How Can I Get Through to You? Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and Women

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Relational Intimacy in an Era of Changing Roles

Not convinced

How Can I get through to you?

A must read for therapists as well as couples

Not male-bashing, but patriarchy bashing

How Can I Get Through to You? Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and Women
Terrence Real
Manufacturer: Scribner
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

Interpersonal Relations | Relationships | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books
Couples & Family Therapy | Counseling | Psychology & Counseling | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books
General | Psychology & Counseling | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books
Social Psychology & Interactions | Psychology & Counseling | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books
Similar Items:

I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression

The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work

The Intimacy Factor: The Ground Rules for Overcoming the Obstacles to Truth, Respect, and Lasting Love

Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives

If Men Could Talk: Unlocking the Secret Language of Men

ASIN: 0684868784
Release Date: 2002-12-24

Book Description

"What happened to the passion we started with?
Why aren't we as close as we used to be?"

PROBLEM: If you are a woman who is unfulfilled in your marriage...if you feel unheard or overburdened...if you quietly live in a state of slow-burn resentment...

PROBLEM: If you are a man unhappy that your partner seems so unhappy with you...if you feel bewildered, unappreciated, or betrayed...

This book offers a solution

Bestselling author and nationally renowned therapist Terrence Real unearths the causes of communication blocks between men and women in this groundbreaking work. Relationships are in trouble; the demand for intimacy today must be met with new skills, and Real -- drawing on his pioneering work on male depression -- gives both men and women those skills, empowering women and connecting men, radically reversing the attitudes and emotional stumbling blocks of the patriarchal culture in which we were raised. Filled with powerful stories of the couples Real treats, no other relationship book is as straight talking or compelling in its innovative approach to healing wounds and reconnecting partners with a new strength and understanding.

Customer Reviews:

Relational Intimacy in an Era of Changing Roles.......2007-08-31

This is an excellent book. Real has thought through couple's issues in a smart way, refreshingly different than many who have preceded him.

In this book, Real faces head-on the reality that many women come into couples work with fierce anger, frustrated by trying to achieve true emotional intimacy with their man. His premise is that many women's responsibilities and aspirations have grown as part of the women's movement and their resulting, empowered roles, during decades when many men's roles and expectations have progressed less dramatically. As difficult as the tone of the anger and complaint, Real suggests the substance of women's frustrations is right-on, which will provide some much needed vindication for women readers.

This book is full of composite examples of couples-therapy sessions where the woman's attitude sounds in complaint and withering anger. The man in these examples sounds clueless, and deeply hurt by the woman's anger. Real's prototypical woman comes off like a nag, shaming while complaining. It is at this point where men typically recoil avoiding facing women's needs, and their own fears.

In Real's analysis, unconscious and almost always unacknowledged entitlement characterizes the man's side of the relationship problems. We were raised to quietly sit back in much that happens in the home, letting things take care of themselves. In reality, things don't really take care of themselves; women are taking care of them. Men's toughest work, it seems, is traditionally as breadwinner outside the home. Once home, perhaps enlightened some by the women's movement, we may do some chores and help some with the kids. But we may also quietly avoid the challenging work of true relational intimacy with our woman. The man often sees no problem, or at least no rational issue.

The man may think, "what's the problem: I am nice and thoughtful. I don't rage or abuse....." But the rub may be in his disengagement, and in his urgent avoidance of shame. Having studied male depression (I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression"), Real understands that men's issues are often driven by shame, where women's are often driven by fear.

Because women are most heavily tasked with maintaining relationship, and are very often dependent on the man for economic and child-rearing reasons, women's fears are usually first expressed circumspectly, on eggshells, rather than angrily. The fierce anger arises later -- after more delicate strategies have maddeningly failed. The anger feels like poison to the man.

Real's approach is much needed, and this book not only explains unflinchingly, but suggests ways out of the deadlock. There have been important contributions along the way - e.g., Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. And there are libraries full of hyped up, supposed love-life panaceas. This fellow has a smart, tough set of insights, with ideas for finding our way out of the wilderness of too many current relationships. Highly recommended, for both men and women, and for couples therapists.

Real has since published an excellent follow up book structured a bit more as a "how to" guide: The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work. This is also very highly recommended.

Not convinced.......2007-06-08

Mr. Real asserts as an established fact that traumatizing events in childhood cause us to adopt patriarchal male and female roles in our adult lives and in our relationships. Even if this were true - and for the record I wasn't convinced - he has precious little in his book that a lay reader can take away and use. I found his writing style to be pedantic and touchy-feely at the same time (not an easy thing to pull off), and sprinkled with long stretches of incomprehensible gibberish. Why use one little word when ten big ones will do? The guy just wouldn't get to the point.

Professionals in this field may have a better appreciation for the style and content of this book, but I would not recommend it to those in need of counsel.

How Can I get through to you?.......2007-05-12

This book was written before the Marriage book Terry wrote. In some ways I got more information that I needed. If you are trying to improve any relationship this book is a must read. Terry Real is right on!

A must read for therapists as well as couples.......2006-10-22

I read this book to get continuing eductaion credits for my social work license. It's completely changed how I look at the therapy process. It's also completely changed how I look at my marriage. It provides an effective, yet not impossibly complicated, roadmap through the dilemmas and no-win situations in which couples find themselves. It gave me insights into what I was doing wrong, and ideas of how I could quickly change.

Is this a male bashing book? I thought so at first. As much as I liked the book, I resented being stereotyped as a male with a certain commitment to accomplishment at the expense of vulnerability and feelings. I'm actually just the opposite, a product of 1960's encounter groups. Toward the end of the book, though, Real does acknowledge that every now and then there is a male who has the opposite problem. He's in touch with feelings, the nurturing side of life, but perhaps viewed as a loser in the world of accomplishments. And that fits me dead on!

The book's style isn't typical for a book about therapy. There's a great deal of self-revelation on Real's part, and also many passages that would pass as high-caliber fiction were they not obviously based on fact. Real is a skillful writer. And that makes him easier to read.

Not male-bashing, but patriarchy bashing.......2006-03-07

I am applying to graduate school to be a Marriage and Family Counselor and I believe this book will be my guiding star. I've read a few reviews that claim it to be "male-bashing" or "all women are right, all men are wrong". Those who have written this must have not read the caring, empathic way that Terry has addressed the hurt that disconnection has caused these men he chronicles. I have many wonderful men in my life - a caring father, two wonderful older brothers - and I understand Terry's point that masculine in not necessarily an assignation of gender. There are masculine and feminine qualities, and both genders can have any of them. Predominantly, the men have masculine ones - however, did these reviewers not notice the example of the woman who fled to the "power-up" position in a masculine fashion? The response is wrong - not the gender that has this response forced upon them.

Relationships, or relational skills, are feminine skills. Men are not generally taught them - this does not make them "wrong" and it isn't "bashing" to say so. Terry's practical guide on how to reestablish connection speaks to the men, yes, but also to the woman - so she can learn how to make her voice heard in a respectful, loving way.

My advice to any man who would like to read this is to put down your shield, and realize that your women want to LOVE you, not beat you. That's patriarchial thinking right there - this isn't a war. It's a relationship, and it's about love.

Brain Sex: The Real Difference Between Men and Women

Average customer rating:

Excellent and clear-headed presentation on a much needed topic
common sense retold
Brain Sex
Fabulous
Dated, but still a great read

Brain Sex: The Real Difference Between Men and Women
Anne Moir , and David Jessel
Manufacturer: Delta
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

Interpersonal Relations | Relationships | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books

General | Self-Help | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books

General | Psychology & Counseling | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books

Sex on the Brain: The Biological Differences Between Men and Women
Why Men Don't Iron: The Fascinating and Unalterable Differences Between Men and Women
The Female Brain
The Essential Difference: Male and Female Brains and the Truth About Autism
Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps: How We're Different and What to Do About It

ASIN: 0385311834
Release Date: 1992-08-01

Customer Reviews:

Excellent and clear-headed presentation on a much needed topic.......2007-04-18

This book delves into a topic that is essential for all adults to understand, but unfortunately relatively few do - namely the differences between men and women.

This topic has been muddied with many lies and deceptions, but Brain Sex cuts through them and tells you what academics and teachers know to be true, but are afraid to say, because they will lose their positions and/or have their funding cut by the PC thought police.

This book clearly shows that sexual differences between males and females are primarily an issue of biology. Therefore the differences will not go away through coercion and re-education programs. Contrast this to feminist claims that gender differences are environmental (and can therefore be modified by putting aprons on men and football pads on women).

Another reviewer referred to Deborah Blum's book "Sex on the Brain". That book is far inferior to this one. Blum has a feminist axe to grind and seems to be distressed at where the science is taking things. In contrast, this book dispenses with feminist preconceptions and propaganda, and gives you the facts.

Brain Sex is a classic.

common sense retold.......2007-03-23

Its not politically correct and will no doubt anger the believers in feminist dogma. The information is based on generalizations and averages, not individuals. To say that you cannot compare males and females because there are differences within males and within females is illogical. Thats like saying you can't compare groups of individuals because the individuals that make up the group aren't identical. The reason its so easy to anger feminists is because their beliefs are unsound and they know it, every truth spoken destabilizes their very core.

Brain Sex.......2007-03-13

Excellent,based in scientific research. It is not a "sexual book" but a well written book about hormones,thinking, acting and why men and women
are different.

Fabulous.......2007-03-12

There is a difference between the male and female brain...Fascinating study that helps me appreciate the difference.

Dated, but still a great read.......2005-06-04

"Brain Gender" would have been a more apropos title, but I suppose 'sex' sells, literally.

Sometimes this book goes out on a limb, but they always make it known that's where they're headed. It provides great insight into gender differences and relates perceived behavior and experience to biological discoveries; some proven, some in question, and some merely opinions. It presents the information in a coherent and enjoyable manner, I highly suggest picking it up.

Sex on the Brain: The Biological Differences Between Men and Women

Average customer rating:

Definitely not a tight plot
dont let this one be your first read
Journalistic not scientific
sex on whose brain?
Tedious

Sex on the Brain: The Biological Differences Between Men and Women
Deborah Blum
Manufacturer: Penguin (Non-Classics)
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

Anatomy | Biological Sciences | Science | Subjects | Books

Physiology | Basic Science | Medicine | Subjects | Books

Brain Sex: The Real Difference Between Men and Women
The Female Brain
Male, Female: The Evolution of Human Sex Differences
A Primer of Jungian Psychology
Taking Sex Differences Seriously

ASIN: 0140263489

Amazon.com

For centuries, links between biology and behavior have been mined for ammunition in the gender wars. Western science has often tainted the discussion by skewing the norm toward men so that the biological underpinnings of their weaknesses and strengths are applauded while those of women are denigrated. Sex on the Brain is a chatty, fairly evenhanded report on a broad range of animal and human studies intended to provide insight into hot-button issues such as aggression, nurturing behavior, infidelity, homosexuality, hormonal drives, and sexual signals. According to one researcher, "We inherit the behavior essentially of our past." Morning sickness, for example, which steers some women away from strong tastes and smells, may once have protected babes in utero from toxic items. Infidelity is a way for men to ensure genetic immortality. Interestingly, when we deliberately change sex-role behavior--say men become more nurturing or women more aggressive--our hormones and even our brains respond by changing, too.

Book Description

Go beyond the headlines and the hype to get the newest findings in the burgeoning field of gender studies. Drawing on disciplines that include evolutionary science, anthropology, animal behavior, neuroscience, psychology, and endocrinology, Deborah Blum explores matters ranging from the link between immunology and sex to male/female gossip styles. The results are intriguing, startling, and often very amusing. For instance, did you know that. . .
*Male testosterone levels drop in happy marriages; scientists speculate that women may use monogamy to control male behavior
*Young female children who are in day-care are apt to be more secure than those kept at home; young male children less so
*Anthropologists classify Western societies as "mildly polygamous" The Los Angeles Times has called Sex on the Brain "superbly crafted science writing, graced by unusual compassion, wit, and intelligence, that forms an important addition to the literature of gender studies."

Customer Reviews:

Definitely not a tight plot.......2005-06-26

Deborah Blum was "raised in one of those university-based, liberal-elite families" and as such, was raised to believe that there were no differences between men and women. It wasn't until she had her own career, a husband, and two boys that she actually realized there were basic biological differences between male and female behaviour. Her son was playing dinosaur and "I looked down at him one day as he was snarling around my feet and doing his toddler best to gnaw off my right leg, and I thought, This is not a girl thing-- this goes deeper than culture."

So begins her book. Much of the evidence that is presented is done as studies of sex in other animals (the birds and the monkeys- yes, literally) and her lines of reasoning as to "how this happened" are based along lines of possible biological evolutional forces- things that she admits are really little more than educated guesses dressed up as theories.

The chapter on the differences between male and female brains was interesting in that she spent about 90% of the time either denying the validity of the studies or minimizing the verified physical results. (Sure, that spot is bigger, but we don't know that it does anything.)

Occasionally, you come across a gem of the absurd. This one is a good example:

"One leading French scientist of the nineteenth century sought to prove the existence and potency of this magical male stuff [testosterone] by injecting himself with pureed dog testes. He insisted that the extract boosted his energy and sex drive and enabled him to pee in a higher arc, a major issue for men, obviously, in contrast to women." (pg. 158, beginning of chapter six)

She is quite open and forthright about her own left of center feminist viewpoint on the whole subject, and freely gives her opinion on what she WANTS to be true (and making it clear that it IS her opinion).

One basic concept to follow underneath it all is that if evolution has made us "this way" (biologically), there is no reason to conclude that it has stopped now... and since we have the ability to change our culture, we may tap into evolutionary pressures to change the biology of our race in regards to the basic makeup of our sexes. At the end of the book, she admits she has no idea if this is really possible, but it's obvious that she feels it certainly ought to be. Given her basic premises, it is a logical conclusion. If you look at the past as having created this current biology from something else, why should the process stop now?

But to sum it up, I have to agree with the comments about tediousness, in particular towards the end. The last third or so of the book was read simply so I could be satisfied that I had read it, not because it still had my riveted and interested attention. It would have benefited either from a better organization of the material into a coherent overall development (aka a plot, if this were fiction) or of simply dropping the last third of the book.

dont let this one be your first read.......2005-06-04

Having read six books on this exact subject in the past week, I feel information is poorly presented in this one. Sometimes misleading, and sometimes even contradictory.

I highly suggest that you read other books and/or papers on the subject before braving this one. Even then, take this read with a grain of agenda-salt.

Journalistic not scientific.......2005-03-11

Blum's style is horrendous. She traipses from one anecdote about her son to the findings of scientists she has interviewed without the blink of an eye. She does not so much advance arguments or conclusions as much as merely advance dumbed-down versions of scientific studies. Matters such as which questions underlie the research and what the research reveals are interspersed with bad puns and Blum's own opinion as to whether something is insulting or disgusting. Her attempts to lighten the fare are patronizing and distracting.

She wrote way too much about non-humans. This or that primate species is simply not the human species. The differences between them are so great that their relevance for the human species does not seem to be established.

Most of the research she chose was physiological, behavioral, and anthropological. Evolutionary biology (a.k.a. sociobiology) gets only occasional treatment, despite its recent progress in explaining male and female differences.

Note also that the book was published in 1997. I write in 2005, so the book is eight years old. Try to find something more up to date on the subject.

Overall, the book's faults can most easily be attributed to the fact that the author is a journalist and not a scientist. She sarificed too much to appealing to the general readership and is not well-schooled in the science of human sex differences herself.

sex on whose brain?.......2005-02-07

I gave this one one star, but it might rate two. If you're looking for a chatty, rambling, disorganized treatise on gender and biology, and think that you can really learn something valuable about humans from the animal kingdom, then this book is for you. I bought this book because I thought it was going to be about the brain. It's more about gender behavior. You're left to draw you own concllusions about what's going on in the brain. There's gotta be a better book than this.

Tedious.......2004-05-18

It as only recently I was aware that Deborah Blum had written a book called the Monkey Wars, about the animal rights/ vivisectionist's debate. I was not aware of that previous book whist I was reading this one. But it comes to no surprise, that her obvious slant or justification would be on the vivisectionist side. Again I read Sex on The Brain without any prior knowledge of her other writings. The first three chapters relating to hormonal, and testosterone and oestrogen studies, and female male brain size - involved nearly every page describing how cats, monkeys, and rodents had been sliced up, been castrated, cells extracted, brought up in cruel studies (ie cat forced to never see daylight). To access a possible link to human equivalent mind and hormonal changes, ie brain size observation, and testosterone and hormonal levels changes. But as any advocate of valid and proper testing would argue, that animal testing is unnecessary and cruel and non conclusive. Within the first two chapters from pages 18 to 63, she trys to convince the reader that there is some validity in accessing mood changes and brain changes from animal testing (and applying to human brains) - but fails to but conclude the chapter with, and I quote " The contrast (human brains) are too tiny and still far too mysterious". Point one for anti vivisectionist's argument

Sex on the Brain is a tedious book, with an arduous writing style. There are however some interesting points raised in the book, regarding male aggression, risk taking and cognitive skills of both men and women. Unfortunately they end up contradiction each other. Yes men are aggressive due to high levels of testosterone, but female chimpanzees are just as aggressive. Deborah Blum doesn't really explain in detail the correlation to human aggression, and why men and women share similarities.
I found segments in the book that talked about risk taking and why men and women are different in that sense, but it came across in somewhat of sexist overtone. That men take unnecessary risks and women sit and ponder a collective solution - which is? Never explained in any biological sense. The questions would be asked, why do huge portions of women smoke cigarettes, and take unnecessary risks to their own health. How does it differ from male posturing in regards to male personal risk, ie drinking, excess etc. Or biologically does it assume that we take the risk to show some social adequacy?

Also other confusing segments in the book regarding male female attraction, eg women choose men on immune systems similar to them, through possible similarities in appearance. Yet early stages in the book describe how it would be wise for a evolving specie (humans) to mix up their genes, to create stronger offspring. Indifference, not a similarity. So what is it?
Sex on Brain also doesn't go into enough detail research on cultural influence and evolution, in which cultural influence has far out weighed evolution biology, consider the declining western birth rates, women are now having children into their 30's, increasing the risk of down syndrome.

The is so many questions still left un answered, although Sex on The Brain doesn't profess to have the answers. It does how ever relay some confusing findings, that don't seem to stick with any real application - part from the already obvious.

Paws And Reflect: Exploring the Bond Between Gay Men And Their Dogs
Average customer rating:

For dog lovers and the dog indifferent, both gay and straight

A Book for Every Dog Lover

A wonderful heartwarming book of how much our dogs mean to us.

A sentimental anthology of gay men and their dogs

A Great Read

Paws And Reflect: Exploring the Bond Between Gay Men And Their Dogs
Neil Plakcy , and Sharon Sakson
Manufacturer: Alyson Books
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover

General | Dogs | Animal Care & Pets | Home & Garden | Subjects | Books
General | Animal Care & Pets | Home & Garden | Subjects | Books
Essays | Animal Care & Pets | Home & Garden | Subjects | Books
General | Nonfiction | Gay & Lesbian | Subjects | Books
Gay Men | Special Groups | Social Sciences | Nonfiction | Subjects | Books
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ASIN: 1555839576

Book Description

"For most dog owners, our dogs are not possessions, they are family. Gay men in particular have found joy in bringing dogs into their nuclear circles. Their dogs love them unconditionally, without judgment or regard to sexual orientation; comfort them when they are in pain; and because most men outlive their dogs, teach them extraordinary lessons in how to cope with loss. . . Paws and Reflect is a celebration of all the dogs we have loved in the past, the dogs we love now, and the dogs of our future, who are only waiting for the right moment for us to invite them to join in our lives." -- From the Introduction

Through interviews and with original contributions, Paws and Reflect explores and celebrates the special and powerful bond between twenty-five gay men and their dogs. Interviewees included Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright Edward Albee, Cannes award-winning director Jonathon Caouette, Academy Award-nominated writer Ron Nyswaner, actor and playwright Charles Busch and Animal Planet's David Mizejewski, with contributions from authors Jay Quinn, Alistair McCartney and seventeen others.

Praise for Paws and Reflect:

"A guy I dated didn't like my Dachshund. One of them is gone, and it isn't the Dashed. As it happens there are two terrific Dashed essays in this book. Both made me cry and one of them has the best punch line I've come across in a long time. Dink in these real-life stories of dog love and devotion." -- Craig Lucas, Playwright, The Light in the Piazza, Filmmaker, The Dying Gaul.

"Dogs don't care about race, age, appearance, financial standing, employment, sexual orientation or any of those other things that people use -- too often -- to judge one another. Paws and Reflect is an eloquent, moving testament that this unconditional love has helped forma a great emotional and spiritual connection between dogs and their humans that just simply makes our lives healthier and more complete." -- David Frei, Co-host, "The Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show," USA Network.

"If you don't enjoy reading about the white Shepherd who protected Charles Busch, or the canine friends who kept the home fires burning for Ron Nyswaner, you are not a real dog lover. I was stunned by the emotions this book shook out of me."-- Sue Simmons, WNBC News Anchor

"Paws and Reflect is filled with surprises that sometimes made me weep and often made me laugh in delight. I adore this book. If you love dogs, don't miss it!" -- Susan Conant, author of Gaits of Heaven, and other novels in the Holly Winter series of Dog Lovers' Mysteries.

Customer Reviews:

For dog lovers and the dog indifferent, both gay and straight.......2007-07-03

I bought Paws and Reflect for my partner for Valentine's Day. He loved it and put it on my reading stack. And I'm so glad that he did. As the proud owner of a sweet one year old dachshund, we just recently decided to get his new baby half-sister, who is now five weeks old. We were a bit skittish about introducing a new dog into our household. Through stories both humorous and touching, Paws and Reflect has made me more aware of our bond with our current boy and made me excited about welcoming a new little girl into our family.

The writing in this anthology is superb. The short vignettes by both well-known and (to me) unknown gay men touched on so many points of dog ownership. Both the positive and the negative bonds were addressed, without a sense of respect and veracity

A Book for Every Dog Lover.......2007-06-02

You don't need to be anything more than a dog lover to love this book. Its not about gender its about the dogs and the people they let love them.

A wonderful heartwarming book of how much our dogs mean to us. .......2007-05-27

I was worried that this would be someone's doctoral dissertation, but it's not. It is immensely readable--I have trouble putting it down. I was reading it in a casual restaurant when I read a passage about a terrier attacking a St. Bernard that made me laugh out loud. When I was a teen, we had a chihuahua who would bark and growl menacingly at the St. Bernard from across the street. When the St. Bernard had had enough of this, she'd just bend down and give our Rusty a big wet sloppy kiss that would drench tiny Rusty which would very effectively shut him up.

Beneath the main concept of gay men and their relationships with their dogs, there's also a subtle secondary story of gay men living happy, successful--and totally normal--lives. I'm recommending this book to all my friends.

A sentimental anthology of gay men and their dogs.......2007-05-07

A romantic series of short stores of love affairs between gay men and their dogs. Some are real tear jerkers, others quite funny, but all are endearing and a joy to read.

A Great Read.......2007-04-04

I love the stories in this book. Funny, sad, and touching...all these stories show us why dogs are a gay man's best friend.

Between Mothers and Sons: Women Writers Talk about Having Sons and Raising Men

Average customer rating:

Something here for everyone
Memorable reading, great range of experiences
Incredible
Great writing but limited perspective

Between Mothers and Sons: Women Writers Talk about Having Sons and Raising Men

Manufacturer: Scribner
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover

General | Family Relationships | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books

Motherhood | Family Relationships | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books

Child Care | Parenting | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books

General | Parenting | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books

General | Parenting & Families | Subjects | Books
Similar Items:

Mothers and Children: Feminist Analyses and Personal Narratives
Hold Me Close, Let Me Go: A Mother, A Daughter and an Adolescence Survived
Strong Mothers, Strong Sons: Raising the Next Generation of Men
How I Learned to Cook
Mother To Son: Shared Wisdom From the Heart

Accessories:

Health o Meter HDC100-01 "Grow with Me" Teddy Bear Scale for Babies and Toddlers
philosophy hope in a jar daily moisturizer

ASIN: 0684850710

Book Description

The challenge for mothers of sons is to realize that because we do not share a sexual identity, that because we have not grown up in a male body, we cannot presume to understand everything there is to know about our sons' worlds.
-- Patricia Stevens

In this absolutely superb collection of mothers' personal narratives, some classic writers, as well as exciting new voices, ponder the conflicts and joys of raising sons. Patricia Stevens's Between Mothers and Sons is the first anthology in which women writers attempt to answer the question that all mothers have contemplated in the course of mothering the opposite sex: "Who is this male child who came out of my body?"

After all, the mother/son relationship is the foundation of all male/female connections. Yet in our culture, it's a relationship that has been far less closely observed than the relationship between mother and daughter.

From the earliest days of nursing to the good-byes as college and adulthood appear on the threshold, from adoptive families to biracial, from Native American to African-American mothers, these pages cover a broad range of experience. These writers collectively explore the delights and frustrations, the deep and often-conflicted emotions they feel in their roles as mothers to their male children.

"Diamonds are forever, but love can easily get lost....I picture the broken pieces of my heart inside me like the shrapnel of a war." In Jo-Ann Mapson's heartbreaking "Navigating the Channel Islands," we read of the intense pain that appears in the wake of her adolescent son's rebellion. On a more comical note, Deborah Galyan's "Watching Star Trek with Dylan" is a must for any mother who has wondered about a young son's love of things mechanical. And Valerie Monroe's bittersweet "Feet" will touch every mother on the planet: "As I unwrapped the slippers and carefully placed them on this rug, I thought, they're his feet, after all. And step by step, they will take him away from me."

Between Mothers and Sons resoundingly, if unflinchingly, celebrates this new journey that we are all making with our boys.

Customer Reviews:

Something here for everyone.......2005-03-07

As with many short story / essay collections, it is hard to review the book overall as the individual contributions are uneven.
In this case, almost all are moving and at least some will touch a heartstring (or raw nerve!) in every mother.
Many play the feminist angle, which I felt may be somewhat misplaced in a mother-son relationship.
A couple I'd already read in other collections (e.g. `Toddler'), including one of my personal favourites, Jonathan Bing by Priscilla Leigh MacKinley, about a mother who lost her sight during childbirth and has to adapt to becoming blind and the responsibility of responsibility of caring for a new baby at the same time ... the thought alone makes me shudder, but she writes about it beautifully and it was a joy to read again.
All-in-all, I enjoyed this book and would recommend it.

Memorable reading, great range of experiences.......2000-01-22

Each in her own way, the writers in this collection make complex connections -- with their sons and with readers. There's a great range of experiences here for the reader who wants to concentrate on the mother-son relationship rather than on family relationships in general.

I sometimes cried and more often laughed -- but I also thought about my female friends and their sons, and agreed with what I was reading -- then remembered my mother and sisters and their sons, and argued back -- considered my male friends, and understood more than I had before.

The authors had some great stories to tell, and the quality of the writing fully repaid a second (and for some essays, a third) reading. The author's own very moving contribution was my favorite, but months after reading the book, there are many moments I remember.

Incredible.......1999-12-04

I bought Between Mothers and Sons for myself as a Mother's Day gift when my son was 3 months old. I was moved viscerally by the essays contained in this book. Although I do agree with the reviewer from Wisconsin that the collective voice of these essays is limited, I feel that the emotional tumult felt and expressed by these very talented women is universal.

Great writing but limited perspective.......1999-07-14

Stevens has gathered a well-written and insightful collection of essays by very talented women. The challenges of raising sons are presented in sometimes poignant, frequently amusing, and generally thought-provoking ways. But I kept wishing for some other perspectives. All of the women whose writings are collected here seem to be on a single page. They're all feminists; few get any child-rearing help or wisdom from the boys' fathers; most seem to have no spiritual foundation (LaMott is an obvious exception). I would have liked to read a more balanced collection of authors.

Odd Girls and Twilight Lovers: A History of Lesbian Life in Twentieth-Century America (Between Men--Between Women)

Average customer rating:

Eh
Wonderful survey of lesbian history
Empowering and Engaging
An important work
Interesting book

Odd Girls and Twilight Lovers: A History of Lesbian Life in Twentieth-Century America (Between Men--Between Women)
Lillian Faderman
Manufacturer: Penguin (Non-Classics)
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

History | Gay & Lesbian | Subjects | Books

General | Social Sciences | Nonfiction | Subjects | Books

General | Women's Studies | Nonfiction | Subjects | Books

Social History | Historical Study | History | Subjects | Books
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Gay New York: Gender, Urban Culture, and the Making of the Gay Male World, 1890-1940
Surpassing the Love of Men: Romantic Friendship and Love Between Women from the Renaissance to the Present
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The Lavender Scare: The Cold War Persecution of Gays and Lesbians in the Federal Government
Sexual Politics, Sexual Communities

ASIN: 0140171223

Customer Reviews:

Eh.......2006-12-15

While this book is an asset in learning about lesbian history it is seriously lacking in connecting ideas and seperating fact from oppinion. While some points are made well there are some that are so far off that they devalue what ever point the author was trying to make.

Wonderful survey of lesbian history.......2005-06-21

I read this book when I was newly out and went through the "read everything remotely queer" stage. This is truly a gem. It is everything a work of history should be: engaging, informative and well-crafted.

I recommend this to GLBTQ folks who are lacking knowledge about our history, as well as people with an interest in women's studies and feminism. Good photos, too.

Empowering and Engaging.......2002-04-24

Odd Girls and Twilight Lovers is a fascinating work that traces the cultural history of lesbianism in the United States -- providing a broad and thorough overview of lesbianism's diversity, its relationship to feminism, and its evolving forms of resistance in relationship to the oppressions of the dominant culture. Perhaps what is most impressive about this book is that while it is an impressively researched and intellectually stimulating piece of scholarship, it is also an extremely engaging read. Faderman draws the reader into lesbian cultural history in a way that is never clinical, but compellingly human--under her treatment, the lesbian subculture emerges in all of its varied complexity, its celebratory subversiveness, as a fascinatingly rich and vibrant culture of historical, political, and sexual significance. This book is a marvelous introduction to lesbian culture and history . . . it is entertaining, empowering, and utterly engaging.

An important work.......2001-04-09

Lillian Faderman has written some of the best works on the lesbian experience throughout the ages, and "Odd Girls and Twilight Lovers" is no exception. She covers every facet of the subculture from the turn of the 20th century to the present day with impeccable scholarship, and her writing is engaging and highly readable. She examines everything from 1950's butch/femme, 70's lesbian feminism, and the resurgence of trendy "lipstick lesbians" with equal attention. This book is a must-have for every queer library, and is an important contribution to the cause of lesbian visiblity.

Interesting book.......2000-03-18

I'm taking a class in sexual communities history and this is one of the books I have to read. I've found it to be an excellent supliment for the class. The only thing lacking is that it sometimes will make a really great point, then a few sentences later make a completely off the wall one. Overall a great book, and if you're looking to learn a lot about lesbianism in the US...this is a wonderful book to do so.

Average customer rating:

Playful beauty
Beautiful and artistic images.

Between Men and Women

Manufacturer: Universe Publishing
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

General | Photography | Arts & Photography | Subjects | Books

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Book Description

Here is a provocative collection of photographs that highlight the interactions between the opposite sexes and the continuum connecting love and sexual desire. With images of both couples and individual men and women, the nude portraits in this volume display a rich diversity of tone and composition.

Customer Reviews:

Playful beauty.......2006-12-06

I like a lot of things about this collection of B&W figure photography. A few of these pictures fall into the classic mold (p.20, 65, 97), but Fahrmeyer wants more than the just the classic imagery. This comes out in illusions of floating human fragments (p.36, 110) and insect-like poses (p.34-35, 106). Much of the imagery comes from the fashion and glamor world - enjoyable, but not what makes this collection memorable.

The most striking works in this collection are studies in comparison. Sometimes that comes from a man's figure and a woman's, as contrasts (p. 41, 66) or complements (p.7, 49-50, 126-7). Other times it's the juxtaposition of light skin tones and dark (p. 29-30, 49), or both poles at once (p. 8-9, 94). That leads to my one real (but minor) complaint about this collection. Fahrmeyer does beautifully well with the natural elegance of dark skin, but he often tries to enhance the lighter tones with some kind of makeup. It often gives gives a crusty look (p.27, 36, 49) that I just can't follow. That enhancement, like the enhancement of bust in a few pictures (esp. p.142-143), did not enhance the over-all effect. He could have used models who naturally fell into the paler extremes, or done a bit more in the darkroom to enhance the contrast to let the natural tones speak for themselves, as on p.137.

When Fahrmeyer's vision works, it works very well. This collection is easy to enjoy. It's not just the same-old, but not outre experimentation for the sake of being different, either. "Between Men and Women" will be a welcome addition to any collection of figure photography.

//wiredweird

Beautiful and artistic images........1999-10-04

I enjoyed this book very much. The photos were both sensual and artistic. The photograper of this book is very talented. It will make a great holiday gift for special friends.

Surpassing the Love of Men: Romantic Friendship and Love Between Women from the Renaissance to the Present

Average customer rating:

3.5 stars but this thing doesn't do halves

Surpassing the Love of Men: Romantic Friendship and Love Between Women from the Renaissance to the Present
Lillian Faderman
Manufacturer: Harper Paperbacks
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

History | Gay & Lesbian | Subjects | Books

General | Social Sciences | Nonfiction | Subjects | Books

General | Women's Studies | Nonfiction | Subjects | Books

History | Women's Studies | Nonfiction | Subjects | Books
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Naked in the Promised Land: A Memoir
The Well of Loneliness

ASIN: 0688133304

Amazon.com

First published in 1981, this feminist classic began modestly as an academic essay on Emily Dickinson's love poems and letters to her future sister-in-law, Sue Gilbert. In her original introduction, Faderman recalled her surprise at finding these records of an erotic attachment between women that showed no evidence of guilt, anxiety, or the need for secrecy. Yet 60 or 70 years after they were written, the original letters had been bowdlerized by a niece of Dickinson's, who clearly found them too shocking for publication. Why, Faderman wondered, was passionate love between women, once almost universally applauded in the Western world, now almost universally condemned? She learned that the love between Dickinson and Gilbert had many precedents, and that it was only in the late 19th century that medical literature and antifeminism combined to rank women who loved women "somewhere," as she puts it bluntly, "between necrophiliacs and those who had sex with chickens." For this new edition, Faderman explains that she has resisted the urge to update her text, hoping that her exploration of romantic friendship, from French libertine literature through the dawn of feminism through the lesbian panic of the 1920s will still serve as "solace and ammunition" for those hoping to find "a usable past." --Regina Marler

Book Description

A classic of its kind, this fascinating cultural history draws on everything from private correspondence to pornography to explore five hundred years of friendship and love between women.Surpassing the Love of Men throws a new light on shifting theories of female sexuality and the changing status of women over the centuries.

Customer Reviews:

3.5 stars but this thing doesn't do halves.......1999-07-28

The author forcefully insists on the real passion between the women that she studies; this becomes to me repetitive and distracting. However, given the historical context of this book, in which a "lesbian recovery" of history was less accepted, I see the purpose of her tactics. In any case, the author draws together a wealth of evidence that makes for fascinating and provocative reading, even if she does lean a bit too much on literary examples as proof of what attitudes were "really." She makes a strong case, though. Recommended.

The Politics of Passion: Women's Sexual Culture in the Afro- Surinamese Diaspora (Between Men--Between Women)

Average customer rating:

Simply Excellent!

The Politics of Passion: Women's Sexual Culture in the Afro- Surinamese Diaspora (Between Men--Between Women)
Gloria Wekker
Manufacturer: Columbia University Press
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

General | Nonfiction | Gay & Lesbian | Subjects | Books

General | Social Sciences | Nonfiction | Subjects | Books

General | Women's Studies | Nonfiction | Subjects | Books

All Titles | Qualifying Textbooks - Fall 2007 | Stores | Books

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Nonfiction | Qualifying Textbooks - Fall 2007 | Stores | Books

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ASIN: 0231131631

Book Description

Gloria Wekker analyzes the phenomenon of mati work, an old practice among Afro-Surinamese working-class women in which marriage is rejected in favor of male and female sexual partners. Wekker vividly describes the lives of these women, who prefer to create alternative families of kin, lovers, and children, and gives a fascinating account of women's sexuality that is not limited to either heterosexuality or same-sex sexuality. She offers new perspectives on the lives of Caribbean women, transnational gay and lesbian movements, and an Afro-Surinamese tradition that challenges conventional Western notions of marriage, gender, identity, and desire. Bringing these women's voices to the forefront, she offers an extensive and groundbreaking analysis of the unique historical, religious, psychological, economic, linguistic, cultural, and political forces that have shaped their lives.

Customer Reviews:

Simply Excellent!.......2007-08-20

This book is an excellent blend of anthropology, ethnic studies, women's studies, gay studies, and postcolonial studies. Progressives bemoan studies that fail to consider race, class, gender, and sexuality together; well, this is an important intervention in that dearth of material. For those who do not understand the difference between essentialism and constructionism, this will make you understand.

Professor Griff, Winnie Mandela, Robert Mugabe and so many others make false claims that Africa had no homosexuality until Europeans intervened. Dr. Wekker disproves that by showing how Surinamese mati are influenced greatly by West African religion and principles. You could almost say this is an Afrocentric support of Blacks in same-sex romantic relationships. This is a book that Black gay male and lesbian activists all over the Diaspora need to own and read. Some may want to read this book along side "African Homosexualities."

When quoting informants, Dr. Wekker uses their actual Surinamese language and then translates it into English. For polyglots and those familiar with the Dutch-speaking world, this may be informative. However, there is a way that it just takes up space. This book would have been 50 pages shorter without it. Perhaps, Dr. Wekker wants readers to inhabit multilingual terrains, as Gloria Anzaldua did. Still, I think readers like me who don't understand any form or Dutch will skip through a lot. I did love some of the colorful idioms and phrases here. One Surinamese woman says, "Only god knows why he didn't give the horse horns." I'm still trying to find a way to use that phrase in 21st-century America! (By the way, the author writes in American English, rather than British English.)

Dr. Wekker tries to "keep it real." She stands against bourgeois posing intended to impress elite audiences. Still, there is a way that this book makes us Black people look bad. The book is filled with violence, sexual promiscuity, womanizing from either gender, disparagement of marriage, and other things that some may find objectionable. I do worry about what would happen if this book gets into the wrong people's hands.

You can see and hear the author in a documentary called "Middle Sexes" narrated by Gore Vidal. As women's studies departments become gender studies departments, readers may want to peruse this alongside Bana-Shute's book on Surinamese men.

Reading Between the Lips: A Totally Deaf Man Makes It in the Mainstream

Average customer rating:

Reading Between the Lips: A Totally Deaf Man Makes It in the Mainstream
Lew Golan
Manufacturer: Bonus Books
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover

Authors | Arts & Literature | Biographies & Memoirs | Subjects | Books

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What's That Pig Outdoors?: A Memoir of Deafness

ASIN: 1566250218

Customer Reviews:

Wow.......2006-10-26

This book fails to present any interesting story or perspective on the topic within. Lew expresses a distrust and dislike for ASL and Deaf Culture that permeates his work and it's simply unacceptable.

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