipate) guilt, the wheel that steers our sense of right and wrong (if one is not a psychopath without conscience). Humans cannot always control events and consequences and make everything right. Paraphrasing Kushner, no matter how perfect we try to be, when something goes wrong, the "if onlys" serve only to needlessly hit our heads against the wall in self-recrimination and self-destruction.
What if we suffer from pervasive guilt for no real reason? What if our religion caused us to feel guilty because we were told that we were born with "original sin?" Kushner states: "Religion properly understood is the cure for feelings of guilt and shame, not their cause." Kushner says that religions may have been "holding up ideals against which we can measure ourselves." But how can religion (and only religion?) be the cure for guilt and shame? What if someone is not religious? Does that mean that there is no cure? What is Kushner's definition of religion?
Kushner describes religion as "the voice that says I will guide you through this minefield of difficult moral choices, sharing with you the insights and experiences of the greatest souls of the past, and I will offer you comfort and forgiveness when you are troubled by the painful choices you made." That's not the religion I grew up with. My religious leaders taught me that I was a heretic without hope of redemption. Also, who determines what constitutes the greatest souls?
Kushner explains another avenue to alleviating guilt: "If the essence of guilt is the feeling that `I am a bad person and I don't deserve to be loved because of what I have done,' we can neutralize that feeling by reassuring the people that we do in fact care about them not only because we are emotionally generous, caring people but because they genuinely deserve to be loved." Call me cynical, but I hope we can accomplish this in our fault-finding, victim-blaming, responsibility-abdicating society. On the sweeter side, Kushner offers a reassuring chapter: "God Loves You Anyway."
Kushner discusses the concept of working off guilt. In his case study, the guilty party is encouraged to give a "significant part of that fortune to a worthy cause." Money changes everything? By the way, how much for redemption?
Chapter 5 is titled "Choosing Happiness Over Righteousness," Kushner writes (in regards to heterosexual married couples, his comfort zone) "the fulfillment of being a pair, two souls combining to form a single complete being." In my opinion and belief, two souls are individual, and do not and cannot form a single complete being. Each soul is whole and complete in and of itself. I prefer Kahlil Gibran's version on being a pair in The Prophet:"Let there be spaces in your togetherness. Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls." In keeping with the subtitle of his book (on forgiveness) Kushner writes: "Mature marital love sees faults clearly and forgives them, understanding that there are no perfect people, that we don't have to pretend perfection, and that an imperfect spouse is all that an imperfect person like us can aspire to."
So, with careful reading, I learned that religion is not the only cure for guilt. If, as the last paragraph of the book states, "we are brave enough to love, strong enough to forgive, generous enough to rejoice in another's happiness, wise enough to know there is enough love to go around for us all..." then perhaps we can manage, alleviate, or by miracle of God and/or Mother Nature, learn to live with guilt and find forgiveness for ourselves and others.
Interesting Perspective.......2006-02-21
Rabbi Kushner is a very thoughtful man with a great ability to bring religious insight to the average person. I think this book is excelllent for anyone, regardless of one's religious background.
Compassion As Motivation.......2005-12-21
Ever read the Bible and wonder what was going through Abraham's mind when he put his son on the altar? Well, after reading this book I've been looking at Abraham in a differnt light. I've also found a renewed interest in the Old Testament and Ingmar Bergman's "Winter Light." If you're wondering what one has to do with the other, pick up this book. Kushner will have you looking at things differently and thinking about everything. It is surprisingly easy to read yet loaded with words of wisdom. Usually found in the self-help section, this inspirational work will help you through pangs of guilt and inspire you to forgive and forget.
Tilted my world!.......2005-08-28
Rabbi Kushner takes us back to the very beginning - back through Genesis to the Garden of Eden and re-examines the story of Adam and Eve. He re-evaluates the "curses" for eating of the Tree of Knowledge in a new, refreshing, and affirming way. All of this helps to explain the human conditions of shame and guilt and sheds a whole new light on the concept of Original Sin. There is much to chew on and ponder about this book. I have thought back to it daily (& quoted it often) since I finished it.
It is an easy read and worth reading slowly - letting the new perspectives wash over and settle in. It has changed my life in a way that very few other books have. I am a second year seminary student so I have a lot of "spiritual" reading - this was one I read on the recommendation of a CPE resident. I recommend it highly to anyone - especially those who may struggle with their own myth of perfection and what it means to be good enough.
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- History: Fiction or Science? (Chronology, No. 1)
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