When Friendship Hurts: How to Deal With Friends Who Betray, Abandon, or Wound You

Amazon.com

Does anything hurt worse than betrayal by a close friend? Sociologist and friendship expert Jan Yager (Friendshifts: The Power of Friendship and How It Shapes Our Lives) explores failed, hurtful, and destructive friendships in When Friendship Hurts.

The book describes 21 types of potentially negative friends. The "Rival," for example, is envious to the point of malice. The "Blood-sucker" expects you to be there every moment. The "Controller" must be in charge of everything, from where you meet for lunch to whom you date. Yager lays out strategies for dealing with the problems when you want to keep the friendship, while also warning about extreme behavior and discussing triggers that lead to friendship conflicts, such as jealousy, anger, and change (of marital status or job, for example). Yager also guides you to examine your own destructive or harmful traits and recognize patterns in your family background that affect your friendships.

Overall, this book will help you learn how to deal with destructive friendships--when and how to save them, when and how to end them, and how to cope when a business friendship goes wrong. Yager, who has appeared on Oprah and other TV programs, also encourages you to celebrate the joys of positive friendships. --Joan Price

Book Description

"HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?"

We've all had friendships that have gone bad. Whether it takes the form of a simple yet inexplicable estrangement or a devastating betrayal, a failed friendship can make your life miserable, threaten your success at work or school, and even undermine your romantic relationships.

Finally there is help. In When Friendship Hurts, Jan Yager, recognized internationally as a leading expert on friendship, explores what causes friendships to falter and explains how to mend them -- or end them. In this straightforward, illuminating book filled with dozens of quizzes and real-life examples, Yager covers all the bases, including:

The twenty-one types of negative friends -- a rogues' gallery featuring such familiar types as the Blood-sucker, the Fault-finder, the Promise Breaker, and the Copycat
How to recognize destructive friends as well as how to find ideal ones
The e-mail effect -- how electronic communication has changed friendships for both the better and the worse
The misuse of friendship at work -- how to deal with a co-worker's lies, deceit, or attempts at revenge
How to stop obsessing about a failed friendship
And much more

The first highly prescriptive book to focus on the complexities of friendship, When Friendship Hurts demonstrates how, why, and when to let go of bad friends and how to develop the positive friendships that enrich our lives on every level. For everyone who has ever wondered about friends who betray, hurt, or reject them, this authoritative book provides invaluable insights and advice to resolve the problem once and for all.

Customer Reviews:

A n Interesting &Thoughful Discussion of Frienships.......2007-09-14

Painstakingly researched and annotated, Jan Yager adroitly translates the psychology of friendships - both healthy and unhealthy - in clear understandable style.

In one of her studies she determined that over two-thirds of the participants had been betrayed by someone they considered a friend, which is why she wrote the book. The stages of reaction and recovery mimic those of the five stages of grief but with somewhat different alternatives. Sometimes you may wish to continue a friendship from a distance if the person benefits you in some way. Sometimes you may need to turn the figure around and look at what you might have done.

I read this book on a plane ride to a reunion with two very long-term friends who grew up with me and lived on the same street (A canceled flight and misrouted luggage provided ample time). As kids, our small group walked to school, came home for lunch, and ran in a pack. We added members as they moved in and out and stayed out long after dark playing hide and seek. The whole neighborhood knew us and kept our parents posted.

Our lives took different paths and locations, but we remain friends. It's curious since we are now all retired that we have reunited twice now for vacations and will likely do so again. I read to them the twenty-one characteristics of destructive friendships. Each of us could put one or more names with most characteristics, but it was usually a relative or someone with whom we worked. Our conclusion was that those who commit any of the destructive behaviors were never friends at all.

Friendship.......2007-09-09

This book is a perfect for those young and old who need to know how to deal with people who seem to love to hurt others. This is a guide which parents could use to talk about with their teens as a source of inspiration that might help them help their children help themselves.

Is it time to move on or renew a friendship.......2006-11-07

Yager writes a wonderful book on friendships that have gone bad. While not all friendships are meant to last a lifetime, many do, and when friendships start to go sour what do you do? Jan Yager has a clear understanding of what healthy relationships should be, and how they should make you feel, and that you have a responsibility in them. She also has clear guidelines of when friendships start to go badly what can be done.

My favorite part of the book is her short quiz on is the relationship harmful she asks:
1. Is your friend trustworthy
2. Does your friend return your phone calls?
3. Does your friend always keep appointments or meetings and promises?
4. Do other friends praise this friend?
5. Do you enjoy listening to your friend?
6. If you have an opposite-sex friend, and you're both romantically involved with others or married, does your friend's romantic partner know about your friendship?
7. Is your friend someone you're proud of?
8. Is your friendship based on who you both are now, rather than on what you were when you first became friends?
9. After you see your friend, do you fiend yourself thinking, "Wow, I'm glad we're friends?"
10. Does your friend respect your boundaries and your privacy?

She also describes different types of bad friendships and gives suggestions on what you can do to stay in them, or leave the relationship. She does have you ask yourself is the friendship healthy? Was it healthy? Are you up to investing enough into the friendship to make it work again? Most importantly, is the friendship worth saving?

I found her book helpful, and a good guideline on having healthy friendships with others. While this is not a complete book on friendships, it is a good starting point. This book will have you evaluate relationships that may have past their prime, and those relationships that should be salvaged. I would definately recommend this book to anyone that may have nagging questions about friendships that they may have.

Disappointed.......2006-07-27

I was disappointed with this book --it was much more simplistic than what I was looking for. It seemed to carry a theme throughout: if your friend has problems, such as depression, unresolved childhood issues, etc., and they affect the friendship, it's best to end the friendship unless they go for therapy. The author advocates making and keeping friendships that are described as fairly ideal. That sounds great to me, but it just didn't seem very realistic, but rather black and white.
I found one story in the book particularly unsettling. The author tells of one of her own college friendships. Ms. Yager says that her friend, "Cindy," told her that she had tried to kill herself. Ms. Yager speculates on her friends' upbringing and then says that at the time, she felt betrayed by Cindy's suicide attempt, "as if it were a slap in the face of our friendship." Ms. Yager says, "Looking back, my thinking, however selfish and confused at the time, may not be all that atypical. My first response was to wonder how much she cared about me as a friend if she was willing to cause me to suffer, as I would have if she had succeeded." The author goes on to say that the friendship fell apart over the next year or two, and that she knew it wasn't due to the fact that they lived in different cities, as she had other friendships like that that worked. She said the main reason was that Cindy's mental illness scared her. The author says that she has thought from time to time of trying to find Cindy to see if she got help and her life turned out okay -- but that she never has, and that the reason she never has is because she has so many positive, healthy friendships now, and therefore she takes "the coward's way out" and does nothing.
What I thought was helpful about this story was that there are readers who might relate to how scary it is to learn that a friend is suicidal, and how problematic it can be. But mostly I found some things about the story, as told, a little disturbing. The author is a PhD Sociologist now -- not a layman about mental health issues. I'm wondering why a professional is still a "coward" about this incident. I also noticed that the author calls the many other friendship incidents in the book "betrayals," but when she relates her own story, she describes her behavior toward her friend as merely "insensitive" and says that she did what was probably typical. In a great many of the other stories, the author analyzes what childhood problems may have led to the betraying actions in the friendships, but in her own story, she just leaves it at "I wonder what happened to Cindy?" I'm not suggesting that the author must analyze her own reaction in this example from her life, but it strikes me as odd given the fact that she does so in so many of the other stories. I also wonder why the author doesn't end her story about her suicidal friend by suggesting to readers how serious it is when a friend talks of suicide, and what basic things to do when that happens, without becoming enmeshed yourself - the author is a PhD Sociologist.
I found the book to be encouraging and validating in it's message of not letting destructive friendships go on and on and bring undue unhappiness and problems into your life, but it was too black and white for me, with too little insight into navigating through the problems. To me, the author seems to be justifying her own unintentional betrayal of her friend, and that really gives me pause.

Bad Friends do Exist!.......2006-07-21

I read this book as follow up to reading FRIENDSHIFTS by the same author, Jan Yager. I was really looking to evaluater some experiences I had with friends and if what was done was mean or just friends being friends. I wanted to know how can we get past this OR can I just get this person out of my life after being so close for so long. WHEN FRIENDSHIP HURTS made me realize that I had already tried to save this friendship and nothing was going to save it in the near future. This bad friendship was serving nothing positive in my life. I decided to end the friendship even with the sadness that may come...most of which I have already felt during the betrayal. This book gives you specifics about ending a friendship and the proper etiquette of doing it. It also details out different categories that friends fall in. Reading this helps you to understand where your friends are coming from and when to cut them some slack. The best take away besides learning how to end my bad friendship was that there are positive friends in my life and room for more positive ones if I choose! You do not need to be stuck with a bad friend just because you have known them for so many years or been through triumphs and struggles with them or live in the same city...

Average customer rating:

Bleed-through Between Series Gives Romantic Romps & Iconic Intrigue: Florida Flows in NYC
Not One of Wood's Best
She turned to Stone
Skip it
Maybe the next one will be better

Reckless Abandon
Stuart Woods
Manufacturer: Signet
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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ASIN: 0451213173
Release Date: 2004-09-28

Book Description

Cop-turned-lawyer Stone Barrington tracks a mobster hiding deep within the witness protection program in this new thriller in the New York Times bestselling series-with a little help from beautiful Florida police chief Holly Barker.

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Customer Reviews:

Bleed-through Between Series Gives Romantic Romps & Iconic Intrigue: Florida Flows in NYC.......2006-06-14

A couple of Stuart Woods recent novels had caught my eye as I was looking for something sort of similar to Robert Parker's Spenser series.

This being the first of those two eye-catchers which I read, I can say I enjoyed the easy opening of the main characters from separate series making a slow jazz, "no problem" connection. The situation, setting, and dialogue were refreshingly, realistically simple and natural. Even with periodic shocks of abrupt overturnings of a flow of events, the plotting clicked along with no reading-resistance from moi. Chief Holly Barker was clever with her quips and guts, dancing through nonchalance; and Stone Barrington was so smitten and intrigued by Holly, the two melted like butter on a hot day, sliding right into a business mixing pleasure thing based from his home.

I noticed that a few reviews don't recommend this novel as a "starter kit" for readers who haven't read most of Woods's other novels, due to the fact that this story uses a sort of patchwork quilt of past plots. So, I wondered, would I be lost?

I was carried without effort by the interaction and dialogue among characters and didn't find the brief recaps of the past to be any different than what would be necessary in any novel. No plot works without a past, and segments of that history have to be plugged into an ongoing action.

Loved the way Woods stitched the title into the book as a true and actual THEME, becoming obvious with chapter 10, in which Stone interviewed his client-from-hell, professional photographer, Herbert Fisher. Of course Herbie was not the only character for whom Woods used "reckless abandon" as an identifier of personality traits.

Feel free to buy and read the novel to do this thought-provoking discovery of for whom, what, where, when, and how this "reckless abandon" plays off, from the simplest, to the most symbolic, to the most legal of meanings.

This book had more "live in" capacity than most, like a world was opened and I could simply step in each time I opened the pages.

The relationship between Stone and Holly continued the flow established in the novel's opening, and grew easily and naturally, without the usual blocks in romance novels or other P.I. persona series. The sex scenes were simple and gutsy and were slipped within the daily doings without much difficulty or unnecessary production. It was interesting to see how a man like Stone reacted to an aggressive partner like Holly. He was just there, and certainly had no trouble enjoying the ride, taking Holly at face value, which was refreshing both ways, with the blessed absence of the usual emotional games. Jealousy was toyed with on both sides, with a realistic touch, and like everything else, the two rambled through those glitches without over concern, no growing roots for those bleeps of green.

Given the way most of us live out our days, this novel might seem unbelievable. But, having worked and lived several years on the inside of criminal justice systems, my experience confirmed that the characters, dialogue, pacing, actions and reactions, the ways of dealing with a very different system of ethics, was on target with the reality Woods was describing. Though Woods's critical slant on the FBI and CIA might be slightly skewed based on his political leanings, it's plausible that those types of casual behaviors toward killing and execution could exist in facets of such agencies and bureaus. I also know from experience, however, that a good number of honorable, admirable men take on these types of responsibilities and jobs, with a type of pride and integrity which many of us will never know or live. They're to be admired and thanked.

I'm pro President George W. Bush. Woods is not. At least he's not, based on the info on Stuart Woods's web site, which is well done and very direct and clear in exposing his opinions, his work, and his trade. He comes across to me as a crisp, to the point, no nonsense, male of the species, and I can't help admiring his candor and directness.

Lest we forget, however, RECKLESS ABANDON is a work of fiction, a well done and highly entertaining one, in which, yes, the author expresses and dramatizes his political opinions about the world. As he notes on his web site, whose opinions should he write about, other than his own?

Though the whole novel was engrossing, the last quarter of the plot kicked up in reader capture enhancement. I was in high entertainment awe of the ways Stone, Holly, Dino, and Lance extricated themselves out of several seemingly untenable, end-of-the-road, into-the-grave, impossible scenarios. There's a term for what Woods accomplished repeatedly with incredible finesse throughout the last quarter of the book:

Deux ex machina.

Though ... I'm not sure how firmly that applied there, in the meaning, "saved by an unexpected event interjected by a `Higher Hand' of a God, or The Author." In most cases one of the characters saved the situation from disaster due to tangy thinking or fluid footwork. ANYway, all snafu's were undone in very cool, ingenious ways.

Also felt right on with the way Holly and Stone handled their budding relationship, as the book's sunset arrived.

Yes sir. This is great entertainment of the purest type given just the right complexity, with subtle, interesting wisdom extended simply (without heavy agendas imposed) through character contemplations, conversations, and choices.

I'll go for more.

Linda G. Shelnutt

Not One of Wood's Best.......2006-02-06

You'd think that if Holly Barker teams up with Stone Barrington, you'd have a rip roaring murder mystery. Not this time! Stuart Woods has missed the mark on this book. The reader finds out the two main characters like to jump into the sack; but the author has not developed his characters very well. It's like he wrote this book "on the spur of the moment", while sitting in a New York apartment, with nothing else to do. The story line involving the FBI, NYPD and others looking for the murderous bad guy, Trini Rogriquez, is not very realistic. No high tech equipment (except powerful firearms) is referred to in this book. As the book concludes, it doesn't take much effort to guess how it may end. On the positive side,however, this book, like most of Wood's others, is easy to read.

She turned to Stone.......2006-01-27

I gave this book five stars to catch the attention of prospective readers.

Amazon's 5 star system is the equivalent of the greenish grassy stuff that falls out of a horse's backside in such nice twinkie-shaped parcels.

Stone Barrington is fun. Simply put. I found some of the characters a little thin, but I think all in all the combination of Stone's unique lifestyle (what a house!) and his personality and Woods' plotting drive this book (my first by Woods) along very nicely and make up for the problems I have with the tome. As a matter of fact, I think Robert Crais' novels get a lot better review and that is not necessarily justified. Poorly plotted sentence, but you catch my unique odor I am sure.

I think this is a particularly good vacation read, for those of you who can afford vacations. Fatherless offal you all are.

I will certainly read more of the Stone books at least.

Rick

Skip it.......2005-08-19

This was my first Stuart Woods novel and I wasn't impressed. Stone Barrington character is like James Bond and I never liked him. The whole story is just too unbelivable. I like something a little more realistic. Sorry, this just doesn't fly.

Maybe the next one will be better.......2005-08-12

Since I seem to have seen the same comments/complaints in the reviews of the two latest Stone Barrington novels by Stuart Woods (Reckless Abandon, Two-Dollar Bill), I'll do two quick reviews in one and address them, while adding my own two cent's worth. I'll post this effort on the Amazon pages for both books.

First, a few general comments.

1) If you have a favorite restaurant, you eat there. If you can afford to do so, you eat there often.

2) Why so upset about the sex? Jealous?

3) Remember the Constitution? Despite our clueless leader's efforts to repeal it, it still guarantees all of us freedom of speech, expression, etc. Now if Mr. Woods wants to use his free speech to criticize the war-mongering, right-wing, conservative administration currently in power, he is totally within his rights to do so.

Well, enough ranting. On with the review.

I'd have to say that the two most recent Stone Barrington novels were not the best of the series. To me, the series seems to be veering into the realm of the ridiculous, which I had hoped was left behind with the psychotic Mob daughter that nearly became Stone's wife. The earlier stories had more believable plots (the possible exception being the one where not one, but two killers manage buy their way out of a death sentence.) Contributing to the comic opera tone of the novels is the reappearance of a photographer who has raised stupidity to an art form. I sincerely hope we've seen the last of him.

I am not going to give up on this series by Mr. Woods. Not yet, anyway. However, the same cannot be said for his Orchid series. In my opinion, in transforming his protagonist from small town police chief to "Jane Bond, Superspy," Mr. Woods has caused a promising series to pole vault over the line of believability. That's one reason I'm going to stop reading the Orchid series. The other reason can be summed up in two words: Lance Cabot, who is probably going to end up playing a bigger role in the Orchid series. He comes off as a pompous, arrogant, jerk, who is more than willing to let killers walk free because of "national security." Over the course of two books, he coerces Stone into signing a contract with "the agency," orders him around like a flunky, threatens him with induction into the military, and even threatens to shoot Stone in the knee. All I can say is that I hope in future books, Stone uses his legal skills to break his contract with "the agency," so he (and we) won't have to put up with Mr. Cabot anymore.

In a nutshell, I think the best thing for this series would be to lose the CIA/SIS connection entirely, and give the readers back the serious plots of the earlier books.

Average customer rating:

Great Read
Sheer Boredom
Hooking readers by shifting perspectives frequently and suddenly, resulting in a series of cliffhangers
Sheer Pleasure to Read
I hope you keep a flashlight next to your bed...

Sheer Abandon: A Novel
Penny Vincenzi
Manufacturer: Doubleday
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover

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ASIN: 0385519885
Release Date: 2007-05-08

Book Description

A number-one bestseller from one of Britain’s most popular novelists, Sheer Abandon is an all-consuming story revolving around the consequences of a desperate act . . .

Martha, Clio, and Jocasta meet by chance at Heathrow airport in 1985 as they are starting off on separate backpacking adventures, and they decide to spend the first few days of their trips together in Thailand. When they go their separate ways, they vow to get together in London the following year. But many years pass before the three cross paths again, and the once-capricious, carefree girls now all have thriving careers. One of them, however, harbors a terrible secret: On her return from her pre-college excursion, she abandoned her just-born daughter at Heathrow.

Clio has fulfilled her ambition of becoming a doctor, only to find herself trapped in a marriage to an arrogant surgeon who belittles her and her professional achievements. Martha is a highly paid corporate lawyer, just embarking on a political career. Dedicated to her job, she has had little time for personal relationships and lives a busy, but lonely life. Jocasta, a tabloid newspaper reporter with an infallible instinct for the big story, is in love with a charming colleague who can’t make the permanent commitment she longs for. The infant abandoned at Heathrow has grown up under the loving care of her adoptive family. Now a beautiful teenager named Kate, she sets out to find her birth mother—a quest that unexpectedly brings the women together and exposes the secret buried so many years before.

Impossible to put down, Sheer Abandon is top-notch women’s fiction.

Customer Reviews:

Great Read.......2007-09-02

I love this author. I have read some of her other books and she is one of the few authors that can keep you wanting more and hate to see the book end

Sheer Boredom.......2007-08-03

First, let me say that I have read "No Angel" and "Something Dangerous" and absolutely loved both of them. I was pleased to find another book by this author. However, anyone who has enjoyed any of Penny Vincenzi's earlier books can expect to be very disappointed. This one is so inferior that it's almost impossible to believe it was written by the same author.

Every female character in the book is, at best, neurotic. Constantly displaying the sort of behavior that in real life is mislabeled 'PMS', and all sharing the same incredible lack of self-esteem; these women are the kind who give women a bad name.

Each of the many, many sub-plots is excruciatingly predictable. So predictable, in fact, that there actually IS some element of surprise with the discovery that, in each instance, the author really did go with the outcome that she'd been plodding toward for hundreds of pages. We expected better.

Only one thing kept me reading to the end of these 600 pages of sheer irritation: the desperate hope of a "Thelma and Louise" ending. A Land Rover with every pathetic woman in the book inside, sailing over the edge of the White Cliffs of Dover would have been wonderfully appropriate, and a well-deserved reward for any reader who stuck with this terrible waste to the end.

Hooking readers by shifting perspectives frequently and suddenly, resulting in a series of cliffhangers .......2007-06-18

I'm consistently surprised that more American readers have not yet discovered Penny Vincenzi. A bestselling author in her native England, Vincenzi has yet to find the audience she deserves on this side of the Atlantic. Captivating enough to gratify fans of escapist fiction and romance novels, skillful and sophisticated enough to draw in more literary readers (perhaps in spite of themselves), Vincenzi's novels sprawl satisfyingly through time and place, from character to character, but never get out of control.

Originally published in the United Kingdom in 2005, SHEER ABANDON is Vincenzi's latest to be released in the U.S. In some ways, it's her most restrained novel in scope; unlike her multi-generational Spoils of Time trilogy, for example, SHEER ABANDON's main action takes place over just a couple of years, with the exception of a few flashbacks to 1985, where the story really begins.

The novel opens with a terrifying scene of a young woman, just back in England from a post-graduation trip to East Asia, giving birth alone in a Heathrow Airport bathroom. Following the birth, the frightened young woman leaves the baby in a cleaning cupboard, watching unobserved until she is sure the infant has been discovered and will be safe.

Readers figure out pretty quickly that the terrified young mother is one of three acquaintances who met while backpacking through Thailand after graduating from college. Fast-forwarding 15 years, the three women are all successful, confident professionals, none of whom seems to be harboring a dark, shameful secret. So which one is it?

Is it Jocasta, a harried reporter for one of Britain's top tabloids? Growing up, she was constantly disappointed by her busy father --- now she's disappointed by her philandering brother. Her glamorous job and handsome boyfriend have failed to satisfy her --- she's tired of the ethical compromises her boss asks her to make, and she's really tired of waiting for Nick to settle down. When a wealthy older man takes interest, Jocasta has a hard time turning down promises of comfort, commitment and glamour.

Or is it Martha, a successful, driven corporate lawyer who often works all night to satisfy her clients? She grew up in a loving but poor minister's family and now enjoys the material comforts her success has bought her. But when Martha grows increasingly disillusioned by the economic opportunities available to others in Britain, she flirts with becoming a member of Parliament, representing a new party. And, much to her surprise, this confirmed single gal finds herself falling for a most unlikely man.

Or could it be Clio? She's hiding something from her overbearing husband, a brilliant surgeon but cruel man who wants nothing more than to have his wife, a respected physician in her own right, barefoot and pregnant. Will Clio come clean with her husband, and will she find the courage and confidence to leave him and start over?

Adept readers (especially those who read mysteries) will not remain in the dark for long, but it's so much fun to see how Vincenzi reveals the truth, playing with conventions and coincidences, having characters meet unexpectedly (or miss each other by moments), gradually drawing these very different women into a web of relationships. Add to the mix that abandoned baby (remember her?), now a beautiful teenager who bears a striking resemblance to one of the women, the baby's father and a dozen other subplots and minor characters, and you have a trademark Vincenzi novel.

Vincenzi's books are distinctive but rarely formulaic. Just when readers think they've figured everything out, she throws them a curveball (or in this case, a hairpin turn on the highway). Her fast-paced style relies on hooking readers by shifting perspectives frequently and suddenly, resulting in a series of cliffhangers that will keep readers glued to their beach blankets until sunset.

--- Reviewed by Norah Piehl

Sheer Pleasure to Read.......2007-06-14

Couldn't put it down. Great novel!

I hope you keep a flashlight next to your bed..........2007-06-12

... because if you like this as much as I did, you'll be reading into the wee hours to try to get to the end. The three female lead characters were very well developed, flaws and all. The reader comes to feel as though the players in this book are friends rather than paper characters. I don't want to give away too much plot, but this is several steps above typical "chick lit" fiction. You'll be kept guessing on which of the three is the mother, and once you figure that part out, there's plenty more to keep you on your toes! Highly recommended.

Average customer rating:

LOVE IT
Great but Depressing
All praise to Drawn and Quarterly for finally bringing Tatsumi to America.

Abandon the Old in Tokyo
Yoshihiro Tatsumi
Manufacturer: Drawn and Quarterly
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover

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ASIN: 1894937872
Release Date: 2006-09-05

Book Description

“These stories get under your skin and invite rereading.” –BookForum

Abandon the Old in Tokyo is the second in a three-volume series that collects the short stories of Japanese cartooning legend Yoshihiro Tatsumi. Designed and edited by Adrian Tomine, the first volume, The Push Man and Other Stories, debuted to much critical acclaim and rightfully placed Tatsumi as a legendary precursor to the North American graphic-novel movement. Abandon the Old in Tokyo continues to delve into the urban underbelly of 1960s Tokyo, exposing not only the seedy dealings of the Japanese everyman but Tatsumi’s maturation as a story writer.

Customer Reviews:

LOVE IT.......2007-05-08

super smart and down to earth- all the nitty gritty that most people don't see or choose to ignore as part of their actual lives, all here in hnest simplistic poetic beauty. a timeless classic for sure.

Great but Depressing.......2007-03-05

Tatsumi is a great artist and storyteller, so why only 4 stars?

The reason is the unrelenting bleakness of the stories. After the middle story, "Unpaid", I found it very hard to finish the collection.

Perhaps collecting these stories in one place is a mistake, due to their depressing tone. Apparently, the stories originally appeared in different places. Amazingly, two of them in children's magazines!!

I was also left wondering about Tatsumi's place in Manga, since Koji Suzuki in the introduction admits to not knowing about Tatsumi beforehand. In the Q&A at the end of the book, Tatsumi can't think of another Japanese author working in the same style.

All praise to Drawn and Quarterly for finally bringing Tatsumi to America........2006-10-17

Yoshihiro Tatsumi, Abandon the Old in Tokyo (Drawn and Quarterly, 2006)

"The more we jam ourselves together, the more isolated we all are." I still have no idea why it is that some authors would pen a line like this and have it be utter trash, while a select few-- the redoubtable Yoshihiro Tatsumi among them-- can make it sound like the deepest sort of philosophic meditation... and get away with it.

This is the second compendium of Tatsumi's work to be published in America (the first was The Push Man and Other Stories), and all I can say is "it's about bloody time." This is amazing work. Tatsumi mentions in the interview after the stories that he was entirely unaware of the "underground comix" movement in America at the time he was drawing these stories; it's amazing that he developed independently along the same lines of thought as they did, but that seems to be what happened. Tatsumi's stories are the same kind of slice-of-life thing, but with less of a drug atmosphere and more pessimism (I want to say "nihilism," there, but it's not quite right; there is a sense of hope in some of these stories, however quickly it may be crushed). The end result is small, profoundly affecting pieces of work that command the reader to devour them. If you haven't had the pleasure of encountering the work of Yoshihiro Tatsumi yet-- and most of us in America haven't-- you owe it to yourself to make his acquaintance. **** ½

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Emotionally troubled characters find each other
Chance Meetings
Steamy
Coming to terms with real life....
Great Second Book

Wild Abandon
Ronica Black
Manufacturer: Bold Strokes Books
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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ASIN: 193311035X

Customer Reviews:

Emotionally troubled characters find each other.......2007-06-12

This book features two emotionally stunted characters looking to find meaning outside of their usual casual (and abundant) sexual encounters. I found the plot somewhat unbelievable in the way they kept just running into each other until they could no longer avoid a relationship, but it did keep my interest.

In my opinion, Ronica's writing is a cut above most of the gay authors I've read, and I found her book to have an entertaining and erotic storyline.

Chance Meetings.......2007-05-21

Tragedy has caused the main character to keep people at arm's length, but a meeting with a cop who pulls her over changes her life forever.

Steamy.......2007-02-05

This is the 1st book that I have read by Ronica Black. The two main characters are so similar in some of thier actions I found myself having to look back to see which one was speaking. However, I did enjoy the characters and the development. If there were a sequel to this I would read it just to see where the characters have gone. This is a good summer time (or wish it were summer) book.

Coming to terms with real life...........2006-07-28

is what Chan Brogan finds difficult. Yes, she's had some tragedy in her life. She never lets anybody get close. She rides her bike to relieve stress and her best pal is her brother.

During one of these stress relieving moments her grandmother can't stand, Chan and her brother are speeding out of control and get pulled over by Officer Monroe (Sarah). Chan is obnoxious and belligerent to Monroe, but they both seem to like what they see.

Monroe and Brogan both have lit a fire in each other and have on again and off again moments.

Black makes life good.

Couldn't put it down.

Great Second Book.......2006-07-26

Unlike so many authors who falter after a great first book, Black has not faltered here.

Black has ably written two characters who bring a lot of baggage in the door with them. The question is whether each of them will be able to deal with their problems without destroying either themselves or their budding relationship.

The characters are well written and Black spends enough time with each of them to make them sympathetic and likable. While there no particular hint that the two may be seen again in future books, they are the kind of characters that any reader would be glad to see again and again.

Average customer rating:

Utterly Decadent
Ashamed of myself for reading this...
Completely redeeming
Bold, but lighter than expected
The first five pages had promise. The rest didn't live up to it.

Complete Abandon
Cheryl Holt
Manufacturer: St. Martin's Paperbacks
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Mass Market Paperback

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Love Lessons
Deeper than Desire
Total Surrender
More Than Seduction
Absolute Pleasure

ASIN: 031298460X

Book Description

No bargain as enticing as....When Emma Fitzgerald storms the manor home of the new Viscount Wakefield, she feels more than justified fury. Having just inadvertently witnessed his lordship in scandalous dishabille with his London mistress, her blood pounds with outrage....and with a thrill she has never felt. She has come to demand better treatment for his tenants, to seek some compassion, a shred of decency from this dastardly rake whose reputation for sin and debauchery precedes him. Now, the erotic image of his powerful flesh only heightens her determination to make this wicked rogue accountable for his actions....One sealed with a kiss....Certainly no woman has ever dared to take John Clayton to task as though he is a naughty schoolboy, and no woman, especially one as enticing as Emma, ever has refused to be baited by his bold, assessing gaze. Instead she seems to look beneath his skin to see more than a scandalous rake. But this prim and proper Vicar's daughter leaves him speechless when she proposes a bargain worthy of his own insolence. In return for his kindness to others, she offers herself. Vowing to regain the upper hand, John brazenly sets out to introduce Emma into the art of love-heedless of the consequences to his own heart....

Customer Reviews:

Utterly Decadent.......2007-04-21

Cheryl Holt writes Regency Romance like no other author bordering on the erotic side at times but making it fun. When several elderly and disadvantaged tenants receive eviction notices, the daughter of the community's former vicar, Emma Fitzgerald barges into Viscount John Clayton's home and demands that he cancel the evictions. John is known for his scandalous behavior, but he has never been chastised like this before. When he makes a scandalous proposal to Emma, that he cancel the evictions in exchange for sexual favors she shocks him by accepting the proposal but demands he put it in writing. Emma has no intention of sleeping with John, she instead intends to shame him into cancelling the evictions by making him meet all the tenants. However, her passionate nature cannot help falling victim to her body's desires and soon she is shamelessly cavorting with the viscount. John knows nothing permanent can ever come of their relationship but he selfishly wants Emma's love so he pursues her and holds her to her committment. Called into account by his half brother Ian and his "non-fiance" Caroline, he must face decisions he has always hoped to avoid. When circumstances force Emma into dire straits she has no choice but to bow down to the mentally depraved local vicar Martin. Can John put his selfish aspirations aside and make sacrifices for love or will he allow his actions to ruin Emma and her family forever?

Oh, what a thoroughly bad boy is John Wakefield...you know one of those who is so yummy sexually but so very bad that you just can't resist....and Emma, what a delight, never dull or weak, she is a woman's woman. Great book, even better characters...I wonder if there is a book about Ian and Caro????There was definitely unfinished business there.

Ashamed of myself for reading this..........2006-12-30

I'll admit that I usually like my romance novels to be steamy. I felt the sex scenes in this book however were positively vulgar in some ways. It almost felt the sexual encounters were written by a man, no emotional connections, just the man telling the woman what to do to please him. If you want ROMANCE and not just sex then I suggest you read something by Julia Quinn or Laura Kinsale. I thought maybe it was just one poorly written book, so I read two others by the same author and couldn't finish either of them. Stay away from Cheryl Holt!!

Completely redeeming.......2006-11-25

There are books aplenty on rakes and hoydens. John the hero is one of those, oh so wealthy, sexy as hell, bored with life, has tons of money and yet is completely clueless of the plight of others. In comes the vivacious, slightly spinsterish, mouthy heroine Emma. She is the first to rattle him off his comfort zone and tell it to him like it is.

The opening chapter of the book is funny, and wonderful. I wish I could see John's expression when Emma agreed to his indecent proposal. I am glad to note that his illigitimate brother Ian, will be getting his own book in 2007.There are wonderful scenes of Emma getting John to open his eyes to the lives of others. How she manages to keep her virginity intact for the first three quarters of the book is a delight as well. Mind you, the language is rather frank and the sex scenes very sensual. John may think that he is a rake, but underneath that rakish demenour, lies a man confused about his own feelings.

I found the scenes about Emma's sisters poignant and tearful. Imagine stealing scones and then having lie about it to your sis. Read about the part where John visits Emma and discovers her actual living conditions. Three hanky scene for certain.

Now for the parts that I didn't quite like.
I didn't quite like the part about the unplanned pregnancy and Emma's ready acceptance about the situation. I would have made John pay dearly for his gaffe and complete lack of control that resulted in the pregnancy.

As in all romance books, all is well as John realises that Emma is meant for him and nothing else matters. He has met his redeeming angel and his equal in all things. It is refreshing to note that issues of titles, and honour and ranks were discussed. The accptance of these two on the stations in life and the final compromise is refreshing to read about. I only wish that Emma put John through hell first before accepting him into her bed and her life.

I am glad that they had their HEA. All in all, it is a good book, very sexy scenes, a dash of suspense, and great repartee between the H/h.
For more on this author, check out "Love Lessons" and 'Too hot to handle". I also recommend Lisa Valdez's "Passion" if you like your romances "hot".

Bold, but lighter than expected.......2006-10-19

I gave this book 5 stars because although I just got into reading Cheryl Holt (I think I am about 7 books into her stuff by now) she has a serious tendency to use phrases and specific wording from one book to the other. With that in mind you are asking yourself why I would still give it 5 stars well because although throughout the book I could remember reading her previous books versions of kissing, sex, etc in which the usually(I said usually don't scream at me here) virginal heroine is eager to find out about her passionate nature the scenes themself can vary but her specific wording of how the deeds go down can be repetitive from one book to the next. I still want to hear/read the story she has to tell.

Others have told you the story of John & Emma. Emma spies on him in her efforts to save some of the locals from eviction and blackmails or offers an amusing contract to trade the rents for her sexual favours. Remember this though you do read her true thoughts or description of them she never truly intends to give him anything much. So those people who complained about the story not delivering on that were a little harsh I think there is quite a bit of sex or sex play in the book although I have read much more graphic books there is plenty in this book you have to remember he's contracted a virgin who is in over her head but her hormone are leading her down a path that could ruin her, but for her own curiosity and her willingness to help others the story is told.
The story this time is about John, new Viscount and all around philander who arrives with a varitable house party of sex and debauchery to his newly inherited estate. Step in Emma the daughter of a vicar who is a little more curious about sex than she knows she should be so she sees the opportunity to help those less fortunate and explore some of these feelings. The story is funny at the beginning and tragic in others.
I continue to repeat myself in regards to my rating this book left me wanting more and Cheryl Holt is very good at that she isn't an author to leave you with the Epilogue and that is my worst complaint there may be an answer at the end of the book, but no ending as to what happens. Is that enough to support my rating I don't know, I know I enjoyed the book and found myself sad that I didn't find out what happened to the illegitate brother Ian who witnessed the contract. I won't give away the story, but I wanted to know about him as well...

I may be saying too many things that sound negative and they aren't truly meant that way. This review will be a little skewed because of my feelings about the book. I loved it, it tore at me at times for this couple and the fact that although fiction how messed up life truly is in that world of aristocrats where having an heir is more important than a good life. Where titles matter more than the people themselves.

Emma was a heroine I adored even at her weak moments she was strong, brave and bolder than most going after what she needed and although guilt pulled at her she knew what needed to be done. There is a interwoven story that will make you cringe but made for a horribly great beast of a character. Won't give that away but you'll figure it out when you get involved in the book.

Cheryl Holt has me as a reader and eager for more of her work and the greedy part of me yearns for that little blurb at the end of the book telling me about what happened after the decisions are made and everyone goes home whether happily ever after or not. I just need to know and know I won't. That's a definite page turner for me. I have never been one of those people to read the end of the book first just never wanted to, but Cheryl Holt and a couple of other authors have changed me and I am eager to take the ride they take me on.

The first five pages had promise. The rest didn't live up to it........2006-08-04

This book was seriously awful. The writing is fussy and stilted - the kind where a contemporary author thinks that she'll sound more historical if she uses five words where she could use one.

It starts off with a real bang - Emma watches John Clayton have sex with his mistress; it's a real quicky, and both of them seem kind of bored. Then Emma storms into the house and demands to see John, the viscount, so she can confront him about the evictions he's ordered. They end up making a deal: John won't evict the tenants if Emma will have sex with him.

After that, I was expecting the rest to be really uninhibited and erotic. But no, it's not. That leads to a seemingly endless serious of encounters where Emma cleverly avoids having sex with John, and John gets more and more exasperated by it.

There are a few twists to the plot, and they are all deeply cliched. There's a duplicitous brother, an evil mistress, and an even more evil vicar.

What really got to me is that John is constantly thinking, "Well, after a lifetime of obeying nobody, why is it that this Emma says jump and I say how high?" or "Isn't it strange that I usually hate being nagged, but I love it when Emma nags me!" And both of those things ARE very strange, and they require a little more explanation than "just because" or "true love makes people enjoy being ordered around and nagged."

So aside from this not-all-that-erotic, not-all-that-convincing reforming a rake story, the end is just...laughable. But I wouldn't want to spoil the surprise.

Bravehearts: Unlocking the Courage to Love with Abandon

Average customer rating:

Excellent!
Amazing!
Bravehearts
Bravehearts - a Journey Worth Taking
A Faltering Heart Made Brave

Bravehearts: Unlocking the Courage to Love with Abandon
Sharon Hersh
Manufacturer: WaterBrook Press
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

Love & Romance | Relationships | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books

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ASIN: 1578562961
Release Date: 2000-09-26

Book Description

For Every Woman Who Wants More from Her Relationships

Within every woman is the desire for extraordinary relationships. We crave intimacy and interconnectedness, companionship and camaraderie. Yet most of us eventually begin to wonder if we want too much. As heartbreak and disappointment take their toll, we become convinced that our desire for deep connection is our downfall. Not understanding that a woman's longings are her strength, we bury or ignore this God-given compass and lose our way.

Yet the desire to connect persists. We make cookies for a new family in the neighborhood, send a note of encouragement to someone at church, plan date nights with our spouse, call a friend after a bad day at work to tell her every detail because we know she cares.

And still we long for more.

What is behind this yearning? Is it healthy? Is it normal? Does it have a purpose? Yes, says author and licensed professional counselor Sharon Hersh--and in Bravehearts, she'll teach how your deepest longings can lead you to rich relationships and give you the courage to love with abandon.

Customer Reviews:

Excellent! .......2006-02-27

This book not only explains why women are the way they are, but also helps describe how to have deeper relationships with friends, coworkers, and family.

Amazing!.......2004-02-17

Reading Bravehearts was certainly a defining moment in my life. As a young college student, I discovered so many incredible principles for living and loving. I highly reccommend this book...it is life-changing. In fact, I will be leading a Bible Study based on the book for other young women.

Bravehearts.......2001-05-18

I loved this book. I am searching for my purpose in life and after reading this book, I would say I am well on my way to discovering what that is. I was so taken with it that I read it twice right away and immediately ordered 10 copies to give to others and am going to order some more. This book ignited a passion in me that has not been there in a long time. If you are searching to love and to be loved, I would strongly reccomend this to you. It is written for women, but if you know a man who wants to really understand a women's heart, this book would shed a lot of insight.

Bravehearts - a Journey Worth Taking.......2000-12-26

As a man, I was reluctant to read this "relationships" book. However, I found it provoking, inspiring, and motivating. I highly recommend Sharon Hersh's book to every man who loves a woman and wants to know both what makes her tick relationally and what it is that is going on in her life in her passion for relationships. This is the best "relationships" book I have read, and I recommend it without reservation to every reader!

A Faltering Heart Made Brave.......2000-12-11

When I finished watching the movie "Braveheart", I was deeply moved by the courage of William Wallace to live and to die for his passion of freedom. And I was equally sure of my own cowardice to live with such passion.

When I finished reading Sharon Hersh's book "Brave Hearts" I was deeply moved by seeing and owning the passion for relationships that God has created within me. And although aware of my cowardice to be an extravagant lover, I felt called and equipped to be just that!

I was telling a friend about this book and she asked if it was a self-help book. The question gave me pause...WAS IT a self-help book?? I instinctly felt that what Sharon Hersh wrote about almost seemed too holy to be classified as self-help. The thoughtful questions at the end of each chapter do help you probe and explore your own heart. The endpoint, however, is not self but God...who He created each one of us to be and how we can move in this world as bold extravagant lovers.

Sharon shares her own struggles to love and to be loved, tells familiar stories from scripture in a new way, and always calls us back to the generous love our great God has for each one of us.

This book is NOT for the fainthearted! There is challenge and conviction in every chapter re: how we handle our relationships and the affairs of our heart! This book IS for those with faltering hearts. There is hope and comfort in every chapter that there is One who pursues us with bold extravagant love.

Book Description

On what is supposed to be a quiet long weekend in New Hampshire, Deputy U.S. Marshal Mackenzie Stewart is viciously attacked at the lakefront cottage of her friend, federal judge Bernadette Peacham. Mac fends off her attacker, but he manages to escape. Everything suggests he's a deranged drifter—until FBI special agent Andrew Rook arrives.

With Rook, Mac broke her own rule not to get involved with anyone in law enforcement, but she knows he isn't up from Washington, D.C., to set things straight between them. He's on a case.

As the hunt for the mysterious attacker continues, the case takes an unexpected turn when Mac and Rook return to Washington and find Bernadette's ex-husband, a powerful attorney, shot to death. Then Bernadette disappears, and Mac and Rook realize the stakes are higher than either had imagined, and a master criminal with nothing left to lose is prepared to gamble everything.

Customer Reviews:

A WONDERFUL FAST-PACED NOVEL.......2007-10-05

I loved this book. Abandon is a wonderful story with character's I truly cared about. It was a fast-paced thrill ride right to the end. In fact, I liked these character's so much, I'd like to read another book about them. What happens next?

How about No Stars? .......2007-09-15

I started this book about ten days ago. When I had an opportunity to sit and read, I found myself finding something else to do instead. Being a mystery fan, this should have been my first clue. Today I was determined to finish this book and I fell asleep, twice. Okay, I'm done. This is not a thriller. The mystery to me is that is ever got published in the first place. I even looked to see the copyright date to see if Carla Neggers wrote this book when she was fifteen years old. I am throwing the book away, unfinished. I will not waste anymore time on it. Please don't waste your time, there are better books out there. Abandon this book before you end up as frustrated as I was while reading this uninteresting, confusing, lackluster novel.

exciting police procedural romantic suspense .......2007-06-11

The knife slasher surprised rookie Deputy U.S. Marshal Mackenzie Stewart when he lunged at her. She is fortunate to have survived. However, she believes the intended target is her close friend, federal Judge Bernadette Peacham. She vows to keep Bernadette safe while catching the escaped "pale-eyes" killer.

Mackenzie is assigned to work with FBI Agent Andrew Rook, the last person she wants to be teamed up with. They had a hot three week fling until Rook checkmated her by abruptly dumping her. Still this is no time to stand on ceremony as Mackenzie knows the first object is keeping Bernadette safe though she berates herself for still wanting the rat who abandoned ship just when it looked like they might have something passionately perfect.

This exciting police procedural romantic suspense takes about a little more than a third of the novel before the story line accelerates into the cat and mouse war between the two Feds and Pale-Eyes, but once it does, readers will not ABANDON the tale until the book is finished. Mac is a terrific protagonist while Rook has some commitment issues, but is there once his beloved is under attack. She has doubts that he will remain there as he lacks staying power. Though starting slowly and not the author's best work, fans will still enjoy Carla Neggers' fine thriller.

Harriet Klausner

Loved it!.......2007-05-29

I loved this book.
Mackenzie Stewart defied expectations to became a federal agent, and on her
first weeks on the job she fends off what appears to be a madman with a
knife. Mackenzie has a great sense of humor. She gets involved with Andrew
Rook, an FBI agent who's after an informant who's turned up missing. Great
story!

Flimsy, weak storyline. .......2007-05-29

This book was horrible. I have to agree with one of the other reviewers except (minor point) that MacKenzie is a US Marshal, not a fellow FBI agent. That notwithstanding, it's as if 47 different people were given an outline and one chapter to write and then they put them all together. Only they didn't go together. The plot was so thin and the characters never finished a conversation (question asked; question not answered). I usually finish a book this size in 2-3 hours; however, it took me a week to get to page 200 and then I was so aggravated by the flimsy storyline that I just skipped to the last 2 paragraphs and skimmed the ending. Don't waste your money.

Stuart Woods CD Collection 3: Dirty Work, Reckless Abandon (Stone Barrington)

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Stuart Woods CD Collection 3: Dirty Work, Reckless Abandon (Stone Barrington)
Stuart Woods
Manufacturer: Brilliance Audio on CD Unabridged
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Audio CD

General | Mystery | Mystery & Thrillers | Subjects | Books

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L.A. Dead

ASIN: 1597377287
Release Date: 2006-08-29

Book Description

Dirty Work:
Back in New York City after the London adventures of The Short Forever, cop-turned-lawyer Stone Barrington is approached by a colleague at the firm of Woodman & Weld who needs help with a celebrity divorce case. Heiress Elena Marks needs proof of her layabout husband's infidelity before she can begin divorce proceedings. When the undercover work Stone sets up turns dirty - and catastrophic - leaving the errant husband dead and the mystery woman gone without a trace, Stone must clear his own good name and find a killer hiding among the glitterati of New York's high society.

Reckless Abandon:
Stone Barrington is, once again, right at home in New York City; but this time he is joined by the tenacious Holly Barker from Orchid Blues, the lady police chief of Orchid Island, Florida. In Reckless Abandon, Holly finally makes it to Manhattan, hot on the trail of an evil fugitive from her jurisdiction. Stone is, well, glad to see her, right up until the moment when her presence creates a great danger to both of them - and to their surprise, she becomes the pursued, not the pursuer.

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Abandon
Kaitlyn O'Connor
Manufacturer: New Concepts Publishing
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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Lords of the Var: The Savage King (Book 1)

ASIN: 158608724X

Book Description

Below: Three quarters of her crew are deep sea miners, geneoids, humans designed with aquatic traits that have created creatures of such beauty that Victoria can't help but be drawn to them, particularly the merman, Raphael. When he claims her as his companion, he places her in an untenable position, but Victoria quickly discovers that the rules set down by the company that has betrayed them all are of no concern to her when it comes to Raphael, and that she is just as determined to have him as the company is to part them forever. Exiled: It was a hell of a way to end a vacation! One minute Danica was scuba diving, the next she found herself in a specimen tank on an outbound alien ship. When they correct their 'error' by dumping her on the alien world of Glaxo, she is immediately captured by Taj, Chieftain of the Glaxons, who swoops from the sky on his giant war bird and claims her as his slave. Barbaric they may be, but the blue eyed, blond haired Indian-like tribe of Glaxons are a fair race, and Taj fairest of all. When he's good, he's very, very good, and when he's bad he gives her heart palpitations in an entirely wonderful way. Rating: Graphic sex, explicit language, profanity, some violence.

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